When I woke up and opened my eyes tiredly I saw her looking at me. Watching me. Her eyes met mine. She smiled. I reached up with my hand and petted her cheek with the side of my index finger. Susan pressed her face in my palm and nuzzled it which made me chuckle. She leaned in and gave a peck on my lips.

"What's your real name?"

I was surprised. I didn't expect that. Why hadn't she asked before if it bugged her? Or did it cross her mind just now? I sniffled my nose and then scratched it.

"Why are you asking now?" I asked. A good question I thought. So was hers.

"Just curious", she responded and smiled a little. I lifted my body up and supported it with my elbow and tried to clarify my question:

"But why right now?"

She lowered her gaze and answered:

"Well.. You know.. I was there.. as a prisoner and.. I just thought that I don't even know your name."

Oh. She was right. She didn't know my name. I didn't think it mattered that much but if it mattered to her I would tell her.

"Mathilda Cubicle. Nice to meet you, miss..?"

"Taton. Susan Nichole Taton", the scout answered and giggled.

"Are you laughing at my name or what, miss Taton?"

"No, no. Your name is.. lovely", she answered and laughed again. I couldn't help but grin and laugh too.

We laughed for a long time and it felt good. It felt freeing. When we both were out of breath I took hear head in my hands and kissed her.

"I love you, little one."

"Love you too, big one."

I laughed. I wasn't that big, was I?

I got up and picked my loved one in my arms.

"Hey, what are you doing?" she giggled and wrapped her arms around my neck.

"Nothing. And you better not call me Mathilda."

"Okay, Mathilda."

I grinned.

"Stop or I will drop you", I threatened. I wasn't being serious and I knew she knew that.

"Don't you dare, you.. you.. mister Cubicle!"

"Enough with the names", I laughed. "Just Max, please."

"Fine, Maxxie", she said and stretched every syllable. She smiled.

"Let's go to the shower. Susie."

We laughed and I let my lover down. It was time to wash all the dirt and worries away.

Once again I was thinking about what the team red would do.

"They could've chased us here", I mused.

"They could have. They didn't" Blake replied.

Yeah. They didn't. Were they going to get their revenge? Probably. Soon? Maybe. I felt bad about Susan being in the battlefield again. Of course this was war and all that shit but that was why I didn't want her in the fights. I didn't want myself there either. Not anymore. I had Susan and I wanted to have her safe and sound. Why couldn't this war end? It had lasted a quite long time. Too long time.

"You ready for a new battle, hm?" I mumbled as I tried to eat my food.

"Seriously? Seriously I am fed up with this. It would be shitty to lose the whole war after all this effort but it is really.. I mean I want it to end", Kenneth answered.

"We're ready for battles as long as the leaders decide not to end this war. Or as long something big happens which forces the other team to lose", the sniper said and lighted a cigarette. We weren't supposed to smoke in ther canteen but I guess Blake didn't care. Didn't give a rat's ass like he once said to me. Susan decided that she'd be the next one answering to my question:

"I'm really looking forward to kicking their poor asses."

"Hard feelings, mate?" Blake raised his eyebrow.

"Well, fuck all of them and their chauvinist asses. Does that answer?"

"The army is indeed a bit chauvinist here nowadays", he stated. Yeah. Obvious. I knew it very well. I also didn't like that Susan was so eager to fight. But I decided it was better to shut up about it.

Later we laid on our bed. I looked at Susan's hand that was on my stomach. Our fingers were entwined. Her skin was much darker. Sun kissed. I was always wearing so much clothes that I was pale as a dead corpse. A freaking zombie. She was pleasantly brown. Not too brown, just a little. Looked healthy, unlike me.

"Why did you come here?"

"Hm? Army? Why did I sneak into army?"

"Yeah."

I though about what would I say and after a while I started to explain:

"It was my dream. My dad was in army. I admired him. And so did my twin brother.. Max. His name was Max. We were best friends and we had no other friends. It was Max, mom and I. And dad in the war. The big war hero. And then.. one day we got these news that our dad was dead and we would have to send another man to the war. My brother. I was going to stay home and he was going to live my dream. It wasn't okay with me. Max was supposed to leave the next day.. That night. The previous night we had a huge fight. I got angry. I mean very angry. I pushed him down from the second floor."

Susan looked at me shocked and maybe a little worried. I knew what she was thinking. How could I do something like that to a family member and was I able to do that to her. I knew I wasn't. Back then I really.. didn't care. It was just me and my destiny. That my brother was going to steal. And I didn't mean to do it. It was an accident. I was just insanely angry..

"You just.. killed him?" she asked.

"Nope. He didn't die from the fall. He was in a bad shape but he was breathing and his heart was beating. I knew he couldn't go to war now. I waited next to him till he woke up. He wanted to die. I didn't hesitate. It was his wish and I had caused the damage to him. So I got a shovel and killed him. Then I went and killed my mom. I knew it was for the best. She was very depressed because dad was gone and now my brother too and.. I wasn't going to stay home. So it was the best solution. I killed and buried my family, stole my brother's identity and replaced him in the war. That's all."

"That's.. a lot. How could you.. they were your family. He was your best friend", Susan wondered and shook her head.

"But I still love you of course", she added. I smiled sadly.

"It was an accident.. and it just seemed the best solution back then.."

"What about now? Do you regret it?" she asked eagerly. I shighed and answered:

"Sometimes. Sometimes I wish my brother could've done his job and my mother lived her life but.. I don't know.. After the fall everything just.. It was better that way. It is better this way. And I met you here. And they're not suffering."

"Could you just.. do that to me? If that was the best solution", she kept asking hard questions.

"I don't know.. Maybe I love you too much."

"Maybe.."

That evening the red team striked. And they did it with force. We defended our base furiously, so, in the end they retreated. There were many wounded. More than usual. Maybe they were tired of this war too. I didn't care. What I cared about was that Susan was one of the wounded.

"I can handle this", she insisted she could walk herself. I shook my head sadly. She had hurt her leg. Just a strained ankle but still. She also had a gunshot wound in her left arm. The hurting ankle was her left one so if it gave way she'd fall on her wounded arm. I let her walk without my help but I was close so if my lady scout fell I would be there to catch her.

When we were at the door of our room I opened it for Susan and she glared at me. I was just trying to help. And I usually opened it for her. And others. I knew she was in a bad mood but still..

We sat on our bed and I petted the back of her hand. I put my face close to her neck and wishpered:

"I love you."

She just snorted. It hurt but I kept petting her hand. I didn't know if she wanted me away or close to her but I felt like it was my duty to be there. I wanted to.

"Hey.. I don't want you to get hurt.. You know.. I was about to lose you back then and.." I knew it maybe wasn't the best time, but it bugged me a lot so I said it. She'd understand. She loved me.

"Sure you don't. You don't even fucking care about me", she retorted and shifted her hand away.

"What do you mean I don't care?" I asked and looked at her bewildered. What was this? Of course I cared. I loved her. I was fucking ready to die for her. I had saved her from the red base. So.. why did she doubt now?

"Why would you care. You could fucking kill me. Like those fucking reds that are trying to do that every time we battle."

She was angry. Angry with me. And I had no idea why. But what she said wasn't true. And it hurt me.

"You know that's not true", I said and lowered my head.

"Oh, do I? Really? You are the one who brutally murdered your loved ones!"

"Susan.."

I didn't want to hear any more angry words. No more accusing. She didn't understand.. And because of that she didn't want me any more.

"What? Now you're going to say it was an accident, huh? But was killing your mother an accident? Or ending your brother after the fall? Was it?" she almost yelled.

"Stop it! I am leaving."

"Leaving?"

That made Susan stop. But I didn't care. I wanted away from the situation. Everything hurt. She didn't love me because she thought I was a monster. Sure I didn't explain a lot but couldn't she wait for me? Wait for me to be ready to talk. To tell more. Why did she attack me like this..

"Yeah.. I.. I think I'll sleep somewhere else tonight, okay?"

"Where? If you love me, you'll stay", Susan said. What was I supposed to do.. Of course I loved her.. and I wanted to stay but.. It hurt so much.. And she didn't want me to stay, did she?

"Somewhere.. I love you.. Do you want me to stay?" I asked her. Maybe she did love me, she just had a hard day and.. hard time dealing with my.. past.

"I.. I do but.. Okay, just go."

Why did she have to add that. Why. Why did I say I'll leave. I didn't want to leave. And still.. And still when I opened my mouth to speak I said:

"I will go but.. I will come back, okay? Let's talk tomorrow? I need.. my space. Hey you.. ask Al to sleep here or something, okay? Just.."

"I can take care of myself. Just go."

And I did.