Final chapter – (fluff warning) Sorry again that it took so long, college is nuts, but I thoroughly enjoyed writing this one. Don't you reckon it's time Sam and Jack sorted this whole mess out? Me too, so here it is :
Chapter 27 – Same as Always.
Jack fish-mouthed at Daniel.
'Dead? Again!?' He dropped his head back against the infirmary pillows. Some things were just too much to deal with and his body and mind were refusing to cooperate any longer. Daniel was saying something.
'...I think Roan chose to die so that you could live.'
'Why did my living depend on his dying!?' Jack demanded, aggravated by his mixed feelings about the alien: guilt, gratitude, trepidation.
'Balance. That's what he said.' Jack sighed, rubbing his sore head.
'Sounds like ...' he struggled to remember the name, 'Oma?' Daniel just nodded.
Jack yelped, jerking away from Janet as she continued her examination. 'Jeez Doc, your hands are freezing.' Janet looked up and smiled at him.
'Sorry Colonel, it's not everyday I examine somebody who's come back from the dead.' He pulled a face as if to say How do you think I feel?
'It is good to have you back O'Neill.' Teal'c dipped his head in respect his lips twitching slightly with amusement.
'It's good to be back T. And to have woken up on the right side of the gate again. And,he nodded to the top of Janet's head as she tested the reflexes in his knees. ' ...to get all this female attention. Ow!'
'I'm sorry Colonel did that hurt?' Janet asked, smiling mildly.
'It's fine.' He mumbled, rubbing his knee. He was distracted from the pain, however, by a realisation his tired brain had suddenly presented to him. He craned his neck to see past where Daniel and Teal'c stood in the doorway. 'Where's Carter?'
SG1SG1SG1SG1SG1SG1SG1SG1SG1SG1SG1SG1SG1SG1SG1SG1SG1SG1
As soon as Sam had shut her front door she had fallen against it, sinking to the floor and crying silently against her knees for several minutes until she was able to get up, brush herself off and make her way to the kitchen to rinse her face. She filled a glass of water and drank it slowly, staring out of the dark window into her back garden, looking, but not really seeing. The events of the last couple of days flashed through her mind and she saw, as brightly as if he were in the room, the white flame erupt from nothing and swallow Roan whole. She shook her head, focusing her eyes and her own reflection stared back at her from the window. She looked pale and incredibly thin. She hadn't actually looked in a mirror the whole time she'd been back on Earth and now the bones of her shoulders sticking out sharply under her jacket were very obvious.
She looked so weak that somehow she felt that she could not trust what her senses told her had happened. Surely it was a result of her emotional exhaustion and her all encompassing desire to have him back, configured by her mind to show her what she hoped to see, but even this logic failed to hold sway. She knew what she had seen, didn't she?
What if she went back to the SGC tomorrow and he wasn't there? What if Roan had returned his body and it was lying in the morgue and nobody else had any recollection of miraculous resurrections or people bursting into flame? Would she be able to deal with the despair that that would cause her? No.
She walked around the breakfast bar to the couch and slumped against the cushions, her head back, considering the morbid possibility that she was going well and truly mad. It wasn't until the second ring that she heard the doorbell.
SG1SG1SG1SG1SG1SG1SG1SG1SG1SG1SG1SG1SG1SG1SG1SG1SG1SG1
Jack held his breath as the door opened. Carter didn't say anything, staring at him while looking as though she might be sick at any moment.
In the infirmary, when he had realised that she wasn't there, he'd been worried. It was not like the major to bail, in any situation, but this mission and the subsequent fallout had taken a greater toll on her than usual. Doc Fraiser had half heartedly tried to persuade him to stay in bed but it was clearly a lost cause. While a shy young airman had driven him silently to Carter's place Jack had had fiddled with his keys, growing more and more agitated.
Looking at her now, framed in the light from her hallway he was amazed that a) she looked a hell of a lot worse than he thought she would and b) she was still holding herself together. It seemed like years since he had seen her properly and watching her, holding the door open for him and clearly fighting for every moment of control, made all his feelings for her hit him at once. It was difficult not to simply step over the threshold and hug her so tightly that she would dissolve into his skin. It might be exactly what she needed but it could also be the last thing she wanted and he wasn't going to take the risk.
'Sam.'
'Sir.' He closed his eyes at that, but let it pass.
'How are you?' Sam was startled by this. But of course it was typical that having just come back from the dead, he would be worried about how she was doing.
'I—' She wanted to say "I'm fine." but she was pretty sure he would see right through that. 'I don't know.' Her voice broke and tears that she had been holding at bay spilled over.
Without asking, Jack stepped into the house and closed the door behind him. He turned back to her, letting his hands rest on her shoulders.
'Carter, I know this is nuts.' He smiled gently. 'I don't even know what happened between ...' he paused as images rushed back to him like remembering a dream you'd forgotten you even had; like deja vu: Sam was crying, but she wasn't stood in her hallway, she was kneeling over him, she was touching his face with blood soaked fingers and pressing her lips against his. 'I remember dying.' He closed his eyes, still holding her arms and tried to reconstruct what happened. But apart from those few moments he couldn't remember anything until he woke up on the ramp with his chest burning like he'd run a marathon.
He felt Carter shaking and looked up. She was biting her lip and tears still coursed silently down her cheeks. 'Hey, c'mon Carter. Everything worked out ok.' he said gently, hoping to reassure her. She shook her head violently, refusing to meet his eyes.
'No Jack everything is not ok!' She pushed him in the chest and spun away, heading down the passage. Jack's reflexes surprised them both: he caught her elbow before she had gone two steps and pulled her back to him as gently as he could without giving her chance to escape.
'No Sam, you are not doing this again! We have had more stupid arguments over the last two weeks than in the whole of the time I've known you. Now for god's sake, tell me what's wrong!' Sam couldn't tell him what was wrong. She didn't want to voice it. Her fury at the whole situation momentarily drove her wits out of the window so she hooked a hand around his neck and pulled him down to her in a kiss that bruised his lips and for several seconds made him completely unable to remember what his question had been.
As his brain began to re-engage, Sam loosened her hold on his neck and her kisses gentled, became less insistent. Jack cupped her face in both hands and returned the soft touches of her mouth on his, his thumbs stroking her neck but stopped when he felt hot tears fall against his skin.
Pulling back, he searched her face for answers but her eyes were closed.
'Carter?' she opened her eyes. It took a few moments for her to look at him.
'I didn't think you were coming back this time.' She whispered. Jack reeled, his hands fell from her face.
Something inside him shouted that it would never happen – he would always come back, but their latest mission had proved that no matter how many lucky escapes SG1 had managed, they were all still human. They answered to the same laws and any of them could fall at any time. Jack had always done his best to play down this reality for the sake of morale but Sam, she had had it dropped on her with his death and there was no way she could ignore it any longer. She stepped out of his grip, her jaw set. 'I can't do it any more Jack.'
He couldn't help noticing her complete abandonment of his rank. 'Do what? SG1?' Was she resigning? She shook her head.
'No, I can do that, the war, the danger, the whole thing. Let's be honest, I don't really have a choice, things are as bad as ever with the goa'uld, but I can't do this.' She waved between them.
Jack said nothing, even if he knew what to say he wouldn't have been able to speak past his heart in his throat. 'Ignoring it is not going to work any longer. I can deal with being bashed around; shot at; facing all the shit that we deal with everyday, but I can't do all that and still have to act like I don't feel anything for you. It's too much.'
He looked back into her determined face.
'Okay, what do you wanna do about that?' He asked. She glanced away, apparently steeling herself.
'Well...that depends on you. On how you feel...about us.' she clarified, her eyes never leaving his. Having decided that enough was enough, she now felt strangely calm about the revelation that it was all or nothing for her.
'You didn't want us.' he reminded her.
'Dammit Jack, please don't keep using that that to hide behind--'
'Hide behind!?'
'Look, I'm not talking about then. I'm talking about now. And I'm asking what you want.' This time it was she that made contact, resting her palm against his cheek. He found himself unable to prevent his eyes from closing at her touch and when he opened them again, she was looking at him with an apprehension he had rarely seen.
'I want you Sam. Same as always.' And like a switch had been flicked, she smiled and looked like her old self again. Swooping down, he kissed her and she responded, wrapping her arms around him. Relinquishing her lips he tucked his face against her neck.
'I'm sorry I scared you.' He felt her tighten her hold.
'It's ok. Just don't make a habit of it.' she murmured, grazing her lips along the skin below his ear. 'I love you.' She pulled back to kiss him again, her fingers thoroughly messing up his hair.
'I love you too.' he whispered against her lips and felt her smile mischievously. Going up on her toes, the better to reach, she nipped his lower lip gently.
'Prove it.' she grinned and turning, she flicked off the light and lead him down the passageway by the hand.
AN There you go folks. That's the lot. Happily ever after. I've not gone into detail about how they figure out being together/working together – we all know they'd find a way around the rules, Sam's a genius remember. Hope you enjoyed it. Let me know. Thanks again for reading and leaving all your awesome reviews: you guys rock!
prometheus246
