"Tony, I thought we'd been through all this; I can ride an elevator without supervision."
"I know you can, I'm not here to supervise, I'm here to say welcome back Tim. It is welcome back, right? Director Vance said you could work?"
Tim grinned. "Yep, desk duty only, but I get to escape from my apartment."
"That's great news Tim; come on kiddo, your desk awaits."
Tony put his arm round Tim's shoulders and led him toward the elevator. He'd had been on tenterhooks all morning waiting to hear whether Vance had approved Tim's return to duty. As the elevator doors opened and Tim stepped into the squad room, Tony allowed himself a small smile of satisfaction; it had been a long, hard road, but finally Tim was back where he belonged.
"McGee, it is wonderful to see you." Ziva was smiling broadly. "Everything is as you left it."
"Thanks Ziva, it's so good to be here." Tim walked slowly over to his desk, savouring the sights and sounds of the squad room. There had been times, even during the last few weeks, when he thought this day would never come. The carefully planned schedule of physical therapy had drained him more than he would have thought possible, and since that night at Ducky's when he had remembered for the first time his struggle to survive the bone-chilling water, he had been plagued by nightmares. Not every night, but when he was least expecting it, he would wake up, fighting again for his breath, expecting any minute that the water would close over his head and this time Tony would be too late. He was learning to deal with the nightmares thanks to a wonderful therapist; Kay Willets helped him to verbalise his fears, his concerns for the future, she taught him some strategies to deal with the panic when it came. As much as his physical therapy with Greg had healed his body, Kay's understanding was healing his mind, and thanks to both of them, and to Tony, he was back at his desk, and it was still his desk.
"The TADs worked over there Tim; I didn't want a repeat of the Keating scenario, can't have people messing around with your computer goat-rope stuff…" Gibbs was smiling as he spoke, and Tim responded in kind.
"Appreciate it Boss."
Gibbs glanced at his watch. "I would guess you've got about two minutes to get down to Abby's lab before she comes charging up here and gives you her own special welcome."
"On it."
He sat down for a moment, just to convince himself he really was here; he smiled broadly as he picked up the single black rose that had been lying on his keyboard.
"Thirty seconds."
"I'm gone." Tim headed down the stairs; he was still working his way to full fitness, and Greg had warned him not to slacken up on his physical exercise simply because he was tied to a desk...four hours a day to start, working up to full days, not in the field, he wasn't ready for that, getting closer, but still too far away for Tim's liking.
As soon as he stepped into the lab Abby hit the play button on her music centre, the theme from Star Wars reverberated around the lab and Tim knew he must be grinning like an idiot at her giant WELCOME banner that seemed to have been signed by just about everyone who worked here.
She ran toward him and then hesitated, she wanted to hug him so tight; but he looked so fragile...better than he had for six weeks, but still...he noticed her hesitation and covered the few yards between them in two paces, then threw his arms around her.
"I won't break Abs; I've missed having a hug from you."
Abby didn't have to be told twice, she put her arms round his waist and held on tight.
"I missed hugging you, I missed having you around, oh Tim, it is so good to have you back."
"It's great to be back. I was going stir crazy in my apartment; never thought I'd get tired of playing computer games, but after two weeks, let's say if I never see another Orc again, it will be too soon. So Abs, what are you working on?"
She gave him the details of the current case they were working and asked him to help her with the victim's computer hard drive. It wouldn't be much of a puzzle, Seaman Driscoll was no computer whizz, but Gibbs was happy to let Tim work on it, and it gave her an excuse to have Tim spend some time in the lab.
As he settled himself at the desk in her office she took a longer look at him. Definitely better, but definitely still in need of some TLC. The shadows under his eyes were lighter than they had been when he finally got them to agree he could go home to live on his own again. Abby knew he had found it tough at first, much as he wanted to regain his independence, his body had taken a fearsome battering, and even the smallest household tasks could wear him out. More than once one of them had found him fast asleep on his bed, fully clothed, too tired even to get changed for bed, but he wouldn't let them stay and he certainly wouldn't let them do his chores.
"You've all been taking care of me for so long; high time I started cooking for myself, even if it is only heating the very tasty dishes filling my freezer."
They'd all contributed to the provisions, although Tony and Gibbs' contributions had come from their favourite take out restaurants; now that his strict post-operative diet had been relaxed they wanted Tim to have the opportunity to choose for himself what he would like to eat.
Eventually he'd even gone shopping for himself, and for those trips he was happy to accept help. Abby had been delighted just to walk up and down the aisles in the market, while Tim pushed the cart. Seeing him doing ordinary, everyday things after being so very sick had made it the happiest shopping trip she could remember. Now he was here, back at NCIS, and she could see him almost any time she wanted, yes, this was definitely much better; there was a ding from Major Mass Spec and with a satisfied smile Abby got back to work.
Tim watched Abby walk to the machine; he wondered how long she would have stood looking at him if work hadn't called her away. He guessed he'd have to get used to lots of people keeping a careful eye on him…not that he minded, there really was no place he would rather be than back here, and if being the object of curious gazes for a few days was the price he had to pay, well he was quite content to pay it; he'd had to come to terms with much worse since he was hurt.
Living solo had not been without its problems, it wasn't just the nightmares, or even the exhaustion; some days he slipped into the darkest of moods when not even Tony's patent pick-me-up smile could raise his spirits. Those were the days when he couldn't picture himself ever getting back to NCIS, the days when he'd failed to meet his target in the gym, or been unable to complete his run with Tony. The days when he felt so out on a limb that he wanted to scream his frustrations to anyone who would listen, but he didn't, none of them deserved that.
Although Tony had taken the lion's share of his care, each and every one of them had contributed to his recovery. Whether it was driving him to his appointments, taking him out to a movie, out to dinner, going for a walk with him. He couldn't bring himself to tell them how bad he felt, it was on one of those days that he took out the card that Doctor Solanki had given him the day he was released from the hospital.
"You may not think so now Tim, but there will come a day when you need someone to talk with, someone outside your circle of friends who can bring a fresh perspective. I've known Kay for years, she's a very fine therapist, call her if you need help."
Tim had taken the card, but hadn't expected to use it, until the day that the thought he'd kept at bay throughout his recovery wouldn't let go...'Maybe it would have been better if I'd died.' That was no way to repay Tony for putting his own life at risk by jumping into the freezing water; he picked up the phone and dialled Kay Willet's number.
From his first appointment with her he acquired a new equilibrium in his life, there were still highs and lows, but the lows were not so deep and dark, and the highs became more frequent. His only regret was that he had waited so long to seek professional help. He was able to tell Kay things that he knew would have sounded hurtful to his friends, and he didn't want to hurt them, not when they were part of the reason he'd been able to come back to work today.
It was only to Kay that he would talk about his resentment that everyone seemed to be carrying on with their lives while he felt like a prisoner in his own body. She had let him cry the tears he kept inside when his friends were around, and encouraged him to be less afraid of showing his emotions to the people who mattered most to him.
"They've been through this with you Tim, not feeling your pain, only you could feel that, but they watched you, cried for you, prayed for you, don't shut them out."
After that he'd tried to be more open about how he felt, not the very darkest things, they were for Kay's ears only, but for the first time he was able to tell them how scared he had been that his active life was over, and that he would be consigned to the Cyber Crimes basement until he retired. He logged off the computer, and was surprised to find he'd been at the machine for two hours.
"Nothing here Abs, Driscoll was strictly a You Tube, gaming kind of guy."
"I wasn't expecting much, but thanks for looking. Are we doing lunch tomorrow?"
"You bet." He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, and made his way down the stairs. Today he was having lunch with someone very special. It had taken a few days after his return to consciousness to learn Jimmy's role in keeping him alive, it had taken real nerve to tell Tony to stop what he was doing, and to take his place…Tim had tried his very best to express his thanks, thoroughly embarrassing Jimmy in the process…but Tim didn't care, he was done hiding his feelings, so today as a small token of his enduring gratitude Tim was going to buy Jimmy and Bree the best lunch Washington DC had to offer.