I do not own Mass Effect or any of the associated contact. Jagher Shepard is my Shepard and Fayelle Shepard is my friend's Shepard. This is a collection of moments set throughout the games. They're rated for language and violence mostly.

Mass Effect 2: Moments.
A Moment of Reparations.

How the hell was someone supposed to respond to an e-mail like the one Kaidan had sent?

Jagher settled herself in front of her private terminal for about the third time since she had first received the e-mail and stared at the words.

Shepard,

I'm sorry for what I said back on Horizon. I spent two years pulling myself back together after you went down with the Normandy. It took me a long time to get over my guilt for surviving and move on. I'd finally let my friends talk me into going out for drinks with a doctor on the Citadel. Nothing serious, but trying to let myself have a life again, you know?

Then I saw you, and everything pulled hard to port. You were standing in front of me, but you were with Cerberus. I guess I really don't know who either of us is anymore. Do you even remember that night before Ilos? That night meant everything to me... maybe it meant as much to you. But a lot has changed in the last two years and I can't just put that aside.

But please be careful. I've watched too many people close to me die - on Eden Prime, on Virmire, on Horizon, on the Normandy. I couldn't bear it if I lost you again. If you're still the woman I remember I know you'll find a way to stop these Collector attacks. But Cerberus is too dangerous to be trusted. Watch yourself.

When things settle down a little... maybe... I don't know. Just take care.

-Kaidan

It hurt that he questioned her response to that night before Ilos. That night had meant everything to her as well and she could have been sure that Kaidan had known that—she had told him as much, she was sure she had. She had loved him then and loved him now. Of course, she understood his repulsion to her being with Cerberus. She was repulsed to be working with Cerberus, even though she had grown to like and trust Miranda at least. But that he hadn't believed her when she told him she didn't want to be with Cerberus had hurt as well.

"Kaidan," she breathed as she looked at the screen. Jagher propped her head up on one hand with her elbow on the desk and wondered how the hell to reply to the confusing e-mail.

The part at the end gave her hope. Maybe she should focus on that? Provided she survived the mission to the Collector base, she would love to see him again, to be with him. Jagher was still so in love with Kaidan, but then again, no time had passed for her. The two years he had been fighting to get over her, she'd been unconscious on a table with no idea she was actually alive until just a little while ago.

She raised her hands on the holographic interface of the keyboard and started her reply, with no idea where it was going to go.

Kaidan,

You don't have to apologize for what you said on Horizon. I can imagine what it must have been like for you to see me there after thinking I was dead and trying so hard to move on—I've been getting that a lot lately. And Kaidan, I'm glad to hear that you were trying to move on, I wouldn't have wanted you to dwell. Our relationship meant everything to me, but I never expected to come back. When I was falling… well, I was pretty sure I was done for.

If this settles your mind at all, I don't trust Cerberus. I am still here with them only because they are giving me the resources to fight the Collectors and stop them from abducting humans. The Council isn't going to give anyone leave to go into the Terminus systems for rumours, so this is the only avenue I see. Plus, they did bring me back to life, but it's Miranda more than Cerberus that I thank for that. She's not as much a dog of Cerberus as I originally thought. I think she may be seeing a different side of the Illusive Man while working with me. But I'm being careful, and I've got Garrus and Tali here, not to mention Joker keeping an eye on everything.

I have every intention of coming back from this mission, but you know how things like this go. We didn't really expect to survive fighting Saren and Soverign, but we did, and I have a great team. I have done everything to ensure I have the best chance of coming back. I want to come back and I want to see you when I get back, Kaidan. I miss you.

I will send an e-mail when I get back, just to let you know I survived.

-Jagher.

As she finished typing the reply, she paused for a moment. It had all come easier than she had expected, and the only time she had paused was when she had been about to type "I love you." She wanted to tell him that she loved him, but that wasn't something to break out after two year apart and after what had happened on Horizon. Maybe after… She shook her head and sat back in her chair.

She reread the e-mail several times before sending it off and then turned off the terminal and headed over to her bed, dropping onto it heavily when she got there.

Author's Note.

That's the actual text from the e-mail, copy and pasted from the Mass Effect Wiki.

Next Moment: A Moment of Contemplations.