'Is this a joke?' Fiyero asked uncertainly.

'Yes it's a joke.'

Dorothy looked downcast.

'Well really, could you take that seriously?' Asked the witch. The lion looked unusually thoughtful. 'You know it could work. The power of wishes works in mysterious ways.'

'Oh shut up. Anyone would think you actually knew how the world of magic worked' snapped Elphaba.

'Can we try? Please?' Pleaded the gullible Dorothy. She felt she had no one else to turn to. 'Why not give it a go?' Suggested the scarecrow quietly in her ear. Elphaba gave him a withering glare. 'It means you can get rid of her sooner.'

'If it works.' She rolled her eyes sceptically. She refrained from pointing out that it most certainly wouldn't.

'Please let me go home' implored Dorothy piteously.

Elphaba resisted the urge to throw something heavy at her. 'I hope this stupid wish will work so I can never see you again' she hissed to the pathetic child. Dorothy's lip quivered.

'Don't be so mean' reprimanded the lion to the witch. One look from her sent him wibbling back in the corner.

'I don't recall asking your opinion.' Her eyesight zoomed down to Dorothy's feet. 'And I still haven't understood what you are doing with my sister's shoes?' Her eyes bored into the unfortunate subject. The shiny shoes glinted on the farm girl's feet. 'Don't tell me she gave them to you.'

'Glinda gave them to me' whispered Dorothy.

'I'll sort her out later. When are you going to give me those shoes?'

'What will I wear?' Quavered the wretched girl.

'I don't know and I don't care' countered the heartless green witch. 'I'm not your mother to clothe you. Didn't she teach you not to steal people's shoes?'

'My parents are dead.'

'Well they aren't much use to you at any rate' observed Elphaba unfeelingly. 'I may not have seen eye to eye with my sister but these shoes are the last of her and I want them back. Understood?'

'I will find a way to give you the shoes if I can get home' wailed Dorothy.

'How do I know you will do that?'

'What if she just tries it?' The scarecrow reasoned with her. 'If it doesn't work, what's the harm in trying?'

Elphaba stomped around the room in a temper. She could think of no counter argument. 'Fine.' She stomped back to Dorothy. 'But if this doesn't work, I'm throwing you out. And you can fly back for all I care.'

'You have a monkey big enough to ride?' Dorothy sounded in awe.

'No. I have a broom. And that's all you're getting' snapped Elphaba. Dorothy gulped.

Everyone fervently hoped it would work. Elphaba shooed everyone away from the girl. Facing her, she took a deep breath to calm her temper. 'So, let's continue this farce' she said drily.

'Think of your wish' advised the lion as Dorothy stood in the centre of the room. Closing her eyes and wishing very hard, Dorothy knocked her heels together several times while wishing very hard. Elphaba stifled an uncharacteristic snigger. The girl looked like a fool. Fiyero had a hand over his mouth, eyes looking to the window. The lion was looking determinedly at the floor.

'Did it work?' Dorothy opened her eyes and realised she was still there. Her shoulders slumped. Toto came running out of the kitchen with a large piece of meat in his jaws. Sitting down by Dorothy, he began to chew noisily, ignoring the drama in the room.

'Perhaps I clicked my heels too many times' said Dorothy morosely. 'You said three times.' Elphaba put her head in her hands. In the history of humanity had there ever been so stupid a girl?

'Don't take what I say for gospel' she suggested through gritted teeth.

'But you said three times! So I've got to try it. I just got so carried away I guess.' Dorothy looked forlorn. The lion put his arms around her in consolation. 'How about you wish out loud next time?' He suggested.

Elphaba was struck with a strange idea. 'Wait.' She ran upstairs. Fiyero let her go; he hadn't a clue what her objective was. He just hoped she wasn't coming down with a large meat cleaver to get of Dorothy once and for all.

She ran upstairs as far as she could and went straight to the book. It was a crazy plan but what could she lose if it worked? Unearthing from its hiding place, she traced the markings on the cover delicately, with a green finger for the last time; looking out of the window in time to see the dawn breaking. Time for a decision.

She ran downstairs and thrust it into Dorothy's arms, the girl staggering with the weight. They all looked at her in amazement, apart from Toto who was too busy stuffing his greedy guts.

'Why are you giving me the book?' Asked Dorothy in confusion. 'I can't read it.'

'I never said you were to read it, stupid girl. But if this thing will actually work, you take the book with you. Then the wizard will never find it.'

The scarecrow put his hand on her shoulder. 'Are you sure?'

She looked at it one last time, for a long minute, then nodded.

'I need to be rid of this thing.'

She had made up her mind. The girl was too stupid to understand it; she could bury it in the garden or use it for pigswill for all she cared. She did care, she knew she did but she couldn't care for it any more. This battle might go on for so long it could kill her.

'Will the wizard come after me?'

'He can't find you if you just disappear into thin air' reasoned the lion.

'So go on, try it again' Elphaba urged her. They all looked at her, Toto with his head cocked to one side. His hostess was a strange thing but the meal provided from her kitchen was most satisfactory. A change had come over her. She seemed anxious. Only Fiyero could know what it meant to her, to be free from the book.

The lion embraced the girl and bent down to pick up Toto and put him in Dorothy's arms on top of the book. Fiyero suspected the vile little thing would pee on it once they got back. If they ever got back.

Dorothy shut her eyes and counted to three. Then she restructured her wish and started the mantra out loud in time to the clicking of her heels. 'There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like home.'