Actually this is just a repost of the last chapter due to some small changes. Especially the "THE END" at the end of this chapter has been deleted due to an easy explanation: more is to come and I just didn't want to start up with a sequel. So, just the information for you that more chapters are about to come!

CHAPTER 19 – Overdue Explanations

I had never felt so happy and content in my life as I did after Dimitri's confession. It was THE thing I had always wanted to hear and never dreamt of that this might actually be happening someday. Though regarding my past experiences, I felt content with saying that Dimitri now was my boyfriend, as cheesy as that might sound. I was happy and everybody around me knew it.

Dimitri and I had been outside for a little bit longer. He had asked me to go for a walk with him and I happily agreed. I would have agreed to anything in that moment. Honestly.

We had strolled around the empty and snow covered streets, Dimitri holding my hand in a firm grasp as if he never wanted to let go of me again. I had felt like a school girl with her first boyfriend. I just couldn't stop grinning, having pulled him to a halt every few steps to kiss him. He hadn't seemed to mind, on contrary. He had smiled one of his happy smiles one didn't see very often which had made me even happier. I felt honoured that Dimitri trusted me with showing his real self when I was around and I had silently sworn to myself to never betray that trust.

Before we had entered the house again, Dimitri had stopped me and looked into my eyes deeply. "I'm feeling like the happiest bloke alive, Roza. I'm sorry I was putting you through this but I just wasn't sure how much of a pressure I could put on your shoulders after everything that happened."

"Dimitri,", I had said, cradling his face in my hands, "stop worrying about me, please! I'm already much stronger than I ever felt before and it is only because of you. You give me the strength I need to get through daily life and this is all I could ask for. Don't worry to push me about something. Trust in me, Dimitri. I can decide for myself what I can take and what I can't. Please, never keep these decisions away from me. Trust me next time, okay?"

His lips had broken into a soft happy smile, his deep brown eyes sparkling. "I really love you, Roza. With all my heart, my soul and being."

Softly pressing my lips against his, I had whispered quietly "I love you more than you will ever be able to imagine, Dimitri Belikov."

Now we were gathered in the heated living room of the Belikov's. It was one day after Christmas. Nearly all guests had been leaving already so it was only Dimitri, Lissa and Christian, Kevin, my parents and I. We had taken the chance to have a longer chat when Dimitri's family had left for some other visits with friends.

I think that everyone in the room was aware of the importance of this meeting. Now it was time to give out some information on my part, but also to get some further explanations from the others. There was a tension in the air and the crackling fire was emphasizing the silence that was evading between us all now. Nobody wanted to start with their story so I decided to go ahead as I was the one who had to tell the most. Though Dimitri and I had decided not to tell everything in detail, I would now tell family and non-family members of those awful weeks.

Looking around at those faces of all these people I loved deeply and knew I could trust, I still had to collect all my strength to open up and let everyone in. Each one of them looked at me expectantly, their eyes boring into mine, urging me to start. Then I met Dimitri's eyes and he gave me a short nod. This was my cue.

"I … I actually have really no idea where to start, so I will do so at the beginning. I know that some things may raise questions, but I will explain them as best as I can." Seeing the encouraging smile on Dimitri's face, I took a deep breath and started telling my story.

"It all actually started back when Lissa and I had been brought back to the Academy by Dimitri and some other Guardians after we've been on the loose for two years. In Portland they had caught us and brought us back. Knowing that it had been my idea in the first place, Kirova … sorry, Director Kirova had charged me with everything there was in the book, including extra training sessions with Dimitri. He was the best teacher I could ask for as he didn't see me as the runaway student but as a student with great potential and the needed determination to be a great Guardian for Lissa later on."

I took a quick glance at Lissa as a sad and remorseful smile appeared on her delicate features. She had remembered those times just as vivid as I had.

"The catch in this was that Dimitri and I hadn't always had such a clean student-mentor-relationship but sometimes more like a lover-relationship." I ignored the audible gasp of my mother, Lissa and Christian. Though knowing that Dimitri and I were practically together now, none of them had ever had the idea of me having a relationship with my mentor. "He broke it off when leaving the Academy to become Tasha's Guardian." I had added this quietly as I knew the pieces of the puzzle forming a picture in Lissa's head and I didn't really want to make her feel even worse as she already did.

"Why he did it, I think is something only concerning us two, so I …"

I caught sight of Dimitri's stern face and I knew that he wanted to get it over with. "I would like to get something out into the open. I now know that I had made the biggest mistake back then and Rose, you cannot imagine just how sorry I am for that. I have caused us both so much pain, but I still hadn't been exactly fair to you. I should have at least explained myself and though the chance has been long gone, I would like to make it up now." Waiting for my nod which I gave him after a few seconds of hesitance, he continued. I felt my heart speeding up and I had to fight to keep away the memories of this hurtful and devastating moment.

"I have always loved you Rose, and though I had never admitted it back in the Academy, it was those feelings that had held me there in the first place. You were a wonderful fighter, believing strongly in yourself and your abilities. You would never step back if there was a fight and though I always tried to teach you self-control, you had more of that than I did. Because as my feelings had grown stronger for you over the weeks, I tried to tell myself that you were just an infatuation. Though knowing that I lied to myself about that clearly, it helped me to go on for some more weeks. But when I felt you returning those feelings, I got scared of the situation this might pull you in. You were still my student and I your mentor. It was illegal. So I tried to stay away but it didn't work. Not with you fighting for me to admit my feelings in front of you. So I did the only thing I could think of: I ran away, Practically. And this was the biggest mistake in my life as I felt so miserable in the weeks after. All I wanted to do is to get back to you but Tasha did the only right thing: she held me back, begging me to not bring you in such a dangerous situation. And I did though I kept thinking of you every minute, every day of every week. It pained me to no end to know that you were feeling this, too."

A tear slowly made its way down my cheek when I remembered those long painful weeks. It had taken me ages to get back into a somewhat liveable self, but it had only been a shallow picture of the old Rose. Hearing Dimitri saying that he had just felt the same way made my heart ache for the lost months we could have shared. Giving him an encouraging smile, I continued with my story.

"Well, the next thing that happened was that I had made a mistake in our field experience, something very important for our grade. Christian had been my charge and in one "fight" he would have nearly been killed by the Strigoi, played by our teachers. After that, Lissa had been very mad at me and our friendship had been put on ice ever since."

Feeling her arms around me suddenly, I carefully hugged Lissa back. "Sorry, Rose. I'm so sorry. I was so stupid." She sobbed into my shoulder. "I should have never doubted you as I knew that you where the best. But somehow I did and see what it did to us. I miss you."

Hugging her closer to myself, I quietly said "I miss you, too, Liss."

Entangling herself from me, she looked into my eyes, begging me. "Please forgive me, Rose."

"I forgive you!" I laughed at her, hugging her one more time before letting her return to her seat.

"After I had graduated I had gone with my parents to Turkey to life there for a while. I hadn't been assigned yet, so it was the best thing for me to do. One day, while I was out with my mother shopping, a Strigoi had kidnapped me, holding me hostage for those weeks. I don't want to go into the details of this … I just would like to confirm what most of you probably have expected already. Yes, I have been tortured and raped … " there was an audible gasp from Lissa and Christian, "… but I've been working on this one already and I think … at least … I've made some progress."

Seeing the pride showing on Dimitri's face confirmed it not only for me but also for everyone else. Letting my gaze wonder over the faces of the people that were the closest to me, I felt happy and consent. My parents still looked a little troubled about me confirming their worst fears but I could also feel that they were also proud of me to make my way. Kevin, in his position as their Guardian, didn't show any feeling as he held his Guardian mask in place, but a brief appreciative nod told me everything. Lissa and Christian looked at me with a mixture of sadness and hope.

"But there is one thing I would like to know." I looked at my parents questioningly. "Who killed Steve?"

My eyes wandered between my mother and father, so that I would have nearly missed the quick movement of Kevin in the background. Averting my questioning gaze towards him, he granted me another brief nod. It had been him!

"Thank you." It was all there was to say. I would have liked to do it myself but on the other side was I happy that I wouldn't have to see the face of my tormentor again. I had been wondering about that question for some time now but never dared to ask Dimitri. I had always thought it had been my mother. Knowing that it had been Kevin was also okay for me. At least Steve was dead and that is what really counted in the end.

After that we started chatting about my weeks here in Baia. I also caught up with Lissa about her studies and her plans for the future. I was glad to have her back in my life though I still tried to block the pull into her head. For the past weeks my mind had been in overdrive and hadn't had really the capacity to connect to Lissa's mind. I was thankful for that and so was she. But she also told me that she was sad that our bond didn't work both ways otherwise she would have been able to help to get me out of Steve's grasp quicker.

My parents told me that they were planning on a huge New Year's party back in the Turkey and invited me and Dimitri to come back home. Happily we agreed to that though I knew I would miss Baia. But with Dimitri as my boyfriend I was sure that we would return sooner rather than later. And my parents told me also that they had already set a date for their second try to get married and I promised them to attend this time, which gave everyone a good laugh.

Soon after our small circle broke as everyone had to go packing because they would be leaving the next day. I enjoyed the quietness in the room when everybody except for Dimitri and me had left.

I laid my eyes on Dimitri, taking in the sharp bone structure of his face and the softness of his deep brown eyes, shining proudly back at me. He had been the only person who has had the ability to help me through this nightmare and I was so grateful for him to stick with me on this. It hadn't always been easy for neither of us, but I would like to think that we've come out of this stronger. At least I have as I now could picture a life with him at my side.

Dimitri was my soul mate and he knew that more than anyone else. He was my heart, my soul, my everything. Though this deep love gave him the power to rule me, he would never do anything of which I wouldn't approve of. Dimitri would always handle me with gentleness without being too soft on me.

Walking over to him, I engulfed him in my arms, pressing my body tightly against his. This was something I would always need – his bodily contact and the knowledge that he would be there after each nightmare, helping me to work everything out.

Feeling his strong arms making their way around my still slim figure, I felt at peace. This was the place where I belonged, where I felt safe and at home.

Locking my eyes with his, I felt a happy smile gracing my features only being mirrored by one of his very rare smiles. "I love you, Dimitri. With all my heart and soul. You've been my rock in the storming see, always giving me hope and a light to guide me on my way back out of the darkness. I'm very thankful for that and it makes me love you even more. I love you, Dimitri, for always."

Pressing my lips against his I showed him just how much this exactly was.

Do you have any ideas that you find fit for this story? I have a clue where this might lead but i'm still open to suggestions!

Thanks,

Lilian85