Since I'm really sorry for the long wait I've just decided to reward you wioth posting THE chapter! I hope you like it as much as I had fun writing it. I realy love writing those romantic and sappy scenes and I really tend to get lost in it! *lol*

Without further ado - Please ENJOY!

CHAPTER 18 – A Special Gift

It was long after we've all given out our gifts to the others and enjoyed a wonderful Christmas meal, cooked by Olena and Oksana together. Though being allowed to help, both women had sent me out of the kitchen from time to time to cook something secret. I haven't found out since both women only talked about secret receipts that had been passed down from mother to the eldest son's wife. Though Oksana didn't have any children, she promised me to show me the receipts one day.

As the date of our return to a somewhat normal life was approaching, I watched Tasha and Dimitri closer to find out whether or not they were in love. Watching Tasha intently I wasn't really sure. When she looked at Dimitri I sometimes saw the love purely in her dark eyes but then it vanished quickly and I was wondering whether it had been there in the first place or not. As I had seen before, Dimitri and Tasha talked easily, never letting an uneasy silence coming up between them. They talked, they smiled and they laughed together, but it wasn't as intense as the last time I had watched them back in the Academy.

Dimitri was as nice as he always was with her. But he certainly wasn't nicer to Tasha than he was to me and in a little corner of my heart this fact made me happy. From time to time he would glance at me as if checking if I was okay, but he only gave me a smile and nothing else. This really buggered me, to be honest.

For a while I was able to tell myself that there was nothing between Dimitri and Tasha but this thought being destroyed the moment Dimitri wrapped his arms around her shoulder, planting a soft kiss on her temple. This was it. This was the gesture I had been hoping to not see this evening as it would destroy my happiness instantly. But it had happened, hearing Tasha's giggling. She enjoyed it even.

Feeling a stabbing pain in my heart, I gave up watching them and left the living room without anyone noticing. I needed to feel the crisp, fresh Siberian air now to clear my head, to cool down my paining heart and to think more clearly on what to do next. Running up the stairs into the room Dimitri and I had shared, I grabbed my jacket and walked downstairs. Ignoring the happy laughing from Dimitri, Tasha and the others, I left the house silently.

I didn't really know where to go, so I decided to walk to the back yard and sat down on the wooden veranda. Watching the snow falling, I enjoyed the silence wrapping me up in a small cocoon. Wrapping my arms around my body, I crouched down as to not give the cold air much surface to cool me down.

Somewhere deep down inside I had known that this moment was bound to happen sooner or later. Dimitri had chosen Tasha over me, making it a clear statement of his priorities. During the last weeks he had been so nice and supporting that I found it easy to tell myself that he still had some interest in me. Well, I had been mistaken and my heart would pay the price. Again.

I didn't know how to cope with this. The last time he had left me, it had taken weeks for me to return to a somewhat normal person, but always with the knowledge that the old Rose had died. I would never be whole again without him.

Then, when he had returned to support me, I had been so happy. For the first time I felt the slightest chance of recovering again wholly. Dimitri had never really shown me any feelings other than being proud and happy and deep down I had known that he still didn't return my feelings. I had been so stupid to let myself hope, only to be broken again.

The worst thing was that this time I couldn't really blame it on him. It hadn't been his fault that I had allowed me to hope again or even to pretend that he still loved me. In each word, each embrace I had construed to be a sign of affection, though he had never said anything of that sort.

And now I was back to the pint I had been before. Alone, lost and broken. Only this time I knew there was no way for me to be repaired again. I would always stay like this.

I was surprised when I heard the snow crouching when a figure silently approached. The surprise was even bigger when I recognized who it was: Tasha. Smiling down at me, she waved towards the free space next to me. "May I join you?"

I was afraid whether my voice would give away what I was feeling right now, so I decided to only grant her a short nod.

Tasha set down beside me, pulling her jacked around her tighter. "I was actually surprised when I couldn't see you anymore. Everybody is inside, why are you here in the cold?"

I really don't know what triggered it off, but suddenly I found myself telling her the whole story. Maybe it was some sort of wanting her to know or spilling my heart out to ease the pain, but nonetheless I told her almost everything. I told her how Dimitri and I met the first time, how he became my mentor and how we fell in love with each other.

"Well, at least that's what I can say. I don't know if he really loved me back then or if I just was imagining something. Looking back at it now I would go for the latter." I said, smiling sadly as I realized that I had been telling the truth. Maybe it had just been my imagination.

Tasha hadn't disrupted my story once, always listening closely. I really didn't care if it was for her benefit, but it felt good to get this all out of the system once. And it didn't matter to whom I was spilling my heart out, but only for me to ease some of the pain.

When I told her the rest of the story, Tasha still didn't disturb anything. She sat there, staring out in the dark, obviously not listening to what I was telling her. Though one part of me wanted to shake her for that shown ignorance, another part of me was glad as it was easier to tell everything so someone who wasn't listening at all.

After I had finished, we both shared moments of silence, before Tasha spoke up, her voice soft and gentle. "So why are you out here all by yourself?"

"I just realized that I was so selfish." I said letting it sound as if it hadn't been something new for me. "I guess I'm a selfish person."

Tasha's head wiped around, hearing me saying that. "Rose, you're the most unselfish person I had ever had the chance to meet. Your story just proved that. You're doing everything to make other people happy and sometimes you even help to ease their pain by taking some of it on your own shoulders. This isn't selfishness, Rose. This is you and you only."

My heart made a happy jump hearing her saying this. It had been the first time that somebody had the decency to say this to my face. "Thanks, but still." I shrugged it off.

"What is this really about? Or, to phrase my question more precisely: whom is this really about, Rose?" She sounded curious though I got the impression, that Tasha knew exactly whom this was all about. Her next sentence confirmed my suspicion. "It's about Dimitri, am I right?" her voice was gentle again, sensing that this might be stressing me out more.

I knew it wouldn't bring anything to deny this, so I settled in for a short nod. I kept my eyes firmly on the white ground, not wanting the woman beside me seeing too much.

"Do you love him?" So much as to not look up at her. Startled I averted my gaze to look into her face. It was serious, asking me to answer honestly.

"Yes," I croaked out, admitting for the first time my love to this man out loud. "Yes, I still love him."

Tasha looked at me as to urging me on. But there really wasn't anything else to say, so she went on with her interrogation after a moment of silence. "So, why did you never tell him that?"

I gave her a sad smile. "Because he doesn't love me anymore."

"Shouldn't this be my decision?" suddenly a deep, husky voice chimed in, startling me and Tasha the same. Turning around, I saw my suspicions confirmed. Behind us stood the man this talk had been about in the first place: Dimitri Belikov. I felt the blush creeping up my cheeks, staring at him helplessly.

Seeing Tasha move towards the house, I looked at her, begging her silently to stay. But she only gave me a reassuring smile before her tall and slender figure vanished into the house.

I didn't know what to say, so I decided on turning around, facing the back yard. It was so embarrassing! I had just declared my love in front of the person my heart belonged to and I hadn't even known her was there and heard everything.

Feeling Dimitri sitting down in the exact same spot as Tasha, I scooted over a little to get more space between us. Hearing a soft laugh from Dimitri, he silently wrapped his arm around me and pulled me back into the warmth of his body. "What are you scared of, Rose?"

Groaning out loud, I let my face fall into my hands, not ready to face him yet. This only caused him to laugh harder. Prying my hands away from my face, he turned it to look at me. My blush only deepened, letting me feel like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Why have you never told me anything of this?" He asked, staring at me curiously.

"I was afraid of the answer." I told him honestly. There was nothing more I could do about this, that pulling through.

Shaking his head unbelievingly, Dimitri smiled at me. "This is crazy. I always was afraid to tell you as I didn't want to force you into something you didn't want anymore."

This time it was my turn to stare at him unbelievingly. Seeing the shock on my face, Dimitri smiled this heart meltingly beautiful smile he would only give me after I had done something recklessly yet successfully. His eyes shone with love and happiness, reflecting my feelings exactly.

I wasn't scared or afraid when his face came closer, his warm lips closing the distance. Feeling this warm, soft kiss, telling of all the love we both held for each other, I couldn't suppress the one tear rolling down my cheek. I was happy, utterly happy and with the man I once had given my heart to freely and he was still holding it in his hands whether he was aware of this or not.

Wrapping my arms around him, I pulled myself closer into the wonderful warmth of his body. I didn't want to let him go and neither did he. So we stayed outside in the snow for a long time, just kissing and being happy about sharing the love of each other.

How was it? Did you like it? Please tell me I really would appreciate it!

Thanks a lot.

Lilian85