Disclaimer: I own nothing but Finn's pineapple thoughts

A/N: Hello all! thank you for journeying to chapter 7 with me! As usual, the reviews for chapter 6 were greatly appreciated, I'm glad you guys enjoyed it and thought the end was cute (I did too!) There is one thing I would like to try to address...although it will be hard to explain, but I shall try!

Finn is not intentionally playing with Kurt's emotions... I know he says he notices how physical contact from him makes Kurt uncomfortable and he continues to do it because his intentions are good... and it kind of seems like he is putting his feelings above Kurt's... and he is... but it's not that he wants to be mean or nasty to Kurt and to hurt him. He really is trying to do everything he can to be a better person... it will all become clearer and be resolved when Finn comes to terms with everything. I hope that sets some nerves at rest haha. In other news, I finally took y'all's hint and got a beta reader! Much thanks to JessTheGeek for putting up with the horrible mistakes contained in this story before I post it for all you guys to see!

Well, enjoy Chapter 7, reviews are awesome! So DO IT! :)

Chapter Seven

~~~~++++ Finn rushed into the river, screaming Kurt's name, and holding tightly to the scarf that had come off in his hands. He searched frantically for the small figure, but the river was even beginning to tug at Finn's strong stance in the shallows. Finn screamed for Kurt, feeling pathetic as if that was the only thing he could do while Kurt was hurting or possibly dead. Finn screamed Kurt's name one last time louder than ever, before a feeling of icy cold enveloped his entire body... ++++~~~~

Finn's eyes shot open, his breath getting caught in a short gasp as his body met resistance from another body, he couldn't see very well in the dark. Breathing heavily now, he looked around, he was still on the couch, he was sweating and struggling to catch his breath, but he was still there. He felt a cold sensation on his chest, and he was able to regain enough focus to see the source of it. Kurt lay asleep next to him, breathing soundly with his soft snore, his head resting on his arms. Kurt's legs were tangled in the blanket that ran over both his and Finn's body, his feet sticking out at the end.

Finn sighed, why wasn't this dream going away? Finn tried to find a comfortable spot, but nothing would be comfortable now he was awake. Finn sighed again, and looked up at the ceiling, before grabbing his cell phone from the table, he had to reach over Kurt slowly to reach it. The clock read 5:15 a.m., the room was dark with all of the curtains and drapes shut but Finn knew outside the sun was coming up. Then he remembered it was snowing, so seeing the sun would be a pretty rare occasion.

Suddenly, Finn felt a cold hand against his chest. Drawing a sharp breath, he looked down to see Kurt, with eyes half-open, looking up at him.

"Finn?" Kurt yawned. "What are you doing up right now?"

"I... just woke up...bad dream," Finn replied slowly, watching Kurt shift his weight, rubbing his eyes. "Sorry to wake you, I think I'm going to go downstairs for a bit."

"Hold on," Kurt said, stretching. "What time is it?"

"5:15," Finn replied. "Go back to sleep Kurt." Finn proceeded to get up, being very gentle not to move Kurt too much from his position, eventually getting up to his feet, towering over the tiny boy who shifted on the couch to face him.

"Think you'll be able to sleep downstairs better?" Kurt asked softly.

"I doubt it," Finn said. "Don't worry about me, Kurt, I'll be fine. I just need to be alone for a second."

"Was your dream that bad?" Kurt looked up at him, his eyes as wide as he could get them in his semi-conscious state.

"Yeah," Finn replied. "Yeah, it was. Someone really close to me...something bad happened to them. I don't really want to talk about it right now." Kurt nodded and waved his hand at Finn. "I totally understand Finn," Kurt said sleepily. Finn nodded and watched as Kurt turned back over and fell back asleep, his gentle snore like music to Finn's ears.

:~~~~~~******~~~~~~:

Downstairs wasn't any better for Finn, all he did was pace around his and Kurt's room, his thoughts racing. He sat on his bed, putting on a light long sleeved shirt with a hoodie over that, only wearing sweatpants and socks before slipping into his snow boots, jacket, beanie and gloves. He had to take a walk and just get far away from the house for a while. The feelings associated with the dream would be looming over him for a while, and Finn wasn't going to let them stay in Kurt's house, he had to take them outside and allow them to pass in the open air. Taking a deep breath, he crept up the stairs and went into the living room, just to make sure Kurt was still asleep. Kurt was still on the couch, hair in his face, asleep like a baby. Finn made to brush the hair out of Kurt's face, but stopped. He just had to leave, he couldn't get hung up here. Turning, he made his way out of the house and into the open air.

Snow was falling down lightly, a light breeze blew past Finn, it was still cold despite the lack of wind and snowfall. It all begins with the first step, Finn thought to himself. In order to get all of this crap out in the open, he had to take the first step. As he stepped out into the snowy driveway, he shoved his gloved hands into his pockets, they always started there then made their way calmly back to his side as his feelings became calmer. Finn knew he had to start at the dream, even though just to think about it caused him to feel sick to his stomach. Finn knew he and Kurt had become close, well really close ever since their parents started dating. It took a while to set in, but Finn knew he owed Kurt for the years of watching him get thrown in the dumpster, and for getting upset and blowing up at him when he tried to decorate their room. Finn had trouble even explaining to himself, he just felt a need to be around Kurt, a feeling that there really wasn't anything else he wanted so bad than to be with Kurt. Finn stopped dead in his tracks on the shovelled sidewalk.

Be "with" Kurt? Finn almost had trouble swallowing the phrase. I'm not his boyfriend...but I'm not his friend, I mean, we just cuddled all night together... Finn shook his head and kept walking. He couldn't, or didn't want to label his feelings as something they weren't... he just cared for Kurt. Finn believed if he jammed that thought into his head long enough, it would eliminate having to examine what his feelings meant, he wasn't gay. He was the quarterback who dated the cheerleader, after all.

:~~~~~~******~~~~~~:

The door leading downstairs to their room was closed and Kurt had tried really hard not to pry, but Finn had been down there for a while. Kurt had tried to go back to sleep, but woke up at 6:30 and couldn't fall back asleep. He paced around the kitchen, making coffee, even yelling down to Finn through the closed door that some coffee might help cheer him a bit. There was no answer, so Kurt figured Finn was maybe in the shower, or just thinking things over...whatever he had to think over since he hadn't really mentioned any specifics to Kurt before disappearing.

Kurt decided it wasn't that bad to just go and check on Finn, just to make sure if he needed an ear to listen, he could let it all out. Knocking on the door, Kurt opened it and headed downstairs to find it completely empty. He called Finn's name twice before checking the bathroom...nothing. Kurt ran upstairs, calling Finn's name twice more, checking every room, hoping to find him. Puzzled, and a bit worried, Kurt took out his phone and dialled Finn's number. It rang for what seemed like forever before Finn's voice mail finally picked up.

"You've reached Finn," Finn's voice came from the other end and Kurt almost started talking to it, forgetting it was a voice mail. "Leave a message, and I'll get back to you soon." There was a beep and a silence, snapping Kurt back to attention.

"Finn," Kurt said into the phone, half expecting an answer. "Finn, where are you? Not that you can't go anywhere if you wanted to, but there was no note or anything, not that I need it-" Kurt already hated this voice mail. He took a deep breath before continuing, "Look, just let me know where you are, ok? That's it, I guess...bye." Kurt hung up and frowned, he had never left such an awkward voice mail before. He figured that Finn would text him back within the next 10 minutes; he had an uncanny ability of doing that.

When an hour passed, Kurt started to get more worried. He didn't want to smother Finn, but after all, Finn had always wanted to know where he was going if he was upset. Relax, Kurt took another deep breath. He's having some kind of issues he needs to sort out for himself. He will come walking through that door before you know it, and you will have gotten all worried for nothing. Kurt surrounded his entire mind with the thought of Finn walking through the front door, taking off his boots and jacket and coming in to greet Kurt with his amazing smile. Kurt would ask him where he was, and he would say he went to take a walk to clear his mind. Kurt would remind him that if he needed to talk to someone, that he was always there. Finn would then tell him it was nothing to get worried about, ruffle his hair, and go sit down in the living room, beckoning Kurt to join him. Kurt smiled and held on tight to that image. He would go and join Finn on the couch, resting his head on Finn's shoulder. Then, Finn would gently take his chin, leaning it up to his and...Kurt stopped there. No, he thought. No kiss...not one. I refuse to be back at square one with all this. Finn is straight, he would never kiss me, he likes girls and I'm a boy...get out of my head, unwanted thought! Kurt's image of happiness was slowly becoming less attractive, not because he didn't want to kiss Finn, but he wasn't ready to dive in when Finn was content with watching from the sidelines. Kurt decided to give Finn until 9 o'clock to call him back before he gave himself full permission to pry all he wanted. Looking outside, Kurt frowned at the snow falling a bit harder than it had been before. Of all days to go outside, Finn had to choose today.

Kurt's phone went off, and he instantly answered it, hoping it would be Finn.

"Finn?" Kurt asked, his voice holding a slight edge to it.

"No, dude, it's me," Puck's voice sounded from the other line. "Don't you check your caller ID?"

"No, I just...I thought you were Finn," Kurt sighed. "He's supposed to be calling me back, he's not with you is he?-wait, why are you even calling me?"

"I left something at your place the other day," Puck explained. "I'm on my way, but I figured I'd call first and make sure it was ok before I opened your door and came right in."

"Great, I guess," Kurt said, rolling his eyes and shrugging.

"If you and Finn are having another stupid fight, Hummel-"

"No," Kurt stopped Puck before this got out of hand. "I mean, yes it's fine if you come over...but Finn and I aren't fighting. He just woke up really early and shut himself downstairs and then left without saying anything or even leaving a note. I tried calling him and he didn't pick up...I don't want to be overbearing or prying into something that isn't my business, but I'm worried about him! He just up and left and-"

"Hummel," Puck cut him off. "We'll talk about this when I get there, the roads are pretty crappy right now..." Puck could tell from the silence that what he said about the roads probably made Kurt worry more about Finn. "I'm sure he's fine," he tried to make the situation better. "Be over in a few." Kurt hung up the phone with Puck and continued his pacing, every once in a while taking a large sip of his coffee.

"This better be worth it, Finn." Kurt said out loud, he didn't care that no one was there to hear him.

:~~~~~~******~~~~~~:

Finn felt bad for ignoring Kurt's call but he couldn't talk to him right now, too many things were running through his head. He decided to make his own phone call, maybe Rachel would know what to say.

"Hello, Finn," Rachel's bright and cheery voice reached Finn's ears over the phone. "How are you?"

"Confused," Finn stated honestly.

"...Did you know you called me?" Rachel asked, wondering if Finn had maybe meant to call someone else.

"Yeah, I know what I'm doing...well sort of," Finn stumbled over his words.

"Well, start at the beginning," Rachel said gently. "Tell me what's going through your mind."

Finn proceeded to tell her everything, everything about him and Kurt and their unconventional brotherly relationship. About his dream, well he told her the basics about his dream, he couldn't bare to go into all the details. He told her about how he had left Kurt's house and...

"Wait, you're outside in this weather?" Rachel cut Finn off. "Are you just always this oblivious, Finn?"

"I don't know what you mean," Finn said sheepishly.

"I mean you are being dumb," Rachel sighed. "You are taking yourself away from the situation with Kurt because you think that your dream will affect you so much that it will affect Kurt too. At least, you want to believe that so you don't have to deal with your real feelings."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Finn asked, frustrated slightly because he had accused Kurt of doing the same thing a while back.

"It means you are reading too much into everything," Rachel stated bluntly. "It means that instead of being honest with yourself you lie to yourself and you toy around with Kurt's emotions because you think that just because your intentions are good, that everything is fine." Rachel paused, giving Finn a chance to answer, which he didn't take, because he had nothing to say.

"You think I want to be this way?" Finn asked eventually. "You think I want to care this much and not know what it means? I wish I could just call it something, but it's not what everyone thinks it is."

"No one thinks it's anything," Rachel stated. "You have barely been this way around anyone else, and no one is judging you yet. You are bringing everyone else into this because you don't want to be at this alone."

"I'm not alone," Finn said. "I have Kurt."

"Don't you dare drag him down with you," Rachel demanded. "I will not see him go through the same things you put me through. You have to be honest with yourself and with him, and stop thinking that sleeping on the same couch under the same blanket is just two young men showing brotherly affection for each other. You and I both know that brothers don't do that and since you two are technically not brothers, you think it's ok to do it. It's not ok Finn, you are leading Kurt on and putting him in a situation he has been trying to avoid."

"Why would he be trying to avoid me?"

"Are you that dense?" Rachel almost spat out the word. "You know he liked...well, likes you still. You may have talked to him about it, but it doesn't mean the feelings aren't still there. Do you know how hard it is to get over dumping someone? Now imagine dumping someone who you could never have. Imagine having to completely let go of a part of yourself without question, just to live the closest thing to a normal life with the person who may become related to you. You think this is easy for Kurt? And now, you have begun to distance yourself from him, your intentions may be good, but what do you think Kurt is doing right now?" Finn had the image of Kurt pacing around the house, looking for him.

"He just shouldn't have to deal with any more problems," Finn said softly. "He has enough trouble shouldering his own stuff, I want to give him more credit... I just don't want to see him hurt is all. I figured that if I was always there for him, always there to catch him at the end of the day, that he would open up and we could just be cool with each other."

"How can you be there for him if you're always leaving when it gets stressful for you? I know your intentions are good," Rachel knew what Finn was going to say. "But it doesn't matter if your intentions are good, actions speak louder than anything else. Your action is to walk out and leave Kurt alone to worry until you walk in the door. You probably won't want to talk about it with him, then he will become distant because he doesn't want to put himself in a position where he has to force the truth out of you, then you guys will share a touching moment with a hug or something. Do you see where I'm heading with this lovely Shakespearian tale, Finn?"

"I guess so," Finn said, trying to absorb everything Rachel had said. "I just don't know what these feelings mean, is that good enough an answer to give?"

"You don't have to have an answer for everything," Rachel's comment struck home. "You can be unsure, vulnerable, it doesn't mean you have to marry Kurt, or not marry Kurt. You can be there for Kurt, you can hug Kurt, do whatever you want with Kurt...but acknowledge it for what it truly is. If you hold hands with him, it's holding hands just like you and I have held hands before. Don't try to hide it under the disguise of 'brotherly love' like it's something that is so easy to pretend is something different. One hug, one walk hand in hand does not make you gay, Finn. Not necessarily, that is. I think you have much to think about, and most of it has to come from your end...but you have to approach it with an open mind and an open heart or you'll never get the answers you want."

Finn found a bench on the sidewalk and sat down. Rachel was right, but he still wasn't sure where to start, what to do. He thanked Rachel for her advice and hung up the phone, blinking. He sat there, letting snow pile up on his clothes, thinking.

:~~~~~~******~~~~~~:

Kurt was trying to see through the snow that was blowing every which way as he drove his car in search of Finn. Rachel had called Kurt and told him that she and Finn were talking about what was going on, and that he was walking around town somewhere. He's freakishly tall, Kurt thought. How hard can he be to find?

Sure enough, after 10 minutes of trying to look out his windows at every angle, Kurt saw Finn's figure sitting on a bench, snow all over him, as if he hadn't moved for days. Kurt pulled up a safe distance away, he didn't want Finn to start running away from him, he didn't know what kind of emotional state Finn was in. Getting out of the car, he made his way at a brisk pace over to Finn, who looked up at him as he kneeled by him and started brushing the snow off him.

"Kurt, I-"

"Don't," Kurt held up a hand, his face getting hot. "Just, don't, Finn. I don't want to know, not right now. Just get in the car and don't talk to me on the way home." Finn got up, and did as he was told, his heart sinking in his chest. Kurt drove back to the house as fast as he could while still ensuring his and Finn's safety. Kurt dragged Finn downstairs to their room and made him sit on his bed. Finn watched as Kurt ran around a few times up and down the stairs, getting things and heading into the bathroom. He heard as Kurt started the water in the bathtub, and heard the sounds of the privacy partition being set up. Kurt came out of the bathroom, sleeves rolled up and his face stone in its appearance.

"You," he pointed at Finn. "Bath, now." Kurt didn't waste any time helping Finn out of his snow clothes, but walked back into the bathroom and behind the partition and let Finn take off the rest of his clothes, shivering in the cold and from the cold he had sat out in. Finn headed into the bathroom, seeing the tub filled with water that had steam rising off of it, and he recognized the scented candles from before that he had used for Kurt, lit and filling the air with a pleasant aroma.

Finn slipped into the bath, the hot water piercing his skin like needles, but it felt good against his cold body, and he let out a relaxed sigh. There was a silence where Finn heard nothing from Kurt, and only heard the sounds of the bath water sloshing slightly as he moved.

"Let's talk," Kurt said finally. "But like you said, no fighting. I don't want to yell, I don't want to fight anymore Finn."

"I'm sorry," Finn started, but then he heard Kurt sigh.

"You always begin with an apology when nothing is wrong," Kurt explained. "Why don't you just tell me what is going on? I know you had a bad dream and that something bad happened to someone you care about, but is that any reason to just leave without saying anything?"

"I have a lot of things on my mind right now," Finn said, trying not to add an 'I'm sorry' after that. "I feel like I have to apologize to you though. Not because of this morning, but because of last night. I have been leading you on Kurt."

"What are you talking about?" Kurt tried to shrug off Finn's words.

"You know what I mean," Finn said, sitting up in the tub, facing the privacy partition. "You know exactly what I mean. I have been doing all these things like snuggling with you and holding your hand, and I've been lying to myself about it. I convinced myself that if my mind was in the right place it didn't matter what we did. I put my own thoughts above your feelings, Kurt. I didn't want you to think that I was trying to hurt you, but I did hurt you didn't I?"

"I'm not as sad as I look," Kurt said. "I have been able to tell myself that you and I will never have what I want us to have, but it's tough Finn. It gets tougher when you invite me to sleep with you. Even though we both kept our clothes on, the feelings, the emotions, the intentions are still there. I can't keep falling in love with you, I can't do it. I can't put myself in that position to just be at your side and then get asked to move to the back of the bus because you are going to hide your feelings with a feeling that you are comfortable with. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah," Finn said, taking a deep breath. "I will tell you right now, I don't know what my feelings mean. I wish I had a better answer for you, but I don't. I feel more than friendship for you, you are really awesome, Kurt, in more ways than I could list in a lifetime...but I'm scared to commit to saying that I am something if I've never had to say it before. I loved Quinn, I even loved Rachel when we went out. I mean I really loved them, because they were girls and I liked girls. I mean, there were plenty of other reasons but I just never looked at guys before other than friends."

"All that doesn't mean you're gay Finn," Kurt said softly, it really hurt him to say that and Finn could tell. "You don't need to suddenly come out to the world now just because you say you love me. Just be aware that you did say that and it means something to me, and if you don't mean it, don't say it to me because if you throw me under the bus so help me-"

"I would never do that," Finn said instantly. "I'm trying to be honest about my feelings, I really am. I feel terrible for leading you on and it took a lecture from Rachel for it to sink in. I don't want you to think I'm just some guy who says things and doesn't care about your feelings. I might not have been going about things the right way but give me a second chance and I will try harder to be honest with myself and with you."

"You don't need to ask for a second chance," Kurt said. "We aren't some stupid pair of friends who call each other 'bffs' and then stab each other in the back. You can always come to me for anything Finn, just like I can come to you. It's a two-sided coin but you have to let it be that."

"I will try," Finn said. "I'll try my hardest, just please cut me some slack, give me a sign or something if I suddenly do something stupid."

"Ok, cowboy," Kurt laughed. "Just to be clear, I still expect hugs from you."

"I'm all about hugs!" Finn smiled. "Any time you need them! And I still expect head-rubs from you."

"And I won't even charge you for them." Kurt and Finn laughed.

"Finn," Kurt was hesitant in what he said next. "You said once you loved me, and you meant it in whatever way you meant it. Well...I love you too."

Finn splashed some of the bath water towards the privacy partition, laughing softly.

"You big softy." Finn whispered in Kurt's direction.

A/N:Yay another chapter down! I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did! :) Finn and Kurt are getting closer, hopefully now Finn won't dismiss his feelings as "guy love" haha. REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! ~BlueRain26