Author's Notes:
Shoutout to Sareface, Thunderblade14, Ember Nickel, and Writer of the gods for the reviews! No, I do not intend to show the text, though it's possible they'll quote a line or two on occasion if it's especially important. That may not happen until they get serious about it though. =P
Don't forget to check my profile for updates on when I expect to get a new chapter out (for any of my fics). Reviews are loved! Thanks to Heather for the beta.
Chapter Summary: We, the Marauders, have decided to continue our reading of your curious book at the request of Mister Wormtail, who believes it will be amusing.
Dearest "Harry,"
We, the Marauders, have decided to continue our reading of your curious book at the request of Mister Wormtail, who believes it will be amusing. After reading the second chapter, the rest of us have concluded that Mister Wormtail has a point, as some of the events described are quite ludicrous (and therefore good entertainment).
Mister Moony holds that Muggles are not, as a rule, this cruel. However, as Mister Prongs pointed out, these particular Muggles know that Harry – you – are a wizard. That they are stupid enough to treat him poorly (it's borderline abuse, actually, according to Moony) instead of groveling at his feet is their prerogative – or would be, if they were real.
This Dudley character is particularly interesting. Mister Prongs and I (Mister Padfoot) must inform you that even as members of wealthy pureblood families, we have never gotten, nor insisted upon, more than twenty presents, let alone thirty-seven. (That Dudley cannot do the basic maths required to add two to thirty-seven is a testament, we assume, to Muggle schooling.)
Concerning Harry's accidental magic (sorry, your magic), we must admit that it is indeed characteristic of Muggles that they should blame the wizard in the family for any odd happenings as though they were intentional. That he was able to Apparate accidentally is, according to Moony, a sign that the abuse was worse than you implied – or that you're lying, one or the other.
Your story falls apart completely in the scene with the snake. First of all, Harry – you – could not possibly be a Parselmouth, as the ability is assumed to be genetic and James's family does not have it. Furthermore, the snake's behavior is not at all consistent with that of normal snakes. Snakes are not capable of winking, nor of conversing in gestures that would be readily understood by a human. On top of that, we doubt that they can identify a Parselmouth before he even speaks a word.
Concerning the wizards Harry keeps meeting in the street, we should also point out that most wizards know better than to Disapparate in a crowded Muggle area, as you seem to imply them doing at the end there.
Sincerely,
Mister Padfoot
Mister Prongs
Mister Moony
Mister Wormtail
P.S. I appreciate the reference to flying motorcycles. The others do not agree.