She still couldn't believe that he found her beautiful and could still make such fabulous love to her, she was only 4 months gone but she was already beginning to feel like she had swallowed a small beach ball which was slowly inflating inside of her. She lay resting on his shoulder in her bed, and was reminded of the previous times she had lain like that. A particular one jumped out at her, his words came back to her, 'I love you too dear. Always have, always will. And I promise I'll always look after you.' She smiled as the thought came back to her. She couldn't believe that he had said that a month ago and he was still around and doing as he promised.
He was making sure she ate right, that she got enough rest and that she didn't stand up too much. As she dropped off to sleep smiling she heard him mutter something but couldn't tell all of what he said.
Sara had a troubled sleep. She had gone to sleep exhausted and happy, but had heard Grissom mutter something and picked out the words 'our baby.' She had confused jerky dreams that night.
She was in the hospital and had just given birth, she was exhausted but still managed to say "Can I see my baby?" It was brought over and she heard the midwife tell her it was a boy. She smiled and looked down to see a baby in her arms, who looked amazingly like Grissom, apart from it's eyes which were hers.
"Honey, is there something you want to tell me?"
Sara smiled and leant against Grissom as she watched her son riding his first bike by himself, complete with stabilizers. She watched as he turned around a corner and cycle back towards them. Looking for all the world like Grissom as a child. "Sweetie, what was the name of that clinic you used?"
Sara waved as she saw her son come out of the doors from school. A studious look on his face as he stopped to look at a fly which had landed on his finger and examine it. She looked to the side and saw Grissom standing there, and looking back at the boy, saw how similar they looked, and how similar their looks were as her son looked up from the bug on his finger. "Darling, did you ever find out what the donor's name was?"
She watched her son at his graduation. Coming out of university with honours, and already offered work proposals. She looked down at herself and saw an older version of herself sat down next to an older version of Grissom, holding hands. She saw a camera in his hand. She watched her son proudly as he accepted his certificate and smiled at his parents a smile plastered on his face as Grissom stood up and took a photo of him. As he walked off the platform, Grissom looked at the picture he had just taken on the camera's view screen. She looked fondly down at the image and saw a picture of their son. The exact image of Grissom when she had first met him as a professor, except a few years younger. "Dear, was there anything you needed to tell me?"
Sara shot awake and sat straight up in bed. She looked down and saw Grissom still sleeping, his arm protectively still clutching her waist. It didn't matter though, she needed to tell him now before her nerve broke. As she leant further forward she felt her now protruding bump protest as she squashed it slightly, she sat back up straight and leant down and shook Grissom awake, tears now forming in her eyes.
"Gil! Gil! I need to tell you something."
He awoke immediately and sensing her distress took her hands and looked into her eyes, his concern showing there. He reached out and wiped away the tear which had already fallen.
"Sweetie, what's wrong? Are you OK?" He noticed her hand placed on her stomach. "Is the baby OK?"
She nodded. "We're both fine. But I need to tell you something." She took a deep breath in. "The baby's yours. Well, ours. But your the father."
She watched his reaction carefully. As his face finally stopped flitting through emotions it landed on confusion. He dropped her hands and moved so that he was sat on the end of the bed his feet on the floor and his elbows on his knees, his face in his hands.
"You mean from the first night, or you mean they used me as your donor at the clinic?"
"From that night."
"Well how do you know? I mean, are you sure?"
"Yes, I ... didn't go to the clinic."
"But Catherine said you had an appointment there."
"I did, I made the appointment to say that I wasn't going to got through with it, then a week after that I found out I was pregnant."
"So ... you mean you've always known that it's mine?" He asked slowly puzzling it all out in his head. She slowly nodded, he couldn't see this but he heard her silence and knew she would have denied it if it wasn't true.
"Why?" He asked his voice low. When he heard no answer he asked again.
"Why? Why didn't you tell me?" Her heard Sara reply quietly. "I didn't know how you would react."
Grissom stood up and faced her. "So you decided it was best for me not to know! Jesus, Sara! I thought I could trust you. I thought we told each other everything."
Sara taken aback by his use of her first name which he only now used in public, and also by his anger, she was so use to dependable steady Grissom that she hadn't considered his anger, tried to explain. "It was before we were so close. And I didn't want to scare you. It was never the right time. And I wanted you to stay because you wanted to, not because you felt an obligation to your unborn child. I wanted you to stay because of me, and because you loved me and loved been with me. Not out of a sense of duty. I didn't want you to have to make that decision."
"So you made it for me!" He lapsed into muttering as he wandered around the bedroom unable to stay still. Sara tried to stem the tears flowing down her face as she watched him, her eyes following his course around the room. Biting her lip to stop herself saying anything else. He suddenly stopped pacing as he neared the part of the bed where Sara was set. He turned to face her, all of his features showing what he felt. Hurt. Sara winced, his pain hurt her more than his anger had. He just stood there watching her.
She tentatively reached out slowly and took his hand, just holding it. It stayed limp in her touch for a moment, he then took hold of it. Slowly lifted their hands and looked at them. He dropped them back down to his sides and slowly stroked her hand with his thumb. She smiled weakly at him, as she watched as his mind continued to work. He let go of her hand and walked around to the side of the bed he had left and sat down on the bed and placed his head back in his hands.
After a few moments Sara heard him sobbing slightly, and quietly to himself. Her heart nearly broke at the sound. She climbed over the bed, she slowly reached toward his shoulder and put her hand on it. His hand came up across his body and clutched hers desperately. Sara waited and after a short while heard his sobs subside. She leant further forward and rested her chin on his shoulder. He turned around to look at, and she saw all the pain he had just cried away return to his eyes as he looked at her and she felt her heart almost die inside of her. She had never meant to hurt him.
She jumped as he stood up suddenly, and watched dejectedly as he began grabbing his clothes from where they lay. She watched as he struggled into his pants and pulled his shirt on roughly, not noticing that it was inside out. He walked quickly to the door as he reached it he turned around and spoke to her but without looking at her. "Sara. I'm going to go and ... so some work. At home."
She watched as he left the room, and listened, not moving, as she heard him grab his jacket and walk out of the door. Locking it behind him. Sara broke down. Still shocked after everything at the use of her first name. If he ever did say it at home then he always said it softly or to get her attention and other than that called her affectionate names. It was like her calling him Gil at home and Grissom in public. What also stung her was how he had said home. Generally home was whichever one they were at. He never referred to his building as his home if they were both their and otherwise it was his house. He had said before that home was wherever she was. She had joked about, saying that that was obviously why they spent so much time at work before they were together.
As happy memories of them flooded back mixed with more recent ones since after she had told him, what little restraint she still had on her tears broke. She collapsed on the bed from exhaustion and continued to cry. Eventually she fell to sleep from sheer exhaustion, tears still pouring down her face, even as she slept.