Spin Cycle Chapter 17, a twilight fanfic

I really didn't want to go to the bonfire tonight. Last night it had rained so hard it was actually cancelled. Ergo, I had the joy of moaning over my total lack of desire to go, again. My reason were many and varied. I didn't want to go for fear of seeing Paul. Or even Jared or Quil for that matter. But I knew I couldn't worm my way out of it without arising even more suspicion from Jake or my dad. Plus, I knew Dad wanted me to get out, he thought I was losing it. I felt bad nagging my way out of it.

In the end I sucked it up, pulled on some old boots and brown leather jacket over my white t-shirt and sat between my brother and my dad as Jake drove us over to First Beach.

I could do this, I told myself over and over. The entire five minute ride over was comprised of my inner pep talk as I braided my long hair into one long plait – a nervous habit. When we arrived Jake hopped out and helped Dad with his chair. From there he made his own way to the beach. As I made to slide out of the cab I was met by my brother the human road block. A hand braced on each side of the doorway, he examined me. "Is there something you want to tell me?" he asked.

"No," I replied quietly.

"You sure?" he asked significantly as he indicated the braid that rested over my shoulder.

"When did you become the big sibling?" I asked tiredly. Since I'd learned about the pack, it seemed like Jake didn't just look older than me, but acted older than me. Well, at least in the sense that I – for the first time – felt like I had a big brother. Not a younger one. He was also a lot more observant. Or maybe he always was, and I was only now giving him credit for it.

"Since I realized there's a heck of a lot out there to break my big sister apart."

"I'm fine Jake," I insisted. "Just sick." I slid out of the cab and beneath his arm, turning around once to smile in his direction, just for good measure.

Tonight's fire was pretty low key. As if most of them weren't. But it wasn't a council related thing. No real hoopla. It was mostly just locals. La Push folks and the pack. Joy. I had made an obvious show of eating something, in order to calm Jake and Dad before talking with Leah for a while. She could tell something was up, but didn't push it. I told her I'd tell her about it later. You know, when we weren't surrounded by people. She agreed to that. I think she probably knew what was up.

It was a nice night out and I decided to slip off my boots and enjoy the sand beneath my feet. I was moseying my way down to the where the tide was ebbing, when I felt a hot arm loop around my shoulders. "You know, if you stay this perky, I just might have to get you sedated. I can't stand all the unbridled enthusiasm, Rach."

"I told you Jake. I'm sick," I repeated my lie as I turned from the tide and began down the beach, taking him along with me.

"It's more than that," he replied. So many years later and this kid picked up on more than I thought he ever did.

I just shrugged. "I don't know. I guess it's just compounded BS, you know? It's been a long week. The battle, Paul, my being sick, you being hurt. All of it. Just stress." In an effort to not wander too far from the group I plopped down unceremoniously in the sand.

Jake just stood there and examined me again, his head cocked to one side. "Stressed?"

"And sick," I sniffed for effect.

"I don't think it's that kind of sick," he mumbled.

My head snapped up and I was about to retort when he began to back away. He glanced down the beach from where we came, someone else was about to join us. "I'll talk to you later," and with that he turned and went. I lacked the motivation to get up and return to the group.

I didn't need the light of daytime to guess who was coming down the beach. I closed my eyes and sat up straight, willing myself to relax. There was no need to be scared. There was no need to be scared. I heard the quiet footsteps approach and I opened my eyes slightly to see Paul crouched across from me, albeit about five feet away, with his head in his hands.