Authors note: Ble! It hadn't been on my mind for ever, it didn't even seem like that little transparence between the two would ever come back up, until it did ., and now it won't leave me also.

I dun own Necrolily's Lux which would be 'her' and im to fraggin' lazy to explain this…]

"Why can't I forget also?"

"What even was your backing for liking the femme?"

"I-"

"Course course….But you didn't think of the consequences did you? Or did you even really thing about how this would affect you or her in the future?"

"No…"

The seekers wings drooped low and he just looked as down cast as ever. His faceplates hadn't changed expressions since he had had to erase the femmes memories of their base or himself. Nor has his attitude of being secluded (more than usual) and resorting to small task and avoiding at all cost patrol.

"Then, consider keeping your own memories your punishment."

Shiverburn sighed softly and nodded, he deserved it. Hadn't ever questioned the rules before, why had he done so then would take more examination and an understanding of himself that he really didn't want to go into.

He just gave a final "good bye" and left the main computer room so his leader could do whatever it was he was doing on that computer he had turned off when he entered the room upon being summoned.

He would have to face the outside again anyway….and sooner than he pleased with the schedule magically putting him on top of the list.

Chuffing and picking his wings back up again so the cameras didn't suddenly try to speak words of encouragement they couldn't pull off he just turned and left for his room. Bandoleer could blow it out his aft for all he currently cared he wasn't going outside just yet.

And there it was again, defiance!

He hissed and coded in the locks to his room, hearing them unlatch from the other side. Security was a massive thing here, even some of it he considered a bit much.

Was he having second thoughts on something he had always followed so willingly and readily? He hoped not, it would make this all so much more difficult. Just like right now.

He had been selfish, left her the memories she had of him. Of all of this, and that was his first mistake, the second was getting attached after she had left.

Though, he didn't even understand that part of his cpu's attraction to the femme.

More things he had to examine.

He just groaned softly and flopped down on his berth and rolled over so he was looking up at the rock ceiling. Crossing his legs at the ankle and putting both arms behind his helm to support it and shuttered his optics.

Haunting images. She looked like she had been expecting that…to be stunned into paralysis and then…

He drug an arm up and over his optics to cover them and maybe the pressure his arm put on his faceplates would scare thoughts like that away.

He only liked her for her freedom…that was all he had to say to himself. He was simply jealous of her freedom…the way she didn't care about sides or who looked like what or how interested she was in anything he had to say or…

Ok that wasn't gonna work…

He just chuffed and sat back up and rubbed his faceplates. That was true…he had found how free she was to be wonderful to watch, fascinating at a lower level and beautiful at a higher.

She had been so interested to learn anything new, it was rare to find someone like that anymore, at least where he lived.

She had been so easy to entertain, so….simply to act yourself around because she herself was so odd. And nothing but herself. She couldn't be anyone else even if she tried.

He was jealous of her. But that wasn't why he let her keep her memories….maybe he had just hopped in some far of part of his cpu she would not return, and one day when the secrecy wasn't so needed. And if she survived her war. He could see her again and she would remember.

Or he could get bandoleer to allow her to be a part of their team.

Ha! He laughed at himself for that.

That was not happenin'

You had to have a skill to get in here. And it was only sheer luck on sevens side Bando was willing to accept the student of the reader he wanted.

Sometimes he envied the groundlings luck. Or wished he could stay as far away from him as possible.

He sighed again, air sifting through his tanks and he was glad it didn't catch on any of his insides.

It was too late to go back now though, the memory erase was a permanent thing. And if the loop hole he had given himself didn't work…well…he could meet her again couldn't he? But it just would not be the same. And so it would be safer if he didn't, just left it to fate if he were to see the femme again.

Oh~ and how sometimes he hated that idea. Because it would mean to much waiting…it meant suffering if he continued to dwell upon it. So, deciding it was the smartest idea anyway. And asking himself the same question again.

Why cant I forget also?

He went about the natural way of forgetting.

Shoving any thoughts of her to a bin and leaving them there, just like they had been taught to do.

If only it was that easy.