Author's notes: Omigosh. I just realized that I made the stupidiest mistake ever!! I labled this as 'parody', only I just found out what a parody really is - and this isn't one. So I changed it...But I feel like in idiot anyway...I'm REALLY sorry for misleading you guys, and I hope you aren't to disapointed...But hoefuly you've all realized by now that this isn't a parody...Again - I am soooooooooooooo sorry! Anywho - moving on - Thanks a ton for all your reviews! They really mean a lot and I love reading them all!
Armstrong was striding down the hall, humming carols to himself.
"Major - Thank god!" Mustang ran out to intercept the man in his path for the door.
"Who are you?" Armstrong asked suspiciously, towering over the colonel.
"I appreciate the gesture Armstrong – but you can stop kidding around now. I need my desk back, all my paper work was –"
"How do you know my ancient and noble family name?!" Armstrong ripped off his coat and uniform top to revile his bulging muscles. "I warn you to be very careful. One false move and I shall be forced to defend myself using the secret techniques passed down – "
"-Through generations of the Armstrong line." Mustang finished for him. "I know major – you've told me before."
The giant man slumped slightly. "How did you know?"
"I've heard you say that a hundred times. We're friends, we work together. I see you everyday." Mustang groaned. This joke was beginning to get out of hand.
"Are you insulting the Armstrong memory?! I have never seen you before in my life – and certainly not every day!"
Something was wrong. Mustang could feel it. Armstrong wouldn't carry a joke this far. Roy looked up into the man's face. "You're positive. You don't know me? Are you sure?" He asked seriously.
The man bent down and looked him in the eye.
"Yes. I'm sure." He said finally. "Is something wrong? You're dressed in the state's uniform – do you work here?"
"Of course. I'm a –"Mustang stopped. What was the good of explaining? As crazy as it seemed - The major obviously didn't know him. "I…uh...I'm on transfer here from…the west." Roy invented wildly. He had to find some cover up story until he could figure out what was going on.
Armstrong stood and put his coat back on. "Welcome to central then…?"
"Mustang. Colo- I mean Roy. Just Roy Mustang." He offered his hand.
Armstrong took it." You still haven't explained how you know my name."
"Oh…It was in my official orders. They said to report to a tall blond man…with muscles." Mustang explained, hoping that what he was saying sounded believable.
"Well – nobody told me you'd be coming, but I expect that was just a gap in communications." Armstrong laughed good-naturedly. "We'll get you settled in after Christmas break."
Mustang's head was spinning. Armstrong didn't know him. His office was a mess. What was going on!? He closed his eye and suddenly he could see himself laying in the show by Hughes's grave. 'I wish I'd never been born' But it couldn't be. It went against the laws of science. He had to check though… "I'd like to start my work now if it'd be okay with you major. I've got a lot to do..."
Armstrong looked puzzled. "What did you say your work was?"
"Oh…I'm here to…Check records. There was a mix up back West - and my job is to make sure everything gets straightened out again." Mustang explained. If Armstrong bought it then it'd be easy to check the enlistment records – if his name wasn't there, then…
"Sure. But it's Christmas…" Armstrong walked slowly to the door. "I need to get home, my family is expecting me. For generations and, and generations the Armstrongs have gathered around a large fur tree on Christmas Eve to sing and open presents!" He looked down at Roy, who must have appeared quite lonely. "You're welcome to come – The Armstorngs have always been known for their hospitality!"
"No…I'll stay. I've got my work." Mustang muttered. He turned to for the records department. "I'll see you later, major…"
Armstrong shrugged. "Merry Christmas anyway." He turned out the door and Mustang set off for the for the records department.
"It's crazy." He mumbled to himself. "I must be crazy."
Fifteen minutes later he sat in a hard backed chair in the empty record hall, a heavy book propped open on a desk before him. He ran his finger down the list of names, reading them softly to himself.
"- Munsun, Mustered, Nallis…" He stopped. That was it - No Mustang. "Damn!" He bent over to read the names again, something was wrong. How could his name not be there? He closed his eyes and leaned back to think it over.
"I'm dreaming." He said at last. "I fell asleep in the grave yard and this is the result of laying in a snow bank in sub-zero weather." Mustang laughed, now that he had it figured out he could sit back and enjoy the ride – this sounded like it could get interesting…
"Hey! Is anybody in here?!" A voice called out. Havoc entered through the double doors and flicked a light switch Mustang had neglected to turn on.
"What are you doing here?" He asked when he saw Roy sitting at a small desk.
"Havoc!?" Mustang looked up to see the blond haired man come rushing over.
"Hey! How do you-" He frowned, then drew a gun from the holster on his hip. "Stand back!" He said shakily, aiming the weapon at Mustang. "You are obviously an imposter of some sorts - and I am ordered to shot first and ask questions - "
Roy rolled his eyes. At least somebody hadn't changed. "Havoc - put that gun down and stop goofing off - or it'll be three weeks K.P. duty for you - and don't think I'll forget about it later just because it's the holidays." He said, trying to sound normal.
Havoc snorted. "You don't have the authority to - "
"Yes I do." Mustang stood and snapped the book shut with a flourish. "I'm your soupier officer - now stop fooling around like a five year-old."
Havoc dropped the cigarette from his mouth. "You know the major too!? You've infiltrated our ranks - memorized the names of our officers - lord only knows what wicked deeds you have planned for us!"
"Calm down soldier." Mustang took the gun from the man's hand and checked it. Not even loaded - leave it to Havoc to bluff his way into a possible fight.
"What are you? Foreign inelegance? Private investigator? Extraterrestrial?!" Havoc asked franticly. "Look - I'll give you anything you want - just don't take my Grace! She's all I've got - and I don't even know how much longer our relationship can last!"
Roy frowned. "Grace? The girl who runs the flower stand?"
Havoc nodded. "I really think this is love! She's so pretty!" His eyes glazed over for a second and he seemed to forget what was going on around him. "I asked her out to dinner to night - but she said she had to stay home with her widowed mother - She's so devoted to that woman - she spends almost every week-end with her..."
"Look - Havoc..." Roy began. "I don't think she's been completely honest with you..."
"What?!" Havoc's eye's bulged and his jaw dropped. "But that can't be! Nobody could be more sweet and honest then my Grace!"
Mustang sighed and patted the young man on the back. "I think she's been seeing another man..."
"But how can you be sure?" Havoc looked like a kid who'd been told that Christmas had been canceled.
"It - uh" Roy knew for a fact that Grace had been cheating - as they'd spent the last three weekends together. "It all begins to add up..." He said at last. "Have you ever met her mother?"
"No...She's always been too frail to get out - and I've never been to Grace's house." Havoc was beginning to look suspicious. "Come to think of it - She was talking to a tall man one time when I came to pick her up - and she told me he was just a costumer! Ha!" He smacked himself on the head. "I've been a fool! All this time - " And then the full effect sunk in, Havoc froze.
Mustang was almost sure he could hear the wheels turning in the man's head. "She doesn't love me." He said softly after a second. "All this time - " He sniffled pathetically. "I already wrote mother telling her all about Grace too..."
"The truth hurts Lieutenant." Mustang said awkwardly, trying to sound comforting, but too impatient to fully pull the effect off. "I'm sure there's a girl out there some where that's dispirit enough to date you."
Havoc looked up, not realizing that he'd just been insulted. "You - you think so?"
"Sure – In fact - I'll even teach you how to pick up women - with tips from an expert like me you can't lose." Mustang pulled him up and dragged him to the library's doors.
"Where are we going?" Havoc asked. "What if I don't want another girl - I still love Grace you know!"
"Shut up." Mustang ordered. "We're going to a bar - the waitresses there usually friendly if you have enough money."