A fucking endless war. Endless I say. At least there hadn't been any battles for a week. My hand was better. Everything was better. The lady scout lived with me while Al was taken care of. Now he was supposed to come back.

"Al gets out tomorrow!" Susan yelled enthusiastically and shook me from my shoulders.

"I know, you told me already", I laughed. I was so glad that she was happy. I wanted to hug her but instead I gently took her hands off of my shoulders.

In a week I had formed a crush on Susan. Yes, a freaking girlcrush. But it was okay because I'm a man, right? Haha. I could never have her though. Because of my secret. And because she loves Alfred. So, I just had to let it be.

Bad thing was.. The bad thing was that even if I didn't mean to, I did these little things. Little things like sitting so close that our legs would touch, brushing my hand against her more or less accidentally, moving her bangs out of her face and implying stuff.. Yeah. I guess I flirted though I didn't even know how. But she always answered positively which is kind of confusing.

"But he said I can stay here. He takes my room", told me with a big smile.

Wait what? She was going to live with me? More than this week. Where the fuck is this world going? This was bad.. very bad. But it made me happy.

"Cool. Do you want to stay?" I asked with a smile. Like it really mattered in the middle of a war.

"Well, try and guess, Max! Of course I want to stay", she replied.

I smiled. This was bad.

Next weeks went like usual. There were battles. We lost. We won. Like it matters any more. I don't even know why we are fighting anymore. Susan and I got closer. We three were really friends now. But there were still things that weren't right. I was still a woman. And Susan still loved him.

"Hey, Max.."

"Hm?" I looked at Susan and stopped putting a shirt on. It was late and we were about to go to sleep.

"Why do you always wear that bandage?" she asked me.

Oh, fuck. There it came.

"Just a habit", I mumbled and looked down. Well, that really wasn't a lie.

"Do you have scars or something?" she kept asking.

"No", I shook my head. I could've said yes. It would have been easy. Why couldn't I lie to her? I looked at the scout and she tilted her head.

"Show me."

Fuck no. What the fuck am I going to do now. I'm fucked up. If I say no she'll figure it out any way and if I say yes.. well.. yeah.

"No."

She frowned and kept persuading:

"We are friends, you know? It's okay what ever you are hiding. You can tell me." If I told her now, what would happen? Nothing good.

She sat next to me on my bed and leaned close. She put her hands on both sides of my face and looked into my eyes. Fuck, I was so under pressure. And so scared. And her hands felt so nice.

"Tell me."

"No."

I couldn't. It's not a possibility. Just no.. And then Susan leaned so close that our noses touched. I looked at her confused. She kissed me. Fuck no.

"You can show me", she said gently and slipped one of her fingers under my bandages. I went very, very stiff.

"No, I can't", I shook my head violently but still.. Still I let her start opening it.

"You can't do that. Stop it", I told her and stopped her hands with mine.

"It's okay. I know."

I looked at her confused. She knew? She knew what. My secret? But she can't know. Nobody knows.

"You-"

"Shh. Al told me. He's really not that stupid, you know.. I know you know. I know you're not a real man", she explained and smiled oh so warmly. I let my hands drop and she opened my bandages.

"Why did you..?" I tried to ask but she just pushed me on my back.

Her hands were everywhere: in my hair, on my breasts, my sides, my stomach.. But her lips were firmly placed against mine. Every warm touch made me shiver and I didn't have a thought about stopping her. Moments ago.. minutes.. seconds? Anyway, a while ago I was scared, now I just wanted her. Badly.

Her fingertips traced my bellybutton which made my back arch slightly. Her lips started a trip along my jaw and neck and back up, towards my ear. She placed warm and moist openmouthed kisses here and there. Her hands were on my breasts rubbing and squeezing gently. She got me gasping loudly when her fingers found my erect nipple.

Then started the sucking and nipping. I was panting heavily. Gentle lovebites took their places on my neck and breasts and I was sure I had died and gone to heaven. Or hell. Because I was fucking needy and she did not make a move to get to my pussy. My boxers were probably wet as fuck and here this girl was. Making me want even more. And I loved it.

I pulled Susan up from sucking my nipple. Not because it felt bad. Because it didn't. It felt great. Awesome. Like everything else she did. I just wanted to feel her lips against mine again. I needed her to see that I wanted it all.

When our lips met I felt her fingers on my abdomen reaching down. It worked? No. Not yet. She just drew circles on my pelvis area teasingly and smiled at me. I looked at her pleadingly. And at last I got what I had waited for. Two of her fingers slipped in to my hot wetness.

"Jesus. You really liked it", Susan said and grinned at me. Apparently I was as wet as I had assumed. As an answer I just snorted at her and pushed her palm and fingers harder against me. She complied with rubbing her fingers against my clitoris slowly and gently. If I had dared I would have thrusted them right inside of me.

I heard myself moan. What the fuck. I hadn't ever moaned because of pleasure. Well this was like.. fuck. It was her. And I wanted her. And she was giving it to me. I wasn't sure which I wanted more: sex to never end or to have an orgasm. Maybe both. Getting off didn't mean stopping.

I woke up from my euphoria when she stopped. I was confused and needed more. What was she doing? Oh, pants. Right. She was trying to take them off. I quickly helped her pull my boxers off. When I was naked she went between my legs. Was she going to lick me? I was scared and excited at the same time. And maybe a bit uncomfortable with the idea of someone having their face so close to my pussy. But I shook that thought away.

I may now say that I'm a virgin. No one has ever licked me. And I can say it's.. It's just plain pleasure. Susan's tongue went up and down my pussy. She licked softly and she licked hard. She did it slow and she did it fast. She sucked and nibbled with her lips. The tongue slided in circles and in different letters. And I felt like coming the whole time. When I thought I can't feel better she did something that gave me even more pleasure. I didn't realize I was making noises. But I did notice her making some. Just occasionally some quiet, soft and cute. And sexy.

I wanted to come. I needed to come. I needed her inside me. And at that time I was sure she could read my mind because she pushed three fingers at me at once. I yelped from the pleasure.

"Fuck... More", I demanded not fully intentionally.

And Susan complied. Her fingers moved faster and she pressed harder and I was sure I was going to die. It felt so good. Too good. Her hand moved with ease because of the wetness. I couldn't do anything but moan and grab her head.

Her tongue moved faster. World around me seemed like it grew bigger and then shrinked again. My muscles felt so tight. It was almost like an itch. A kind of compulsive feeling. Need of release. I felt like I was going to explode. And I guess I kind of did. I came.

I could feel myself throbbing against Susan's hand. Pulsating. She rested her head against my thigh her fingers still inside me. She smiled. Her face was wet and it shone in the light. I felt heavy and light at the same time and also very sweaty and tired. And happy.

The girl crawled on top of me and kissed the corner of my mouth. I felt uncertain about what to do but I put my hands around her and hugged her close. Was I supposed to return the favor? Did she want me to? Why did she do me in first place.. Wait. Wasn't our scout in love with a certain heavy?

"Hey.. Uh.. Umm.. Al?" I tried to ask her about it but it didn't really come out. I felt like hitting myself.

"What?" she looked at me in utter confusion.

"Aren't you like.. You.. Well, you know. Don't you love Alfred?" I mumbled and felt so ashamed and uneasy for some reason. Maybe because I didn't really know. And the situation was so uncomfortable and confusing. I looked at her and she still looked confused when she answered:

"Yeah.. and?"

I could see she was panicking because of the situation. So was I. But I didn't want her to feel even more anxious so I tried to make my question clear:

"Aren't you in love with him? Why would you.." I tried. Why would you want me? I couldn't say it.

"Oh. You have misunderstood me. I'm not in love with Al. I love him as a friend", she explained and smiled at me.

Well, fuck. I am so stupid.

"You're gay?" I uttered still in confusion and she laughed. Okay, now I felt even more stupid. Why did I say that? I am so stupid. I felt so stupid that I started to laugh too.

"Are you?" she grinned at me.

"I love you."

Oh. I didn't say that. But I did. Someone fucking help me. Get me out of here. I felt panic rising in me. She looked shocked. Probably so did I.

"I.. you too", Susan answered quietly and rested her head on my shoulder. I felt relieved. And also still scared. What the fuck would happen now? I felt her nuzzling my neck while she mumbled:

"I love you too. I love you."

I smiled. I could think about consequences later.