I do not own Mass Effect or any of the associated contact. Jagher Shepard is my Shepard and Fayelle Shepard is my friend's Shepard. This is a collection of moments set throughout the games. They're rated for language and violence mostly.
Mass Effect: Moments.
A Moment About What Will Never Be.
Failure. I am a failure.
Jagher stared at her reflection in the mirror, a small whimper escaping her lips. There were unshed tears in her eyes, emotion she could not show, not even when she was alone. If she started she wouldn't stop.
Wouldn't that be a sight for her crew? Their commander falling apart.
She had let Ashley die. Let her be murdered. Virmire had gone better than expected, but there hadn't been enough time, enough men, enough anything to save Ashley and Kaidan and... and, she couldn't have let Kaidan die. Jagher wouldn't have lived through that, but... had she made the right choice? Had she thought more about what she wanted than what would be best? No, no... Kaidan was capable of everything Ashley was and more. They were both excellent soldiers, but Kaidan was also a biotic.
Is that what this is going to come down to? Experience? Skills? I made a conscious choice to let Ashley die fighting. She was a soldier. She knew that was a possibility, a very real danger of her job. She was prepared for that every time she went into battle; we all were. Jagher pushed away from her mirror and dropped onto her bed, throwing an arm over her eyes, blocking out the dim light. I chose Kaidan over her. I chose Kaidan because I need him here. With me. If I'm going to stop Saren for good, I need Kaidan.
There was a knock at the door that pulled Shepard from her thoughts. She sat up on the bed and turned to face the door, wondering if she should answer; wondering if she wanted to face anyone right now.
After a moment, she called, "Come in."
The door sighed open, admitting Kaidan. He took three steps inside the room and stopped just outside the range of the door, letting it close behind him. The rest of the crew had questioned Jagher's choice to rescue Kaidan instead of Ashley. They had added to the doubts she felt. He wasn't there to question her or doubt her. Jagher looked at him for a moment and then got to her feet and crossed the room to put her arms around Kaidan. She felt his body grow tense beneath her and she nearly backed off, surprised at her display. Just as she was about to take a step back however, the staff lieutenant gathered her up in his arms and held her close.
For several moments, they just stood there in silence.
"How are you doing?" Kaidan asked, concern dominating his voice.
She pulled back just enough to look him in the eye. "A little torn; keep second-guessing myself." Kaidan raised an eyebrow at her and she huffed and pulled back from him completely. "Oh please Kaidan. I'm happy I saved you—I wouldn't change my mind even if I could but..."
"Everyone else is questioning you."
Jagher nodded and returned to her spot on the bed.
"Jagher, no one else here could have made that choice." Kaidan sat on the bed beside her, but not too close. "And there was no way we could have anticipated that situation and no way you could have prepared for it. You had to make an incredibly tough decision fast and you did." He shifted closer and placed a hand on her shoulder. "If we had had time, we would have gone back to get her. We didn't leave her behind lightly. You didn't leave her behind lightly. Ashley knew what she signed up for." When Jagher sighed, Kaidan wrapped an arm around her shoulders and held her. "You're not a failure, Jagher."
The first human spectre looked up at Kaidan with her head still on his shoulder and gave him the only smile she could manage—a brief flicker of warmth. It didn't bother her that Kaidan could so easily figure out what was bothering her. It made her feel safe. She wrapped her arms around Kaidan again. "Thank you Kaidan."
"Now... how about a drink?"
Jagher gave him another smile, a better smile that followed him as he gathered up glasses and a bottle of vodka that Shepard directed him to. A moment later, they were seated at her desk, staring at each other with full glasses in hand.
"To Ashley," Kaidan said, raising the glass.
"To Ashley." Jagher clinked the edge of her glass to Kaidan's and drained it in one swallow.
Author's Note.
I... have nothing for an Author's Note.
Except the title is not about Jagher and Kaidan's relationship.
Enjoy.
Next Moment: A Moment Interrupted.