A/N: The "weird hobby" mentioned below is actually my hobby. Also, this chapter needs a better title. Suggestions are most welcome!

Chapter 12 – AKA Jaunty, Tea Boy, or Office Shag

Ianto was dreading going back to Torchwood. It wasn't because of the mess Jack had made in his bedroom bunker. He was going to simply throw all the clothes in bags and drop them off with the cleaners. He'd grab Jack some clothes out of the surplus to use in the meantime. What he was dreading was the teasing. It started in Reception.

On the oversized map of Cardiff, someone had placed an arrow pointing from a wanted poster to the general location of the Tourist Office. The wanted poster consisted of Ianto's official Torchwood employee photo with a black cowboy hat superimposed on his head. "Wanted Dead or Alive – 'Jaunty' Jones – Reward £1.60 – Not considered remotely dangerous, just annoying," Ianto read. He decided to leave it in place rather than see what Owen would replace it with.

In the Hub, Gwen, Owen, and Toshiko were busy at their workstations. They didn't look up as he entered. He didn't buy it for a moment. They weren't really busy. They were waiting. He went to Tosh's workstation.

"Sorry Jack had to call you in this morning," Ianto said. "You too, Gwen." He looked contrite and somber. He doubted it would have any effect on Owen, but he hoped he looked too remorseful for Tosh and Gwen to mock him.

"I don't mind coming in early," Tosh began, "but it's the lies and gambling that hurt." She managed to keep from smiling for almost a full second. Hope and Ianto were still only passing acquaintances.

"Jaunty Jones," Gwen said running up to him and patting his sides, "I need to frisk you before I'll feel safe working in the same building as you!"

"And what kind of a crap gangster name is 'Jaunty'," Owen asked. "You cringe when I call you Tea Boy and you let people call you 'Jaunty'? Unbelievable!"

"You don't get to choose your own name," Ianto said defensively. "And I kind of like it. My friends think it suits me."

"You mean the geriatric group you were arrested with? Christ, you don't get up to some strange shit," Owen said laughing. "Next, we're going to find out you have some kind of weird hobby like collecting other people's home movies."

"Can't you make friends your own age," Gwen asked. "Poor thing, maybe we should sign you up for some after school activities."

"It's not his fault he has more in common with old people than kids his own age," Tosh said. "We should have started socializing him earlier."

"You really should be nicer to me," Ianto said. "I have some very dangerous friends."

"I wouldn't want them coming after me before they've had their afternoon nap," Owen joked.

"Look who's making a special appearance straight from Cell Block B," Jack said bouncing down the stairs. He grabbed Ianto around the waist.

"I already frisked him," Gwen said.

Jack let go of Ianto. Ianto looked at the others with a little panic growing. What was Jack thinking touching him like that in front of them?

"But you left the strip search for me, right," Jack said with a crooked smile.

"Harkness, you should have been the one arrested for public lewdness," Owen laughed.

"Well, I'd love to stay and be mocked for having friends by a group of loners and hermits, but I'm sure I've got some Weevils to feed," Ianto announced.

"We already fed your pets," Owen said. "That's just one more thing you owe us for. Next time you go on a crime spree, I'm calling off sick."

"Ianto has promised this won't happen again, right Ianto," Jack asked clamping a hand on Ianto's shoulder.

"Absolutely not, sir. I've paid my debt to society and I've learned my lesson."

"Excellent! Now go make me a cup of coffee. The rest of you, it's been a long day. Why don't you take off and get a head start on your evenings?"

By the time Ianto made the coffee and delivered it to Jack's office, he didn't see anybody in the Hub. He placed the mug on the desk and felt arms reach around him from behind. Familiar lips kissed the back of his neck while the arms pulled him closer.

"That was close! I didn't even think before I grabbed you out there." Jack's hands rubbed over Ianto's chest. "I just had to touch you! I can't wait to go back and look at the CCTV footage of Gwen feeling you up!"

"She didn't 'feel me up' more like 'pat me down'. I'm sure you would have been much more thorough."

"Oh yeah," Jack said fondling Ianto's body to demonstrate. "Maybe we should tell the team we're together instead of sneaking around." Jack nipped Ianto's ear. Ianto leaned back into him.

"And how's that going to look," Ianto asked already feeling his breathing become uneven.

"Who cares? Gwen already thinks you have a crush on me. Why not let them know it's mutual?"

Ianto turned in Jack's arms and hugged Jack back. It felt strange, but also right as if they belonged in each other's arms. He kissed him lightly on the lips.

"That will lead to a lot of awkward questions. I'm not sure I'm ready to be known as your office shag," Ianto said. Jack placed his head in the crook of Ianto's neck and shoulder.

"There you go again worried about what people will think. The team is going to figure it out sooner or later. They should have figured it out by now! Don't you want to see the look on Owen's face when he finds out we're lovers? Don't you think it would be great?" Jack kissed Ianto's throat.

"I can't think when you do that," Ianto said. "Why don't I clean up the chaos you made and then we can talk about it?" He didn't know what he would say later. The morning before, he thought his relationship with Jack was over. Now Jack wanted to tell the world, or at least Torchwood, about them. Ianto didn't think they were stable enough to go around making announcements. He didn't even know what their relationship was so the idea of explaining it to people didn't sound appealing. He didn't think Jack would appreciate Ianto asking him to explain it to him first.

Jack laved his tongue up Ianto's neck to his chin then kissed him. He let go of Ianto and turned to his coffee.

"Let me get a little caffeine and I'll help," he said taking a sip.

Cleaning up really shouldn't have taken more than an hour, but Jack insisted on "helping". Three hours later, Ianto was naked asleep on a pile of Jack's clothing. He might have stayed that way for hours, but he was awakened by Jack scrambling for clothes. He stretched and groaned vaguely wondering how long he had been asleep.

"Sorry, didn't mean to wake you," Jack said grabbing a shirt and examining it for wearability.

"Glad you did. I'd be a wreck if I slept on your floor all night." He watched Jack put the shirt on and was made more aware of his nakedness. How did it always end up with him naked and Jack getting dressed? "Going someplace," he asked trying to sound only mildly interested.

"Yeah, I've got to meet a contact. It'll probably be a waste of time, but better safe than sorry." Jack bent down and kissed Ianto's forehead. "Don't wait up. As long as the Rift is quiet, you can help Dylan clean up his shop tomorrow. It's only fair since your notoriety is why he got caught in the raid, you crazy gunsel!"

"Have fun," Ianto said. But not too much fun, he added to himself. He watched Jack scurry up the ladder and a few moments later psyched himself up enough to get off the floor. He wasn't sure how he'd managed to fall asleep among the clutter. While part of him, his tired, sore body, wanted to go back to sleep on Jack's bunk, another part of him, his slightly compulsive mind, demanded he get to work cleaning before he rewarded himself with rest. With a heavy sigh, Ianto found his clothes and got dressed.

After Ianto finished bagging and replacing, he decided to lie down for a few minutes before going home. He woke up at 5am. He was disappointed there wasn't a nice, warm Jack next to him, but he wasn't really surprised. Disappointed, saddened, and frustrated – yes, but not surprised. He thought about tracking Jack as Jack had tracked him, but he didn't think Jack would see it as flattery as he had. On the other hand, as much as he liked spending time with Jack, he wasn't really in the mood to be ravished and Jack's libido usually dictated they couldn't be alone for more than 15 minutes until Jack started pawing him.

He did his morning Torchwood routine of cleaning, feeding, and percolating then left.

He went back to his flat for breakfast and a shower. He puttered around and finally left for Dylan's at 9. Ianto hoped he wasn't going to be too early. He imagined his new elderly friends would be having a lie in after their previous late night and difficult morning. Parking the Vespa behind the barber shop, he quickly realized he was wrong.

"To the right. No, your right," he heard Dylan say. Ice Cream was walking backwards out of the building holding up one end of what Ianto guessed was the remains of the door.

"Let me help you with that," Ianto said jogging over. He was surprised to find Dylan on the other end of the heavy piece of door. He helped them lean it next to the dumpster where several other pieces were already stacked.

"Thanks, Jaunty," Ice Cream said slapping him on the back.

Ianto smiled and bit back his admonition that they should have waited for him rather than do the heavy lifting at their age.

"I figure cleaning this up will save me a trip to the gym," Ianto said following them into the building.

"We've got most of it," Dylan said. Ianto was shocked to see they had. "Tom and Dave went to get a new door," Dylan said gesturing to the interior door leading to the barber shop. "We're going to have to replace the frame on the back door. Times like these I'm glad we have so many friends in the construction business."

"How's Dave doing," Ianto asked. He was a little concerned about the senior statesmen of the elderly gangsters.

"He's doing great! I can't tell you the last time I've seen him so happy," Dylan said.

"It's like he's got a second wind," Ice Cream added. "It's all thanks to you."

"To me?" Ianto didn't think that was likely.

"After Fred sprang us, he threw his weight around looking for some more info. He thinks they only raided the game because the cops thought our little social club was planning a merger with yours," Dylan said smiling.

"I'm really sorry about all this," Ianto said honestly. "If I'd known I was going to cause so much trouble..."

"Pshaw," Dylan interrupted. "We haven't had this much fun in years!"

"It's nice to have a bit of excitement," Ice Cream said. "Kind of makes you rethink the whole retirement thing."

Ianto smiled. He was glad they weren't angry with him. They cleaned up what was left of the debris from the raid. Ianto took off his suit jacket and rolled up his sleeves before going to work on the remains from the poker game and then the general tidying of the Man Cave.

Of course Dylan and Ice Cream teased him with the usual "you'll make somebody a good wife someday" jokes, but they didn't annoy him the way it did when Owen teased him. The difference, Ianto realized, was they liked him. He'd tried to be friendly with Owen, but it never got him anywhere. Owen didn't like him and every joke seemed laced with venom. 'Jaunty', however it was initially meant, was an endearment. 'Tea Boy' was a dismissal. Not being friendly with Owen didn't bother Ianto as much now that he had friends.

Tom and Dave arrived followed by two gruff looking men with the doors. Ianto had to admit Dave did look good. He was full of energy and supervised the door installation with hands-on verve. By lunch, Dylan's back room looked better than it had before the poker game.

Mick showed up with fish and chips and received plenty of good natured joshing about arriving after the work was done. They ate lunch and told Ianto a few stories about being arrested in the good old days.

After lunch, Ianto retrieved the box of cigars from the counter where he'd left them.

"I'm afraid I've already misplaced the lighter," Ianto said looking around the counter.

"Oo," Dave said fishing in his shirt pocket. "I nicked the lighter you nicked!" He tossed it at Ianto.

Ianto caught it with effort. He waved off having one himself, but lit the 'celebratory stogies' for his friends. He feigned handing the lighter back to Dave then made an exaggerated motion of putting the lighter in his trouser pocket. He had just sat down when they heard the loud bell over the front door. Ianto started to stand, but Dylan jumped up to investigate telling him to relax. He returned a moment later.

"Look who I found prowling about the shop," Dylan announced walking into the back room. The group turned and watched as Captain Jack Harkness followed him.

"Hi fellas," Jack said with a friendly grin. "I thought I'd stop by and see the scene of the crime." He stood behind Ianto's chair and grabbed his shoulders. "Having a smoke break?"

"Not me," Ianto said uncomfortably. He showed his empty hands. Jack laughed and slapped his shoulder.

"That's a good boy." He pulled up a chair. "Looks like the damage wasn't as bad as it sounded."

"You should have seen it before! Those cozzers broke both doors. We had to replace the frame and all on that one," Dylan said pointing at the back door.

"Luckily I have connections in the construction business. First real building they've done in ages," Dave said and the older men all laughed.

"And Jaunty polished up the place better than it's looked in years," Tom said winking at Ianto. "He'll make some gal a good homemaker!" There was more laughter.

"Speaking of, I hate to break up the party, but I need Ianto's special clean up skills." Jack stood and Ianto quickly did the same. "It's not the best way to spend a Sunday afternoon, but you know how it goes."

"Business before pleasure," Tom said standing. He shook Jack's hand then playfully boxed Ianto's ear. "Remember to protect the face," he said giving Ianto a spirited punch to the abdomen. Ianto was surprised at how hard he hit. Ianto put on his jacket and headed for the back door.

"I drove the Vespa. Meet you back at the Hub?" The room exploded with more laughter.

"Is it any wonder he doesn't have a girlfriend," Mick said shaking his head. "Vespa!"

"The Audi isn't exactly a chick magnet, either," Tom said.

"I told him to buy a sports car," Jack said joining in on the teasing, "but he doesn't think it's practical!"

"When he's up to dating again, he won't need a flash car to pull the babes, will ya Jaunty," Dylan said winking.

"I hope I have a bit more to offer than horsepower and chrome," Ianto said smiling.

"Right, keep telling yourself that, Ianto. Meet me at the Hub." Jack mimicked shooting Ianto with a gun and went out the way he came.

"See you guys soon. Call if you need any help," Ianto said waving to his friends. He hoped Jack had a good reason for not simply using his cell phone. He fumed over the interruption the first few blocks. He spent another few blocks thinking of ways to torture Jack. The rest of the way he concentrated on the vibrations from the Vespa and the growing need he had for Jack.