What You See is What You Get
Kurt sat with his head tucked between his knees, trying to breathe in through his nose and out through his mouth but it wasn't working. It wasn't working because he felt as if his world was crashing in around him. He couldn't breathe and his hands were shaking and his heart was now residing somewhere around his toes and he had nothing he could do about it.
The first time Santana had called him and told him that she had seen Blaine out with another guy, he brushed it off. Blaine often wined and dined with his co-workers or clients, that was normal. The second time she called, she said it was the same guy from before and they were sitting close, talking low. Kurt had brushed that off too, although he kept it filed away in the back of his mind. The third time though, his head had started to swim.
"Are you sure it's the same guy Santana?" She sighed, one that clearly said she was tired of repeating herself.
"Yes Hummel. I'd recognize him from anywhere because dayum you gays get all the looks. They are sitting on the same side of the booth and he keeps grabbing Blaine's arm. I've passed by multiple times to hear what they are saying, but I'm also trying to stay hidden because what kind of spy would I be if I let them see me?" Kurt shook his head, it couldn't be true.
"He wouldn't... he wouldn't cheat on me Santana. He wouldn't." He refused to listen to the voice in the back of his head that was chanting that well, he hadn't been home a lot lately and honestly, when was the last time they had sex?
"Of course not. But Kurt, just ask him about it. What harm could it do?" Despite the fact that she was basically a heartless bitch, Santana actually sounded sympathetic and damn if that didn't hurt more than the thought that Blaine might possibly be cheating on him.
So there sat Kurt, with his head between his knees perched on the corner of their bed and forcing himself to breathe because he was definitely about to throw up. It only increased when the door opened and Blaine came through, dropping his keys and wallet on the table by the door and hanging his coat up. Kurt could hear him clearly even though he was in the bedroom, listening to his every step until he came through the bedroom door.
"Hey Kurt... you okay?" Blaine moved into the room, stopping a few feet away from him. Kurt could remember months ago that Blaine would have either knelt infront of him or sat beside him, tried to make him feel better any way he could even before he knew what was going on.
"Blaine are you... are you seeing someone else?" He kept his head between his knees when he asked because fuck if he could face Blaine, could take seeing whatever look came over his face right now.
"What? Kurt, what are you-" Kurt shot up, moving into the bathroom and kneeling over the toilet, heaving as he did so. His nerves had gotten the best of him.
After he threw up, noticing the lack of Blaine in the bathroom to rub his back or offer to get him some water or ginger ale or even a wet wash cloth as he would have months ago, he washed out his mouth and stepped back into the bedroom.
"Someome told me they've seen you with another guy. At Breadstix. Often. The same guy. Sitting closely." He couldn't look Blaine in the eye because wow this was starting to feel real and it had been a few minutes and Blaine hadn't said anything, hadn't denied or confirmed or more importantly denied the accusation.
"Can you just... can you just say something? Yes or no or whatever, I just really need you to tell me right now. Are you cheating on me?"
Another bout of silence and Kurt had to look up, had to look at Blaine because it was getting to be too much. However Blaine's face was unreadable, completely closed off, and he was looking down at his feet.
"Is that your answer?" Blaine looked up, shaking his head a little before laughing, completely humorous.
Instead of replying to that, Blaine shook his head harshly and spun on his heel, leaving the room. Kurt listened to his footsteps and heard as he pulled his jacket off the rack, grabbing his keys and opening the door, pausing just a moment before slamming it.
And that was that. Blaine was cheating on him and now he was gone. Kurt should feel a weight lift off of his shoulders because after all the drama the Glee club went through in high school, he always promised himself he'd never stay with a cheater. So why did his heart feel like it had been ripped out of his chest and crushed under Blaine's heel?
Except that that was exactly what had happened.
Kurt had wanted someone to talk to, someone that wouldn't tell him it would be okay if it wouldn't be and someone that wouldn't tell him that he was better off without Blaine because he wasn't. He wanted someone he could explain his feelings to that would simply put their hand on his shoulder, maybe pull him into a hug, and just calm him down that way. It should come to no surprise that he decided to go to Carole with his problems.
His step-mom had become an actual mom to him, holding him up the same way that his dad did every day of his life. She was softer though, more understanding in the ways of the heart, so when she had seen the look in his eye when he had knocked on the door, she let him right in.
It had taken him one cup of coffee and half of a muffin to explain what was going on, his fingers flexing on his leg as if they were reaching for something that wasn't there. Carole had stayed quiet for the conversation, offering a hmm or an ooh in just the right places. And when he had finished spilling his tale, he waited. Waited to see what advice she would (or could) give him on this.
"Kurt honey, are you sure you read the signals right?" Kurt sighed, not wanting to doubt himself right now because it was a lot harder to get over someone if he thought there was still a chance for them.
"He just left mom! He didn't even say anything, not goodbye or anything, just left." Carole sighed and pressed her hand to his shoulder, squeezing it lightly.
"Give him a chance to at least explain. If you're wrong, it can be fixed. If you're right, well that can be fixed as well honey. Just be an adult and, you know, use your words." Kurt laughed, because she'd always been able to say the right things, and gave her a way too tight hug.
"I'll definitely try." It was all he could do, just try.
The Lima Bean was definitely the last place Kurt expected to find himself. He hadn't really been here since high school. Him and Blaine still frequented the shop even after both had transfered to McKinley, but once they were out of highschool, it had become a place they went every now and then. He had forgotten how it calmed him.
The only problem was that it was also the last place that Kurt expected to find Blaine, pressed in a corner table with another guy, their heads bent together. They were sitting way too close to just be friends, but maybe not close enough to be involved, but it doesn't matter. That Blaine would do this, only a day after storming out of the apartment, was like pushing the knife just that much further into his back.
"Glad to see that you're doing so well Blaine. You two look awfully cozy. Couldn't even wait to get your stuff out of the apartment, could you?" Blaine's head shot up and Kurt could see the blush spread, embarrassed. However before he could speak, the dark haired guy next to him did.
"Well that was rude." Kurt opened his mouth, about to let lose the temper that he had reigned in so long ago, but Blaine shot out of his seat.
"Oh no, not doing this in public. Brett, I'm so sorry about this. I'll be right back. Kurt, can I speak to you... outside please?"
Kurt wanted to say no, wanted to cause a scene and pitch a fit and potentially break something (that Brett guy's nose looked like a good first choice) but he went along, snatching his arm out of Blaine's grasp and hissing out that "you don't get to touch me!" as they made their way into the parking lot.
"I know what this is about, but you seriously just made yourself look like a fool in there Kurt. Now, we can talk this through like adults or you can keep acting like a child, your pick." Kurt pressed his lips together in a tight line, crossing his arms over his chest as he did so, and glared.
"When I wanted to talk, you stormed out of the apartment. So which of us is the child?" Blaine shook his head, the tension leaving his shoulders.
"Listen, I'll come to the apartment and we can talk this through. I just... I've got to take Brett home and-" Kurt scoffed and started to back up.
"You can go to the apartment but I can promise you, I won't be there. So don't rush your goodbye with your darling Brett." With that, Kurt turned and hurried over to his car, slamming his door before Blaine could even get halfway there and speeding off.
Kurt didn't want to think about the look in Blaine's eyes, the bags under his eyes. So what. It didn't matter. Not anymore.
Carole ran her hand over Kurt's back, soothing him while he threw up into the toilet again. It was the second time since he had pulled into the driveway, although the first time had been in the grass. He'd apologized and then ran straight for the downstairs bathroom because it was closest and he was about to get sick again.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Kurt shook his head and then nodded, waiting to see if he was about to get sick again.
"I just don't get it. He storms out and then he decides he wants to talk? I just... it doesn't make sense."
Carole handed him a small glass with water so that he could rinse his mouth out but he pushed it back, going over the the sink and grabbing a new toothbrush from its container, popping it out of the cardboard and using it to brush his teeth.
"You saw them together Kurt, did they look like they were seeing one another?" Kurt spit out the toothpaste, shrugging as he did so.
"I don't know. I just don't know. Why wouldn't he just deny it or confirm it? Why did he want to play mind games?"
He moved from the bathroom into the living room, flopping onto the couch. A moment later, Carole was next to him.
"Honey, you should still talk to him. You've been together for so long, it's the least you can do." Kurt shook his head, trying to hold back the tears that were so, so, so damn close to falling.
"It's because we were together so long that I can't talk to him! He broke my heart because I loved him, I love him! I love him and I'd forgive him if he asked me to."
His voice had gone soft, his hands shaking as Carole covered them, looking almost afraid for the man next to her. Kurt hadn't felt so lost in a long time (since he found Blaine).
"If you love me, let me explain." Kurt and Carole both whipped around to see Blaine and Burt in the doorway from the foyer. Burt didn't look particularly too happy to see Blaine, but at the same time, he wanted what was best for his son. And right now, that was closure.
Kurt had reached out, almost begging Carole to stay, but she moved over to her husband's side. He didn't miss the very stern look she shot Blaine though. He nodded to them, his eyes only leaving Kurt for a second to do so, before advancing into the room.
"I don't want to talk about this." He stood up, moving towards the stairs because even though he hadn't lived here in a while, they had kept his room the way he had left it. Before he even got to the stairs though, Blaine was next to him with his hand wrapped around Kurt's wrist, lightly and rubbing his thumb over the inside of his wrist.
"Please Kurt, dont... don't walk away from me like this. I'll stay on the other side of the room and say my piece and then I'll leave, I promise. I just want to say this." Kurt pulled his hand out of Blaine's grasp, gathering all the strength he had for it because he had missed Blaine touching him.
He moved to the couch and sat down, motioning for Blaine to take the loveseat opposite of him. Blaine sat down, leaning as far forward as he could without toppling over completely.
"Brett... he's not... I'm not seeing him. He's gay and sure, maybe the first time we met he hit on me, but I told him that I was involved and in love and it never went past that. He's my boss, my new boss, the secondary manager that I told you was coming in? He's only been here for two weeks and since I'm the highest up, they've set me to do the transition for him."
Kurt tried to remember Blaine telling him that there was going to be a new manager at the firm and at first he didn't but then he remembered because of the conversation they had had about him.
"He's the... the ad exec that's blind." Blaine nodded, shifting a bit as if to get closer to Kurt.
"That's why we were always sitting so close. He's not completely blind and he really hates people commenting or anything like that, so he asked me to stay close and tell him what was going on and be able to talk to him about the transitions so that he'd be able to work. He's self conscious about it."
Kurt let his shoulders sink because oh god that made perfect sense. It also kind of explained why he wasn't at home often because Blaine would be working extra hard to help the guy settle in... but what about...
"So why haven't you even touched me recently? You distanced yourself from me." Blaine shook his head but then sighed, nodding.
"Am I allowed to say that it's not you, it's me? Is that too cliched? Because it was me, it had nothing to do with you. With all the stress at work and then, you remember my mom's health thing right? Well all of that and I just... I wasn't fit to perform. And that's not... that's just not something I knew how to tell you about because it embarrassed me and I didn't want you to think that I don't find you attractive anymore because honestly Kurt, everytime I look at you, I find something new to fall in love with."
Kurt's heart gave a sudden leap, one it hadn't in a while, and he waited. He waited for it to fall again but it didn't feel like it would. Blaine wasn't one to make excuses, he wasn't one to lie outright, and Kurt could see the honesty shining from his eyes. But he still didn't say anything, didn't move, barely breathed. There was still the weight of the fight on his chest and he wasn't sure how to move past that.
Blaine, on the other hand, seemed to stick to his words. He stood up, looking like he wanted nothing more than to lean forward and grab Kurt's arms, to hoist him into a kiss, but he didn't. He turned to the door and breathed deeply, heavily.
"I said I'd leave after I said my piece, so I am. Just know that... I'm still so deeply in love with you Kurt and nothing is going to change that. Ever and never and I'll always be your's and your's only. I can promise you that. But uh... I'll be at the apartment if you want to talk."
Kurt watched his back as he walked out, that weight on his chest lifting just the slightest. It was just like Blaine, to give him a declaration of love fit for the movies and leave. But not this time. Not when Kurt had one last question to ask. He stood up and made his way quickly to the front door, trying to send a smile to his dad and Carole when they asked if he was okay, and grabbed his keys as he stepped outside. Blaine's car was gone so Kurt hopped into his, starting the engine and trying desperately not to peel out of the driveway.
He pulled into his usual parking place, right next to Blaine's car, and made his way to the apartment they had shared for a while. He made his way up the sidewalk, praying the door was unlocked and nearly pumping his fist in the air when it was.
He had barely made it through the door when he spotted Blaine, white faced and sitting on the floor with his back pressed to the couch. He looked up, smiling shakily at Kurt. Kurt shut the door behind himself but did not move any further into the room.
"Why did you just leave? Why didn't you talk to me?" Blaine blinked, obviously confused, and stood up.
"We talked Kurt. I told you that I'd leave after I said-" Kurt shook his head, taking one step into the room.
"No, I meant here, when I first... accused you of cheating. You just left, you didn't even try to convince me." Blaine smiled lightly, tiredly, and shook his head.
"Would you have believed me? Kurt, I know you. Anything I would have said would have been an excuse to you. I know that I shouldn't have left but... it hurt that you'd even think that about me. You're the only... the only guy I've ever been with and the only guy I ever want to be with, and you were accusing me of sleeping with someone else and it fucking hurt."
Kurt sighed, running his hand over his forehead. How much of this could have been avoided if Kurt would have just talked to Blaine instead of letting it blow up like this?
"I should have talked to you. I'm so sorry Blaine. I just... I still spend half of my time thinking that you're too good and going to disappear and I love you so much that sometimes I can't breathe and I can't think of my life without you. I don't want to think about my life without you. I love you."
Blaine let out a breath before surging across the rest of the distance between them, grabbing onto Kurt's shoulders and pulling him close, pressing their lips together. He didn't even care that it was mostly teeth and way too much tongue, because it still felt right. But before it could get too far, he pulled away. After all, he had been listening to Blaine earlier.
"What about your... performance problem?" Blaine was breathing heavily and released Kurt's shoulders, clutching onto his hips and rolled his forward, groaning deeply as their groins met. But Kurt was focusing mostly on the fact that hey, that was a hard-on.
"Kurt, I just spent most of my day thinking that we were over. My performance problem is so far gone that I'm pretty sure we'll be able to make up for lost time if we start now."
A/N: Well hello mildly angsty oneshot. I wrote this based off of a drabble prompt on tumblr from my darling Quinn. If you know me, you know that pure angst is not something I can handle. I can't even read it, much less write it. So it starts angsty and ends fluffy and all is right in the world.
This is not attached to EHo or STK in any way, this is a standalone oneshot. I hope you enjoyed it though, as I (surprisingly) enjoyed writing it.