Chapter 3 – Hogwarts Relief
She had known it the day they seen each other in London. Malfoy was definitely not going back to Hogwarts. Of course, this news should have made her extremely relieved. But each time they met, each time they saw each other, touched each other, it hurt all that much more. Hermione knew; she knew they had to give each other up. He was a Death Eater for god's sake. He had been chosen, handpicked and raised by He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.
As she sat, clutching the seat on the Knight Bus, she wondered what she'd say to Ron. It had been a little over a month since she'd seen him but they had defiantly been keeping in touch, much to her dismay. They wrote to each other almost every day but lately she'd been putting off her next letter. Surely, he'd be able to tell she was lying when she told him how she was.
"Well Ron I'm good, I've been fucking around with Draco Malfoy for the past two weeks and it feels incredible and I know I promised you would be my first but it feels so good with Draco I don't think I can put it off much longer. Never mind the fact that he's a Death Eater and could be plotting with You-Know-Who to kill Harry. How have you been?" Oh, yeah, that would work just fine. Not. Hermione could not, and would not do that to Ronald.
She loved Ron, not Malfoy. Draco didn't care about her, not like Ron. Ron was good to her, he loved her, he had since their first year at Hogwarts. She'd just have to remind herself about that and keep away from Malfoy for the next week.
Thankfully it wasn't too difficult to stay away, physically anyway. She still had to do all her shopping, collecting her schoolbooks, and robes. One time she thought she saw his white-blonde hair bob up in the crowd of shoppers but then she remembered he'd changed it to solidify his facade. Nevertheless, she searched for his face, his electric eyes that liquefied her to her very core. As she entered King's Cross at the end of the week, she hugged her parents good bye and told them not to worry; she'd look out for herself, just like she always did.
"Hermione! Hermione over here!" Ginny Weasley waved her over, a fake grin plastered onto the younger girl's face. The grin she'd had to use so frequently in the past few months.
"Hey Ginny!" Hermione ran over to the girl and threw her arms around her, hugging her tightly, almost letting out an emotional sob. Even though they'd kept in touch, the girls had missed each other deeply. Not getting to see your best friend for two months was like torture. "How are you? How's everyone?" She raised her head and looked around at the family, making sure no one was missing. Instantly her eyes locked onto Ron's and he smiled lovingly at her. Glad that everyone was all right, she smiled back and wiggled her fingers at the red-haired boy.
Ron, Ginny, and Hermione hopped onto the Hogwarts Express and found Luna Lovegood sitting alone reading the Quibbler upside-down. "Hey Luna, how's the Quibbler doing?" Ginny asked her when they joined her in the compartment.
"It's doing fine. How are you?" She looked up from behind the magazine, her large eyes still glossy and round as ever.
"Okay." Ginny answered shortly, folding her hands in her lap and hanging her head.
Hermione and Ron looked at each other, Hermione's eyes full of questions and Ron's full of dejection. They left the compartment together in silence, towards the Prefects Compartment. After being quickly briefed about the rules of riding the train, they left to keep an eye on the first years.
When the two came to the end of the corridor they were supervising, Ron pulled Hermione into an empty compartment, locked it, and pulled her close, in a tight embrace. "Ron…Ron I can't breathe…" Hermione gasped and Ron instantly loosened his grip.
"Sorry, I just…Sorry," He murmured, keeping his hands on her arms. Color rose into his cheeks quickly, making Hermione giggle.
"Still blushing after all these years. You never cease to amaze me Ronald Weasley," she smiled and planted a small kiss on his flaming cheek.
"I missed you so much Mione," he whispered, looking down into her eyes, his own full of worry and longing.
A smile flitted across her face as he moved closer to her and slid his arms around her slim waist. "I missed you too Ron."
"No I really missed you Hermione, I couldn't stop thinking about you. Every minute, every second. I was so scared for you. I love you so much." He brought his lips to hers in a sweet simple kiss, savoring her taste. Before she knew what she was doing, she tightened her grip and deepened the kiss, parting his lips. Ron pulled back only to breathe an oath before returning for more, wanting her with a smoldering lust.
"Hermione…Can we? Soon?" Ron's hand found her cool skin and he blushed shyly as he started running his fingers along her rib cage gently, his eyes never leaving her face, his lips still close to her mouth.
She pulled back a little farther and took a poignant breath, shaken and torn. She'd tested, wishing, hoping it was real, something stronger than with Draco. She wanted to weep with the disheartening discovery she'd just made. "Ron, we can't. We're on the school train for heaven's sake."
"Please, Mione. I don't care. We're going to be at the school in a little bit. It's so damn hard to find anywhere to be alone there." He continued to massage her as he pressed hard against her with his lower body, pinning her to the compartment door, making it all the more difficult for her.
Arching her back, pushing harder into him, Hermione moaned softly, begging for it to be real. This was right. This was where she was supposed to be. So why did it feel so wrong? Why couldn't they just pretend? Because it wasn't real. It never had been. "Ron…not here. Please. Not here." Her eyes fell and, moving back as far as she could, she placed her hands on his lean chest. He caught her lips once more with his, then eased back, keeping his hands resting lightly on her hips.
"Hermione. I love you." She ran her hand through his thick red hair and smiled at him, nodding benignly, but avoiding his eyes, dodging what was her lie to him.
"We should probably get back. They're going to wonder where we ran off to." They walked slowly, hand in hand, back to their compartment, checking on the first years as they went by.
When they reached the compartment with Ginny and Luna, they slipped in quietly. Ron sat down across from Hermione, alongside Luna, and picked up an extra copy of The Quibbler. "Ginny, have you heard from Harry at all?" Hermione asked the depressed-looking girl sitting beside her.
"No. He hasn't sent anything to me…Us…" Ginny trailed off, tears coming to her eyes. Her palms pressed hard against her eyes as Hermione slipped her arm around her friend and comforted her. "What if he's…you know…what if…I don't think I could live…I love him Hermione. I never told him." The younger girl's shoulders shuddered as she sobbed quietly.
"Harry is not dead. We'd know if he was, Ginny. He's not. And he loves you too. That's why he hasn't contacted you probably. He doesn't want to put you in danger." Fearing for her friend's life, she fell silent, wondering what Harry was doing that very second.
It was announced, that they would be arriving at Hogwarts in a few minutes and there was a noiseless scramble to grab robes and other garments along with their carry-on baggage.
As they stepped off with the flow of people rushing towards horse-less carriages, Ron took his place among the rest of the Prefects expecting Hermione to be at his side. Instead, she excused herself, insisting she felt too sick to greet the newcomers. Disappointed though he was, Ron sided with Hermione, as always, telling her to go rest in her dorm. She didn't have to worry, he'd informed her quietly, he'd take care of her first years and see her in the morning.
Wandering through the halls easily, knowing she had hours before the passages and rooms would be crawling with students and teachers, Hermione stopped repeatedly. Each hallway had a story, was connected to the six previous years she and Malfoy had wasted with snide remarks and painful allegations.
She reached the floor of the Girl's Prefect Bathroom and slipped into the serene spa-like chamber. Knowing that she could summon the clothes to her that she would need later, Hermione slipped off the slim jeans and thin cotton sweater she'd thrown on impatiently in the morning. Tossing aside her lacy undergarments that she had specially picked out, just in case, Hermione slid into the bubbling, steaming bath. The tension that had built up leaked out of her, consumed by the swirling water that concealed her pale, freckled body under foam and mist.