I don't know if there's any possible way to reveal the Quileute secret without having the person flip the hell out. Whether it's outsiders witnessing it or even the new wolves themselves – everyone panics.

Apparently – at least according to my brother and Paul – the transformation is brought on by some kind of powerful emotion. Usually anger or sadness. Apparently we don't really coax up the same degree of happiness as we do negative emotions.

So my brother didn't shift for a very long time because he was always with Bella. And despite her being completely emo all the time, her very presence just made my baby brother happy. Yeah, I know; I don't want to talk about it.

Anyways, so Paul was number two to shift after Sam. He has a raging temper, so I suppose it wasn't much of a surprise. He was mad at his mother one day and stormed out of the house, next thing he knew he'd torn his porch off the front of the house and was ten times his original size. Nearly gave the poor woman a stroke.

And after that first unintentional shift, it can take a very long time before they guy in question is able to shift back. Because if a loss of control triggers the shift from man to wolf, you need total control for the shift back from wolf to man. So regaining control and the pressure knowing that you need control is overwhelming. It took Sam about a long time to shift back because he was the first one. He had no idea what was happening to him.

After several weeks when my dad and Old Quil recognized that Sam was nervous wreck and disappearing every time he got upset, they figured it out. They were kind of expecting it. My dad and Old Quil knew the Cullens. Well, they at least knew of them. There were seven of them, living not five miles away. It would only be matter of time before Quileute shape shifters started popping out of the ground like daisies.

Seth, I guess, has the best record. The others attribute it to him being so young. At first he panicked but when the others shifted and explained what was happening through their mental telepathy, he thought it was cool and calmed down. It took him fifteen hours.

It took my brother three days; Paul, five; Jared, four; Quil, three, Embry, two; Collin, eight and Brady, nine. It took Brady and Collin the longest because they were only thirteen. In the heat of puberty they're already unstable and the added stress of suddenly shifting threw their body chemistry into a tailspin. Those two might look like they're much older physically, but they're internally always thirteen. Or at least until they stop shifting. Imagine being stuck looking eighteen, being thirteen and frozen in mental throes of puberty. Yeah, I remind the others of this when they start bitching. Those poor boys have it rough.

And it hurts. Shifting for all its awesome visual effects is painful. All the molecules in your body shift and turn and multiply in one split second. There's a reason the new kids are constantly growling during the process. And apparently, it doesn't get better with time. Every time a wolf shifts one way or the other it's excruciating. That's why they learn to do it so quick. The less time in a shift the less pain there is. So most of them can complete a human to wolf shift in mid leap.

Just as emotion is part of it when they first shift, it's part of it even afterwards. It's a whole process. The change has its affects on chemical receptors in the brain as well. They all deal with heightened states of emotion. High highs, and low lows. It reminds a lot to me like PMS except non-stop. And they all have to learn to control it. For a long time, new wolves aren't allowed near anyone else except pack mates.

Emily is a living testament to that logic. In the midst of an argument Sam lost control and shifted. He wasn't expecting it. He'd never planned on hitting her, never planned on hurting her – but all of a sudden he was exponentially bigger than he had been moments before. And as he grew, Emily was at the wrong end of a paw instead of still being four feet away.

Paul didn't like telling me that story. Because he knows the reality of it. How it can happen to them. It scared me for a while, and I would intentionally try to avoid arguments with him for that reason alone. But that's not healthy.

As a result, Sam probably has the best control of the whole pack. His shifting now works in his brain like the words that come out of his mouth; it's all intentional and well-thought out. Paul has remarkably good control as well. His instincts seem to sense when he's around me. He's absolutely scared shitless of an unintended shift when I'm around. It's never happened.

So he does have some element of control over his temper. He's a naturally passionate person. He's also a natural cynic; so anger is a common powerful emotion I guess you could say. But he has that control over it. He can – and will – still express all of his anger all of the time, but he has enough of a grip on it so that it doesn't take over his better judgment. Or at least his better judgment when it comes to shifting – he still says and does a lot of other really stupid things.

And like I said, no one reacts well to this news that the Quileute boys burst into giant dog shapes. Kim passed out and thought she dreamt it all, Emily sobbed hysterically for days and lost twenty pounds. God knows how Claire will take it when she's old enough. Me? I just blacked out on massive chunks of time.

The next thing I remember is hearing a dull pounding against metal. I could hear but I couldn't see yet.

"What the hell are you doing?" A deep voice asked, "Any particular reason you're trying to tear the door off my van?"

"She's fucking catatonic in there!" A second voice responded, "I need to make sure she's okay! I tried to lay it on as gently as possible; she remembered the legends, I came out as small and quiet as I could. She flipped the hell out!"

"Wait," I heard a familiar voice and the crunch of gravel, "You told her? Why were you… Holy shit! My sister? On my sister? What the fuck is wrong with you? Oh so help me God—"

"Guys!" the first voice rang above the others. "You know it doesn't work like that Jake; now ease up. Paul, take a freakin' breath. She's in shock and your wailing on the door probably isn't going to help."

With that intonation of names I began to come back to myself. I'm pretty sure my eyes were open, I just wasn't seeing anything. Then I could see the car in front of me, the one I'd been ostensibly staring at this whole time. I was sitting in the driver's seat. Tears were streaming silently down my face. I felt my hands in a death grip as they wrapped around me and clutched at my arms. I shuddered and could feel a cold sweat that had stuck to my face. I swallowed against the rolling nausea in my stomach.

I turned to look out the window and was met with three faces. All holding the same wide-eyed expression. Like they were expecting me snap at any moment. And I couldn't remember why I was like this. I was absolutely panic-stricken but I couldn't remember why. How had I gotten here?

"Rach," Jacob began, "open the door. Everything's all right."

I did as I was told. I lifted the lock and heaved the steel door open. I small sob hiccupped from my throat as I sat there. I must've looked a wreck. "Oh God," Jake stepped forward. "Come here."

I all but jumped on him. I was so absolutely stricken with horror and the incessant flipping of my stomach. I just latched around his neck and held on for dear life. I felt his arms around me. "It's fine, Rach. You're all right," I felt him rub a rhythm over my back. "Way to go, you retard!" I gathered he wasn't talking to me at this point.

"Look," I heard Paul reply, "in the broad scheme of things. This hasn't been so bad so far, okay? There have been – and probably will be – worse. So shut your trap."

"Both of you," Sam, the eternal voice of reason, interceded, "Stop it. Paul – go get Emily. Jake – get her back to Em's place. Calm her down. It's going to be a long night."

I watched Paul head down the beach and Sam hopped in his recently vacated truck and started the engine. Jake set me on my own two feet and we started towards my car.

I wracked my brain, trying to remember what had me so keyed up, why I was so jumpy. I thought back. I remembered dancing, I remembered warm, I remembered sitting on rock, I remembered retelling Quileute legends. I remembered feeling like an idiot because I was talking alone. Wait… Why was I talking alone?

"Where are your keys?" I was interrupted by Jake's question.

"Um…" I muttered, just now realizing my voice felt like steel wool in my throat. I felt around my pockets and finally produced my keyring. "Here." Jake unlocked the door and I slid inside automatically. I heard him in the driver's side moments later. I could see now, I just didn't really register a lot around me. "You okay, Rach?" I looked over and nodded. "That is such a lie," he half laughed. "Do you remember what happened?"

"No."

"I didn't think so."

I heard the car come to life and felt it turn and head down the road. I began thinking again. What was it I wasn't remembering? Where had I left off… I was alone. That's right. Why was I recounting legends alone? I was with someone. I was with… the dancing, the warmth… I looked down at my hands, completely covered by the too-long sleeves of the sweatshirt I was wearing. Paul. This was Paul's sweatshirt. I had been with Paul and… he asked if I remembered the legends. And he was there when I began talking but… he left. He… yeah. He left and then… and then what? What legend had I been telling? I'd talked about Spirit Warriors. That's right, because I remember thinking it was my favorite legend. I distinctly remember the way Billy told it. Spirit Warriors and I talked about Taha Aki and then Utlapa. And Taha Aki and the wolves.

The wolves. Paul's insistence on hearing this partcular story. His comment, 'It only happens to some of us.' The wolf stalking towards me. The eyes, bright eyes, the common traits he shared with the other boys – my brother included, the sudden disappearance of the very same wolf, Jake's comment: 'You told her?', the way they were always together like a pack, my own comment, 'The mutants…'

My eyes flashed wide. It all made sense. It all clicked for me in that one instant. That was not a regular wolf that stalked towards me, that sat outside the car window whining and pawing the ground. Jake and Sam hadn't flipped out about the massive beast because they already knew. That was the secret that Jake had been keeping from me. Paul made me recall the legends so it made more sense. I was just too paralyzed in fear to remember the words that had just been coming from my own mouth.

But it wasn't just Paul. It was all of them. Sam and Quil and Embry and Jake. And Jake. I felt my white knuckle grip on the console and the door handle and the tumbling in my stomach redoubled. I looked over at Jake as he drove back into the village towards Emily's house. "Rach, take it easy. You're going to rip the door handle off."

"Jake, pull over," I said shortly. He looked at me for a moment, a bit dubious – like I might make a break for it. "I'm going to be sick," I clarified.

The car slowed and I hopped out into the cloud of dust and felt the contents of my stomach – the entirety of my campfire dinner – empty into the wild shrubbery on the side of the road. It was quick – I hadn't eaten much that day – and I sat back down on the pavement leaning against the side of the car. Jacob was around the side of the car and he plopped down beside me.

"Sorry," I offered with a hoarse whisper. "I… uh…" how does one verbalize this? Jake was right. I hadn't remembered. That is, up until about four minutes ago. "I remember."

"You remember?" Jake said evenly. "What do you remember?" I could tell he was feeling me out. Seeing if I just remembered recent events or if I was making connections yet.

I wiped at the tears that had begun coursing down my cheeks once again. "I know," I clarified.