A/N:
Sorry this chapter is a bit long. I wanted to check in with Ianto's Pensioner Posse one last time (for this story) and none of the obvious break points seemed right. Almost done with this story and then the sequel begins. 95% of the loose ends in this story will be wrapped up in the sequel which makes it tempting to keep it in this story instead of writing it as a separate story. Thoughts?
Chapter 25 – The Addictive Properties of Nostalgia
"Once upon a time, the Zenaubs looked to the stars and wondered what was out there," Jack said holding the cube protectively. Ianto found Jack now sounded less like a pitchman and more like a slightly hyper children's entertainer. "Their curiosity led them to reach out and eventually they began communicating with travelers from other planets. The Zenaubs were pleased, but some of them wanted to see the places they heard about for themselves. They built starships, but the people were poorly suited for long journeys. Besides their physical limitations, they were mentally ill prepared. After only a few days of travel, they became so homesick and lonely many of them would die from the heartache.
"While most of their scientists worked on overcoming their physical limitations, a few began working on the psychological issues. After many failures, the two groups worked together and the cube was born." Jack pointed to the hole where something had clearly been attached at some point. "This is just the control box. It attached to a kind of cryo chamber. The Zenaubs couldn't survive being completely suspended, but they could be slowed temporarily. That solved the physical problem, but it made the psychological issues worse. This addressed that issue." Jack looked at Ianto expectantly. Ianto sighed.
"And how did it do that, sir," Ianto asked flatly. He wished Jack would just get on with it. Ianto noticed Gwen, Tosh, and Owen had gathered in the doorway and were looking at him and Jack expectantly.
"I'm glad you asked! While they were slowed, the cube would find their happiest memories of home, love, family – anything that would help soothe them – and it improved the memory. It didn't change anything. It just enhanced it and left the Zenaub with a sense of well-being for some time after."
"So this helped the aliens get stoned as they flew into the unknown," Ianto summarized. Jack looked affronted.
"When you put it like that you take the romance out of it! When they met other travelers," Jack continued in his storyteller voice, "they were intrigued by the Zenaub's tenacity and their technology. They found that the cube affected some species differently. Humans found it would pull up often forgotten positive memories, enhance them, and leave them with a mild euphoria for a few hours."
"So humans found they could exploit the alien tech to get high, too." Jack's face fell and Owen snorted.
"It's not like that, Ianto," Jack whined. "Tell him." Jack motioned to the team.
"It really isn't," Toshiko said. "I had forgotten how happy my 12th birthday was. In less than a minute, I relived that day. I can still remember the taste of the ice cream, the smell of the candles burning on my cake, and hear the laughter as my little brother folding origami animals out of the gift wrap." Tosh smiled wider than Ianto had seen her smile in weeks. "I'd forgotten how good that day was. It might not seem as wonderful a day once the effects wear off, but I've got that memory back and I don't intend to let it slip away again."
"I hadn't thought about a costume party I went to with Rhys soon after we started dating," Gwen began. "It was a dull party at first, but Rhys and his friend Lou started talking in these funny voices." Gwen laughed. "It slipped my mind how funny Lou was especially when he and Rhys had a drink or two. Do you know I would have described Lou as a passing acquaintance who was loud and obnoxious? I'd forgotten what good friends he and Rhys used to be. I'm inviting him over this weekend."
"I don't want to know what drunken escapade you remembered, Owen," Ianto said when Owen didn't offer.
"It was private," Owen said smiling almost serenely. Ianto thought it looked out of place on him. "I will say it was about Katie and I don't feel any sadness about it so don't worry about what it might make you remember."
"It softens the loss," Jack said. "I'm not sharing, either, but it brought back a memory that could have led to me becoming maudlin. Instead it reminds you of the good and pushes back the bad. Trust me, Ianto. You deserve this. You need this."
"I don't have any forgotten memories," Ianto said.
"Of course you do," Gwen said encouragingly. "We all do. It's all part of being human. We don't mean to, but we forget."
"No, you do. I don't. I wish I could forget. I have an eidetic memory enhanced by Torchwood One training. Some things take longer to completely recall, but it's all accessible," Ianto said tapping his temple.
"Yeah," Owen began, "but even with your exceptional memory there are things you've forgotten."
"I can't think of a one," Ianto deadpanned. He was chuckling on the inside.
"Then this will be a good test," Jack said holding out the cube.
Ianto looked at the reassuring faces around him and sighed loudly.
"Right, you've all spent the morning getting stoned on alien tech and now you're using peer pressure to make me use, too. Fine. What do I do," Ianto asked resigned to try it. If it could snap Owen out of his funk it had to be pretty good.
"Hold out your hand," Jack said barely containing his excitement. He placed the cube in Ianto's hand and repositioned it. "You'll feel a slight vibration. Close your eyes. It will only take a minute."
Ianto reluctantly closed his eyes. He felt a pressure on the cube as Jack did something. He felt a slight vibration quickly followed by a blinding pain. He pulled his hand away dropping the cube with a howl.
Owen instinctively went into doctor mode. He examined the hand Ianto was cradling. Jack picked up the cube and quickly dropped it.
"It's red hot," he said confused.
"Looks like it's burned your hand pretty badly," Owen said to Ianto. "Do you feel okay?"
"I'm fine," Ianto grumbled pulling his hand away. "Looks like more Rift trash to me," he said pointedly looking at Jack.
"It was working fine," Jack protested. He tapped the cube and apparently deciding it was cool enough picked it up and put it on his desk. He looked into the open hole. "Damn. The Medlakian crystal blew. I was lucky to get that one! Sorry, Ianto. I'm not sure what happened, but I can't fix it."
Ianto felt guilty for his earlier reluctance. Jack's enthusiasm had left and he seemed deflated.
"No, I'm sorry, Jack. I must have done something wrong. Maybe my enhanced memory and lack of happy memories was too much for it," Ianto joked. Jack didn't smile back.
"Come on down to Autopsy," Owen said leading Ianto out of Jack's office. "I've got some cream that will keep that from hurting too much."
Ianto nodded and followed, but he didn't really care if his hand hurt, blistered, or became infected and fell off. He'd failed Jack again and he'd killed the team's buzz. As he sat on the autopsy table and Owen wrapped his hand, he realized Owen, in a very non-Owen way, was humming.
"I was afraid I spoiled your mood," Ianto said.
"Nah," Owen replied. "Even you can't ruin my mood. It's a shame it didn't work for you. You look like a man who could stand a touch of euphoric memory."
Ianto didn't let Owen bait him into a conversation. He left for the solitude of the Archives as soon as Owen was done. He hadn't really wanted to try the stupid machine so he wasn't sure why he was so angry about it. He supposed it could be because not being able to use it separated him from the rest of the team. Then again, he mused as he set up some paper files for digital scanning, it can hardly separate me from people I'm already separate from. It did accentuate the fact, though.
He knew there was something on the cusp of his mind that was the real issue. He didn't want to scratch that particular itch. He knew it was something he didn't want to think about, but, as always, his brain was his biggest tormentor. Ianto groaned as he remembered all the moments Jack had said he was preparing a surprise for him. It wasn't so much that he didn't get to share the experience with the team as it was the team had the experience at all. Ianto knew he was just as responsible for his isolation from the team as anyone else.
It was almost enough to make him laugh if it wasn't so tragic. Ianto had spent most of his life isolating from other people. Arguably, he was closer to Lisa than anyone in his life. Even with her and his all-consuming love, he'd kept part of himself back. Would he walk through hell for her? Without hesitation. Trust her not to break his heart? Issues. They knew each other two years and dated for 18 months before Canary Wharf. He still hadn't moved in with her in spite of her insistences and reassurances. Now here he was angry Jack wouldn't let him get closer. It seemed ironic or maybe just tragic. He wasn't sure, but he felt one of his late night overthinking sessions looming in his future.
He mechanically set up the next file for scanning. His phone rang and he answered it automatically barely registering the caller id.
"Ianto Jones," he said preoccupied by his own depressing thoughts.
"Hi, Jaunty! It's Tom."
"Hi Tom," Ianto said trying to sound more enthusiastic than he felt.
"Thought I'd see if you wanted to join us for a game of cards tonight at Dylan's," the aged trigger man said.
"I don't think so," Ianto said before trying to cover the mouthpiece to muffle his sigh. "I don't think I'd be good company."
"That's when you need to seek out good company," Tom said brightly. "You know where to find us if you change your mind."
"Yeah," Ianto said smiling in spite of his dreary mood. "Thanks, Tom."
"I hope you aren't avoiding your friends because of anything I said." Ianto startled in his chair. He checked to make sure he'd ended the call and put his phone down using the time to calm his breathing before turning to face Jack.
"No, just not in the mood to play cards," he said in what he hoped was a non-committal voice, but what he was sure came out as an emo whine. It was enough to make him think about asking Owen for anti-depressants before he started dying his hair jet black and buying gothic cross accessories.
"How's your hand," Jack asked crossing the room and gently lifting Ianto's hand by the wrist.
"It's fine," Ianto replied blandly. "I'm sorry I broke your toy." He managed an uncertain smile.
"No, I'm sorry you got hurt. It was probably a problem with the energy conversion. I took some shortcuts getting it powered up. I should have been more patient to try it out," Jack said sitting on the edge of Ianto's scanning table. He slumped and continued rubbing Ianto's wrist and idly playing with Ianto's fingers sticking out of the burn dressing.
"It's not like I have a lot of memories I'd want to enhance," Ianto said smiling more easily. He liked Jack's relaxed posture. His whole demeanor changed when it was just the two of them. Bet he can't drop his guard like that with Missy, Ianto thought with a touch of smugness. Probably stays as rigid as Captain Scarlet so she doesn't realize he's not just a dashing hero. Ianto struggled to not give in to the tenderness he felt for Jack when he looked so dejected.
"You never know," Jack said smirking. "You might have remembered that time with the stopwatch. That was worth remembering!"
"An enhanced version would probably cause me to go into cardiac arrest," Ianto said returning the smirk.
"Well, if you aren't going to play canasta with the shuffle board set tonight, I suppose we could try a live reenactment. I'll keep the defibrillator handy." Jack brought Ianto's hand to his face and lightly kissed his fingers. Their eyes met and Jack, without breaking eye contact, licked along the finger tips.
Ianto wanted to say something along the lines of "No, Captain. I think we need to take a time out and get some perspective." All that came out was a groan. He unconsciously leaned forward towards Jack.
"I sent the team home," Jack said in a low voice before returning to licking and sucking on Ianto's fingers. He hooked his foot on Ianto's chair and rolled him closer.
Without consciously thinking about it, which was how things happened all too often when he was with Jack, Ianto found himself unzipping Jack's trousers.
"I thought you were maybe mad at me," Jack said unbuttoning Ianto's cuff.
"Well," Ianto said thoughtfully, "I could be angry at you and we could have a serious discussion or I could suck your cock. Keep in mind, I'll probably still be angry tomorrow, but we might not have the place to ourselves."
"We can talk later," Jack agreed quickly. He moaned around two of Ianto's fingers as Ianto took his erection all the way down in one fluid, obscene motion. "Fuck," he exclaimed before Ianto shoved his fingers back in Jack's mouth.
Let's see Missy do that, Ianto thought before focusing completely on the task at hand.
"Is that the phone," Jack asked several hours later from the sweaty heap of naked flesh and twisted sheets in his bunker bedroom.
"Yep," Ianto said extricating himself from said heap. He smirked as he saw the appreciative look on Jack's face as he stared at him climbing the ladder.
Jack joined him in his office as he hung up the phone.
"Weevil? UFO? Cardiff Bay Monster," Jack asked wrapping his arms around Ianto's waist and rubbing against him.
"Crank," Ianto said returning both the embrace and rubbing.
"Crank?"
"As in crank call. That's the second anonymous call the police have passed on to us about someone hearing music at an old dancehall. You'll like this," Ianto said smiling. "He said it sounds like a discount Artie Shaw."
"I always preferred Glen Miller," Jack replied. He nipped at Ianto's shoulder then licked the spot. "We should probably investigate it."
"The caller won't leave any details or answer any questions. He's probably hoping to cause a fuss to drum up business for a new night club." Ianto tried to kiss Jack, but he pulled away.
"But you don't know. We should at least check the Rift…"
"I did when we got the first call," Ianto said a little exasperated. "Tosh is running a cross check. It looked unusual, but there's no sign it's dangerous."
"Good. Any CCTV cameras in the area?"
Ianto sighed quietly and dropped his forehead momentarily on Jack's shoulder before looking up, stepping away, and going into work mode. He thought he and Jack looked ridiculous wearing their Captain and his trusty aide-de-camp personas without any clothes.
"Spotty coverage. There's been a lot of vandalism." He sat at Jack's computer and pulled up the working feeds.
He left Jack to flick through the video of late afternoon foot traffic in a bad neighborhood and took a shower. He couldn't help but wonder if Jack would be as interested if he said the music was '70s glam rock.
"See anything interesting," Ianto asked freshly showered and redressed. Jack looked up, looked down at himself, and chuckled.
"Only that you let me get caught up in this without reminding me to put some clothes on! Nothing on the CCTV except a sweet, old lady macing some kid asking for change."
"Sorry, sir. You can't catch a Weevil mauling every time." Jack smiled at him. "Do you still want to go investigate," Ianto asked hoping he didn't.
"No," Jack sighed. "I'll take Gwen in the morning."
"Gwen's off tomorrow morning," Ianto said. "And Tosh has to catch a train by noon," he reminded Jack who waved him off.
"Fine, whatever. Owen it is." Jack was quiet for a minute. Ianto was about to suggest Jack get dressed when Jack said wistfully, "I remember Artie Shaw."
Ianto smiled meekly and took a seat. He knew that look and that tone. Jack was feeling nostalgic. By tacit agreement, Ianto never brought up Jack's longevity at Torchwood or asked about how it was possible for him to look so young for a man well over 100 and when Jack was in one of his nostalgic moods and wanted to talk, Ianto would listen. Ianto didn't mind. In fact, he found these stories much more interesting than the ribald tales he often told in bed.
The only problem, from Ianto's perspective, was if he didn't time his interruption correctly. If he didn't stop Jack in time, his journey down memory lane would devolve into melancholy and drinking. If he interrupted before Jack got to whatever triggered the nostalgia Jack would pout and become brusque. Choosing between surly and sullen, Ianto wasn't exactly spoiled for choice.
Thirty minutes later, Ianto thought he might have left it too long, but the story was interesting and fun. It started with going to see Artie Shaw at the Palladium and ended with Jack being arrested after fighting with a man over a hat. He noticed Jack's tone was becoming a little more wistful.
"It really was a different world then. You would have appreciated the manners and easy chivalry," Jack said smiling. Ianto knew from experience that when Jack addressed him it meant he was done.
"And yet you managed to be a scoundrel," Ianto laughed. He looked at his watch. It was barely 5. "Why don't you get a shower, get dressed, and we can grab a bite of dinner. I skipped lunch." Jack shook his head.
"You should go home. Everybody else got a half day," Jack said standing. Ianto stood, too.
"I wasn't exactly working," Ianto said with a quirk of his eye brow.
"Even so," Jack began heading towards his bunker, "I kind of feel like being alone, you know? I think I'll grab that shower and maybe play a few records."
Ianto knew that tradition, too. He nodded.
"Guess it's canasta with the shuffleboard set for me, after all. Call me if you change your mind," Ianto said to Jack's retreating form. He heard Jack make an affirmative from the other end of the ladder. At least he won't be calling Missy in this mood, Ianto thought although he knew he'd prefer Jack to be with someone and happy even if it wasn't him rather than suffer alone.
An hour into playing cards, Ianto was wondering if it was his lot in life to listen to other people reminisce.
"So Alun walks right up to the guy and says 'Does this look like a sewing circle 'cause I don't see any goddamn needles!'" Everyone roared with laughter at Mick's story. Ianto chuckled even though it was clearly one of those "had to have been there" stories to truly appreciate it.
"Alun was a tough one," Dylan said shaking his head. "He was all business, all the time unless he had his shoes on."
"His shoes," Ianto asked intrigued by Tom's snort and Dylan's smirk.
"For weeks, every Tuesday night, Alun was unavailable. One Tuesday, Dave decides he's going to follow him. Turns out Alun, toughest son of a bitch you've ever seen, was taking tap dancing lessons!"
The room erupted in laughter. Ianto smiled, but he didn't laugh thinking back to his tap classes from age 5-7 his mother assured his father would teach him coordination and not turn him into a poof.
"We teased him for about a minute before we all remembered Big Alun could whip us all. Then he says 'Gene Kelly tap dances and nobody's got a problem with him!' Once his secret was out," Dylan continued, "he'd keep a pair of tap shoes at the social club we had back then so he could practice."
"Found out months later," Mick said picking up the story, "poor Alun was in love with the tap instructor. He saw her one day at the drugstore and followed her to the studio. Took him two years to work up the nerve to ask her out!"
"Stand up to a dockworker and call him every name, but Fred? Not a problem," Tom said. "Ask the 5 foot nothing brunette out to dinner? The man was a shambles!" They all laughed.
"Finally got up the nerve and she accepted," Dylan began. "He took her to this fancy supper club. They had this big orchestra and she wanted to dance. Turns out, he didn't know how! He might have been her top tap dancing student, but he didn't know a foxtrot from a fox hunt!"
"Did she forgive his two left feet," Ianto asked when the laughter died down.
"She did, but she made him take ballroom dance classes," Dylan said.
"He always griped about it," Ice Cream said. He'd been so quiet during the story Ianto had begun to wonder if Alun was before his time. "Truth was, he might have started off hating it, but he learned to love it."
"Not that anyone would ever call him on it," Tom said. "Even if he had his shoes on, he was one tough bastard!"
"You can't really take the mick with someone for dancing with someone they love," Mick said miming dancing cheek to cheek.
Ianto smiled and had his own moment of nostalgia.
"Hey," said Tom slapping Ianto on the shoulder, "what's that look, Jaunty?"
"Just remembering dancing with Lisa at her sister's wedding," he said smiling sadly.
The men exchanged looks while Ianto stared at the cards he was compulsively shuffling. Dylan urged Tom with a jerk of his head. Tom nodded.
"You're young. You're find someone who'll make you want to dance again," Tom said.
"I don't think I'll be dancing like that at any weddings any time soon," Ianto said. "I think I better get going," he said standing, cutting off Tom as he was about to speak. "It's going to be an early day."
The men said good night, but Ianto was only half listening. He was still caught up in the memory of Lisa's hand on his shoulder, the smell of her perfume and apples, and the sound of her voice thanking him for being the perfect date. He'd laugh if he wasn't on the verge of tears.
Stupid memories, Ianto thought opening his car door. At least Jack's cube hadn't worked. Ianto didn't think his heart could take any other happy memories.