Hello there everyone! You are going to love this chapter because it will be why the story is rated M! bwahahahahah :) I know that my one friend loved it but she can't remember reading it, now I know what she really thinks of this story! T.T jk jk but anyway...Hope you like it!

Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush, James, or Kendall or anyone else...unfortunately ~heavy sigh~

April 11th

Holy whore wagons I cannot focus today! I had possibly the most amazing dream ever last night! It was better than every single other dream I've ever had and it felt so real which saddened me a little bit when I woke up because it was just me, alone in my bed.

But anyway, the dream: I was sitting on the big orange couch getting ready to take a nice afternoon nap after a long and tiring rehearsal. The guys had just left to go down to the pool to cool off. It was maybe two minutes after they left and I had sat down to take my nap when I heard the front door open up and click shut again. Then I heard the lock click which confused me a little bit because I didn't know how the guys were going to get back into the apartment, but I just figured it was Mama K and Katie and they would open it when Carlos, Logan and Kendall were done swimming-so I decided not to even get up.

A few seconds later, however, I felt a gentle pressure against my lips, which defiantly made me open my eyes so I could see who was the source of the tender kiss. He looked so sweet with his eyes opened just slightly, but especially more so when he pulled away and saw that I had realized what he'd done, causing him to jump back and blush.

"Oh...you're-you're awake" he stuttered nervously while he fidgeted with his hair.

"Yeah, I hadn't quite fell asleep actually." I could tell he was feeling extremely embarrassed and he really hadn't planned on me finding out about his secret kiss. So to lessen the nerves I leaned forward and took his hand in mine and pulled him closer to me.

"James I-I'm-" he started to mutter out, but I silenced him with another kiss. This one however wasn't as gentle as his, this one was hard and passionate. I tried expressing how long I'd waited for this moment to be with him into that one kiss, just in case I didn't get the chance to share another moment with him like this. When we pulled back for air we both had a slight flush on our cheeks.

"How long?" I asked him. He looked at me with a quizzical stare. "How long have you wanted this?" I elaborated for him.

He seemed to finally pick up on my meaning and after a few minutes of thinking he gave me an answer I've wanted to hear for forever.

"For at least three years now. You?" he shot back raising one of his sexy eyebrows.

"I can't honestly remember a time where I didn't want to hold you in my arms and smother you in kisses."

The look he gave me was a mixture of lust and love dancing in his eyes. He reached up and caressed my cheek, so I pulled him in for yet another kiss, only when I felt his warm tongue brush against my lip an electric tingle shot through my whole body. I parted my lips to let his tongue begin to explore my mouth hungrily.

We both began to breath harder and soon he was on top of me. We were rubbing our bodies together while each kiss grew deeper and deeper and lasted longer until the only time we even thought about stopping was for the few seconds to catch our very shallow breaths. My hand started wandering down to rest on one of his butt cheeks and when I gave it a tiny squeeze he chuckled against my lips.

"James Diamond, if you don't take me right here and right now I just might kill myself." Kendall declared in a serious tone but with a smirk playing on his features after I placed a handful of kisses right next to his ear and down to his neck.

"Oh, you definitely don't have to tell me twice." I said with a husky purr in my voice.

I sat us up and removed my shirt and then slowly took off his shirt. Just seeing his perfectly sculpted body sent another warm wave through out my body. I straddled his lap and began kissing his neck and brushing my tongue along his collar bone.

I heard a soft moan issue from his sweet lips and so I began to let my hands roam across his toned abs up to his nipples. Not too soon after I began playing with them, they were nice and hard.

"James, your torturing me." Kendall moaned out, so finally I got up and unbuttoned his pants. As I slowly drug the zipper down, drawing out every action so that it would only drive him crazier for me, a shot of triumph snaked through my body. There below the tight denim fabric and soft cotton boxers lay Kendall Knight's manhood and it was standing tall because of me and my kisses and my touches.

I swiftly linked my fingers under his boxers and pulled both restrictions down to his ankles. After taking a second to memorize the sight of him laying there like that, I began to pump my hand up and down his length. Every once in a while I'd stop at the top and use my thumb to rub the head. After a few more pumps I leaned forward and took him into my mouth. A deep moan issued from his tender lips and so I began to go up and down even faster. Soon he was twitching from head to toe in sheer, agonizing pleasure.

"James, let me inside of you. Let me return some of the ecstasy." he whispered.

I stood up and he took my pants and boxers off just as I had done to him merely minutes before. He gently laid me down on the couch, stuck a digit in his mouth, and after getting it sufficiently wet he began to work his way into me. Quickly, the second one was in and as he began scissoring me I couldn't help but release a little moan even though it shot pain throughout me as well as pleasure.

"Are you ready? I'm going to do it quickly, kinda like a band-aid you know. I'm sorry for the pain I'm going to put you through.." he trailed off looking a little unsure if he should even continue.

"It's worth it." I purred back. He smiled and then lined his member up with my opening. Looking down at me, my eyes locked with his and I lightly bit down on my lip anticipating the oncoming rush of pain that was soon going to surge through my body. He nodded his head and held onto my hips.

He seemed to remember something and took one hand off my hip to pull out a bottle beside the couch and put some of Mama K's lotion on his shaft. Gently, he pushed in at first, but once the tip was in he thrust the rest of his member all the way into me. An intense pain instantly tightened my chest and I held the couch in a death grip while I gasped for air

Kendall just sat there waiting, making sure not to shift any and hurt me more, for me to give him the okay to continue. Soon the pain died down to a small heat and I finally nodded my head. He began to lightly thrust himself into me and, after another small gasp issued from my mouth, the pain flared up again. But this time it was a lot less than the first initial wave, I could even feel a slight bit of pleasure behind the stinging.

He gradually increased the lengths of the thrust, allowing me to settle into the new found sensation and it wasn't too long until he was doing long, full thrusts. On a particularly deep thrust he hit that special spot in me that shot pure pleasure through me and I felt so light headed and tingly all throughout my body.

"Mmm Kendall." I moaned as I gripped his biceps.

Sensing he had hit the spot, Kendall thrusted just as hard as before over and over again. After about the fourth time he hit my deep secluded point I felt like I was on cloud nine and there was no way I could possibly get any higher. I started bucking my hips and he thrusted faster. I could tell he was getting close and he was working hard to make sure he got me before he released, so while he continued sending shivers through me by thrusting he gathered my shaft in his hands and began to pump it again.

Once he began doing both motions I knew that it wouldn't take too long for me to lose it. He thrusted while I bucked and I felt like I was tipping over the edge. My whole body tensed in euphoria and my seeds spilled out all over his hand and me. Kendall breathed a sigh and let himself finally release, filling me with his warm liquid.

After taking a few deep breaths to collect up a little strength he rolled off of me and we cleaned ourselves up. Refreshed and dressed, we collapsed on the couch just looking at each other. I reached out and tangled a few fingers into his beautiful blonde hair.

And then...I woke up to a messy bed. Again. If only I could have stayed in that dream though. The sex part was great, but I'd give a kidney just to be able to return to sitting there on the couch looking at each other. Seeing the love in his green eyes and knowing that he could see my love for him sent straight back in my hazel eyes.

I love dreams like that because it lets me almost live out what I know I'll never have, but I hate having to wake up from them because besides a mess to clean, my heart is aching like someone just stuck a knife into it. It's a tortuous tease to be able to hold him only in my dreams and fantasies and then when reality settles in I have to see him and realize that that's just what our "relationship" is, an unrealistic fantasy.

Well there you are ladies (and gentlemen? ~purrs~ ;]), a nice slashy story to fulfill your craving for Kames lovins. Hehehe I hope you thoroughly enjoyed it! I shall be back with another chapter as soon as I possibly can. Thank you for taking the time to read it, now please...REVIEW! ~innocent grin~