CHAPTER 15

The residents of Home One were crowded into the Mon Calamari starship's largest hangar. It was the only part of the ship that could hold the large number of people—nearly everyone on board who wasn't on duty in some essential part of the ship—who'd come for the event.

It wasn't a briefing or a promotion ceremony or even a simple funeral. This was a much more somber occasion, one that would be marked every year throughout the passage of time, even after all those who'd witnessed the event had left the mortal world. History would never be able to forget.

General Rieekan and Leia stood at the center of the hangar, in front of the other Command members, while the rest of the Alliance military circled around their leadership. Luke stood to Leia's immediate right, with the rest of Rogue Squadron, along with Han and Chewbacca, holding vigil behind him.

The ceremony was brief and somber. Few words were said, but there was little that could be said to summarize what they were remembering. They'd all felt the pain; it still cut like a knife, especially to those who'd had their lives shattered, and even to those who had little connection to Alderaan. It was, for all intents and purposes, why they were all on Home One.Why they were all with the Alliance. Luke looked to four of his pilots, wondering what they were thinking at that moment. His gaze lingered on Mara, and he did not have to wonder about her thoughts. He could feel the discomfort radiating off her in waves. Next to her, Tycho clasped her hand and brushed away tears with his thumb.

Finally, Leia raised her hand, which was holding a candle. Somehow, the Millennium Falcon had come across a rather large store of candles after Han had learned that it was an old tradition on Alderaan to burn candles at memorial ceremonies.

Leia's voice was soft when she spoke, but everyone heard her nonetheless. Luke knew what she would say, as she had come to him the night before asking for his opinion. He had no idea why—she was a much better public speaker than he could ever hope to be—but he was honored she had asked.

"My father, Bail Organa, once warned the Emperor that destroying the Alliance's leadership would only rally others; that no matter what the Empire did, they could never tear out the heart of the Alliance.

"One year ago today, the Empire tested my father's theory. The Death Star destroyed a peaceful world, and my father along with it, but still the Alliance was not crushed. Instead we fought back, and rallied others to our cause, others who were as disgusted by the Empire's actions as we were—as we forever will be.

"After that day, nobody could dare defend the Empire without condoning genocide and the death of entire civilizations. The Empire showed the galaxy the true nature of the evil that we fight against.

"No matter what we do, no matter if we succeed in defeating the Empire, nothing will ever bring back Alderaan or those who perished with the world. But we will always remember them. Their spirits will burn like a candle in our hearts, helping us remember what we fight for, and giving us the strength to go on. It is the least we can do."

As she finished her words, General Rieekan, another orphan of Alderaan, lifted his own candle. The rest of the crowd, Luke included, followed suit, until every single candle was held aloft.

Closing his eyes and remembering all that was lost on that fateful day one year ago, Luke joined the others in chanting the old proverb—

"The dark is generous, and it is patient, and it always wins—but in the heart of its strength lies weakness. One lone candle is enough to hold it back."

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The stylus sat immobile on the table, tantalizing and tormenting, as Mara reached out with the faint tendrils of the Force. Her eyes narrowed, focusing all her effort on the small object, willing it to rise into the air in front of her. Frustration burned inside her that this once simple act was now impossible.

She grimaced at the word: impossible. Staring at the stylus, she suddenly realized the barrier that was suppressing her old skills. Back when she was in the Emperor's command, she had never thought a mission to be impossible. Everything was within her reach, because the Emperor had taught her and he would never send her into the galaxy unprepared. Because she recognized this, and was confident in her abilities, she always succeeded.

She may no longer be serving the Emperor, but that didn't mean that none of his lessons were no longer worthwhile.

With new determination, Mara closed her eyes and once again pictured the stylus in her mind. She opened herself to the Force, the small tendrils slowly growing into longer threads, the threads braiding around each other until the air surrounding her seemed to glow with the power of the Force. She pictured the stylus rising in front of her and she did not need to open her eyes to confirm that she had succeeded. She allowed herself a short moment of pride that she was still able to access the Force.

"What are you doing?"

Mara's eyes snapped open at the familiar voice; the stylus fell to the table in a heap. She remained facing the wall, hoping beyond hope that her body had been blocking her movements. But then Luke walked around the table and sat down across from her, and the expression on his face was all the evidence she needed that he had witnessed her accomplishment.

She tried to avoid his gaze, but she couldn't. He stared at her, then at the stylus, then back at her again, his eyes filled with admiration. "Where did you learn to do that?" he breathed.

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Since Rogue Flight had become Rogue Squadron, Luke had done his best to act as nothing other than commanding officer to Mara Jade, now serving under him as Rogue Ten. Most of the time, it was easy. The Rogues had very little downtime as the war effort was ramping up with vigor, and the squadron often found itself escorting members of the Alliance Command to some hole in the wall base or escorting another supply convoy. Lately, the Rogues were preoccupied with setting up the new base. As requested by Mon Mothma several months ago, Rogue Squadron had come across a very small base on some far flung planet in the Outer Rim. Luke had decided it would make an excellent base of operations for the Rebel Alliance, posed the idea to Leia, who then took it to Command, where it was unanimously approved. The base was currently undergoing a transition to hold a much larger staff, and everyone on Home One was bustling about, preparing to move in less than a month's time.

Thanks to all this, Luke couldn't even find time to eat and sleep, much less think about Mara.

But he did.

She was never far from his thoughts, just as she was never physically far from him. He couldn't deny that there was something going on between them, as much as they both tried to ignore it. One day, right after Mara had officially been accepted into Rogue Squadron, the two pilots had once again found themselves alone in the gym. They got to talking during their workout, which once again turned to flirting. They stayed together throughout the entire evening and well into the night, when they sat alone in a secluded corner of the pilots' lounge. Their arms brushed against each other several times and Mara's eyes shone when she laughed. Then, unable to contain himself any longer, Luke had placed his hand gently on Mara's cheek, and before he knew what was happening, he was leaning in to kiss her—

She had pulled away abruptly, just as his lips barely brushed against hers, her sense in the Force a conflicting maelstrom of emotions. When she finally turned back to face him, her expression had been soft and apologetic. "You know we can't do this," she had whispered, and Luke immediately chastised himself, growing angry at his inability to ignore his emotions. He was supposed to be a Jedi, and a Jedi would never let himself get so out of control. Most of all, he felt ashamed that he had almost broken the rules and betrayed Mara's trust.

Luke had nodded, pulling away to a respectful distance. "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry, too."

They had never once talked about their brief kiss, and for awhile, did their best to ignore the growing feelings of attraction that neither of them could completely squash. But recently, it had become too much for Luke to avoid, and he once again began seeking Mara out in all the familiar places—the gym, the mess, the pilots' lounge. He'd even gone to her quarters once or twice under the guise of checking up on her or wanting to go through a run in the sims.

The worst part of the whole situation was that Luke knew that Mara felt the same way about him. It wasn't because the Rogues teased him mercilessly about it whenever the opportunity arose; it wasn't because Han insisted that Luke say "kriff regulations" and go for it with Mara; it wasn't because Leia constantly assured him of Mara's reciprocation of his feelings, that Leia was so certain about thanks to her so-called woman's intuition. No, Luke was sure of Mara's feelings because he could sense them through the Force. Whatever bond had sparked between them on the plains of Dantooine had steadily grown stronger, and now he felt her electrifying presence in the Force whenever she was close by. He knew that she could sense him just as much as he could sense her, and that thought thrilled him to the core.

And that was why he was so incredibly shocked when he walked into the pilot's lounge one night to witness Mara, sitting by herself, using the Force to levitate a stylus, with absolutely no idea that he was standing behind her.

Luke watched in awe as the stylus floated in front of her. He wanted to be quiet and see what she would do next, but he couldn't contain himself. "What are you doing?" he blurted out.

It was the dumbest thing he could ask, and as the stylus clang-ed to the table Luke immediately regretted saying anything at all. Mara's Force sense shifted from the stylus to him, her deep, acute awareness settling over him in a mix of embarrassment and misgiving. She didn't turn around to face him and he knew that she would ignore him until he went away, so he didn't give her that option. He shut the door and sat facing her. He glanced down to the stylus, then back at her, amazed at what she had just done. "Where did you learn to do that?" he breathed.

Mara looked away immediately, deeply uncomfortable. She clasped her hands tightly in front of her and shifted in her seat, almost as if she were about to move, but Luke reached out to hold her in place. His hand remained resting on her arm and he felt her relax just slightly.

Since that one afternoon in the gym many months ago, Luke had never again brought up the Force around Mara. It was obvious that she was uncomfortable with the subject and he did not want to ruin their relationship, whatever its nature, by pressing the issue. It was incredibly difficult for him, as he had so many questions and nobody to answer them. Mon Mothma and some of the other, older member of the Alliance had told him what they had remembered about the Jedi Order, but that didn't help him much when it came to advancing his skills. Sure, Luke now knew a basic history of the Jedi Order, but that was it. His skills had grown slightly with his irregular, inadequate practice, but he hadn't even come close to doing what Mara had just done. He had tried, but just couldn't get himself to open up to the Force like he needed to.

Now, after seeing Mara levitate the stylus, all his vows that he would not talk to Mara about the Force until she broached the subject flew out the window. He had to know.

She didn't answer his question, so he asked again: "Where did you learn to do that?"

"I…" she trailed off, staring down at the stylus.

"Mara, please. That was amazing. You have to tell me—"

She glared up at him and he gulped, knowing instantly that he had said the wrong thing. "I don't have to tell you anything, Farmboy," she spat.

He held out his hand. "No, you're right—you don't. But I'm begging you, Mara. Please."

Mara shook her head. "Why should I tell you anything? I told you I don't want to talk about this. I don't have the answers you want."

"But you do!" he practically shouted. "Mara…for the past year I have been trying so hard to hone my Jedi skills. My awareness in the Force has increased so much, but I still can't do anything."

"You knew when to shoot and blow up the Death Star. You use the Force every day when you fly," she countered.

"Yes, exactly! I do those things, and yet I still can't do what you just did! Do you know how hard I've been trying to move things with the Force? I've managed to make a stylus twitch, and that's about it."

"You can learn. It just takes time."

"It wouldn't have to if you'd just confide in me. I'm your CO, I don't understand why you can't trust me."

"It has nothing to do with trust, Luke."

"Then what?"

"I'm not that good, okay!"

Luke stared at her incredulously. "What are you talking about? I saw what you just did."

"Yeah, big deal, I lifted a stylus five centimeters off the table, and it took all my concentration to do just that, so that I didn't even sense you come in here. Do you know how embarrassing that is?"

"Why would that be embarrassing? You're better than I am. I'm the one who should be embarrassed."

"No, Luke. That's the thing." Finally she looked up and met his gaze, her green eyes twinkling intensely. "You…you are so powerful in the Force, you have no idea. I sensed it immediately on Dantooine. You…you could be more powerful than my old master."

"So you were trained by a Jedi—!"

"Let me finish! Yes, I know how to do stuff. Simple stuff, like what you just saw. It was taught to me as part of my training, just another tool to use in my arsenal. But nothing more. I was told that I just wasn't that powerful.

"But you, Luke…you are powerful, and I can't take responsibility for teaching you what little that I know."

"I'm not asking you to train me, Mara. Just show me what you know, so that maybe I can get better."

"I don't know if I can even do that. I'm not as good as I used to be. I haven't done something like that—" She pointed at the stylus. "—In a very long time. And as you saw, it barely happened at all."

They both stared at the stylus in silence. Luke reached out with his senses and felt the truth in Mara's words, but most of all, he felt her fear that she still was holding close to her heart. His stubbornness flared once again and he needed to convince her to confide in him.

Very slowly, his hand inched across the table again until their fingers were barely touching. When she didn't flinch away, Luke clasped his fingers around hers. "Mara…what did you mean by your 'training'?"

"I can't tell you that."

"Please. You can trust me, Mara."

She bit her lip and still avoided his eyes, but he could feel her opening up infinitesimally to his essence, along with her desire to trust him. It seemed like a very difficult thing for her to do and he waited for her to feel comfortable.

Glancing around, as if she were worried that someone might overhear him, she finally opened up to him. "I was an Imperial agent, Luke."

"Well yeah. I know that."

"No, Luke. It's not like you think." She looked up at him again. "I'm not from Alderaan. I didn't go to the academy. I was an Imperial agent, chosen from an early age and trained to be the best."

Luke leaned back in his chair, somewhat gobsmacked, but for some reason he did not feel deceived. "That's why you knew all about interrogation."

Her brow furrowed for a moment, but then her eyes flashed in recognition and she nodded. "Yeah. I almost blew my cover there."

"But…but you said you weren't a spy. And I know that you weren't. I felt it."

"Luke, I…I was assigned to the Accuser on a mission. But once I got to the Destroyer, I realized that I didn't want to be in the Empire anymore, so I defected with Tycho and the others. I was ashamed, and didn't want to admit what I really was, so I kept up my cover story even when I got to the Alliance. And as time went on, I just couldn't bring myself to tell the truth." She looked up, a look of profound sadness on her face. "I'm so sorry for deceiving you. I'll understand if you want me off the squadron."

"What?" Luke said, genuinely confused.

"I lied to you. I lied to everyone. They…they're gonna kick me out, aren't they? I should leave—" She abruptly rose from the table.

Luke's hand reached out to grab her arm and force her to stay at the table. "You're not going anywhere."

"What?"

"Mara, I don't care what you were in the Empire. You defected on Dantooine. It doesn't matter if you were a pilot or an Intelligence agent or even a cook. You came over to our side, and that's all that matters. And if you can pull your sim scores without even having been through a flight school, well, then I definitely still want you on my squadron."

"But I lied to you. I lied to everyone..."

"I would know if you lied to me, Mara."

"Weren't you just saying how much you don't know about the Force?"

Now Luke was the one to break their gaze. "Yes…but I know this. I know you didn't lie."

"You asked me if I was a spy. I said I wasn't. I lied."

"Were you acting as a spy when you came to the Alliance?"

"I was a spy—"

"Did you have any intentions to betray the Alliance after you arrived on Home One?"

Mara shook her head slowly. "No."

"Then that's all that matters."

"You really don't care?"

"I do care…but that's not the point, Mara. The point is, that you're in the Alliance now. Just like Tycho, Rade, and Zurel. Just like Hobbie, and Han, as much as he wants to deny it. Nothing else really matters."

"Okay," she said, her voice small. "Will you tell anyone?"

Luke closed his eyes, considering. He should tell someone—Leia, or General Cracken, or even Han—but he couldn't bring himself to do it. She had confided in him, and she was deeply worried that her deception would compromise her current place in the Rebellion. Plus, he honestly didn't think that the true nature of her place in the Empire made any difference. That was the past.

He shook his head and she breathed a sigh of relief. "But I still want to know about the Force," he said.

"After knowing that I was taught in the Empire, and you still want me to tell you what I know?"

Luke's eyes widened as he finally realized exactly why she was so hesitant to talk to him about the Force. She might have learned things in a different way—from the Dark Side. "Oh," he murmured.

"Now do you understand?"

He had to ask. "Was it Vader?"

Mara's head snapped up at the mention of the Sith Lord's name. "What?"

"Did Vader teach you?"

"Why would you think that?"

"Who else is there?"

"Oh…oh," Mara said, as if realizing something. Luke almost pounced on that but she kept talking, not giving him a chance to speak. "No, it wasn't Vader. It was someone else."

"Who?"

"…A captive Jedi kept in the Palace. He was forced to teach me."

"What happened to him?"

"They killed him, after it was deemed that I knew enough."

"Well, if a Jedi taught you, then I still want to learn."

"Luke…" Mara trailed off and reached out for the stylus. She twirled it around in her fingers a few times, considering it. "I'll think about it."

"Really?"

"I'm not a teacher, Luke. You're older than me, you're more powerful than me—"

"I think that's debatable."

"It's not, trust me. I might feel comfortable showing you a few things, but that's it. I didn't learn the inner workings of the Force or any of that. I just learned enough to do my job. I wasn't really trained as a Jedi, and that's how you should be trained. You're much too powerful not to be."

"I understand. And I appreciate you considering it, Mara. I really do."

"I know."

"Can you show me again?" he asked, pointing at the stylus. Perhaps if he watched her levitate something, he could sense her through the Force and it would give him enough knowledge to learn the skill himself.

Mara smiled at the eagerness in his voice. "I'd love to, but I have to get going." She glanced at her chrono pointedly. "Someone scheduled me to be in the sims in five minutes."

"I'll have to tell that guy what an idiot he is," Luke replied, grinning.

"I'll be sure to tell Wedge for you."

Laughing, Luke got up from his chair and helped Mara out of hers. She glanced at him shyly and grabbed the stylus before heading towards the door.

They walked down the hallway in silence, holding on to each other tentatively, then arrived at the point where it was time for their paths to separate. They said a polite good-bye, then Mara turned to make her way to the sims.

After she had walked a few steps, Luke called out to her, remembering something she had said. "Mara?"

She turned around to face him. "Yes?"

He moved close to her and spoke softly, so nobody else could hear. "What was your mission on the Accuser?"

She gave him a questioning look. "What?"

"You said you were placed onboard the Accuser for a mission. What was it?"

Mara glanced down at her feet, her eyes turning harder than he'd ever seen them, even on Dantooine. "You don't want to know."

She walked away before he could ask anything else.