So many thoughts I'm trying to put together :) But it's all coming together... I thank you all for your reviews, please keep them coming and enjoy.

Happy reading :)

Chapter 5

Buffy was looking through Giles' books on anything for The Beast. She'd wondered why she was looking for information if he could be using this topic to distract her from what IS important or The First. She tossed a book aside and ran her fingers through her hair, she noticed someone standing by the door…

"What do you want Spike…?"

"Nothing, just watching you get all flustered over god knows what…?"

"And…" she got up crossing her arms.

"Well, I just wanted to say that I got quite the show last night when you got home…"

Buffy's eyes widen in shock, had he seen them?

"… you and a certain sire of mine being all loving and all…"

Buffy closed her eyes, swallowing hard, "Your point…?"

He suddenly rushed her against the wall, "Why… do you keep on messing with my mind…?"

She gasped… she knew she could have taken him, but she'd let him push her.

"Don't you think I know that I'm never going to be good enough for you…? That I don't deserve you…?" He got close to her face hovering over her mouth.

"Spike…" she breathed, "Don't…"

"Don't what…" he breathed back, then proceeded to try and kiss her; she didn't respond.

She pushed him off, "Spike… you have been there for me and I thank you for that." She paused, "And it's because of that… that I'm going to overlook this. I know I am guilty of using your affection for me to keep it together but…"

"It's because he's here, isn't it…" he looked down.

She faked laughed shaking her head, "Why can't I ever lie to you…"

"Because we're a lot more alike than you think…"

She looked away. Spike noticed the sound of her heart pulse through her strong. He stared at her studying her and noticed her pulse seemed to travel through her to a certain point in her body. He followed it slowly and it was leading to the scar on her neck. It seemed to rise with every thump of her heart. A questioning looked passed through his face, when it became clear… Angelus.

Buffy looked up to find some kind of a knowing look on his face. She looked to him trying to figure out what was going through his mind. When he noticed her staring, he just walked away.

She looked after him confused but decided to ignore it for the moment. She bent down to pick up some books and began to head to the mansion. Where she knew he would be…

/

She was walking to the mansion during the day… It'd be safer that way. Her mind swirled with thoughts, unanswered questions, the current problems at hand… and she was driving herself insane.

/

Angelus paced back and forth in the mansion, last night had been… not what he'd expected. He punched the wall with a snarl… How does she do that…?

Angel laughed, *How does she do what…?* he questioned to taunt him.

He punched the wall once more…

"Make you care…" he yelled, "how can we feel… how can I feel, isn't your stupid soul gone…?"

*Isn't it obvious… in your own twisted psychotic way, I was right… you lov…*

"Shut up! Shut up!" he snarled.

Then Angel displayed the happenings of last night, they'd left Buffy at home. They headed for the mansion when a woman passed them by running. He'd pin her to the wall ready to drain her dry when Angel displayed the look of disapproval of Buffy's face in his mind… he tossed the woman aside and headed to the hospital to steal blood. He was really losing his edge and he didn't like it…

I'm becoming more of the pussy you are with each passing day, it's ridiculous…

*Meow…?* Angel laughed.

Angelus growled, Ass…

/

Buffy neared the mansion and heard a lot of commotion…

Angelus snarled as the scent of a certain childe of his came up his nostrils. He stealthily hid…

Buffy walked in to find kind of a mess in the mansion, she was carrying the books, and was about to set them down on the table when someone attacked her from behind…

Angelus pinned Buffy down to the floor before it suddenly registered it was her, and of course stupidly also realizing that there was no way Spike would be walking out in the light…

Buffy looked up at him stunned, maybe his façade was finally over…

Spike… *Spike…* they both growled.

He let her go, walking off upset…

"Angel…" she got up pulling him by the arm, "what's going on…?"

A snarl escaped him and he said in between clenched teeth, not looking at her, "You've got Spike's scent all over you…" he pulled his arm away from her.

*Why isn't she denying it…* Angel thought hurt and somewhat disappointed.

You're not helping righteous one…

She didn't contradict it… she couldn't… "Look… since you've been gone, he's been helping me, he has changed... And he has soul now… He and I don't have anything though, we're not involved… He doesn't mean what you do to me…"

"I'm going to fucken kill him…" he said to more to himself.

*A soul… how did he get a fucken soul…* Angel thought in anger.

"No… you're not… I'm not gonna let you…" she said quietly.

He turn around to face her, betrayal completely shown on his face, but didn't say a word.

She picked up the books from the floor, and set them on the table, "Fine… you can be mad if that's what you want" she said as she did…

"This is all I could find… just take them and leave…" and before she stepped out of the mansion she said the one thing that she would've never told Angel… "It's what you do best…" and left.

Angelus went over to the table and kicked it… breaking it completely apart.

Angel was dumbstruck; he'd never seen this side of her. She seemed so mature and strong on the surface, but under his gaze… she acted like that sixteen year old teenager that'd been hurt too much. He knew, she would've never said that to him… but who was on the exterior right now, was Angelus… and that made sense.

/

Buffy paused for a moment outside the door to hear something from inside the mansion break… he was pissed. She could understand his hate for Spike, it was like her hate for Drusilla, he'd never mentioned anything about being with her but she was sure that they had had something. She pushed the hurtful thoughts aside and began to head home, time to come clean with the gang… but exactly how she was going to explain it she wasn't sure.

/

As soon as it was sundown, Angelus grabbed a couple of stuff and began to head out to LA, he had a plan in mind and even though he wasn't happy about what he was about to do, he'd made the decision and he was going to see it through.

He looked back at the books Buffy had brought, with a shaking head he picked them up and left. He set the stuff in his car and began to drive back… out of Sunnydale. As the sign came up stating he was leaving he thought, I'll be back for you…

/

"Well… look it here… whose finally home?" Will said with her arms crossed as Buffy walked into the kitchen.

"Hey…?" she smiled innocently.

"Hey where were you…?"

"Out… you know…" Will pointed her look at her, "Okay okay, where's Xander."

"Outside with the potentials…" Will answered, "Why?"

Buffy let out a breath, "I need to tell you guys something and I'd rather say it once…"

"O-kay? I'll go get him…"

"Meet in my room…"

Will nodded and headed outside to look for Xander. Minutes later they were in her room looking at her with expecting eyes.

"Before you say anything… why Spike here?" Xand asked.

"What's it matter to you…" Spike retorted.

"Guys… stop. Leave it he already knows anyway…" two pairs of confused eyes looked at her. Then Giles walked in, "Buffy I…" he looked around, "What's going on…?"

"Just in time" she said with a weak smile, "Giles have a seat." He did so confused and waited.

"The reason I've been acting a little more off than usual is because Angelu… Angel is in town…"

"What? Why didn't you just tell us…" Will accused hurt at the fact the Spike knew. She threw a glance his way.

"Yeah I mean, dead boy and I it's not like we go back and all, but we can be civil…"

Spike scoffed and Buffy gave him a dirty look.

"Will… Spike saw him that's why he knows, I didn't tell him, and the reason I hid the fact was because he wasn't… he was… well he wasn't him…self…" she waited for the thought to sink in.

A disappointed look crossed Giles' face; he just stared at her and said nothing. He knew her so well that this made a lot of sense to him, he just shook his head.

Will gasped, it made sense now, "the protection spell, Angelus is back?"

"What the hell Buffy, are you okay, is he still here, do we need…?"

"Guys… guys, guys!" she cleared her throat, "I'm fine, really…"

"Huh! More than fine I should say…" Spike added with a scoff.

"Shut up Spike…"

Xander and Will looked at him then back at Buffy, she couldn't help the blush that overcame her cheeks, and that was all the confirmation Giles needed of his first thought, he'd been right.

"I went patrolling and I think he's pretending to be Angel, I'm not sure why and he… he just…"

"Please tell me that you didn't play his game and, and…" Willow didn't even want to continue the thought.

"Buffy did you and him…?" Xand began with shocked face.

One look into Buffy's face and they knew their answer, something had happened, "It was just a kiss… or two…" she said nervously, "but it's fine… I'm handling it."

They shook their head in disapproval, and Spike slipped out the door. He didn't need to recall that night's scene.

"Buffy… what are you thinking, do you not recall what he did… to all of us…"

"This isn't you, Buff, and we can't deal with you and him right now. Life's are at stake here, we need to focus on The First and there you are running around with a murderous killer…"

Anger and hurt filled her tone, "don't you think I know this… It is all my life has been… this! But like I said I'm handling it as I will handle The First. It is who I am and you guys have to trust me…"

"Not when it comes to him…" Xand spat.

"You're not you when it comes to him Buffy…" Will added.

Xander hung his head for a bit then looked back up at her, "It's obvious you don't have all of our best interests in mind Buff, the last time he was here we lost one of ours…" a glance at a quiet Giles was sent, "and it hurts me to say this but I think you need to leave… get your head straight."

Buffy stared at him in awe, "Are you kidding me, how do you expect to fight this without me…"

"We'll find a way if we have to…" Will added avoiding her eyes, "we always do…"

"Giles…" Buffy whispered as if to ask for help.

"They're right Buffy," he stood, "You are an adult now and you need to know how act like a leader… not just to us for the girls downstairs. If anything, this attitude says the complete opposite... and that you're not ready."

"I can't believe this…" Buffy whispered under her breath, "Fine…" was all she could get out without letting her emotions take over and burst into tears. She just walked out the door.