Having Jake gone was really surreal. I only felt the daze for about a day before I had to go into damage control mode. Dad was upset. Really upset. So I had to do my best to stay positive. All day I would be upbeat and chipper. I insisted that Jake just needed his space and that the news of Bella's wedding was just the straw that broke the camel's back. It was his first young love. It was supposed to hurt.

I didn't really believe much of this. As much as I disliked Bella Swan, I wasn't blind to my brother's love for her. Yep, love. He was kind and happy and selfless. I'd never seen him quite like he was when he was around her. It didn't matter that she was a mess, her presence was enough to make him happy.

So, during the day I kept up normal appearances for my dad's sake and I tried to regulate the wolf pack flow that came through my house. For a while, it was just a force-of-habit issue. Embry, Quil and Seth were just so used to stopping by the house and finding Jake. It was practically instinctual. Then they started coming by hoping for word from him. No dice. Then they just got lonely. I couldn't really blame them.

Just like with my dad, I tried to stay positive, but they saw through me pretty quickly. It was actually kind of nice to just be dejected and upset along with them. They were borderline insulted by my attempts to fake it. It's hard to fake anything in this extended family.

Only with the pack and at nights would I allow myself to really feel that hole of sadness. It was different than when I went away to school. I knew Jake was in La Push, relatively safe and happy. But now? I had absolutely no idea. None whatsoever. And because of his fluidity of species, he wasn't even bound by human limitations in his escape.

I was worried. I was lonely. I was sad. I'd always had my baby brother around. Since I'd come home, we'd been much more like friends - comrades in this crazy reality the world had dealt us. Part of me missed my friend and part of my older sister instinct couldn't help but worry constantly for the little brother that had a better shot at protecting himself than most carbon-based life forms out there.

One night, I'd been so lonely and my brain just wouldn't shut off. I sat up and propped open my window, waiting for the inevitable thud of footfalls as Paul ran home, doing his usual circuit around my house, at 2AM. I heard the cadence of his four-legged self, slightly heavier on every third beat, and whispered. "Paul!" the sudden halting in noise assured me that he'd heard me.

I sat back, opened the window fully and waited about ten seconds before he hopped through in his drawstring shorts. He walked carefully over to my bed and took a seat. I cozied up to his side, burrowing my nose into his shoulder. Just off patrol, he smelled like dirt, rain, pine, salt and that vague mustiness of fur.

He wrapped an arm around me and pulled me closer from his side onto his lap - knowing already why I'd called him. I was lonely. And if I closed my eyes, his temperature was the same as Jake's and he smelled almost the same. But it was only a ghost of similarity. Paul and Jacob were two different people in my life. They touched me differently. They talked to me differently. We had fully different relationships. Being around Pack just made me feel better for some uncertain reason. Maybe because they all had those familiar traits. But Paul was admittedly the one to make me feel better because I couldn't talk to the others the way I talked to him.

"Any word?" I asked quietly. Since Jake had run off I had taken to asking Paul after his shifting if he'd heard Jake in their communal brain. The only other person I'd had the guts to ask was Leah. She just nodded in understanding and said she hadn't. No one had.

"No," Paul replied, talking into my hair. "Boy's gettin' awfully good. There's no reason to think he isn't shifted, but Sam thinks he's trying to fully embrace the wolf for a while, so he isn't communicating on the same plane as we are."

"Great," I mumbled, "he's going feral..."

"Not like that," Paul sighed.

I reached up, lacing my arms around his shoulders and holding on for dear life - though I doubt it hurt him - I just wanted an anchor to my bed, because whenever I got to thinking about it, I just wanted to run. I'm not sure why, but I just wanted to run. To run away? To run and find Jake? To run until I couldn't feel my legs anymore. I think it was mostly just the physical exertion, knowing I still had the power to do something - even if it was completely unrelated to this situation.

"He's fine, Rach. He's fine," he murmured to me soothingly as the tears began to build in my eyes. He moved his hands over my back rhythmically as he rocked. He'd be great with kids someday, because I turned into a total toddler in these circumstances.

"I feel so helpless," I confessed as I tipped my head down staring at my lap.

"Join the club, babe. This is not something us superwolves are used to."

"I just want this all to go away. I wish he'd never met that girl. I can't stand watching all this play out."

Paul's hands rested on my hips as he thought over my statement. "You know, I thought that for a while too but I'm not so sure. I mean as much as I do not like the leech lover, I can't help but be at least thankful for her preventing your brother from being a total bitch about this wolf thing."

I looked up at him, wondering what alternate universe allowed for Paul Lahote to appreciate Bella Swan's indirect presence in his life. Mean but true. He hated her more than I did, for reasons he wouldn't even fully explain to me.

"Hear me out," he rolled his eyes, "when your brother first shifted, he was a total emo bitch about it. Yeah, I guess it makes sense and I'm sure it's probably a healthier reaction than Seth's unadulterated joy, but it sucks more to share a brain and time and close proximity to a guy with nothing but dejection pulsing off him, than the one shitting sparkles and rainbows. But when Bella finally 'figured out' the shifting thing and she was back in Jake's head all the time he was just content. His head was a hell of a lot more peaceful and easier to be around."

"So you like Swan for purely selfish reasons? It makes your head more peaceful by default?"

"That's definitely part of it," he smiled. "But besides it just being a nicer mental atmosphere and his performing better it's just kinda nice to see someone you consider family to be all right. I'm not a chick so I don't care so intensely about 'his happiness'. But I'm not cold enough to want him to be miserable, you know? Jake wasn't so bad when he wasn't thinking about the dumb broad."

"And that's just kinda the course of life. He's pretty damn young. Sometimes, chicks just step on your heart. The fact that vampires and werewolves are involved is slightly less important."

"When did you become so damn deep and insightful?" I asked.

"I," Paul scoffed in mock offense, "am insulted. I'm a highly intuitive and philosophical being." I couldn't help my smile and snort of laughter. "Ah," he sighed, "I've missed that face."

Two days following Paul's oddly insightful comments and easy calming of my lonely depression, I dragged him food shopping.

"Why am I coming with you? Remind me again?" he whined as I physically pulled him out of the truck.

"Because," I insisted, "Emily's feeding your brothers and Leah's on patrol. I can't do it alone. Jake normally comes with me."

"Fine," he whined, rolling out if the truck. "What do I have to do?"

"You can pick up heavy stuff, I guess." he quirked a brow at me. He hadn't really know me to be the type of girl who needed help lifting sacks of potatoes. Truth be told, having him along was more psychologically sustaining than practical. I didn't need him for much, I was just way too scared to do it alone, still. I needed someone to bounce ideas off when I couldn't really see the difference between two products. However, I was beginning to regret my choice as he picked a cart and had it doing wheelies before we even made it into the store. "It's more for my psyche than anything else," I told him. "I feel less terrified than when I go it alone."

"Rock on," was all he replied with.

He was actually pretty helpful. He'd never actually gotten around to telling me he'd been grocery shopping for his house since his mom took up second shift. Three years ago. Yeah. Granted, he did tell me he hated food shopping so I agreed not to make a habit of bringing him. I think he only came because he knew my emotional state was halfway stable these days.

We were on our way out after a brief and successful venture when I reached my palm up and slapped my forehead. "Crud," I sighed. "I forgot my dad's prescription..."

"Go ahead," Paul nodded. "You hit up the pharmacy and I'll meet you at the truck." I nodded and trotted towards the small pharmacy. I waited in line for ten solid minutes as an older man - who was apparently mostly deaf and blind - asked the pharmacist every conceivable question about his thyroid medication. I give the pharmacist credit, he was very patient and helpful. He didn't deserve my snippiness when I finally reached the counter. "Black, William. 11 River Drive."

I snagged the pills and offered an apologetic thanks as I made for the sliding doors.

I was not prepared for the scene outside. The parking lot was small - because the store was pretty small. I had parked in the first row of spaces and about thirty yards away in the back of the lot, there was an all out brawl happening. I went to my truck and tossed the prescription inside. No Paul. I then did a double-take between the cab of my truck and the ruckus in the back of the lot. "Shit," I muttered.

I slammed the door and started at a jog towards the back of the parking lot. Paul's aggressive temper combined with some local idiot was bound to get said idiot killed and Paul in trouble.

So far Paul had avoided actual charges by the sheer grace of God. That and Charlie Swan, bless his heart, knew his citizenry well. He knew Paul's dad was a mess and his mother was an angel. So, the harmless crap that would've gotten most teens a wrap sheet got him a night in a cell to cool off. He never did anything to hurt innocent people. It was never malicious. Just stupid stuff. Unfortunately, Paul was getting older and soon he'd be a legal adult. Charlie would have to start charging him with assault in these situations. Not to mention the combination of his temper and strength that went through the roof after he'd gone Pack .

When I finally made it to the altercation, I gasped. Paul was beating the crap out of Jesse, the local dead beat. Literally. There was blood on the pavement and Paul looked in mint condition as he wailed on Jesse as he lay on the ground. There were a few boys, maybe young high school age, staring close by in horror and awe.

"What happened?" I shrieked.

When they just stared at me, I opted for a more realistic approach. I bent down and grabbed Paul's shoulder rather forcefully. He shrugged me off easily before I punched him in the back. Hard.

"Stop it!" There was no doubt Jesse was a low life dirt bag but I didn't think that warranted a homicide investigation. It was looking pretty terrible. Paul was fully in a zone as Jesse tried to reach up and thrust Paul off him. It wasn't going to happen for the poor guy, unfortunately. "Paul!" I shouted as I bent down and put all my strength into pulling back his one arm.

I growled in frustration and finally reached down and clutched a knot of hair at the crown of his head. "Jesus," he flinched, stopping his assault immediately and reaching up to his head. It was his weak spot, I'd learned. Tug too hard and he'd flinch like a girl, just right and it was a total turn on. I reached down and grabbed his right wrist as it tried to free his scalp.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Not now, Rachel," he ground out.

"Bull shit, not now," I shrieked. "You're gonna fucking kill him! There are kids here!" I leaned backwards using all my weight to propel him backwards with me and to his feet.

"He deserves it," he muttered.

"That's not your call to make." I'd stepped in front of him forming a barrier between him and Jesse who was standing again and bleeding heavily from his nose, lip, part of his eye and maybe his ear. I glared at Jesse, who I'd once terrified when we were freshmen in high school. Thankfully he has since never bothered the Black family.

He met my death glare and his jaw relaxed infinitesimally. He took a step back and raised his hands. "Not in front of the lady, eh, Lahote?"

"Yeah, real chivalrous," Paul replied with a sneer, "you're just fucking scared of her."

"Paul," I said in a warning tone. I had one hand firmly on his chest - way overheated and pulsing with his heart rate. The fire in my eyes I'm sure matched his own. I was intensely protective of him and I didn't want to see this escalate any further. I was about to open my mouth to speak again when the lazy sirens and slow chug of Charlie's cruiser - desperately in need of an oil change - could be heard making it's leisurely pace around the corner.

The young boys were still here and as I looked over I saw one holding an open cell phone limply at his side. "Rachel," Paul said firmly, "get outta here."

I didn't need to be told twice. I went over to the three boys, "C'mon guys. Let's get out of here or we're going to get wrangled in with these two Neanderthals." The three only nodded vaguely before taking off at full sprint the other way down the road. I turned to watch as Paul stood in his spot, in a rage and avoiding having to look in Jesse's direction. It was hard not to go to him. I got in my truck and buckled up and locked the doors - just to be on the safe side.

When Charlie got there he had them sit down and talked to them - though I couldn't hear him - before going over to handcuff Jesse. I did a not-so-subtle victory laugh.

But then I almost rocket launched out of the seat when he did the same to Paul. Paul's supersonic hearing heard the thud of my hand against the glass window across the lot. He looked up and sternly shook his head.

I sat there and chewed my thumbnail into nonexistence as I watched Charlie put both the large Quileute boys into the back seat of his cruiser and leave.

I continued to sit in the truck staring towards the back of the lot - dumbstruck - until my phone vibrated on the dash bringing me back to reality.

That was the first night I ran.