title: love month
prompt: SASUSAKU MONTH ON LJ!
rating: T-M
summary: oo8; Sasuke's so desperate that he must call a 1-800 date line in order to find a girlfriend. "Satisfaction guaranteed!"
.oo8.
Satisfaction
"Guaranteed," Sakura said as she answered the 1-800 call. "What can I do for you, sir?"
"Uh…" she heard a deep voice on the other end, and a hand over the receiver. "Naruto, what do I do?"
"Just go with the flow, man! Chill out! Now hurry up, I'm paying three bucks a minute for this. GO, GO, GO!"
The voices were muffled, and Sakura couldn't understand what was happening, but soon, it became clear again, and the deep voice said, "My name's Uchiha Sasuke…I, uh…called this number because—"
"Because you want our services. We can help you, Uchiha-san. My name is Haruno Sakura. Now, can you tell me the reason you are signing up for this dating service?"
"Yeah, because my idiot friend is making me," Sasuke muttered, putting his hand over the receiver.
"I'm sorry, sir, what was that?"
"Nothing. Anyway, can you recommend me to somebody?"
Sakura smiled as she heard Sasuke's desperateness. "Sure, let me get my book…I have a few girls that may be of some interest to you, but we'll just have to see…the first time is free, but the other girls will be charged in your account…so, describe to me your ideal girlfriend."
"What am I, Rikko from Absolute Boyfriend?"
"Be quiet! Anyway, go ahead."
Sasuke paused. "Well, I like a girl who's decently pretty. As in, she doesn't have to be supermodel material, but pretty enough to look at. I don't want cute that much. And, she has to have a nice personality, not fawn all over me like a sick little puppy…and a nice body would be really great, too."
"Hm…I think we have a match here, but I'm not sure. What do you think of the name 'Hyuuga Hinata?'" she asked. "I can send you a picture through e-mail."
"Fine, whatever. Just…how much?" Sasuke asked, looking over at Naruto, who was timing the conversation. There was already 15 dollars needing to be paid, and he was already in debt…
"I'll give you the bill later for the call. Right now, I'll give her your address and you can call us back to see if she was your dream girl or not. She'll be on your doorstep within 30 minutes. And don't worry, she won't be naked and you won't have to kiss her to wake her up."
"Okay."
"Thanks for calling 1-800-GET A DATE. Satisfaction guaranteed, or your money back," Sakura chirped. "Please recommend your friends!"
Sasuke hung up before Sakura did. He sighed, watching as Naruto turned red over the bill, and waited. Waited for his "ideal girlfriend."
.
.
.
"H-H-Hi, I'm Hinata…I was sent by S-Sakura-chan to, uh, b-be the g-girlfriend of—" she looked at her palm for the name. "Uchiha S-Sasuke-san."
Sasuke opened the door to see a cute girl on his doorstep, but who was incredibly shy and failed to look at him. He didn't want to waste his time with somebody like that.
"You have the wrong door. Sorry," he said, slamming the door in her face. Obviously, Hinata wasn't the girl he was looking for. Shy? No. She was cute, and perhaps could be considered pretty, but she wasn't the girl he looked for.
"Give me another girl," Sasuke said, calling the 1-800 date line. Sakura picked up again, and he recognized her from the sweetness of her voice.
"Hinata wasn't good enough? Did you give her a try?"
"Didn't need to. I want my money back."
Sakura whistled through her teeth. "Let's give you another try. And this time, I'll make it free until you find the girl you actually like. Alright?"
"Whatever."
Sakura looked in her book, and he heard the sounds of flipping pages. "How about…" she said. "What about this girl? Her name is TenTen, and she's kind of like a tomboy, but still very cute."
"Sounds fine," Sasuke muttered. "I'll see her in 30 minutes, right?"
"Twenty-five."
"Then I'll be waiting."
Sasuke hung up the phone and waited on his sofa for the girl of his dreams to come. Ten minutes passed, and then another, until he heard a knock on his door. Getting up from his comfy position, he opened it to see a fairly cute girl with buns in her hair knock. She wore a traditional Chinese outfit (oh, how he loved those…) and looked at him with sweet eyes.
"Hey, you must be Sasuke. I'm TenTen."
"Hey." He held out his hand for her to shake, and she took it, her grip nearly killing his knuckles in the process. As a man, he couldn't show any emotion, so he bit his tongue to keep from crying out.
"Sorry. I'm a black belt in karate and…well, I can't control my strength."
"Yeah, uh…I don't see how this is going to work out," Sasuke said. "Who's going to be the man in the relationship?"
TenTen frowned. "Well, that all depends on what time of the month it is."
"Yeah…I don't think that this is going to work. Good bye," Sasuke said, slamming the door in her face too. Then, he barred the door with desks and books in case she would punch through the wood and unlock the door.
"What is it, Sasuke?" Sakura's voice picked up from the line. "This is the third time in less than an hour!"
"Money back. My satisfaction is not guaranteed."
"Fine, fine, fine! I'll give you one more girl, alright? One more. And then you can stop calling us and we'll give you your thirty dollars back."
"Actually, could you charge that to Uzumaki Naruto's account?" Naruto yelled from across the room. "It's my money he's using!"
Sasuke didn't care anymore. He hung up the phone and decided that one more time wouldn't hurt. After all, third time was the charm!
.
.
.
"Hi."
A pretty girl with pink hair came up to his doorstep. He was about to shut the door, until her foot blocked it.
"You must be the famous Sasuke."
"That's me."
Sakura smiled, allowing herself to come in, and setting herself down on the couch. "I'm Haruno Sakura. The date-line operator."
"…Why are you here?"
"Sorry. This is why I'm an operator." Sakura sighed. "Anyway, you got a nice place here."
"Thanks."
Sasuke looked at the petite operator he had talked to the last hour. She was tall, thin, and pretty. She wasn't shy, nor was she violent, and he immediately took a liking to her.
"So…"
"Hm?" she asked.
"What do we…"
"Oh. I came to talk to you about the satisfaction policy. Apparently you have really, really high standards. Now, I know the saying 'the customer's always right,' but maybe it's because you set the bar too high. Our girls are gorgeous and smart and everything that every guy of all different kinds can have, but you apparently give up after our best."
"Because they're not my taste."
"Well, we have to have at least one that fits you!" Sakura said.
"Yeah, and I found her. She's sitting on my couch right now," Sasuke said, mesmerized by Sakura. "And she's a date-line operator that gives me the wrong kinds of girls."
"Me? Oh, no…you couldn't be serious…I mean, I'm not that pretty, and I get nervous a lot, and I'm not—"
"Shut up." He held a hand over her mouth. "I'm pretty happy with the product I got so far."
"Hm?"
"Well, you said satisfaction guaranteed. And by the looks of it, my satisfaction is pretty guaranteed right now, for a long, long time."
"Now, Sasuke, I told you—I'm an operator and I'm not one of the girls…"
"I'll pay you," he said. "I really want you right now."
"Sorry, Sasuke. I can't do much but—mmph!"
He pressed his lips on hers and smirked at her shocked expression. Her eyes widened, and then slowly closed as her arms wrapped around his neck.
Pulling apart, she smiled. "Wow. I'm surprised that you haven't got a girlfriend already…"
"I haven't found one I liked as much as this one. But really, do I have to pay for her? Because I like her too much right now to give her to another guy." Sasuke was slowly drawn into her by everything that she did.
"Nah. I told you, first one's free."
"That's good." He smirked as she brought his forehead to touch hers.
"Hey, teme, did your whore come yet—holy shit!" Naruto yelled, coming out of the bathroom to see Sasuke on top of Sakura on the couch. All three of them froze, before Naruto went back into the bathroom and locked the door.
Satisfaction?
Guaranteed.
Slight changes 7.8.14!