Disclaimer; Song is not mine nor is Glee
Things Can Only Get Better
The broken clock is a comfort
It helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow
From stealing all my time
And I am here still waiting
Though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best
Like you've already figured out
You know how people tell you there are the 7 stages of grief? I went through every single one of them in the span of 10 minutes.
Denial
He could not be dead, my dad was not dead. It was a mix up, a mistake. That dead man in the hospital room was not my father, it couldn't be. He's all that I have left he would NOT leave me here by myself.
Guilt
Maybe if I hadn't been gay Dad would not have been so stressed. If I had been the perfect straight son he would still be with me right now. It's all my fault, I should have been normal.
Anger
Well FUCK HIM. He left who cares! I'll do perfectly fine on my own. I am a Hummel and I am as self efficient as people come. Dad is the asshole that left me behind, it was his job to take care of himself and he didn't so now he's dead.
Depression
Nobody will ever understand me like he did, I am hollow and numb.
Acceptance
I can't change what happened, I can only deal and continue on. I know I will be sad for a while but things can NOT get any worse than they already are. Buck up Hummel, time heals all pain. He may not be with you physically but he sure as hell is with you mentally.
I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain
There is healing
In your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on
I'm barely holding on to you
When my senses did come back, I realized I was sitting on the cold, disgusting floor, leaning against the wall for support. My chest was throbbing, I tried to make the pain cease by wrapping my arms around myself tightly. The pain did nothing but double its efforts and it took all my strength to not cry out. I felt a strong supporting hand begin to rub circles into my back.
"I-I-It hurts." I whimpered not even caring how utterly broken and pathetic I sounded.
"It's okay to cry, sweetie." I sucked in a couple of deep breaths and regained my composure. I was not going to break down in front of a total stranger. I shakily stood up, simultaneously shrugging off the hand on my back. I looked up to see that it was the nurse who had dragged me out of the room and shut the machines off.
"I'm fine." I mumbled, relieved to hear my voice didn't crack. I honestly was not fine, anyone could see that. Thankfully the nurse just nodded and began to walk towards the receptionist counter and led me back into a small office. There were shelves aligned with thick text books, and a mahogany desk sat towards the far end. There were two chairs facing the front of the desk and the nurse gestured for me to take a seat.
I didn't realize that she stepped out of the room until I heard someone clear their throat. I looked up to see that a man in his late fifties studying me carefully. Feeling absolutely uncomfortable, I began to shift nervously.
"Mr. Hummel, it seems that you have had quite the evening." His voice had a gravely tone, and his attempt to lighten the mood disgusted me more than anything else. 'Yes Mr. Doctor,' I thought to myself 'I have had the night of my life. Oh and by the way your outfit looks remarkable!'
I kept my mouth shut and waited for him to continue, he began to shift through some papers. "When your father began taking a turn for the worst, I believed it be in the best interest to take care that you had someone take care of you if the...situation... didn't take a turn in your favor. So I called the only living realities you seem to have left, and after we confirmed that Burt Hummel was indeed dead, "I closed my eyes trying to keep the tears at bay, "they confirmed that they would be on the next flight here."
The broken locks were a warning
You got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded
I'm an open book instead
And I still see your reflection
Inside of my eyes
That are looking for purpose
They're still looking for life
The only living realities that I had left were my mother's parents...my grandparents. Neither of them approved of mom's choice in a husband and lifestyle. Things began to get better once I was born but apparently even at a young age my 'gay' was showing. Being the extreme Catholics they are, they demanded that I be sent away to be 'fixed' at some camp. The next time I saw them was at my mom's funeral...
From what I remember when my dad ranted about them is that my Grandfather was the CEO of some major corporation that sold and bought stocks from other business. My Grandmother was always at his side, helping them make decisions together. This being true I guess they were rich, hated gays, and lived far away...
I stood up from my seat, "Thank you Doctor, do you by chance know when they are going to get here?" I asked politely, I just wanted to go home and cry myself to sleep...
"They arrived shortly after two a.m. and are waiting in the lobby as we speak." I nodded and began making my way out of the stuffy little office. "Mr. Hummel?" I looked back blankly. "I'm sorry for your loss." I stared at him for a moment, and nodded numbly before walking out.
...Glee...
The lobby was practically deserted, albeit it was after 2 a.m. but still. I ran a hand through my hair, and winced as I realized how god awful I must look right now. Doing my best to straighten out my rumpled clothing I approached the lobby and scanned the area trying to locate my Grandparents. My gaze finally rested upon an elderly couple, who were both in expensive and business looking attire, signing papers and talking to a nurse.
"...yes we will take guardianship..." My Grandfather growled, grimacing as if the thought physically disgusted him. At this point, I didn't even care. It had been the absolute worst day of my life adding a little homophobia was not going to make much of a difference. I cleared my throat and all three adults turned to look at me. My Grandfather went back to the papers, ignoring my presence indefinitely. It should have hurt, but I felt absolutely numb.
My wrist was clutched tightly, and my gaze shifted to my grandmother who stared at me without pity just a lot of resentment. She pulled me towards the exit and a burst of fresh air swopped into my lungs. I closed my eyes trying to enjoy the slight semblance of peace, but another sharp tug at my wrist had me at rapped attention.
"We had no choice but to take guardianship over you ...boy..."I winced at the spite."Which means you have no control over what happens. Here is what will happen, understand?" I looked at her blankly but she dug her nails into my wrist and I nodded. "You are going to go home, and pack everything in your room. What you pack will be taken with you to your new school. It is a boarding school, and we expect you to do well and stay during the holidays. It is now our duty to take care of you but we want nothing to do with you. Is that understood?" I nodded sharply. "The items in the house you opt to take with you will be put in storage and the house as well as your father's business will be sold. The funeral will be tomorrow seeing as it is already morning. You are expected to be packed and ready to leave the preceding morning at 9 a.m. sharp. From there on, you are on your own." She handed me a plastic card, I didn't even bother looking at it. "This is a debit card; you will be given two thousand dollars per month and not a cent more. Your phone payments have been transferred to our plan and everything is taken care of. After tomorrow we should not here from a disgrace like you ever again is this clear?" I nodded and she released my wrist, turned heel and went back inside.
I stared after her for a few moments before returning to my car. My entire world has crashed down in less than a week. Normal days have never seemed so far away, I slid the card into my pocket and reached for my keys. They really wanted nothing to do with me... Private school, two thousand dollars a month, and a slap on the back, fantastic.
...Glee...
I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain
Is there healing
In your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on
I'm barely holding on to you
As soon as I pulled into my driveway I let the tears come down. I was so tired... I couldn't see straight as I made my way to the front door. With a little effort I made it inside and ran upstairs. I grabbed my Dads blanket and comforter and went into the guest room, without thinking I opened all of the compartments in my mother's wardrobe. I through the pillow to the floor and curled up into the blanket. The scents of both my parents mixed together, and I sobbed even louder.
When I finally woke up, it was almost three in the afternoon. The funeral was tomorrow and the day afterwards I was leaving Lima. I moved like a zombie to the bathroom and took a look in the mirror. I looked like shit. There were deep purple bags under my eyes, my skin was paler than usual, and my hair was a mess. As I got undressed I noticed the array of bruises that were on my back and arms. I looked towards my wrist and saw there was a hand shaped bruise circling it. It still amazed me how none of the Glee kids did anything about the bullying. I sighed; I needed to tell the Glee club that I was leaving. Not that they would actually care seeing as NONE of the actually came to the hospital nor did anything to help me out. Some friends.
I took a long hot shower, and by the time I got out it was half past three. I got dressed in a pair of red skinny jeans and a Marc Jacobs button up. I didn't bother with my hair, I just dried it and let it naturally flop into my face. I grabbed my keys and phone; I turned it on and saw that there were no new messages. Maybe leaving them wouldn't be as hard as I thought.
...Glee...
I'm hanging on another day
Just to see what, you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on, to the words you say
You said that I will, will be okay
The broken light on the freeway
Left me here alone
I may have lost my way now
But I haven't forgotten my way home
I pulled up into the sparsely populated parking lot and took a spot close to the school. I slowly crawled out of my car and locked the doors before making my way into McKinley for the absolute last time. The red locker boarded hallways seemed no different than they had yesterday, which struck me as odd seeing as how much had changed. I let my feet lead me the familiar way to the choir room.
"...Okay guys let's take it from the top!" I walked in as Mr. Schue was leading everybody in another dance. My entrance caused them to stop and I felt everyone's gaze on me.
"Kurt you're almost ten minutes late for rehearsal. I know your upset about your father, but he wouldn't want you to ignore your priorities right? Regional's is only a few months away..." I was openly gaping at him, not one of them had noticed I wasn't here all day and for some odd reason I burst out laughing. It was absolutely ludicrous that even after a night like last night the only thing on anyone else's mind is regional's. My laughter soon turned to be border line hysterical and at that point I made my way to my chair and sat down trying to pull myself together. I didn't have to look up to know that the entire club was sharing a 'WTF' look.
"You're mad at me for being late for Glee? Mr. Schue I have to say out of everything today that is just fucking marvelous." I snapped.
"Language..." I cut Schue off with an icy glare. This was not okay; they should be concerned about me.
"Dude chill! We're sorry about your dad but that doesn't mean you need to bitch at us for it!" Puck exclaimed angrily coming at Mr. Schue's defense. I rolled my eyes at him and snorted at his idiocy.
"You got something to say Hummel?" Puck growled threateningly. I looked at him coolly before tilting my head.
Before he could retort Rachel spoke up "Noah's right Kurt, maybe you should sing about it..."
I believe there is a moment in every person's life who has just suffered through a tragedy where they snap. My pushing point just happened to be a loud mouth idiot who wanted to twist my fathers...death...into a showcase. I let out an agonizing scream that automatically stopped Rachel mid rant.
"NO! Singing won't help, you wanna know why? Because Contrary to your belief singing is not always the answer Rachel." My glare shifted to Mr. Schue "When we started glee you said we were a family, didn't you?" I didn't wait for an answer instead I just continued my lecture, " Families take care of each other, they check up on each other, they help each other, don't they Mr. Schue?" He was at a loss for words so I began to do the one thing that I knew would make the message sink in. I unbuttoned my shirt and let them see the extent of the bullying. The scars, the bruises all of it, and not one of them said a word. "Notice how none of you are shocked, thanks for looking out for me I appreciate it. Not that this," I gestured to myself, feeling the prominent sensation of tears beginning to prick at my eyes, "means anything. I really thought someone would be there for me when my dad was in the hospital none of you did a thing."
Mercedes began to walk towards me arms wide open; I shook my head and took a few steps toward the door. "It's too late for apologizes, I'm leaving." I said with finality.
"I can talk to Figgins get them suspended," Mr. Schue began trying to make me stop.
"Besides the fact that when they are back in school they will be even angrier than ever I don't have a choice in this I'm leaving. I don't have a single friend, why should I stay in this god forsaken school anyway?" I turned around and began making my way towards the door, but stopped when Finn began to speak.
I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
"Where are you going? You can't just leave Burt in the hospital!" Finn screamed, anger pulsating through his voice, "What kind of son would leave his father?" He finished tears of anger slowly trickling down his face.
"S-s-screw you Finn." I managed to choke out. 'I am not leaving him he left me!' I thought sadly.
"You're just a fucking faggot who doesn't deserve a father as great as Burt." I looked up in shock, he... I looked around the room trying to find some kind of help, some kind of back up, someone to fucking defend me. Nobody would meet my eyes, I looked towards my friends, my almost-but-never-will-be step brother, and then to my teacher.
I slowly began to back up towards the door, I forced Finn to make eye contact with me, "I can't leave someone who is already gone Finn." I said softly my voice coming out raspy.
"Just because he's unconscious doesn't mean he won't ever wake up." Finn growled angrily.
I backed up until I collided with the door, I didn't even wince when it hit some of my bruises, "You can't wake the dead Finn, nobody can." I watched as the light bulb seemed to go off in everyone's head and I slipped out of the room. That was a clean break...but why did I feel as if it were just a big mess?
...Glee...
The funeral took place the following day, not many people were in attendance but that did not matter to me. I just wanted it to be over with. It was held in a church much to my dismay, but as the priest spoke I couldn't help but think, that as my Father was lowered into the ground next to my Mother, that a little bit of me had died with him.
In the pain
There is healing
In your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on
Barely holding on to you
Authors Note; Welcome Back! Hope you enjoyed this chapter! The five people who reviewed this you are amazing and this is dedicated to you!
Next time; Kurt settles into Dalton but is still feeling alone and sad. Through chance encounter and luck, he meets Blaine and the Warblers what does his future hold now?
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