I apologize for the time between this chapter and the last! That said, enjoy.
"O! let me not be mad, not mad, sweet heaven;
Keep me in temper; I would not be mad!"
- William Shakespeare, King Lear, 1.5.51
I spent the night weaving through those trees, spooking at shadows and animals.
Azula! Get ahold of yourself! I wrapped my arms around myself and continued at a slower pace through the forest.
By daybreak, I had come upon a small Fire Nation village. I stole a hood off of a clothes rack-too many citizens knew what I looked like- and cautiously entered the town. I briskly walked up to a merchant- selling cabbages, I think. Stupid peasant. He asked me if I would like a cabbage, so I picked one up and started to examine it.
"Say, would you know what the Avatar was up to lately?"
The man glanced at me out of the corner of his eye. Damnit. I was out of practice at this.
"Why are you asking?"
I put on my best wide eyed, I-don't-know-anything-can't-you-see-I'm-a-little-girl expression and said "Well, he should be taking a vacation after defeating Firelord Ozai!" I smiled.
The man relaxed a bit, then grumbled. "He's staying near the palace to work out a treaty. Took 'em long enough, it's almost been a year!" My mask slipped. It had been a full year. I couldn't believe it. I hurriedly smiled again, refocusing only to catch something about "still hasn't paid me back for my cabbages." I smiled again and waved cheerily at the man as I walked away, going into an alley.
I laughed, low and deep. Now I could go find him and regain my place as Princess- put Zuko in his place- regain my father's love- be all better. Yes. Everything would go back to normal. I'd be all better.
That night I took off for the palace. I couldn't sleep anyway- I was bursting with excitement. And it seems that my asylum wasn't too far from the palace, because I got there about midnight.
You know something? People are scared of me because of my skill and precision. I suppose you already knew that, though. So I started my search for the Avatar that night, making larger and larger circles around the palace. Then, I saw it. A small house with a stable just big enough for a flying bison. I sat down hard on the cobblestones, hyperventilating. This was my chance. I could have my life back. I could be perfect again, with a perfect throne and a perfect father and perfect friends. Perfect perfect perfect.
I ducked into an alley and waited there until morning, eyes wide open but seeing nothing.
I knew that morning was special. As the sun rose, I inhaled, feeling its power light up in every pore. "Agni," I breathed, "watch over me."
I could feel my father's presence, approving but still cold, always cold. I didn't even turn, walking straight forward. To kill the Avatar.
I walked straight through the cloth flap in the doorway of the hut. There he was, the Avatar, sleeping. Could he really be this naïve? I thought. Could it be this easy? That little voice in my head spoke up, saying no, it isn't, this will have consequences past your wildest dreams, but I shushed it, creeping forward and putting a hand to the Avatar's throat. His eyes shot open, but I put a finger to his lips.
"I could burn you right here," I said. His eyes were wide, but he twisted and pushed me away with a blast of air from his feet. I sputtered and stumbled backwards, falling into a fighting stance. He twisted out of the corner of the room and landed, holding up his hands.
"Azula, we don't have to fight. Just give up now and you won't get in trouble."
"Ha!" I snorted. "I have you beaten and there's nothing you can do about it!" I sent a fierce blast of fire at his outstretched hands and looked up at him through my sweat-soaked bangs triumphantly.
"Azula, please stop. I don't want to fight you."
I kicked and flames blossomed from my foot, missing his head by inches. I spun and punched the air, sending flames spiraling around his head. The Avatar ducked and sent his own leg out, spinning away the flames with a blast of air.
I continued to advance, sending jets of flames whizzing past his head, but the Avatar just continued to dodge. He didn't even try to fight me, just defended himself from my attacks.
I sent a flurry of punches at him, and flames singed the shoulder of his orange robes.
"Damn you!" I screamed, wiping away angry tears with the back of my hand. When had I started crying? "Fight me, you bastard! Am I not a worthy enough opponent for the mighty Avatar?"
"Azula…" he started, and his eyes were filled with… pity?
"Don't pity me!" I screamed, running towards him and kicking fireballs towards him at an almost inhuman speed.
He dodged three but the last hit him directly in his chest. His legs buckled and he screamed in agony as his flesh bubbled. I smiled, smiled wide and he stared at me.
"Why, Azula? Why?"
"Because I had to, for Father. Now he will finally trust me, finally love me. He and I will reclaim the throne from that bastard Zuko, we will be all powerful!" I was cackling now. "We will win!"
His sorrowful eyes glazed over with death and I threw my head back and laughed.
But then everything went fuzzy- I blinked and the waterbender was behind me. Before I could even take a breath my hands and legs were frozen behind me in a block of ice.
"Damn it! Damn it!" I screamed and screamed, crying sloppily. "You're dead! I killed you- you're dead, why aren't you dead, why not, why not, you're dead," I babbled, trailing off at the confused expression on her face.
Then I heard the Avatar's voice.
And everything went fuzzy again. I blinked, and he was standing there, unharmed.
"You're dead too! You're both dead, I killed you, why aren't you dead, why not, why not." I thrashed against my ice prison, and the waterbender and the Avatar stared at me with pity.
"Don't you dare pity me! I pity you, I am a princess and you are nothing," I hissed. I made a sobbing sound but there were no tears left for me to shed.
"You're dead…" I said. "You're dead…"
Then the waterbender forced me to drink something. Poison, I suspected. And everything went black.
"And I woke up here," Azula finished, throwing her head back and cackling.
Her visitor made no motion and his face was unreadable under his large hood.
"So now do you believe me? I'm not crazy!" she told him earnestly. "Father will be back to get me soon, and then we will kill Zuzu. Together. And he will love me and I will be a princess again." She sighed contentedly. "Everything will be perfect."
"And I really did kill the Avatar," she said, leaning towards the bars conversationally, a glint in her eye. "Father told me. Then these people captured me and gave me a drug to make me think I hadn't, make me think I was really crazy. It's their fault I've been blacking out and having hallucinations. Father told me so." She leaned back, relaxed.
"Someday soon, Father says he will break me out of here and we will be a family again. Soon, soon!" she yelled, clapping her hands. "Soon, soon, soon," she said, falling into a chant and rocking back and forth.
"Soon, soon…"
The man in the hood looked at his little sister rocking back and forth and bowed his head.
"It seems she plans to escape again, sir." The psychologist's face held pity and sadness for the girl.
"Very well. Put her under maximum security, give her a straitjacket, and administer the drugs," the man said.
Firelord Zuko looked back at his younger sister once before leaving the asylum.
"I'm sorry, 'Zula. Maybe one day…"
But then he was gone.
Author's Note: Well, this was my experiment in unreliable narrators. I hoped you all liked it! I'm sure you all have you own ideas about what was real and what was not, but these were mine:
Azula really did kill her mother when she came to visit, Zuko really did come to visit that first time, and Azula did actually make it to Aang and Katara's house.
But, Azula killed one of her psychologists (her "visitors"), not Katara, nor did she kill Aang in the end, that was a hallucination. Her father was a hallucination.
Do I think she'll ever really recover? Probably not. But maybe, if she can get her hallucinations under control.
Thanks for reading and review if you feel so inclined! :D
~Sofia