Santana did not want to go along with Rachel's plan. It was an idiotic idea, one that would only cause complications between them. She had tried to convince Rachel that she was alright and that if they only spoke in Chemistry and Glee, ignoring one another the rest of the day, then maybe people would get bored and focus on something else. But Rachel had insisted that she follow her plan. She was convinced it would make an impact and assured Santana that she would have no hard feelings after it. Besides, it would be a great acting work shop for the both of them.
It would be done at lunch. There was maximum chance of exposure there. Though the entire school would not see it, enough people would that the word would spread all over the school by the end of the day. Yes, it was the perfect stage and Rachel was ready for her close up, so to speak.
"Rachel this is stupid" Santana whispered sharply to her in the hallway between classes. "I am not doing this. We can deal some other way." She had her bitchy sass back and she was showing Rachel that this was her putting her foot down.
Rachel flipped some hair off her shoulder and wrapped her arms around the book she carried in front of her. She ignored Santana for a long time, only pausing outside her next class to speak to her "If you don't do this then you will never get to second base." She nodded firmly then turned on her heel and disappeared into her classroom.
Santana rolled her eyes. If that was really the only threat Rachel could think up, Santana was not doing it. She had other ways to get to second base.
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
The bell rang for lunch and Rachel packed up her stuff and headed into the hallway slowly. Usually she was happy to get to lunch to see her Glee mates, and Santana, but today she hesitated a bit. She knew it was all planned out, but she still needed to prepare for what was coming and the laughs that would follow.
Suddenly she was tugged into an empty classroom from behind, her squeaking loudly before the door was closed and the sounds in the hallway were muffled. She turned around with a huff, seeing Santana standing there in front of her. "San! You scared the life out of me. What are you doing, do you realize us sneaking off to empty classrooms is just feeding the fire?"
"Rachel! I am not doing it and that is that!" Santana folded her arms, clenched her jaw, and narrowed her gaze. She wanted her to know she meant business.
Rachel wasn't backing. She put her hands on her hips and challenged the stare down with one of her own. "Santana, I saw the way you looked yesterday when Mercedes told us people were starting to talk. You were terrified and worried. You looked smaller than I had ever seen you before. I felt helpless. I never want to see you look like that again. So I am willing to let you do this to me, in front of everyone, so you never have to have that look on your face again."
"It's not going to work" Santana flipped her hand to the side in frustration, nearly hitting the desk she stood near.
"Well do YOU have a better plan?" Rachel folded her arms now, shrugging her shoulders defiantly.
"We don't need a plan, Rachel! We can just stay away from each other for a while, I told you."
Suddenly the door opened and the teacher walked in. Santana went white and Rachel half turned to see who was intruding. The teacher kindly asked them to vacate the room, they weren't supposed to be in a classroom without a teacher present during lunch. The girls apologized and quickly Rachel left, Santana on her heels.
"There was that face again" Rachel whispered through her gritted teeth as the two girls walked toward the lunchroom. "I refuse to keep seeing that face, Santana."
"Rach-"
Rachel turned to face Santana, her brow creased in determination "Do it!" She nearly yelled. She had to take a breath to compose herself before she spoke again. When she finally spoke, it was in another soft whisper "I did nothing but put you first all summer long. This is the only thing I am asking of you through all of this. So do it or we are over."
Before Santana could argue, Rachel turned and walked into the cafeteria. She hated herself for having given her an ultimatum, but in reality it was so little to ask when Rachel had given everything Santana needed and more all summer long. She was not one to do something for someone just to get it paid back. Well, sometimes, but only because she knew it would benefit her in the end. But this time was different. This time it wasn't about her, it was still about Santana, for Santana. She wanted to see Santana walking easy through the halls and if this was how she had to do it, then she was more than ready to sacrifice again for the girl she cared about.
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
The lunch hour was almost over and Rachel had barely taken a bite. Every time she heard someone behind her, her eyes would close in preparation for impact. It never came, though.
"You alright Rachel? You seem jumpy today." Mercedes finally asked with a tone of sincere concern in her words.
"Huh?" Rachel looked up from her tray now.
"You look like you're expecting a drive by shooting any minute now. I mean, we are not five star upper class high security establishment here but we aren't in the ghetto either, Rachel."
Rachel bit her lip, suddenly feeling guilty. She wished she could talk to Mercedes about it, but she knew Santana would get that panicked look on her face again and they would take ten steps back.
"Hey, Santana!" Tina spoke up suddenly and Rachel's face went white, her head whipping around to look up at the girl that was standing just over her shoulder. She had been so prepared that when nothing happened, she had relaxed slightly and now she felt panicked even if she did know what was coming.
Santana just smiled at Tina then looked down to Rachel. There was a look in her eyes, a look of pain and sorrow, a look that told Rachel for the hundredth time that she did not want to do this. Try as she might to turn that look into a bitchy glare to really sell what she was going to do next, she couldn't.
"Are you, um, joining us for lunch again?" Rachel asked, trying to stick to the script she had written late the night before and rehearsed with Santana on the way to school that morning.
Santana just shook her head.
The group at the table all exchanged confused glances, but quickly looked back to the Latina because they could sense something was going on and they didn't want to miss a beat.
Rachel's eyes went wide in a silent attempt to get Santana to say her lines. She was willing her with all the brain power she had, silently praying that the girl would snap out of it and do what she had come to do, and do it convincingly.
"Um...well then what do you want?" Rachel went to improve, a good skill to have in any situation and she would have to remember to thank her dads for all the acting classes they had let her take.
Santana cast a sideways glance at Rachel, almost a warning look that told her she was so annoyed with her right now for making her do this. It worked to help Santana inherit her bitch face again.
"I, uh, just wanted to ask Rachel a question" Santana finally mumbled.
Rachel fought a smile when she heard the line that she had written come from her lips. She was finally remembering the script.
"Sure, what can I do for you Santana? Would you like me to finally teach you how to hit the final three high notes for an alto so you can finally compete with me for a real solo?"
Santana scowled. It was a real scowl. She knew it was a rehearsed line but she knew damn well she could hit those notes already.
When Rachel saw this, she bit her bottom lip hoping that Santana was finally giving in and would be able to deliver the rest of the script without looking like she was forcing it.
"Actually, Berry, I wanted to ask you who does your hair?" Santana's bitch face was in full effect and her sass was right there alone with it.
"One of my dads has a friend who does hair and make-up. I go to him every two weeks."
Santana wanted to smile again. Damn it, why was Rachel so cute. She almost backed out right then and there.
Seeing Santana's face soften, Rachel quickly tried to get her back on track, improving a soft "Why?"
Santana looked at her a moment and once more her eyes held guilt. She did not want to do this. When she looked up and saw that not only all the Glee clubbers at the table were watching, but so were some of the surrounding tables, she knew there was no backing out now. If she softened and walked away the talks would only get worse.
"Because" Santana said with an attempt at a sharp tone, but it felt flat. She lifted the bright red slushie she had been holding behind her folder now and before she could back out, dumped it all over Rachel's head. It was a dead hit, right down the middle. Her scalp would probably be red for a week "Maybe you should see Dennis Rodman instead. Nice dye job, cherrysicle."
The entire table Rachel sat at gasped at Santana's sudden movements. Rachel just sat there with her mouth wide open, the red dyed slush dripping in chunks down her cheeks, along her neck, and even down her back. She felt an entire blob slide down the front of her shirt, over her stomach, and into the waistband of the skirt she had worn that day. When Santana slushied someone, she did it like a professional.
Santana had to turn and walk away fast, before she wrapped her arms around Rachel and apologized immediately. She wanted to so badly it hurt, but as she pushed passed a few students she could already hear them whispering about what she had done and she knew Rachel had been right. This would shut people up. It didn't stop the pain, though, and instead of going to her locker to get books for the last two classes of the day, Santana went straight for the parking lot. She couldn't stay at school today.
Even though it had been planned out, Rachel still sat there completely mortified. As the cold treat slid into places she didn't even know could stick together, she felt ashamed. She had forced Santana into this. She had wanted so badly to fix everything that once more her plan was over-extravagant and it had backfired. Maybe not completely, she could hear people already snickering at her, but she was almost sure this had been a setback between she and Santana.
"Let's get you cleaned up." Tina's voice came softly. She slipped a hand under one of Rachel's arms as the other was taken by Mercedes. The girls lifted her from the bench and hurried her toward the nearest bathroom, Kurt in tow behind them.
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Rachel had left school as soon as she had cleaned herself up enough not to stain her father's car on the ride home. She had wanted so badly to text Santana, but she figured a little time would be good. Her father demanded to know who did this to her and Rachel had lied, saying it was one of the Cheerleaders taking revenge on the fact that Glee club had "wasted their funding with a pathetic showing at Nationals."
Once home, her dads left her alone to go to her room and be by herself. She was thankful for that. She knew they knew that if she wanted to talk about it, she would. There was nothing to talk about, but she would never tell them that. Instead, she had headed right for the shower. She was starting to stick together so unnaturally that she didn't even feel like it was her real skin anymore.
After a half hour scrubbing herself clean and washing her hair three times, she finally stepped out of the shower, wrapped a towel around herself, and took leave to her room. She had been heading right to her phone to text Santana when she was stopped dead in her tracks, jumping slightly, as she saw the form of her girlfriend planted on the edge of her bed.
"San" Rachel said softly, hurrying over to her. She reached out to place her hand on her cheek, but Santana quickly turned her face away from the touch. Rachel frowned at that, dropping her hand now and giving a shrug "It worked" She offered with a slight shrug, her voice uncharacteristically soft "People were making fun of me and saying Satan was back."
"Woopdee freaking doo" Santana said with a roll of her eyes. Her tone was sharp and Rachel knew immediately she was upset.
"San, don't be mad. Now no one knows and you don't have to worry about people talking behind your back."
Santana huffed, folding her arms over her chest and turning her face even further away from Rachel. She wasn't sure if she was more pissed at Rachel for making her do that or more pissed at herself for still caring so much what people thought about her. Either way she was pissed.
Rachel sighed heavily. She could see this was going nowhere fast. She turned around and headed to her closet, pulling it open as she searched for some pajamas for the night. "Mercedes said she was going to egg your house, so you might want to watch out for that." She tried making conversation because the thickness that had fallen around them in the room was unbearable.
Santana shrugged, but didn't say anything.
Rachel bit her lip, pulling out a matching pajama set and laying it out on her bed. She was about to unwrap her towel, but thought twice about it and instead dropped her hands to the side and stared at Santana. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"What is there to talk about, Rachel!" Santana barked, her eyes finally lifting to the shorter girl.
Rachel flinched a little but didn't back up. At least she was talking now. "Obviously there is something on your mind or you wouldn't be mad and you wouldn't be here."
Santana sighed, lifting a hand to her face to pinch at the bridge of her nose. She closed her eyes and rubbed her fingers there for a moment. She had no idea where to start.
Rachel took a chance and reached out again, setting her hand on Santana's shoulder. She was glad this time Santana didn't pull back. She took the opening and slid onto the bed next to Santana, moving her hand from her shoulder down her back gently. "Just tell me what's on your mind right now."
"I'm so ashamed." Santana mumbled before she could stop herself. What was it about Rachel that got her to be so honest?
Rachel nodded. She knew the feeling all too well. "So am I."
"You?" Santana looked up quickly, the shock evident on her face "Ashamed about what? You just did the bravest, and stupidest, but bravest thing. You took a bullet for me, Rach. A social bullet."
Rachel shrugged "I've never been popular so I didn't have anything to lose. Except you."
Santana shook her head a little bit. The thought had never crossed her mind. She was pissed at Rachel, sure, but never once had she thought about leaving her. "You wouldn't have lost me. You don't really have much of me to begin with."
Rachel frowned so hard the lines in her forehead felt like they were boring into her skull. "What are you saying?"
"I just mean that you only have my shell. Like, I don't know, no maybe you have like my insides but without my shell to hold I am just a blobby mess."
Rachel pulled her head back a bit to look over Santana, confusion painted on her face "Santana, I know how important metaphors can be and I can appreciate a good one, but you lost me on this one."
Santana sighed out in frustration, at herself, before she slid from the bed and started to pace. "It's like there are parts of me, Rachel. There are parts that the people at school see, there are parts my family see, parts Glee sees, and parts you see. I am so afraid to let anyone see all of those parts at once that I just let you take a bullet for me."
Rachel shook her head a little, her hand wrapping around the bedpost where she sat "I would never force you or ask you to give me all of those parts until you were ready, Santana. You've already shown me so much more than I ever expected you would. I feel so lucky to know the sweet, loving, caring side of you. It's beautiful and if it's only in private, I can handle that."
"I hate that I can't give you all of these parts" Santana had stopped pacing suddenly, her hand pressed to her chest over her heart. Her eyes were full of tears, her face riddled with agony. "Never has anyone been so patient with me. Never has anyone been so kind to me when I least deserve it. Never has anyone cared about me the way you do, Rachel. Not even Brittany. I mean, she breaks my heart this summer and all she can think about is dating Finn to maintain her popular status? What kind of friend does that!"
"Santana, she's just a teenaged girl. Things like that are important in high school, you know that. I am sure she didn't do it to hurt you."
"But it did. It made me realize how stupid I was to give so much of myself to her. She took everything I gave and just tossed it away. She is the only other person I ever showed so much of myself to and yet I never once wanted to give her all of me. I never once wanted to march down the hall of school holding her hand with a big gay flag and let everyone know we were together. Never once did I want to march downstairs and tell her parents we were girlfriends. I was so content to just be with her in private, to hide away in our secret world, ride out the end of high school and then maybe once we got out of here be together in the open. And she was alright with that!" Santana punched her fist against one of the bedposts. It vibrated down the length of the post and Rachel jerked a bit on the bed, but not much more came of it. Santana took a breath, trying to compose herself, but it failed and she sobbed out.
"Then you happened, Rachel. You never asked for a damn thing from me. You gave and gave and gave. You could have gotten anything from me, you could have had the power to out me and manipulate me into doing whatever you wanted because you knew how scared I was and you had stuff against me. But, no, never once did you do anything. You stood by and you tried to help and you silently urged me to take the steps I was too afraid to take." She bit her lip, turning her face now and putting a hand over her eyes. Her sobs were nearly uncontrollable now.
Rachel moved to get off the bed, moving toward Santana to comfort her. It was a reaction that had become so natural over the summer.
Santana shook her head when she felt Rachel touch her. She grabbed her hand and held it tightly, her eyes lifting to look at the smaller girl. There was desperation in her eyes, a sense of urgency, a bit of pain. When she spoke again it was so strangled through her tears that it was almost too soft to hear "Then you happened, Rachel. You make me want to be a better person. You make me want to say screw it and grab your hand and kiss your face right there in front of everyone. Because, Rachel, when I am with you I feel whole. I feel complete, like I don't have a worry in the world, like nothing bad can happen. You do that to me, Rachel." She tugged the hand of Rachel's that she held and pressed it against her chest, pressed it to where her heart was thundering in her chest "You do this to me."
"Santana" Rachel choked on the word, her eyes filled with tears. She didn't know what to say.
She didn't have to say anything, Santana wasn't done. She took a deep breath and her eyes closed "And just when I think nothing can go wrong, the fear takes over again. The gut wrenching fear takes over and I am nothing but a blobby mess again. You are left with just the little parts of me because I can't hold myself together. I fall apart under my own crippling fear." The words were nearly trapped behind Santana's lips, her crying so hard it was hard to speak now, but she had to tell her.
Rachel lunged at Santana now, her arms wrapping around her trembling body so tightly she was almost sure she had cut off her air. She was glad to feel Santana's arms slide around her and return the embrace, the two of them holding one another in one big sobbing mess.
"You don't have to be afraid, Santana, I am right now. I am not going anywhere. I don't care if you can't do all those things. All I care about is you and I together. We will work everything else out together. As long as I have you I know that everything will be alright."
Santana shook her head, but words could no longer form in her mouth. She wanted to scream, she wanted to punch a hole in the wall, she wanted to curl up and cry for four days. There was so much going on, so much built up. She had reached her breaking point and yet there seemed no easy solution. She just couldn't bring herself to do the one thing she knew would make everything alright. And she hated herself more than she ever had in her life for it.
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
The next couple days at school had been pretty awkward, to say the least. Everyone was still buzzing about what Santana had done to Rachel in the lunch room. People were coming up to the Latina and laughing, saying what she did was one of the coolest things they had ever seen. They were shocked when she didn't hold her head up in glory and instead snapped of them to get the Hell away from her before she tore them limb from limb. She was definitely not relishing in this little victory at all.
The quiet school year that Rachel had been enjoying was no longer intact. She was being snickered at again, being nudged into lockers like before, the name cherrysicle was now echoing around the hallway each time she walked through it between classes. It was as if she had made no progress at all. She almost preferred having been a normal Glee club kid who did alright at Nationals to the loser that she was now. It was sophomore year all over again.
Rachel and Santana barely spoke. People probably just assumed it was because of their hatred for one another coming out again after the slushie incident. Rachel wished she could talk to Santana, but she had no idea what to say. Likewise Santana was at a loss for words. So the two of them sat through Chemistry without too much interaction and spent all of Glee rehearsal on the opposite side of the room.
Even Rachel's dads noticed that Santana wasn't around as much or that Rachel wasn't asking to go to the Lopez's house any more. Their daughter had become quiet, not even happy about whatever solo she had gotten for Glee club. She just kept to herself, locked away in her room most nights. It was disturbing.
"Honey, did something happen between you and Santana?" One of Rachel's dads asked calmly at dinner that night.
Rachel looked up from where she had been staring at her peas and shook her head.
Her dads exchanged a look. They knew their daughter better than that.
"Sweetie you two were pretty inseparable all summer long and now she hasn't been over here for nearly a week. You can tell us if something happened. Did you guys get in a fight?"
Rachel shook her head again, her eyes shifting between her fathers. She really wished they would just take her at face value and leave her alone, but she knew that wouldn't happen. If anyone was to blame for Rachel Berry's stubborn persistence when a problem was at hand, it was her fathers.
"Angel love we aren't stupid" Her daddy spoke softly, folding his arms onto the table as he looked at his daughter with loving eyes.
"I know" Rachel said softly.
Her dads smiled at that, them reaching to put their hands together, sliding their fingers between one another "We've both been where you're at."
Rachel looked up at her dads, then their hands, and she felt her heart sink. "I don't know what you are talking about." She was such a bad liar when it came to her dads, she knew they would see right through her.
"Rachel plumb" Her dad laughed very lightly and lifted his husband's hand to his lips, pressing a kiss to the back of his knuckles "You can talk to us about it."
Rachel frowned. She suddenly was less hungry than she had been before, which wasn't a lot. She set down her fork and pushed some hair off her eyes as she looked across the table at her parents. "Santana is my girlfriend."
Her dads smiled proudly, one nodding his head "We know. We've known for a while. Don't you think we know when our little girl is smitten with someone?"
Rachel smiled for the first time in days. It was such a small step, one she really hadn't been afraid of taking but had held off because she felt it had been something she and Santana had done together. But now that she had, she felt a slight weight lifted off her shoulders.
Rachel spent the next half hour or so explaining everything. She told them about what had happened in Cleveland, albeit changing details to say they had kissed, and not had sex. She definitely wasn't ready for that talk just yet. She replayed their entire relationship to her fathers, how she had tried to help Santana with Brittany, how they really were just friends for the longest time and how they had finally stopped fighting it and given into whatever had happened between them in Cleveland.
She then went on to explain Santana's fears, something both her fathers understood all too well, and Rachel's plan to help cool the talk at school. This definitely did not sit well with either of her parents and they immediately lectured her about it having been the wrong thing to do, even though her daddy did say it was a mighty romantic gesture to put Santana's name before her own.
"And now it's just really weird between us. We don't even talk" Rachel said with a sigh, her head being held up by her hand as she leaned against the table. "I have no idea what to do."
"Honey bear I hate to tell you this but you can't do anything about it. It's not your place." One of her dads explained. She could tell by the look on his face that he had probably been there to some degree in his life.
"But daddy you know I can't just sit around and do nothing."
"You're not doing nothing, Rachems. You have done everything you can do. The ball is in her court now. All you can do now is wait. Wait for her to come to you with a solution. What that solution is varies person to person, but it's for her to settle on and you to accept when she finally figures it out." He reached out, his fingers touching at his daughter's cheek lovingly. Even if his words weren't what Rachel had wanted to hear, she smiled.
"I hate waiting" Rachel said with a soft laugh.
"You get that from your father" The man said with a nudge of his husband next to him. The other man did not argue, simply nodded in agreement.
Rachel giggled and got up from the table. "I love you guys" She whispered as she wrapped her arms around both men, squeezing them in a tight hug. Her dads' hugs were always the best.
"Now, who wants some pie!" One of the men said cheerfully and they spent the rest of the night laughing and talking, being the tight knit family they had always been. Rachel was able to forget about everything for the night. She was reminded just how normal life could be, even in a household with two gay parents. It wasn't the gender of the matter, it was the love, and maybe one day she would be able to find that. She hoped Santana could see it this way but she was slowly starting to think it was like beating a dead horse.
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
As hard as it was for Rachel to bite her tongue and not try to talk to Santana, she knew it was the right thing to do. Now more than ever she needed to give the girl space to figure herself out. She had done it throughout the summer with Brittany and she would do it again now. Her dads were right, it was all on Santana now.
Rachel had lost track of time. She couldn't remember that last time she and the beautiful Latina were wrapped up in an embrace or laying together on the bed laughing. She felt like she hadn't seen her in forever, even though they shared a class together and saw one another in Glee each day. They barely spoke, though. Their hands had accidentally touched in Chemistry while reaching for the same beaker and Rachel had nearly knocked over the burner when she pulled her hand away so fast.
The Thanksgiving break was coming up and much like any other day before a long break in school, the students were rambunctious and the teachers were just ready to get out of there. So instead of real lesson plans, most of the teachers had put in movies or opened the classes to free time, allowing the students to catch up on assignments and ask questions, though most of them just spent the hour talking.
Thankfully the last two periods of the day were to be taken up by a holiday assembly. This meant she didn't have to sit in awkward silence next to Santana in chemistry. For the first time since their trip to Cleveland she was happy she would not have to be next to Santana.
After lunch she had hung back with Mercedes and Tina, waiting with them to meet up with Mike and Sam before the group of them would head to the gym for the assembly. It was the same one every year. They showed a stupid movie about the history of Thanksgiving, then the local EMS group would come and warn about the dangers of deep frying a turkey and, once again, the dangers of underage drinking.
Then there would be a speech from some charity group about the importance of giving during the holiday only to end the day with a rousing and poorly performed re-enactment of the first supper by the local elementary school. It was predictable, but maybe one of the kids would pee their pants like they did the year before and start a riot of screaming kids.
The group moved up the bleachers and found a spot big enough for all of them to sit together, Rachel placing herself on the edge so she didn't have to be sandwiched between the two couples. That was the last thing she wanted.
She folded an arm over her legs, her other hand propping up on its elbow to hold her chin up as she looked around the quickly filling gym. She wondered where Santana was going to sit. She hoped it wasn't with anyone cute.
She spotted Finn and Brittany near the front row of the same section they were sitting in. To the left side she saw Quinn, Puck, and Artie all sitting together. She smiled at that, it was nice to see them hanging out outside of Glee club.
She didn't find Santana before the lights dimmed and she figured it was all for the best. If she had, she would have spent the two hours staring at her and not paying attention to what was going on. She sighed and turned her focus to the curtains that opened to expose the screen where the projector would play the movie. This was going to be a long day.
The movie and gruesome slide show containing pictures of burn victims went off without a hitch and now Principal Figgins was standing there talking in his droning monotone voice, explaining who was up next. This year it was the children's hospital here to remind us that some people had nothing to be thankful for and if we could give, we should.
Rachel yawned. She felt bad about it, but she was bored. She had heard this all before. She wanted to go home and forget about school and groups and cliques and slushies for an entire week.
She clapped softly as Figgins walked off and the curtain once more opened for the representatives from the hospital to give their presentation. Instead of a group of sickly looking kids to guilt people into donating, though, there stood one single person with a microphone. The crowd started to whisper and mumble softly and Rachel wondered what was so interesting. That was when she focused on the speaker and realized the crowd had been stirred because the person holding the microphone was one of their own.
"Santana?" Rachel whispered, immediately sitting up straight where she had been slouched over nearly falling asleep.
"Uh, hey" Santana said into the mic, her eyes straining against the lights that beamed down on her on the stage now "I'm Santana, as I am sure most of you know." Someone yelled cherrysicle and the crowd started to laugh.
Santana rolled her eyes and nodded "Yeah, about that. Look, we all do some pretty messed up things in high school. We gossip about people we call our friends, we steal each other's boyfriends or girlfriends, and we bully people because they are different. We don't do it because being different is bad, but because it is unique and really, we all want to stand out in a crowd. We date popular jocks or cheerleaders because for some reason they are at the top of the ladder and we push around the dorks or outcasts because if we let them realize what they are is special, then we have no power at all and no one here wants an even playing field, right? We all want to be one step above someone else, just to feel important."
Rachel could feel her entire body warming. The crowd around her were all looking at each other, whispering in confusion as to what was going on, but Rachel hardly noticed. All she could see, all she could hear, was the girl holding the mic.
Santana cleared her throat, licking her lips before she continued "We are all so afraid of being labeled a dork or a jock or whatever else that we do whatever we can to make sure the label we get is a good one. So we step all over people, we do horrible things, and we put up walls so no one can see our true self. Let's face it guys, we all have little things about us we don't like, so we hide. I bet there are a few of you out there that used to have glasses and before high school decided to get contacts so you wouldn't be labeled a nerd."
There was a bit of discussion in the crowd, but for the most part people continued to listen.
"And I bet there were some of you who used to play video games every day and even collected trading cards but didn't want to be made fun of so you sold your entire collection to pay for some expensive jeans and a new haircut so you could look cool on the first day of school."
Again some whispering, Santana even saw a few nods.
"Even I changed myself. It's no secret I got a boob job before school started last year just so people would notice me more."
Rachel frowned. She knew that basically everyone in the school knew, but the reasoning behind it had probably never really been revealed until now and she knew that had taken a lot of guts to admit to.
"Then there are the people who don't change at all. They embrace the people they are because they know that it is those differences that make them extraordinary. It's those little things that make them stand out and it's those people who are the best people you will ever meet because unlike you or I, they have it all figured it out. They know who they are, who they want to be, and they will stop at nothing to get that."
Rachel felt her entire body tingling now. It was as if the world had faded away and the only thing that existed were her and Santana.
"A couple weeks ago I did something horrible to one of those people. She is notorious for knowing what she wants and going after it. I don't think there's a person in this school that doesn't know just how driven she is. I know that scares a lot of people here because she is so confident and we are all floundering around trying to decide what to have for lunch most days."
Rachel felt all eyes on her suddenly and she was shaken from her daze, looking around as she shrank into her spot a little and bit her lip. As much as she liked being the center of attention, she definitely preferred to have music accompanying her as she belted out a song.
"The fact is, Rachel is one of the best people I have ever met. Anyone who knows her would probably say the same thing. Yeah, she can be a little annoying sometimes, especially when she wants something you have. Yeah she gets a little crazy at times but it's just because she is so passionate. But at the end of the day, she is one of the sweetest, kindest, most caring people anyone could be lucky enough to know. She has a strength to be herself no matter what and that is something I wish I could say I possessed the courage to do, too."
Santana stepped off the stage now, her eyes straining against the darkened crowd. She lifted a hand to shield her eyes from the light as she scanned the faces for the one girl she wanted to see most.
"Rachel, where are you?"
Everyone around Rachel pointed. Mercedes nudged her to stand, but Rachel quickly shook her head and shrunk down even more. That was until the spotlight found her and she was busted.
Santana smiled at the sight of the girl. It was the first time she had ever seen her trying to hide from the spotlight.
"This summer, Rachel taught me more about myself than anyone ever has. She made me feel like being who I was was alright. I didn't have to hide the little things about myself that I hated. It was a feeling of freedom and it was awesome." Santana smiled and for the first time in weeks Rachel caught a glimpse of the girl she had come to know so well.
"But there was something inside me that didn't allow myself to show you how awesome I am. Though Rachel knew, I couldn't bring myself to share it. I had to hide it because deep down I was still just as afraid of labels and being called names and being different as all the rest of you are. So, I hid and it was the worst feeling in the world. Here was this totally rad girl, being who she is, and I couldn't even join her. How lame."
Santana motioned to Rachel now, waving her hand in an attempt to get her to come out of her seat and join her down on the stage. Rachel refused at first, but with Mercedes, Tina, Mike, Sam, and a few other random people's help, they had pushed her to her feet and moved out of the way so she could make her way to the floor and over to the stage.
Rachel stood nervously at the foot of the steps that lead up onto the stage. Her hands fiddled with the hem of the shirt she had worn that day, her eyes trained on Santana who was waiting for her to join her.
Santana reached her hand out and in that moment, everything else faded away again "Rach" She whispered to her, away from the microphone, and she knew now that this was Santana's move. This was her solution.
Rachel took her hand and climbed the stairs, joining her now in the middle of the stage. She didn't look out over the crowd, her eyes stayed on Santana.
The Latina girl smiled that smile that Rachel had not seen in far too long, her eyes holding that soft gaze that she had grown so used to seeing while they were together.
The two girls stood there far too long, just staring at each other. Neither one of them had noticed until someone in the crowd yelled "What's the point!"
Rachel blushed and Santana growled, her head whipping around as if she could seem who had called out. It was impossible. "My point is" She hissed into the microphone again "I want to be who I really am because it's so much easier than being someone I'm not and if you all can't deal with then you have problems of your own."
Santana looked over at Rachel now, her hand still tangled in her smaller one and she gave a soft squeeze. She licked her lips and gave a little nod, her eyes locked with Rachel's and in that moment they shared that intense gaze where they silently understood one another. She searched for that look and when Rachel smiled and returned her nod, she knew they were on the same page.
"I'm a lesbian and Rachel is my girlfriend. If you have a problem with that, I have two fists and a Latin temper that might persuade you to be alright with it."
The crowd erupted with a few gasps and immediate conversation. Santana didn't care. She had known people would talk but that was the last of her worries. She was ready to be herself, to give all of herself to Rachel, and getting rid of that fear of being powerless gave her all the power in the world.
Santana got rid of the microphone and took a hold of Rachel's other hand, giving them both a squeeze before she turned and lead the girl through the curtain and into the backstage area away from the lights. She looked at the girl she had missed for weeks now, her smile the happiest it had been since before the lunchroom slushie.
"Are you alright?" Santana asked because Rachel had literally been quiet the entire time and that was unlike her.
"I..." Rachel blinked, shook her head, then nodded and laughed "I am speechless, San!" She threw her arms around the taller girl, holding her in the tight embrace she had missed. "That was so brave and so beautiful. Santana I am so proud of you!"
"No I am proud of you." Santana whispered, her eyes closing as she held the girl in her arms tightly.
"I didn't do anything" Rachel whispered "It was all you."
"No, it was all because of you that I did this. You have never been afraid to be yourself. You inspired me."
"San" Rachel turned her face, burying it against Santana's neck softly "Can we get out of here, please?"
Santana laughed, nodding her head "There is nothing else in the world I want more."
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Leaving school early afforded the two girls privacy. Both sets of parents were at work and none of their friends would be out for a good while. They were able to escape, to be together again, in private. They were able to talk about what had happened and go over what it all meant and how they both felt. There was so much to cover, they had barely spoken in nearly a month. Santana's house was closer, so they had hurried there, rushed inside, and locked their selves in Santana's room.
Surprisingly, or maybe not so surprisingly, talking was the last thing either of them had wanted to do. Without a single discussion, the two girls had fallen into one another and immediately lost their selves in a deeply passionate kiss. It was as if their lips were doing all the talking for them.
Well their lips and their bodies. Hands clawed at clothes, shirts disappeared and skirts fell to the floor. Sooner than either of them had expected, they were sprawled out on Santana's bed with nothing left between their skin. There were no more barriers between them, but physically and metaphorically.
Santana lay back on the bed, her back arching up slightly as Rachel took her time now to kiss every inch of the light caramel skin laid out before her. She soaked in the beautiful way Santana's body dipped and curved, how her muscles flinched each time her lips pressed against her, and how a little bit of skin would prickle in goosebumps when she nibbled lightly.
Rachel had thought about this moment many times. Though they had been together before, she had not seen the beautiful Latina fully naked before her and now that she had her just like that, Rachel was taking her time to enjoy every moment of it.
Every kiss against her skin ignited Santana's nerves. She had never felt so on fire in her life. It was as if she was truly feeling everything for the first time again. This would be the first time they were together with both of them being completely aware of everything they were feeling and though Rachel's lips and fingertips had done minimal exploration she already felt like she might explode.
This moment had been building before they had even left the hotel room in Cleveland early that summer and now that it was here Rachel had to remind herself not to get impatient. She was a stickler for details but she also found that when she got what she had wanted she went all in right away and she had to pace herself today. Though she was sure it would be the first of many, many times together she did not want to rush this moment.
She loved the way her skin looked against Santana's. Her light fingertips seemed to highlight every dip and curve of the darker skin and her eyes were transfixed on every little detail that her fingers would glide over. She stared with such focus, such desire, as if she were memorizing everything about her body. She wanted to be able to re-trace it over and over again in her mind for the moments that she and Santana weren't together.
Her tiny hands had now made their way up along Santana's sides until they met the full curves of her breasts now. Rachel smiled softly as her hands cupped around her supple mound. The skin was so soft, so inviting. Her thumb passed over each pink nipple slowly, her smiling when she saw them rise against the attention they were being paid. Though Rachel had seen breasts before she had never realized until this moment how fantastic they were. She was immediately addicted.
Her tongue slid between her lips to wet them in a single swipe before her head dipped and without hesitation she slipped one of the taut nipples into her mouth. Her eyes closed and a soft moan escaped as her tongue immediately rolled over the perked skin. The sweet taste of Santana's salty flesh intoxicated her senses and she was sure she could stay like this all day.
Santana's back had arched at the contact of Rachel's mouth with her chest. Her head rolled back and her eyes closed. A shiver slipped through her spine and a moan much like the one Rachel had let out escaped her lips. She had been touched countless times in her life but for the first time she could actually feel it. She felt everything. And she liked it.
Rachel found herself gorging on Santana's body, feasting on every inch of her. Teeth scraped lightly against the perked nipple in her mouth before she trailed her mouth across her chest and repeated the same consuming actions to the other breast. Her fingers teased and tugged against the abandoned nipple, pinching and rolling the tender flesh between her fingers to make sure there was a moment that Santana went unstimulated.
"Shit, Rach" Santana mumbled, her head rolling back against the pillow. "You know if you're not careful I might come before you get to anything good." She laughed softly, though breathlessly, she wasn't really kidding. Her entire body was humming.
Rachel giggled, her mouth slipping away from Santana's body to look up at the girl with a smile. Her cheeks were a soft pink, she knew Santana used language like that just to get a rise out of her. "Well if that happens I suppose you will just have to recuperate and be prepared for a few more because I am nowhere near done yet."
Santana opened her eyes, perking an eyebrow slightly as a smirk took over her features "Damn Berry who knew you were such an animal in the sack."
Rachel blushed a bright red, but the smile on her lips told Santana that her words weren't entirely off base. She pushed herself up on her hands now, lifting herself so that she could bring her lips to Santana's. Softly she placed a few brief kisses to her soft lips before she moved to settle back where she had been "Just be patient."
Santana bit her lip softly, her nodding her head as she looked at the girl down her body "Alright but it's my turn next."
"Deal" Rachel grinned before her mouth dipped and once more she found a pink nipple waiting to be teased. Her eyes closed and once more a moan lifted from her lips as her tongue played against the lifted skin.
Her fingers now started to roam over the caramel skin again, dipping and curving with every inch of Santana's body. She traced a path down along her ribs, across her mid section, dancing them along her flat stomach. She could feel the muscles flinching with her every touch and it only encouraged her to keep going.
She found the thin hip bones of the girl below her and used them as her guide. Fingers brushed the ridge over her hips, tracing down slowly until she found her fingers dipping into the soft skin where Santana's legs branched from her body. Her mouth now left it's feeding ground and she looked down between their bodies to watch the way her hand disappeared between the girl's long elegant thighs.
As her fingers passed once through the desperate heat that had gathered there, Rachel lifted her gaze to look at Santana. The girl didn't disappoint. She bit her lip and a smile came to her features as her back lifted again. It was a beautiful sight and Rachel couldn't help herself as her fingers pressed more firmly against her.
Another moan grew in Santana's chest and echoed out of her throat. She was hanging on Rachel's fingertips, literally, and she had never felt more incredible while being so powerless.
Rachel bit her lip, her fingers curling enough to press through her hot, slippery folds and gently slip inside the Latina. Rachel's eyes were locked with Santana's face, wanting to watch every expression from the girl and as she pushed within her, she was not disappointed. Santana's face twisted with pleasure, a lick of her lips being seen as her head lifted and her eyes opened.
The two girls locked eyes for a moment, shared a soft smile, and that unspoken understanding of one another was there. It was unlike anything either of them had experienced before. The intensity was almost too overwhelming, but both girls wanted to push forward. They were both ready for this.
Rachel's wrist started to work, slowly at first, carefully letting her fingers explore and discover. It was an entirely new experience and she wanted to make sure she was doing it right. Maybe it was the perfectionist in her, but she was going to do it right and do it well.
"Rachel" Santana mumbled softly, her eyes on the girl as she worked between her thighs. She wanted to grab her, push her down to her back, and take over but she was trying to be good, trying to let herself be driven wild. "Go faster" Santana said with a nod of her head, taking in a deep breath. She knew Rachel wanted to take her time, but she needed it "Just a little, please?"
Rachel nodded, her hand starting to work more quickly. She found a quicker pace easily, fingers working in and out naturally and efficiently. She curled her fingers every time her wrist moved out and straightened them with every thrust inside her. She concentrated on this for a few moments before her eyes lifted and she looked up at Santana with a smile "Like that?"
"Jesus. Yes" Santana sighed as her hips lifted into the movements, silently begging for more. "Don't stop, Rachel. That feels so good." She felt weak. Her legs were already trembling, her heart already thundering. She would have to remind Rachel never to make her wait this long again because her body could not handle so much teasing. She looked like she had absolutely no stamina right now.
Rachel was stunned. The way Santana's body looked right now, the way she was opening herself completely to her right now, it was beautiful. She smiled very softly as she watched the girl writhing at her fingertips "You're so beautiful."
Santana took a deep breath, her eyes on Rachel and a humble blush reddened Santana's darker skin slightly. She had heard the words before but the only time she had really felt them in the pit of her stomach had been when Rachel spoke them. She smiled shyly, shaking her head a bit before her eyes closed and she let out another soft moan.
Rachel grinned and her eyes dropped now to watch her hand move in and out in perfect rhythm. She glanced back up at Santana, seeing her eyes closed, totally lost in the moment. She knew she wouldn't be expecting it so the next time her fingers pushed into her, Rachel's thumb expertly slid along her slit and the pad of her finger pushed against her clit firmly.
That caught Santana off guard completely, her hips bucked up and she cried out loudly.
Satisfied with the reaction she got, Rachel kept her thumb pressed to the excited bundle of nerves, tweaking it left and round, then in circles, using it in perfect harmony with the way her wrist and fingers pushed in and out.
Santana was thrashing wildly on the bed now. Her hands had reached to grip the sheets below her, her body writhing in a near wave-like motion from head to toe. She was panting now, her heart beating wildly in her chest, a light layer of sweat covered her skin. She was so close now, she knew that if Rachel continued she would lose all control.
"Kiss me" Santana panted out, her licking her lips as she lifted her head. She had a dreamy look in her eyes, a hand lifted toward Rachel and she nodded slightly "Kiss me."
Rachel looked up at Santana, nodding quickly before she slid her body over Santana. Her hand continued to work within her as she lifted herself over the Latina and pressed her lips against her mouth tightly.
A hungry moan was heard as Santana pushed her tongue deep within Rachel's mouth. It was a desperate kiss, her fingers reaching up to tangle in Rachel's hair and pull her hard against her mouth. She needed her there, needed to feel this contact in this moment. She was spiraling into oblivion and all she could think about was being completely entangled with Rachel. She wanted to hold her, to feel her body against her own.
She wasn't sure if it was a curl of the fingers or a push of the thumb, but whatever Rachel did next sent Santana spiraling out of control. She lifted her hips, her thighs and lower back trembling as her body froze against Rachel's hand. She cried out loudly and pulled so hard on the sheets that the corners slid off the mattress.
She stayed there frozen like that a moment as pleasure flooded her senses. All she could do was let every nerve of her body be taken over and ride out this wave of pleasure as it rushed through her body over and over again.
It seemed like it had been several minutes before her body settled back down against the bed. She laughed softly when her back came to rest again, her eyes closed, her chest heaving. She laid there for a long moment, trying to find herself again. She felt weak, but in the best way possible. Her body was on fire, humming with pleasure, and she was sure she had never felt better.
"San?" The sweet voice broke the haze she was in and her eyes opened only to be greeted to with Rachel's soft eyes and smiling face.
Santana laughed softly, lifting her head a little to kiss at her mouth lightly before she settled back again against the pillow. "Oh my god, Rach."
Rachel giggle at that, her body settling next to Santana's side and her arm wrapped loosely around her waist. "I am guessing that was a good oh my god."
Santana nodded, her eyelids heavy as she looked over at the other girl with a lazy smile. She kissed her again on the cheek this time "I think it's safe to say that now I am the speechless one."
Rachel blushed, turning her head to bury it against Santana's shoulder. That was the best compliment s he could have ever received and it was coming from none other than Santana Lopez. She had to be dreaming now.
Santana took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. When she spoke again, a smirk had taken over her features and she whispered "Just wait until I show you what my tongue can do."