So as promised, I will continue with the story from time to time. But please don't expect me to update every week as I also have other FF which I'm currently writing on. Thanks.

Now, enjoy!

CHAPTER 20 – Daily Trouble

The next day everybody left to their respective homes. I felt a little bit sad to watch them all leave but on the other side I was happy that Dimitri and I would have some more alone time to figure this whole boyfriend / girlfriend thing out. Not that it actually was something difficult, just my past was a tad bit in the way. We both were aware of that but I think that I feared this most.

Soon I would have to tell Dimitri details that I had avoided until now but seeing as he now had a legal right to know all the painful details, I was afraid that he might want to pull out of this. Not that he was a coward but I had experienced too many of these horrific moments and I wasn't really sure on how we could ever move up to the next stage with our relationship. This certainly is not about kissing or touching; it's about having sex. And that was something I was really afraid of, especially after Steve had shown me what an expert torture could do to your body.

But I knew that this day where we would get intimate was still far off and I was absolutely certain, that Dimitri was aware of that.

After everyone had left and the quietness returned into the house, Dimitri and I sat quietly in the living room, sipping on our hot chocolate. Olena and Yeva had yet again gone out to run some errands and Vik was out visiting friends. So it was only just us two and the silence stretching out between us was far from comfortable. The topic hung in the air, yet none of us wanted to really talk about this.

Sighing, I looked up to his large frame at the end of the couch, put down my cup when I met his gaze and scooted over to him. Smiling slightly I took the cup away from his hands and climbed onto his lab, framing his face with my hands lovingly. "What's the matter, Dimitri?" I locked my gaze with his, telling him without words that I expected honesty.

Now it was his turn to sigh, before a sad smile graced his features. "I'm just wondering what our future might hold for us. Especially for you as in these three months so many things had been destroyed by him that I don't know how to repair the damage." He was whispering, his hands softly cupped my slim waist.

"What do you mean?" I asked, not really being sure where exactly he was heading with this.

One of his hands found its way up to our faces, tracing my cheeks and lips lovingly. "There are so many aspects to a really relationship and I'm just afraid that you might be never really able to enjoy this."

"Are you talking about sex?" I asked him bluntly, being just a bid fed up with his dancing around the topic. I know that all of this is new for both of us but I had asked him to always be honest with me. Just as I was with him.

Swallowing, Dimitri nodded his head, his cheeks slightly reddened with embarrassment. "Yes, that's what I was talking about. But that's only just one aspect, Roza."

Shaking my head at his embarrassment, I gave him an encouraging smile. "Yeah, I've thought about that too, but I'm willing to give it a try." I signalled for him to not disrupt me when he wanted to say something. "I'm not saying that it will happen in the next days nor weeks, but I will try my best. It will be hard for me but with you I have the feeling that I will be able to fight it all. Step by step. Just …. Just give it some time, okay?"

"Roza, I wasn't pushing you into anything. We will walk step by step in the pace that you will be comfortable with. Just promise me one thing." His gaze had locked with mine again, holding me captured.

"Hm?"

"Promise me to tell me what really had happened during those weeks so I can avoid as many coincidences as possible. I don't ever want you being uncomfortable with anything we might be doing in the future."

Sighing I gave him a sad smile. "I'll try. It won't be today or tomorrow, that much I can say, but I will try to tell you as many things as possible. Promise."

Smiling at me reassuringly, Dimitri wrapped his arms again around my waist and pulled me in closer. I still couldn't believe that now I was able to kiss him every time I wanted and felt the need (which was quite often).

Slowly I closed the distance between us, seeing as I was more or less sprawled on top of Dimitri's body. When I lips connected it was like heaven for me. In each movement I felt the love and desire he felt for me and for the time being all my bad memories just vanished. For these moments I could really just forget what had happened and act like any other teenager again. I enjoyed these moments so much.

His hands drew lazy circles across my back, sending shivers of awareness across my body. I knew that it would take me along time to be able to get intimate with him, but I would try for the sake of both of us.

Our kiss was nothing else but sweet and reassuring. Dimitri indeed seemed to sense whenever I needed his reassurance, his strength and his believe in me. Especially when my thoughts would wander off track, he almost always sensed it and started to envelop me in a discussion or something else to ease my mind. I was really glad for this.

After we broke the kiss, I smiled down at him. "I really could stay here forever, you know? It's so peaceful and quiet – I like that!"

A teasing twinkle appeared in his eyes, his lips carving into a sensual smile. "So, this something I would have never thought to hear from Rose Hathaway!" he exclaimed.

I felt my lips returning his teasing smile. "Why not?"

"Quietness? Peaceful? No words that you would usually use, or?" he said, the teasing note clearly in his voice.

Grinning down at him, I shrugged my shoulders in a nonchalant manner. "Well, you'll get used to it, y'know?"

"Hm, let's see about that." He said, before pulling me closer again. "Well, this is something I could do for always."

Then his lips were on my again and I just was able to enjoy the feel of the kiss. When we came up for some air, I whispered "Definitely!" before closing the gap again.

After our sweet kissing session, we just laid on the couch, being wrapped in comfortable silence. There was no need to say anything and slowly I felt my mind drifting off into a deep slumber.

It was cold. So cold. Yet I was burning up deep inside. Not because I had a fever but because of the pain he was inflicting on my already bruised and sore body. It wasn't the first time he actually was doing this but every time again it hurt and I felt so used afterwards. Dirty. Humiliated. It was his goal to break me and he had many ways of achieving this, each one even more painful than the one before.

After he had first started to beat me he was now raping me. It hurt so badly as my body still wasn't prepared for any of this. I've never had sex in my life before and somewhere deep inside I was weeping that Steve was now destroying this.

After the first two raping I had quickly learned not to make any sound – no crying, no weeping – nothing as this seemed to fuel new heights of his cruelty. And my mind wasn't even able to come up with anything even near as what he was doing to me.

Clutching my hands into fists, with my fingernails piercing my skin, I desperately needed something else to concentrate on. Quickly it had been to only way for me to stay sane to cut off my mind from the rest of my body during the torture which would last for hours. Hurting my body was one thing I could cope with – but I couldn't allow him to do any damage to my mind. It was the only thing I had to retreat into and this was something precious right now.

"Roza!" I heard a deep voice whispering close to my ear. Strong arms were wrapped around my shaking frame. Hadn't realised that I had been drifted off that deep.

Turing my face to the wonderful sound of Dimitri's voice, I gave him a sad smile. I just couldn't shake the nightmares and something told me that I wouldn't be able to get rid of them for a long time. Maybe even never.

"Are you all right?" he whispered, one of his hands softly stroking through my loose hair, giving me relaxing head massage.

"Hm, I guess. Just another nighty, that's all." I whispered, letting my eyes close halfway to enjoy the slow and soft massage.

"You're still shivering, Roza. You want to take a bath? It might help." He again whispered, both of us not really wanting to break the silence enveloping us.

Smiling up at this wonderful idea, I hesitantly got off of him and together we made our way to the bathroom with the bog bath tub. It's been so long since I was having a bath the last time and I really was looking forward. Before I was allowed to enter the bathroom, Dimitri ushered me to get some fresh clothes from the room first.

When I entered the bathroom with new clothes in hand, I was astonished at what I saw. Dimitri had lit several candles in all sizes and colours throughout the bathroom, giving it a very romantic atmosphere.

"Whoa! Why did you do this?" I could only ask baffled.

Giving me one of his wonderful happy smiles, he waved me over to the already filled tub. "Jump in. I just wanted you to be able to really relax a little, so I though candles might do the trick."

Planting a thankful kiss on his cheek, I quickly got out off my clothes and climbed into the tub, willed with hot water and wonderful smelling soap.

Groaning out loud as the hot water surrounded me fully, Dimitri sat down next to the tub. At the beginning we sat in silence but soon easy chatter filled up the room.

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Lilian85