Chapter 2 - The sex ban

"Oh great", Christian exclaimed, throwing the phone down as though it might infect him even more than he already was. He had been woken up ten minutes ago by the loud RING, RING from the phone that Syed had put on the bedside table before he had left for work. He was having such a good dream too, one which had involved him and multiple Syed clones, all looking exactly like his moody boyfriend, right down to the sexy mole he had on his right shoulder. They were all Christian's slaves and they worshiped him, treating him like a King, taking it in turns to lay down on the Royal bed (sometimes two at a time, this was Christian's mind after all) and be used as nothing more than sex slaves. Christian had banked that dream away in his mind for later. There was nothing better to think about than naked clones of your sexy boyfriend, who would never say a word, an improvement on the real Syed right now, the one that had just arrived home.

"What is it now?", Syed sighed wearily, noticing that look of 'Oh my God, NO!' on Christian's face and slumping himself down onto the sofa.

"My mother just phoned. She wants to visit", Christian groaned, eliciting a coughing fit and forcing him to reach for the tissues.

"That'll be...interesting", Syed replied, with a wry smile at his bed-ridden boyfriend. He had never met Christian's mother, or any of his family apart from Jane, and he had no intention of starting now. His own mother was more than enough of a nightmare for both of them.

"Yeah, that's one way of putting it. We need to emigrate. Like now. Where's your passport?". Christian sat up in bed and mentally began planning their move.

"Haven't you forgotten that a) we would need an extra airplane seat for your tissues, hot lemon drinks and cough medicine and we just simply can't afford it and b) do you really want my mother to come and find us and string you up by your wotsits?". Syed shivered at the mere thought of his mother's reaction.

"We could always share seats?", Christian replied, choosing to ignore the fact Syed had just used the word wotsits and that he, Christian, was going out with a man who used the word wotsits.

"Yeah, like I'm going near you right now. Besides you said this morning I wasn't getting any for a while", Syed pouted, giving Christian a look only a five year-old, who had been denied his favourite sweets would give.

"And you say I'm the sex pest? I simply meant you could sit on my lap in a perfectly innocent way. And anyway I was joking about that". Christian voice was thick with sarcasm. "You know I much prefer your dream clones, they're so much nicer to me", he muttered.

"When is she coming?", Syed asked, choosing not to respond to Christian's blatant piss taking. He also decided to ignore the the last sentence, not wishing to delve into the depths of Christian's sex obsessed mind. It could scar him for life.

"Next Monday, for one day", Christian pouted, flinging himself back down onto the pillows.

"Oh damn, Mum has me down to work that day. Guess you'll be seeing her alone then?", Syed replied brightly, tugging off his coat and swinging his legs up onto the sofa, shifting onto his back so he could face Christian.

"Erm...yeah...no. I said you'd be there. She wants to meet Sy-eeeeed", Christian revealed, immitating his mother's pronunciation of Syed. "You'll have to tell Zainab". Christian pulled the duvet cover up over his chin so Syed couldn't see his broad grin.

"I can't. We have a big order on right now. We could always swap mothers? I'll stay here for when she arrives and you can tell my mother there will be one less samosa maker for her to boss around"

"As tempting as that offer is Sy, I'll pass. I wish I was an ophan"

"Don't say that"

"You don't know my mother"

"She can't be worse than mine!"

"Go on then. What did she say? Should I go throw myself under a train for being such a terrible boyfriend to you?"

Ever since that day Syed had told his mother he was back with Christian, Zainab had made it her misson to blame him for everything, from the state of Syed's hair, 'It's too long', she'd moan,'Can you not afford to have it cut? Too many nights out I expect', she had concluded smugly before strolling out of the unit, to the fact Syed barely came over for dinner anymore, 'Will he not let you out of his sight for one evening a week? Scared being here with your family might change your mind about wasting your life with him when you could be with us?'

"Christian", Syed admonished, a slight frown appearing on his face. "She asked if you were okay, actually", he lied.

"Really", Christian replied drolly, rolling his eyes, which set off another hacking coughing fit

"You really should stop talking you know, what with that cough"

XXXX

As expected, Zainab was perfecting her 'It's Christian's fault isn't it?' look when Syed walked in to the unit, hours late.

"It's Christian, he's sick. I'm looking after him", Syed replied, hanging his coat on the peg behind the door and pulling on an apron.

"Not serious I hope?". Zainab turned around to face Syed, her voice laced with contempt for the man she saw as replacing her position as No. 1 in her son's affections.

"Mum!"

"What Syed? I was simply asking after Christian's health", she retorted, mutilating an innocent onion.

"He's got a cold. I'm currently keeping him in tissues and lemon and honey Lemsip. I'm Doctor Syed", he joked, thinking about the time Christian and he had played Doctors and Doctors in bed.

"Can you try not to be late next week please? We have a big order and we need all the help we can get", she asked turning her back on Syed again, "If you can drag yourself out of Christian's bed that is"

XXXX

"I've made you some soup". Syed pointed over to the pan on the stove, dropping onto the bed beside Christian.

"Thanks, Sy. What would I do without you?"

"Have a bigger ego?", Syed grinned, earning him a frosty stare and a hard poke in the chest.

"Don't hit me", Syed shrieked, batting Christian's hand away, "Anyway, I've been thinking-"

"Ooh, dangerous move there, Sy", Christian cut in, laughing.

"Do you always have to interrupt?", Syed replied, his expression cooling significantly. "What I was going to say before I was rudely interrupted by someone who should remember that they are currently at my mercy is that two can play the 'you won't be getting any action from me' card. What if I were to withhold services? I can do without sex for a week"

Christian raised an eyebrow, rolling his eyes so blatantly that Syed could not resist playfully hitting him on the arm in mock anger.

"Yeah sure. Pretend all you like Sy, but these past two days have been just as bad for you as they have been for me", Christian stated, placing his hand teasingly on Syed's thigh.

"Because of your moaning", Syed replied, pushing Christian's hand away and trying to keep his breathing steady.

"No, you can't get enough of me. It's plain and simple, Sy. You're mardy at me because you are sex deprived. It's alright I understand, I mean I can see why you're a bit tetchy. You're unsatisfied and alone, you just don't cut it like I can". Christian smirked, winking at Syed.

"Right that's it", Syed screeched, reaching for a pillow and whacking Christian on the head with it.

"Hello, ill person here", Christian complained, rubbing his head.

"Next week after your mother has gone. One whole week, no sex, none of your wandering hands in bed or on the sofa, nothing", Syed declared, noticing the slight fear in Christian's eyes that he was actually serious about this.

Christian coughed out a nervous laugh. "Oh come on Sy. Don't be mean. It's not good to deprive people of their needs. You could do lasting damage to my physical and mental health here", Christian whined as Syed moved from the bed into the kitchen, trying to remember which cupboard the bowls were now kept in. Having found them where the glasses were previously kept, he ladled some hot chicken noodle soup into a bowl before bringing it to the bed.

"One whole week, Superman", Syed said, handing Christian the bowl of soup before turning away.

"Bread, Sy"