Disclaimer: Standard disclaimers apply
A/N: I'm back! Sorry it has taken so long everyone, my old computer died, then it was like forever until I got a new one, then I got another job and between work and other things my life has been consumed!-however, I will be continuing this fanfic and I hope you will all stay with me! Submit a review and let me know what you all think of Ch. 8! :) THANK YOU
Chapter 8
"Finn!" Kurt yelled from behind the privacy partition as Finn splashed him with bath water, almost soaking his shoes. Kurt could hear Finn laughing his deep laugh from the tub, when his laugh was cut off by a loud squeak, and Kurt could hear Finn's voice get cutt off as his head went under the water. As if by a jerk reaction, Kurt pushed down the privacy partition, and then realized his mistake.
Finn was dripping, his hair plastered to his face, his eyes wide as Kurt stood there... Finn was also naked in the tub that Kurt stood like a deer in headlights by. Kurt opened mouth to see if he could even stutter out something, but no noise came from him, and he just ran out of the bathroom, shutting the door behind him and slumping up against it, sliding to the floor, his mouth still hanging open as he shook his head.
Kurt couldn't believe he just saw Finn naked, it was something he would have thouroughly enjoyed at any other point in his life, but for some reason he seemed shocked and could feel his face going red. The image replayed in his mind, and he knew it was useless to try and shut it out. The thought of Finn in the tub would forever haunt him like a lingering B-flat. The door to the bathroom opened, causing Kurt to fall backwards, until Finn's strong arm caught him and hauled him to his feet, turning him around. Kurt put his hands up, not sure if Finn was still naked, but Finn pulled his hands down, revealing a towel wrapped around his waist.
"Um," Finn wasn't really sure how to begin this conversation. "Any particular reason you decided to mame the privacy partition?" Kurt could feel a giggle from inside, but he kept it there.
"I-" Kurt was regaining his voice now, finally. "I heard you slip and I-I guess I-"
"Assumed that I was going to drown in the tub?" Finn arched an eyebrow. "You know, that would never happen... I'm just that big." Finn jerked forward slightly at the double-meaning behind his last comment, noticing Kurt's face get a deeper shade of red. "I'm gonna go to Quinn's for a bit," Finn said. "But you can't come." he said even quicker, Kurt looking at him as if he had three heads. "I just want to spend some time with Quinn, I feel like she needs some company while Puck is at work, and I think it would be good for me to spend more time with her to prep myself for when the baby comes." Kurt nodded, he loved how mature Finn was acting, it was a side of Finn no one really got a chance to see unless they were very close to him. Kurt found it admirable that with all the drama attached to the baby situation, that Finn still wanted to be in Quinn and the baby's life.
"Ok," Kurt said, nodding and trying to give a smile. "I'll be here, are you going to be back for dinner?"
"I'm gonna make you dinner tonight," Finn nodded. "So don't start anything, because I still owe you. I promise you'll like it," he laughed.
"I'm sure I will," Kurt said, smiling. "Just remember, you owe me so it better be good." Finn chuckled and ruffled Kurt's hair and heading out the door.
:~~~~~~******~~~~~~:
"Oh my God!" Quinn said as Finn continued to crochet his gift for Kurt, whose birthday was coming up within the week. "You totally have a crush on Kurt!" Quinn squeeled, pointing a finger at Finn, who looked up at her with confusion.
"What?" He asked, trying to focus on his crocheting. "I do not..."
"How do you know?" Quinn asked, giggling. "You said yourself you can't tell what your feelings are."
"It doesn't mean I love him," Finn said, but quickly caught himself. "I mean, I do love him, but I don't-Why do girls make everything so confusing?" he said frustrated as he put his gift down on the kitchen table. "It makes me want to give up women all together!"
Quinn was screaming on the inside, she totally called it: Finn loved Kurt. Instead of rubbing it in Finn's face, she picked up his crocheting and continued for him. Finn seemed to be staring off into space, he still couldn't wrap his head around it. He loved Kurt, but he wasn't gay... or at least, he had never been in love with a guy before. He also didn't say he loved any other guys either, so the fact that he said it pretaining to Kurt made him wonder.
"I-" He stuttered, trying to form the sentence that his mind wouldn't allow him to. "I'm not-"
Quinn, seeing Finn getting stuck, put her hand on his, looking up at him. His adorable eyes she had longed to look into were now filled with fear and confusion, and something else she couldn't read.
"Finn," She said softly, give his arm a shake. "Finn, hey... Listen, I'm not trying to tell you that you are something you feel you're not. However, if you look at what you have been saying, it doesn't necessarily add up to a definite answer. All I'm saying is don't be so quick to label yourself... If you like Kurt, it doesn't mean you have to rush home and date him. Remember, he isn't used to this whole thing either, and if he saw you naked today, I would venture to say he's still in shock. Just take it slow, and let things happen in their own way."
"I can't be gay," Finn looked sullen. "I just can't be."
"Why not?" Quinn asked. "Who cares if you are? You don't actually think people will judge you because of it? Well, outside of Glee club they might, but being gay doesn't mean you are going to get fitted for designer clothes and have to start carrying around a little dog in a purse or anything. You are still you, your personality is the same and no one can change that."
Finn nodded, although he still couldn't really grasp the fact that he did feel something more for Kurt. Finn was always the kind of guy who either was very honest about his feelings, or hid them completely out of sight. Not being able to put his feelings into words that made sense to him now just made his head spin.
"No one said high school life was easy," Quinn put her hand on Finn's shoulder, her eyes softening as she gazed at the boy who used to be the love of her life. Finn looked up at her, and even though there was no clear emotion written all over his face, Quinn knew that inside, he was definitely feeling something powerful. "Just..." Quinn's voice almost broke and Finn almost looked concerned. "Just don't let it defeat you. You are you," Finn smiled as he watched the cheerleader almost lose her composer before she took a deep breath, looked at him and giggled sheepishly. "You are you, and screw everyone else."
"That might be the coolest thing I've heard the President of the Celibacy Club say." Finn smiled and Quinn laughed as she wrapped her arms tight around him.
:~~~~~~******~~~~~~:
Kurt's stomach growled, he was fighting the urge to charge into the kitchen with full force and whip up something. No, Kurt thought. Finn should be home soon, and it's still kind of early for dinner, so it will give him time to do whatever he needs to do...I really hope he doesn't make my kitchen a mess though, I can't stand it when people do that...counters all crumb-y, stove all flaky, dishes piling up in the sink...Am I really talking about everything that bugs me to myself? Kurt sighed. I need to get out of the kitchen then out of the house more often.
Sounds of the door opening, and Kurt tried to hide the fact that he was lighting up on the inside as Finn walked through the door. Finn could see it plain as day on Kurt's face that he was happy to see him, and gave Kurt one of those heart-melting quarterback smiles.
"I can't tell if you just have severe seperation anxiety issues since I was only gone for a few hours, or if you're just really hungry." Finn joked, taking his jacket off and heading into the kitchen where Kurt followed him to.
"Definitely just hungry," Kurt laughed. "I don't know why either, it's still pretty early."
Finn shrugged and began to take things out of the regrigerator.
"What are you making anyway?" Kurt asked as he stared at the various assortment of things that Finn was gathering on the center counter.
"I'm not telling you," Finn smiled. "The best prize is a surprise." Kurt gave one of those smiles that was half smile, half almost aggitation from not knowing what Finn was up to. "Hey, I said you would like it, didn't I?"
"Well yeah," Kurt replied, brushing his fingers through his hair. "But our parents told us that Santa Claus was real when we were kids, and we all know how that story ends."
"What, you don't believe in Santa Claus? I'm kidding" Finn laughed at Kurt's 'are you serious' reaction.
"I'm not commenting on any of my beliefs in the overly perky, large man that devulges in breaking and entering houses just to give kids socks and a football wrapped in shiny paper, as if they expect the shiny paper to soften the blow that they got a football or generic wool socks."
"Dude, that's like, all I ever got from Santa...I'm kidding Kurt, jeez man," Finn chuckled as Kurt almost burst into rapid apology for what he had just said.
"Finn Hudson, you're jokes, while appreciated in their dry sense, are sometimes hard to be labeled as jokes."
Finn rifled around in a drawer before pulling out a knife and beginning to cut vegetables and putting them into a giant pot.
"Well, why should we label them as anything?" Finn said, trying to ease his way into a conversation with Kurt about what he and Quinn had just talked about. "I mean, shouldn't we just, like, accept that they are what they are and probably won't be changed much over the years?"
"I suppose," Kurt shrugged. "I think we've deviated from our original subject, I guess my point is that just because someone says something doesn't mean it's true." Finn stopped chopping for about a second and then picked it back up, throwing the rest of the vegatables into the pot and adding some chicken stock.
"Well, I think it depends on the person who is saying—whatever it is they're saying." Finn thought he was at least almost getting to the point he wanted to.
"Not really," Kurt said, almost without missing a beat. "I mean, it's not that I wouldn't trust a good friend more than I would someone who I don't like to be around. I think at some point you have to decide for yourself what's real and what's not. Whether it' realistic, or just a really good-looking lie."
"That's a bit unfair for the other person if they really believe in what they say," Finn blinked, looking at Kurt. "I mean, if they trully have faith in what they're saying, or what they're feeling, shouldn't that be taken into consideration?"
"Well of course," Kurt replied non-chalantly. "Of course it should be at they very least taken seriously, but let's face it Finn...let's be honest that if something is so large and outrageous we have to be realistic."
"Kurt-"
"I mean, come on, if it's something that plausable, then ok, but if it's just some hit out to left field or whatever that sports reference is, then it's not worth it for anyone to persue that thought."
"Kurt, I-"
"Finn, your stock is boiling." Kurt pointed to the stove where the liquid contents of the pot were bubbling up, as if built up by the tension the conversation was having on Finn's brain. Turning the stove down a bit, Finn took a deep breath and turned his back to Kurt, digging through the fridge for anything else he needed. Kurt, noticing that there was a sense of tension in what Finn was doing, sat down at a chair at the center counter.
"Why are you being so weird?"
"What?" Finn asked, a little shocked that Kurt would ask that.
"Why are you acting so passionate about something like me accepting the myth that Santa Claus is real?"
"That's not what I was talking about," Finn said. "I'm just saying that if someone really believes in what they're saying, it shouldn't be tossed aside just because it might seem...new."
"I though you were an easy book to read, Hudson," Kurt said, chuckling softly. "but either you are more challenging than I thought, or there are some major plot holes in your mind."
"Yeah," Finn tried to just end the conversation, he suddenly wasn't feeling so confident. "I guess I'm just weird."
"Oh come on," Kurt said, getting up and walking over to where Finn was still staring blankly into the refrigerator. "Finn, come on...Finn." Kurt shut the fridge door and Finn turned to look down at Kurt who looked up at him with confusion. "What's this really about?"
"I don't know," Finn shrugged away Kurt's hand that was attempting to rest on his arm. "I just never figured you would be the one to dismiss things so quickly."
"Hey now," Kurt tried to laugh that comment off. "I didn't say that. I just said that if something is attainable that's one thing, but if it's totally unrealistic for me to try and understand it, then I shouldn't try to figure it out. Just let it be."
"Unrealistic for you?" Finn added noodles to the pot and brought it to a slow and steady boil. "What about the other person? If they feel it's real, then why you just dismiss it so quickly just because it doesn't fit into your idea of what's real or what's not."
"Why are we having this conversation?" Kurt asked, his tone rising only slightly. "Is there something you need to tell me?"
Finn turned to face him, and he felt his heart sink in his chest. He couldn't tell Kurt how he felt, and it wasn't for lack of wanting to. Finn could not put into realistic and acceptable words for Kurt how he was feeling, and the idea of being rejected by someone he cared so much for was not what he wanted to be dealing with right now.
"There's nothing to tell," Finn said, turning back to his dinner. "I just got a little worked up. Sorry about that..."
Kurt sighed lightly and went back to his chair on the center counter, where he could face Finn.
"Hey," Kurt stared until Finn's eyes met his. "I would never just dismiss your feelings if you believed in something ok? Is that what this is about?"
"I don't know." Finn said quickly, his gaze returning to his creation on the stove. "Let's just drop it, ok?" Finn could feel Kurt's gaze still locked on him, and although he tried to ignore it, he had to eventually look up. "What's up?" he asked incredulously.
"I'm supposed to be enjoying my dinner," Kurt said, in that unique way that only Kurt could get away with around Finn. "I'm supposed to be happy that we can share time together, and you go and get confusing and emotional on me, then tell me to drop it. Something's going on in that head of your head, and I'm gonna figure out what it is."
"Stop," Finn said, as if he were scolding a child. "It's none of your business, just leave it alone."
"Does Quinn know?" Kurt raised an eyebrow. "Does this have anything to do with whatever you guys talked about today in your mysterious meeting at her house?"
"Don't get her involved," Finn said. "Don't get anyone involved, just forget it."
"Finn," Kurt got out of his chair and although he only came up to Finn's chest, he was still a little intimidating. "If you don't tell me, I will go see Quinn myself and find out what it is that's got you this way."
"Kurt-"
"I mean, look I get it: you are just trying to get me to see your side of the situation," Kurt's eyes flittered from Finn to random areas, as if he was formulating what to say. "I'm sorry I can't see your side of it because I have no idea what you are trying to say and I wish I knew-"
"Kurt, I-"
"-What really bugs me is that you would think after the talk we just had you would be comfortable enough around me to say how you trully feel and know that I would never just blow you off-"
"Kurt, I'm trying to tell you-"
"Finn," Kurt stopped and gave Finn what he had called the 'death glare'. "Now I'm confused because I have no idea where I'm trying to go with what I'm saying because I have no idea where you are trying to go and it's all just swirling around and making this a dizzy, complicated situation-"
"Kurt!" Finn almost snapped, causing Kurt to stop speaking and look at him. "I've been trying to tell you. I've been trying to put into words what I can't and it's driving me insane." Kurt felt a lump in his throat and he blinked. Finn continued, "I'm trying to explain to you what my side is, but I don't have a solid 'side' to be on..."
"Finn, don't-"
"I've been trying to tell you this for a long time," Finn crossed over to the side of the counter Kurt was standing on. "I still don't know how solid of a thing this is with me..."
"Finn, I'm serious," Kurt's voice shook slightly. "Don't you dare say what I think you are about to say."
"I have to," Finn said, attempting to take Kurt's hand, but Kurt drew his hand away. "I have to at least see how it feels for me to say it."
"Why?" Kurt asked sternly. "Why is it so important for you? So that if you don't like the way it sounds or the way it feels you just can pretend it was never said?"
"I don't know how I'd deal with it, but I shouldn't be afraid to say it if it's how I'm feeling," Finn took Kurt's hand and held it even as Kurt wiggled to get out of his grip. "I have to know that at least I was good enough to say it to you."
"Finn Hudson, I swear to God that if you say it-"
"I like you." Finn said, cutting Kurt off. Tears started to form in Kurt's eyes, but he blinked them away and tried again to release his hand from Finn's. "I mean, I like you more than a brother," Finn continued, determined to get it all out in the open for Kurt to understand. "I just want to be near you all the time, and I don't know why. I mean, you're amazing and all, but it's not about just being around you when you're feeling happy or telling a joke. I want to be there when you are sad, when you think you can't keep going. I want to be able to pick you up in my arms and let you know that it's ok, you've fought enough and I can carry you the rest of the way."
"You are just saying that because it sounds good now," Kurt let it out in a strained whisper. "You think that it's going to be a glamerous ride, but you don't know the first thing about dating another guy, let alone being in a relationship or intimate with another guy."
"Are you an expert all of a sudden?" Finn asked, his eyes fixed on Kurt's. "Why can't you be happy that I'm being honest with you?"
"You put me through hell!" Kurt almost shouted. "You were the one guy I had a huge crush on, then you go and call me names, or tell me to back off. I had to learn to let go of all those feelings on my own Finn! Do you think that was easy? I couldn't go to anyone about it, who would really understand be able to keep it between us? I had to let go and re-build myself because you were...you are straight. Then, we start to spend more time together and you go and tell me that you like me? You have no idea how messed up that is, and I don't ever want to hear you say that again!"
"I do like you-"
"No!" Kurt said. "No you don't, so stop saying it!"
"Kurt," Finn tried to close the space between him and Kurt. "I like you for exactly who you are, I want to be with you."
"Stop it!" Kurt though if he shouted it long enough Finn would come back to his senses.
"I can't," Finn said without missing a beat. "I like you a lot Kurt, I think I love you-"
Kurt didn't hit like a girl, so when his hand landed across Finn's face, Finn felt an initial sting, but then the full force of the hit as Kurt's hand followed through. Finn couldn't believe Kurt just slapped him across the face after he told him that he loved him. At the impact of the slap, Finn had released Kurt's hand from his. Finn looked down after getting over the shock to see Kurt, hair strewn about his face, tears running down to his chin, his body shaking. Finn made a move towards Kurt who, almost instinctively, backed up.
"You..." Kurt pointed at Finn, his hand trembling. "You. Jerk."
:~~~~~~******~~~~~~:
Finn was still in shock even an hour after watching Kurt run down the stairs to their room and slam the door that seperated their room from the rest of the house. Finn had time to finish his dinner and he left it on the stove on low heat just to keep it hot as he made his way down the stairs. Finn wasn't sure if he was going to a happy ending, like the ones he saw on TV, or if he was walking into another slap-down, but he wasn't concerned with any of that at the moment.
Hearing Finn's footsteps down the stairs caused Kurt to jerk up from his bed. Running over to door quietly, he locked the door, preventing Finn from coming in. Kurt returned to his bed, and burried his face into his pillow. A year ago, to have Finn say the he loved him would have had Kurt on Cloud 9, but now, with everything they had been through, Kurt felt different about it. He didn't want to be the guy who "converted" the star football quarterback. He didn't want to be responsible for any tension he would now be causing the Glee club because now he made their male star bat for his team. Then, Finn's voice started to replay in his head.
"I just want to be near you all the time, and I don't know why. I mean, you're amazing and all, but it's not about just being around you when you're feeling happy or telling a joke. I want to be there when you are sad, when you think you can't keep going. I want to be able to pick you up in my arms and let you know that it's ok, you've fought enough and I can carry you the rest of the way."
Could Finn really be serious? And was Kurt really judging him for not being able to say this to him before? True, he had never had feelings for guys before, so this must be stressful for him, too. Going from being the typical All-American teenager to the "Gay Kid" must have been tough for Finn, Kurt though, wiping his tears. And it must have taken a lot of thinking on his part to come up and tell me without fear. It doesn't make the situation any better, but in a way, it's like he feels he can be totally honest with me because he knows I won't judge him no matter how much I disagree with him...and I just slapped him like I was playing Whack-a-Mole on his face...dammit.
Kurt heard the door knob jiggle and turning to face it, he saw the doorknob fall to the floor, and the door gently open to reveal Finn kneeled on the ground, a screwdriver in one hand, the doorknob from the other side of the door in the other, and the typical Finn Hudson "oops" look on his face. Putting the things down on the floor, Finn stood up, and stepped into the room where he made his way towards Kurt, who had his eyes fixed on Finn's.
Stopping at Kurt's bedside, Finn waited until Kurt moved over and Finn had enough room to sit down next to him. Finn sat a safe distance away from Kurt, out of both respect for him and fear that he might move on from slapping and actually punch him in the face.
Kurt noticed how one side of Finn's face was badly red from where he had slapped him, he clearly didn't know his own strength. Finn moved closer, but only slightly, still wanting to maintain a safe distance.
"I'm sorry." Finn said, looking into Kurt's eyes, which were red and puffy from crying. "I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have forced you to hear it...but I didn't want to hold it in any longer...I just-"
Kurt put a finger to Finn's lips, cutting off his sentence. Kurt took the back of his hand and gently caressed the side of Finn's face where he had slapped him, causing Finn to wince slightly, hoping Kurt woulnd't notice, since he felt he deserved it. Kurt, however did notice, and gently cupped Finn's face with the other side of his hand before moving closer to him.
"Kurt-" Finn started, but was stopped mid-sentence as Kurt's lips met his. It was a split moment of confusion and elation before Finn wrapped an arm around Kurt and pulled him in closer, shifting and taking charge of the kiss, gently enjoying the softness of Kurt's lips against his before pulling away. "-I'm sorry...I'm...I'm just...I'm so sorry..." Finn couldn't find any words to say.
Kurt leaned in and kissed Finn again, this time with a bit more passion and pulled away, wrapping his arms around Finn and leaning in to whisper in his ear, "Don't you ever fuck me over like this again, Finn Hudson." Finn's heart melted at this, and he pulled Kurt into a tight embrace, his body sheilding Kurt's from anything else that could have happened to him in any other circumstance.
"I will never leave you," Finn said, his hand running through Kurt's hair. "I'll always be right here. I'll be...perfect. For you."
Kurt felt safe. For the first time, he felt loved. For the first time, he felt a combination of both that he had never felt before. He didn't know if this thing with Finn would work out, but he hoped it would. He didn't want anything else than to be in this place, this feeling, this moment...with the boy of his dreams.
A/N: Well, good enough for you guys? Haha, I thought it was pretty good, now you guys won't have to deal with Finn's angsty "Am I gay? Am I straight?" antics...as much...but I don't wanna give any future chapters away :P I really hope you all did enjoy this, and please please please SUBMIT A REVIEW! I almost didn't continue this fanfic, but all the support and joy that it gives you guys is so rewarding for me that I am going to finish this fic out just like I planned, but I love to hear what you guys think about it! So please, go submit a review and I'll see you all in chapter 9! :) :)