How It Started
If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
1 Corinthians 13:3
Actually, it all started with church.
"Addison, why do we have to do this?" He adjusted his tie. "It's 8 AM in the morning."
"You look handsome," she encouraged. And she looked elegant in a cream dress wrapped around her body. In an intimate gesture, she reached up to loosen his tie, even though he really didn't need the help. In the mirror, they looked like a perfectly charming couple. If only the guilt weighing on her heart would cease. She was trying to let it go. That's why they were going to church. She let go of him and fastened a cross necklace that she hadn't worn in months around her neck.
"Why are we doing this?" He repeated and rubbed her shoulder.
She sighed and he wrapped his arms around her and kissed the spot that he'd just rubbed.
She resisted the urge to pull away. She was trying to be less ambivalent; she didn't want to play with his feelings anymore.
But it was unbearable to have him hold her like that when he was not her husband.
"Who's approval are you trying to win?" He watched her through the mirror. "God's?"
"Yes," she said shortly, breaking free. Maybe God would understand her actions and the pain behind them, since everyone else seemed to be judging her. "We have to leave now and we don't want to get off on the wrong foot."
Mark mumbled something about adultery already being the wrong foot.
"Excuse me?" she snapped.
"Nothing," he replied.
The church they went to was off of Manhattan, so they wouldn't be seen or recognized, Mark knew. It was similar to the church that Derek's family brought him to during Christmas.
Addison fit in. She seemed to be hanging onto every word. When it came time for communion, the pastor invited the congregation to pray at the cross in front of the sanctuary. Addison went up and knelt and prayed for almost the entire time. She waited until the last minute to take communion. Mark watched her and felt guilty for being the cause of her guilt.
After the service was over, he felt a change in her demeanor. She no longer seemed ashamed of him. She took a hold of his arms and he kissed her forehead.
They were approached by an older couple in the lobby. "Hi," the woman said, "we haven't seen you here before." They introduced themselves as Lisa and David.
Lisa said, "I don't mean to make you feel self-conscious, but I noticed you praying and I thought you might like to be a part of our prayer team?"
It seemed to be the best compliment she'd ever received. "Yes, I would."
"We can add you too, if you'd like," David said, speaking to Mark, "You just get a weekly email about people to pray for."
"Sure." Mark really couldn't say no to it. They exchanged e-mails.
"Thank you. We're so glad you joined us today. How long have you guys been together?"
"A couple of months?" Addison looked at Mark quizzically.
He nodded. Four, he knew.
"I think it's wonderful," Lisa commented, "that you're incorporating your faith into the relationship. It really shows the importance of God in your life."
"Thank you so much." Addison was soaking it in, denying the fact that this was the first time she'd been to church in a while, and that in her 'wonderful' relationship, she was being unfaithful to her husband.
Mark adored the way she clung to him, but questioned her motives.
They kept chatting and Mark and Addison eventually signed up for a Bible study, church volleyball night, and a Habitat for Humanity house building.
They left, Addison beaming and Mark wondering how they were going to have time for their jobs.
"Thank you for doing that," She kissed him briefly at the car.
"Yep," he nodded. After driving a while, he said, "I don't really understand why we're doing this, but as long as it makes you happy..."
"Mark," she mused, "now we have a place where we don't have to hide."
"So you're going to tell them that you're married? And not to me."
"No," Addison stared out the window. "Not that we don't have to hide...more like we can be ourselves and not worry about expectations or anything. They seemed genuinely interested in us, don't you think?"
"Yeah, interested in our ability to build houses." If Mark had eight hours to spend with Addison, he preferred not to be painting or sanding or hammering...nails.
"They were interested in our desire to be good."
"Personally, for me, I don't think good is that black and white." He pulled into his apartment complex.
"I think it'll grow onto you." She gave him a much longer kiss now, and Mark decided that he could be a church person, if he got to kiss Addison more often.
They delved into their first week of being church-goers and Mark did find that it grew on him. He enjoyed the company of Lisa and David and their friends. He even went out on a limb and attended the men's group that David ran.
David shared his testimony over a pitcher of beers. Mark didn't know they were allowed to drink, but apparently they were. He listened to David and was shocked to hear about his struggle with a pornography addiction. Afterward, Mark was the last to leave and he told David how much he appreciated the openness and honesty expressed.
"I'm glad you were around to hear it," David shook his hand, but before Mark could leave, he asked, "What do you struggle with?"
"Uhh, what?" Mark hadn't really thought about it. Sure, he watched porn, but he didn't really feel a struggle taking place. He couldn't think of any other struggle to have- he wasn't an alcoholic or addicted to drugs. He tried to make something up, "Ummm, before I met Addison, I think I might have been addicted to sex, but it worked for me at the time. And now I drink a little, watch a little porn, but it's all in moderation so I don't feel too awful about it." He smirked, trying to make light of the situation.
"What does Addison think about the porn?" Mark remembered David specifically mentioned how hurt Lisa was by his porn addiction.
"I don't think she minds." Mark couldn't wipe the smile off of his face. It was getting so uncomfortable but it was better to be awkward than actually serious.
"Addison doesn't mind that you're watching other woman while you have sex?"
Mark did not know this guy very well and was angered by the fact that he was prying so much. "We're not having sex! Isn't that a good thing? Aren't we supposed to be waiting for marriage?" Heck, Mark didn't see why porn wasn't encouraged. To expect a guy to wait for marriage was asking a lot but with porn it seemed a little more reasonable.
"So you think you'll marry Addison?"
Mark didn't understand why he cared. Why did this even matter? Addison and him were perfect in every other way. "I don't know. That's a complicated question."
"It's not really. Can you see yourself being with her?"
"Yes and no."
"Which is it?" David took a deep breath. "I found that it was a lot harder to commit to Lisa when I was in the porn addiction and wanting to have sex with all those other women."
"There are no other women." There's another man- for her. "I can't do this. I'm sorry, man. Everything you said was really cool, but I gotta go." He needed to talk to Addison. He left David with a pitying look on his face, and called Addison.
"Adds. I just got back from this church thing at David's house and he's asking why we're not married and it's freaking me out. I don't think we should hang out with these people anymore. There's a reason why we hang out with jerks," like Derek, he thought, "they make us feel good about ourselves. What are you thinking?"
Addison got his message, and then unfortunately, a page to the hospital. On the cab ride over, she thought about Mark and all he had sacrificed for her. Maybe she could give up church, if he needed to, but it was the only thing keeping her centered at this point.
She wasn't surprised to see Mark watching her during the emergency c-section, but it scared her when Derek entered the gallery. She could see Mark and Derek talking and worried briefly that Mark might confess all, but she really had much more important things to focus on.
After the baby was out and sent up to the NICU, blessedly with all her organs seemed to be functioning, Addison left the OR. She expected Mark and Derek to greet her, but they were no where to be found. She decided to head to the maternity ward to check up on some other patients and ran into Derek in the elevator.
"Hey." He met her with a short kiss. "I caught some of your surgery."
"Thanks for watching." She didn't know what to say to him. It felt like tip-toeing on eggshells.
"You want to go out to dinner tonight?"
His invitation shocked her. "Seriously?"
He shuffled and smiled, "It is our anniversary."
She forgot. She forgot their anniversary. It kept running through her head. "Oh, yeah." She tried to sound like she hadn't forgotten. Should she get him a present? Maybe just a card. But it felt like they weren't really married anymore. Like dinner was going to be protocol. And, oh gosh, he was going to expect to have sex. She didn't want to, and even more than that, she didn't want to hurt Mark like that. Surely even Mark hadn't forgot that it was their anniversary. "I'm pretty tired, but I'll go."
"Okay. We can leave for the brownstone at 5 and get ready and go to dinner at 6:30?"
"Okay." She really needed to go to church right now. She needed to repent for her sins. For someone as sinful as she was, they needed to have church everyday of the week.
"Happy anniversary." He touched her arm and kissed her again and she felt sick.
She called Mark. "Mark,"
"It's your anniversary," he said.
"I just found that out, from my husband."
"You were amazing in your surgery."
"Thanks," she said, though it was nothing out of the ordinary. How were they supposed to handle it? She wished she could talk to someone who'd been through an affair successfully about the standard treatment of lovers on anniversaries, but she supposed there was no such thing as a successful affair. "Do you want to get lunch today?"
"I don't know. I guess. In the cafeteria or out?"
"Your place," She said decisively. She needed to talk to him in absolute privacy. "What did you and Derek talk about during my surgery?"
"Your anniversary," was the first thing on his mind.
"Should I be getting him a present?"
"I don't know, Addison." He sounded irritated.
She couldn't blame him and decided not to ask if Derek was getting her a present.
"We didn't talk about anything really important." He hesitated. "Add, I just want to tell him everything for some reason. I think it's all this church stuff...we have to stop going. This isn't how I though it would be. I thought once we were together and committed to the moment, that we could do this. I thought we could forget about the guilt. It's not even the guilt- it's the inconvenience and the not really being together."
She knew they weren't forgetting the guilt, just suppressing it. "I know, I just don't feel like we have a choice. It's Derek, I mean." She ducked into an on-call room and started to cry, "I know he's done some bad things, but he's a good person. He doesn't deserve the hurt that would come from telling him."
"It's hard to believe we deserve the pain of keeping it a secret. But I guess we do."
They both stopped talking and took in the silence for a moment.
Finally, Mark said, "All right. Well, I guess I'll see you at lunch."
"See you."
She met him at his apartment, to be on the safe side. As soon as they were safely in and the door was shut, they kissed. She wrapped her arms around his neck and they just rested there, looking at each other. She felt so safe and comfortable.
"Happy Anniversary," she said.
"I'm not Derek," he replied.
"I know." She rolled her eyes and reached down for the bag she brought in. "I got you a present though, for me and Derek's anniversary." She held out the bag to him. "Thanks for putting up with my marriage."
He peeked inside. She'd gotten him a small super-chocolate-y cake. "Well, thank you," he said, awkwardly. "Cake for lunch?"
"Well, we indulge enough in each other enough, so I figured it couldn't hurt." She winked at him as she took off her coat. "That's not all."
"What else?" He said, pretending not to be amused.
"Well, just sit down with your cake and I will show you. One thing at a time." He didn't budge so she ushered him toward a chair and got a plate out and cut him a slice of cake. "Try it." She handed him a fork.
"Yummy," he said, licking his lips. "What's my other present?"
"I have two more presents in store for you." She started unbuttoning her shirt.
He kind of suspected something like this, and it finally got him to smile. He took another bite of chocolate cake.
She became a bit uncomfortable because it was taking her a really long time to get all the buttons undone and the only sound to be heard was him snarfing down his cake. It wasn't very sexy. "Gosh, I feel like I need to have some music on while I'm doing this." She hadn't exactly planned a striptease- his present was under her clothes.
"I believe that can be arranged," he said excitedly.
"That's okay." She just ripped the shirt, popping the last few buttons off.
"Or not," he said, surprised.
She knew she had spare clothes at Mark's, but it wasn't like her to ruin an expensive shirt. She unzipped her shirt quickly and it fell off, leaving her in the negligee that she had bought.
"Nice," was all he could say.
It was black and lacy, and so, so short. She kept itching to pull it further up over her breasts, but she knew it would just rise even more over her thighs. As uncomfortable as it was, it seemed to have a good effect on Mark, so she tried to get in the mood. "Thanks."
"So does this mean we can have sex?"
"No," She spun around, "You can look but not touch."
"Damn, Addison," he left the room, needing some space. "So you come here all dressed up and make me want you and tonight you're going to let Derek see you like this and he gets to screw you! It's not fair! I can't believe you! I literally can't believe you."
"That's because I'm just kidding." She strutted over to him. "Here." She put his hand on her ass.
He kept it there and she could feel the heat radiating from his palm. It was scorching. He put his other hand on her ass and watched her.
She crossed her arms, not touching him yet, but smiling up at him. "So?"
He moved his fingers across the lace and they slid easily.
She flushed, feeling his heat and feeding off of it. "Oh." He didn't say anything, but she could feel his dick growing harder and pressed her pelvis into his.
"So what's my third present? Sex?" He predicted.
She shook her head. "This..." she took one of his hands and placed it on the side of her breast and moved it all the way down her outfit, to the hem, "is all yours, only yours. Derek won't see this tonight."
He started to speak, but she interrupted, "I'm not sleeping with him tonight. Or any other night until..." 'this is all over,' She finished in her head.
He let his hands wander all over her, and nodded, smiling. "Pretty good present. It might take my mind off of not being with you tonight."
"We don't spend every night together," she reminded him.
"But I know you'll be with him."
"It's nothing. Trust me," she reassured him. She looped her hands around his neck again.
"Okay," he dipped his head down to kiss her. She deepened it instantly, holding his body close to hers.
He wrapped his arms around her ass and hoisted her up, carrying her to the bedroom.
They moved so slowly, but it all seemed a blur to her. He peeled off the negligee and she took off his shirt and pants. She realized her hands were shaking. "I feel like I don't know what I am doing."
"You're fine," He took both of her hands in his. She moved them to his chest and then his face.
"I'm so nervous," she laughed.
"You're fine," he repeated. "Just wait." He stood up and removed his pants. It was the first time she'd seen him, completely naked and he didn't look like he was shy.
"Oh my God," She gasped and laughed at the same time.
"That's good?"
"Yeah," She sat up on her knees to reach for him. She couldn't stop staring. He was so hot, it was unbelievable.
He slid back into bed with her. She was holding her breath for some reason. They were going to have sex. It was going to happen. He rolled onto her and she felt everything. Every part of him pressed against her. She looked down. She was kind of hot, she supposed, but she didn't look too hot pressed up against him. Everything about him was hard and muscular. Even though she was muscular, she felt soft under him. "Mark,"
He seemed to be enjoying himself, not really perceiving how she felt.
"Mark, I can't breathe." Not with him caressing the curves that she hated.
He lifted himself off of her, and she was exposed. Not completely, she still had panties on, but she couldn't hide herself anymore. It didn't bother her before, not in the negligee, not while he was kissing her. But suddenly she was totally aware.
She draped a hand over her stomach and then rolled so he couldn't stare at her entirely, but she was still trapped beneath his arms.
"Addison Montgomery. What is it?" He lowered his head in frustration.
She needed a blanket or a pillow to cover herself. "I'm trying."
"Trying what?"
She gave up, "You're so much hotter than I am!" She didn't want to sound like she was fishing for a compliment, but that's how she felt. "I've seen the women you date. They're perfect. You're perfect."
He rested on his side and buried his head in her chest. "You are far more perfect..." he trailed off. "You just don't know. You don't see-"
"That's the problem. I can see. I can see what you see and I can see what Derek sees. He doesn't want to have sex with me and I'm his wife. He's practically obligated to have sex with me and he won't! If I was..."
"What Addison? Skinnier? You'd look unhealthy. Fitter? You'd be spending too much time in the gym and not enough with me. If you wore more makeup, you'd look fake. I love the way you look. You think you're not perfect? Who's standards are you using?"
"Derek's," she knew.
He raised his hands up in frustration. "Always. I can't escape that guy. You know what our problem is? Even if you're not sleeping with him, he's still in your bed. He's still with you every step of the way, in our way."
He stood up, and put his underwear on.
"Mark, I'm sorry." She was such a bitch and a tease. If he didn't leave her this time, it would be a miracle.
He pointed at her. "We're kicking this self-conscious thing in the butt, now."
As soon as he said that, she was worried. She pulled his sheets up around her. He came back with two pieces of cake on a plate and ripped the sheets off of her in a smooth motion. "You won't be needing those."
She tried to move herself in the most flattering position possible, but it wasn't working. No matter how much she stretched out, there was always some part of her sticking out that she didn't want him to see.
"Sit up," he said.
She didn't want to. He would be able to see that her stomach wasn't perfectly flat and that she didn't have six-pack abs. She did as she was told anyway, absolutely mortified. She tried to sit up so maybe some of her weight would distribute itself, rather than hanging on her hips.
"Relax," he said, seeing through that move.
She couldn't; she didn't know how to. He sat across from her, mirroring her. He cut off a tiny bite of cake with the fork and held it to her.
It was stupid, but she didn't want to eat cake in bed when she felt fat. She sighed and knew she really had no excuse. One little piece of cake wouldn't hurt. She opened her mouth and ate it. It was good, Mark hadn't lied before. She really liked the chocolate icing.
"Good, right?" He took a bite too. "Come closer to me."
She scooted a little forward, and he pulled her legs all the way so her thighs rested over his knees and the plate of cake sat between them.
"That's better," he said and fed her another piece.
After four or five bites, she swore she could feel the cake sinking down into her stomach and adding to the extra body fat that she already felt was excessive, but medically knew was necessary. "I'm full," she smiled.
"Yeah, right." She wasn't fooling him. Another bite for her.
"Really." She put her hand protectively around her stomach.
"Quit that," He took her hand and held it. "Don't be ashamed. You need that for baby-making." He smiled.
She wondered if he was thinking about having kids with her. It was a fleeting thought. "I'm not pregnant yet."
"Addison, you're impossible," he laughed. "Shall I get you pregnant? So then you'd feel less self-conscious? Oh wait, we'd have to have sex to make that happen," he joked.
"I want to," she asserted, "I'm just embarrassed."
"Of what?" He tilted his head. "I know you're not making all of this," he gestured between them, "stuff up, but it kind of seems like this is a cover to the fact that you don't want to sleep with me because you're not ready to cheat on your husband. You can't let him go and admit to everything that would mean about you."
"Well, I can't keep coming up with reasons not to have sex with you," She touched his shoulder.
"Oh please, we haven't even discussed my legs yet."
"Your legs?" She wondered.
"My body is unbalanced. When I go to the gym, I always concentrate on my upper body, not my legs. They're not as muscular as everything," He shrugged.
"I love your legs!" She exclaimed. She loved everything about him. She scooted back and then leaned over so she could kiss them. She stopped when she got to his thighs. "They're...perfect." She realized what he was getting at. "Okay, you've made your point." She made a decision to be less self-conscious. She had to trust in the way he saw her.
He leaned toward her and she leaned back. He supported her back as she lay down. "I love everything about you." He kissed her stomach and she laughed.
She felt much better about it.
He looked up. "So, let's get out all the reasons for you not to sleep with me so next time we're better prepared."
She thought for a moment and threaded her hands through his hair. "Honestly? I'm afraid you're going to leave me after one time."
"Ouch." He pretended to be hurt, but she knew there was some truth in it.
"Sorry. It's just so easy for me to believe that the only reason you haven't left is that we haven't had sex yet."
"That's easy for you to believe? I feel like I've worked so hard not to make you think that."
"I know. I can tell."
"Then why? Why do you think that? Have you ever seen me do that before? I don't waste my time with girls that aren't worth it. If she doesn't want it, I move on. But you're worth it. You're worth the wait."
"I feel like there aren't that many girls who haven't wanted it from you. I don't know why I'm being like this."
"Addy, there's a million reasons not to have sex with me," he admitted. "But there's one reason to do it- if you're in love with me."
Addison was on edge the entire anniversary dinner. Derek tried to make small talk, but it was hard for her to figure out what to say, what wasn't too suspicious. She was desperately afraid of accidentally revealing the affair.
Halfway through dinner, he must have ran out of things to talk about because he asked her, "Hey, Addy? You ever want to have kids?"
She froze. She didn't imagine he was interested in her, much less that he would want her to have his child.
"I know we've talked about it before, but it never happened. I mean, are you still on the pill?"
"No." She's thrown that out with their sex life.
"Oh really? I didn't know that you went off of it. So do you think maybe we should go to a doctor? Figure out if something's wrong?"
She was angry that suddenly he wanted to have kids and he couldn't even pretend like he cared about her on a day to day basis. This was the most time they'd spend together since...probably their last anniversary. "Oh, I know what's wrong, I am an OB, remember? I deal with this stuff all the time." She took a sip of her wine. "You know you have to have sex to have kids, right, Derek?"
"We have sex!" He defended, rather loudly.
She lowered her voice. "Not once a month when I may or may not be ovulating." She stabbed at her salad with a fork. "And it's been shown that an orgasm for the mother is very beneficial. So you might want to work on that."
He turned red. "Well, happy anniversary to you too." They sat in silence eating for a while until Derek continued, "If you didn't want to have kids, you could have just said no."
"Okay," she didn't feel like talking anymore. Her cell phone rang. It was Mark. "Sorry, I need to take this." She left for the bathroom. "Hey."
"How's it going?" He asked.
"Horrid. I feel like leaving him right now. He wants to have kids!"
Mark didn't say anything.
"Mark? Thank you for being here. I don't know what I would do without you."
"Just remember your present to me."
"I remember."
"I can't see you tonight, can I?"
"Probably not. Derek will insist on staying in the same bed, even if we aren't having sex."
"Fine. See you tomorrow."
"Bye."
She made her way back to the table.
"Who was that? The hospital?" Derek asked.
She wanted to say that it was none of his business, but she was feeling a lot more dangerous tonight. "It was Mark." She refolded the napkin in her lap.
"What'd he want?" Derek asked, confused.
"He asked how it was going."
"Dinner?"
She nodded.
"Why would he assume dinner was anything other than great?"
"Because our marriage is awful," She said honestly. "it's, like, the worst."
"No, it's not," was his instant response. "You really think so? But we're in love. We're Addison and Derek."
She could begin to see the hurt in his eyes and felt bad. Clearly, he didn't know what he was doing. He didn't understand how he was hurting her. She was glad that she didn't sleep with Mark that afternoon. She didn't need anymore guilt that she already had at this point. It was getting easier to forget about it around Mark, but around Derek, it was like an elephant on her shoulders. Luckily, she didn't see Derek much. "You're right. I don't know why I said that."
"I could do better." He reached for her hand and held it across the table. "I could be around more, okay? We could have more sex?"
She didn't know what she wanted. Would it be better to rip off the band-aid and sleep with Mark or to work at it with Derek? She knew that she wasn't happy somewhere in the middle. She had to pick a side. She squeezed Derek's hand. "Thanks. That would mean a lot."
She knew after their discussion that he would be expecting sex. When she told Mark that she wouldn't, she didn't really think about how she would go about doing that. Heck, if Derek got in and out really fast, would it even count? No, she couldn't let Mark down this time.
Derek lead her into the house and when they entered the bedroom, she started the excuses. "I'm really tired." She fake-yawned which turned into a real yawn.
"How are we going to make a baby if we don't have sex?" He countered.
"You know what? I'm on my period so I'm not ovulating anyway and I just feel kind of gross." She made a face of disgust. It stopped him for a moment, but he seemed determined nevertheless.
"It's our anniversary, Addy. I love you. I'm so glad we've had eleven years together." He leaned in to kiss her, but she turned her head.
It was painful to even kiss him at this point. He kissed her neck and instead of feeling loved like every time he'd done it before she felt revolted. "Derek." She pushed him away. "Let me wash up for a sec, okay?"
"Okay." She crawled out from underneath him and noticed him already undoing his belt.
She grabbed her purse from the nightstand on the way to the bathroom. She got out her phone and texted Mark frantically.
"Help. Can't stop him. You have to call him and get him out of here."
She waited and less than a minute later, she heard Derek's phone ring.
Derek sighed. "Mark, you know it's our anniversary. By the way, thanks for calling and ruining our dinner. That was thoughtful." He paused, "I just can't tonight. I promised Addison that I'd be around more."
She could hear Mark shouting on the line. Derek hung up and the phone rang again. Derek silenced it. He looked up to see Addison half out of her dress. "Hey. It was Mark. He's got some real bad girl problems, for once." Derek laughed and strolled over to meet her in the doorway of the bathroom.
"What happened?" She asked softly.
"Apparently, he's in love. First time I've ever heard that." Derek raised his eyebrows. "He doesn't know if she feels the same way though."
"You can go talk to him. It's no big deal." Addison said, trying to hide her tears. Her phone rang. It was Mark.
Derek saw and grabbed it and silenced it. He threw it across the room. "Addison."
She was still holding her dress up and he took it down for her.
She was scared of him. He was Derek; he was her husband- she knew he was gentle. But she didn't really know him at all. If she refused him, she didn't know what he was capable of. He seemed pretty intent on having her that night.
She'd just have to do it for Mark. "Derek, I'm not going to have sex with you tonight."
"Well, why not?"
'Because you're bad at it,' she wanted to say. "Because I don't feel like it. Sorry," she added.
"What's going on with you?" He stepped forward and kissed her, on the mouth this time because she let him. He sucked on her lips for a while and she kissed him back. "Don't you love me anymore?"
"I do," She kissed him again, but he pulled away.
"I gotta go. I can't deal with this. I can't deal with you. I can't even stand to talk to Mark." He buttoned up his shirt. "I need a time out."
"How can you say that? You've had like a three year half time break in our marriage and twenty minutes into the game, you need a time out? You don't need a break. You need to be doing something for a change!" She yelled.
"You wanna have sex?" He retorted.
"No, Derek!" She wanted to pull her hair out. "I can't believe you are reducing me to this. Having sex or losing you? I'm your wife! Not a hooker!"
"You're not losing me. I'm just going out for a while," He said to calm her down. "We both need to release some stress before talking to each other and saying things we don't mean."
That's not what he meant. He wanted her to have a few minutes to control her temper and realize it that playing it safe- suppressing harsh, real emotions. Saying things that they did mean. "You're leaving me," she said after he was gone.
It didn't take long for the tears to fall. She saw she had three missed calls from Mark and called him. "Derek left. He's such an asshole. But I didn't sleep with him."
"I'm on my way over. I was afraid something bad had happened."
"You'd better not. I don't know when he'll be back. I just wanted to tell you. I didn't think he was going to listen to me. Then, he kissed me and left!" She realized she was cold and covered herself with the sheet. "I'm so lonely, Mark! Nothing is working out. I'm stuck."
"Do you feel stuck with me?"
"No. I feel stuck in this situation. Maybe I just need to rest." She wanted to ask him if it was true, if he really loved her, because that's all she could really think about at this point. She decided against it because it would probably make him come over and Derek would find them and then things would really start to explode. She just couldn't believe she was spending her anniversary at home in bed alone. "I'm tired."
"Get some sleep. I'll try to find Derek."
"Bye Mark."
TBC
Hopefully.