Disclaimer: I don't own anything
The PSC
"Alright guys, let's make this count! Triple Dog Z Jet 41 on three, Triple Dog Z jet 41 on three, BREAK!" boomed the voice of the quarterback, Haji, as the offense broke the huddle. There was no hesitation in their steps to the line of scrimmage, they had already let things get too far out hand, squabbling amongst themselves about trivial things. However, the buck stopped here as they united under one singular goal: crush the freshmen! Kotsubo-sensei placed the ball down on the thirty-five yard line, before blowing his whistle to signal the resuming of play. The center grabbed the ball, and the game was on.
"HUT! HUT! BLUE 42! BLUE 42! WATCH A! WATCH A! HUT! BLUE 42! HUT! HUT! HUT!" on the third call of 'Hut' the center snapped the ball to the quarterback. He dropped back a few steps and faked a hand-off to his running back, before rolling out to the right side of the field. The protection from his offensive held up, so he had plenty of time to scan the field for his receiving options. The middle linebacker was blanketing the tight end on the short option route, so Haji progressed to the secondary receiver and noticed the defensive back was looking into the backfield instead of closely observing his man. As the receiver slowed to make a break, he threw a pump fake and the corner bit on the out route, leaving the receiver wide open as he cut back across the middle of the field. Haji uncorked a dart and put the ball right in the receivers hands in stride. The receiver turned up field and appeared to have a free path to the end zone, when out of nowhere he got leveled by a crushing hit from the free safety, who put his helmet right on the ball.
"Fuck!" cursed Haji as the ball popped up into the air. The cornerback who previously got burned on the pump fake plucked the free floating ball straight out of the air before streaking down the sideline. Haji gave chase and had slight angle on him, but just as he reached striking distance he was blasted in his side by another bone-jarring hit from the free safety. Haji spun around like a helicopter before crashing face first into the turf. The defensive back turned and waved at him as he back pedaled into the end-zone for the game winning score.
"That was big time baby! Big Time!" shouted the middle linebacker as ran up and chest bumped with the free safety before they joined the rest of the freshman celebrating in the end-zone.
"Come on sensei! That was an illegal block in the back!" yelled one of his offensive lineman.
"He was hit in the side." deadpanned Kotsubo-sensei.
"Dammit, where did he come from..." grumbled Haji as he rolled over onto his back before cursing up a storm. They had been dominating the game until Nekonome-sensei dragged that Uzumaki kid into class, saying she caught him trying to ditch. The upperclassmen thought the freshman was just trying to escape the physical beating the freshmen got in the first P.E. game of American football every year. The truth was Naruto thought they were playing regular football again, and he was sick of being stuck playing goalie. When the blond realized they were playing American football, a frightening grin quickly flicked across his face before he hurried of to the locker to get changed. Haji wished he had taken heed of that look, the minute the blond joined the game it became a nightmare for the upperclassmen. Within ten minutes, Naruto had sent three players to the school infirmary. On offense he was a devastating runner and lead blocker, mowing down the supposedly stronger upperclassmen effortlessly. As a free safety on defense, he was a one man wrecking crew. In the beginning the upperclassmen were seemingly able to score at will, after Uzumaki showed up they could barely manage to make a first down.
'That guy is like a human missile, seek ball and destroy.' thought Haji as one his buddies helped pull him up to his feet. He couldn't believe how this Uzumaki kid was taking the school by storm, rumors were already circulating about his legendary fights. Haji himself had experienced some of that first hand, when he pulled that regrettable stunt trying to recruit him to the karate club. He just shook it off as the guy catching him off guard, but now it seemed he would have to keep a closer eye on the blond's exploits.
Naruto stuck his shoulder pads and helmet on the bench next to the water cooler. He then bypassed the cups and taking the top off the entire cooler and starting to drink his fill. He felt a pair of eyes on him and put to cooler down momentarily to scan around, but as soon as he turned left he found a girl with long light purple colored hair standing right next to him sucking on a lollipop. She was just staring at him, observing his every move with her bluish purple eyes.
'How the hell did she sneak up on me!' thought Naruto while managing to hide his surprise as he gave her a once over. 'I absolutely love the girls gym clothes! I need to check out Moka and Kurumu's gym class hehehe...'
"You were pretty vicious out there Naruto Uzumaki." she said casually, bringing him back from his nosebleed worthy thoughts..
A vicious smirk flickered across Naruto's face, "Hehehe! No way I'm passing up open season to stomp some of those bastards into the ground. Unless I sent your boyfriend..."
She let out a light chuckle at that, "Nothing like that, I should probably be thanking you. I have a bad history with one of the boys you sent to the infirmary."
"You're welcome?" answered Naruto, not really knowing how to respond to that statement.
"Hey! Shirayuki! You were to one who volunteered to help clean up! Get over here!" hollered Kotsubo-sensei.
"Well, I've got to go. See ya around." she gave a small wave before following after Kotsubo-sensei.
Naruto sat there with a blank stare for a few moments before it finally dawned on him, "Who the fuck was that? And how does she know me?"
After few seconds he just shrugged, finding his incredible thirst a more pressing matter and went back to guzzling down some more water.
X-X-X-X-X-X-X
Kurumu sighed in disappointment, as she leaned back in the chair from behind the desk of the newspaper stand, "Where's Naruto-kun? I want to celebrate the big success of our Newspaper together. It's success truly exemplifies to power of our love!"
"Naruto-kun wasn't even here for the majority of the time this issue was put together." deadpanned Moka.
"Naruto is mine, so I intend to take advantage of any reason possible to celebrate our love!" declared Kurumu.
Yukari gave her an incredulous stare, "Do you even listen to yourself talk?"
Kurumu shrugged in response, "I drift in and out."
"Looks like you guys are almost out of papers. Should have put a price tag on these babies." commented Gin as he strolled up to the stand.
"I'm thrilled!" happily exclaimed Moka. "We've given away almost three-quarters of our copies."
"If you're free, why don't you help us pass out the rest of these?" suggested Yukari.
Gin waved of the request, "I was only stopping by to see you guys were doing. As the esteemed editor-in-chief of our fine paper, I must always be on the lookout for the next hot scoop of a story. I have some very important research I need to be getting to soon."
Yukari's eyes narrowed, not buying his story one bit, "Your 'important research' is nothing more than peeping on the girl's swim meet today. Your number one interest is in being a big hentai, that's the kind of editor-in-chief you are."
Gin plastered a flake smile across his face as he jammed his face inches from Yukari's, "What would an ironing board chested person like you be good for other than bad mouthing your betters."
"Who, but a depraved pervert like yourself would be peeping at the chest of an eleven year-old." retorted Yukari, not backing down one bit.
"Oh yeah? Why don't I rub them for you, to make them bigger." countered Gin.
A blank look formed on Yukari's face before she lifted her wand into the air and summoned a toilet on top of Gin's head, "Get your mind out of the gutter pedophile!"
Their antics were cut short by some shouts from the crowd gathered in front of the stand.
"Hey!"
"What the fuck?"
"Oh so that's how it is tough guy? I'm gonna be here all day baby! I like this kinda party!"
"Out of the way! Coming through here!" Ordered a commanding voice as a collection of students made their way through the after school crowd up to the newspaper stand, knocking various persons down along the way. When the students realized who this group was, they all scattered out of the way in fear as they marched up to the stand.
"What's going on?" questioned Moka.
"Shit! It's the black suits." grumbled Gin in annoyance.
"It's the Youkai Academy Guardians, the public safety commission!" stammered a girl in the crowd.
"What are they doing here?" fearfully exclaimed the boy next to her.
"Well, what do we have here?" stated a smirking dark haired female member of the commission as she gave the newspaper club a once over.
"Greetings members of the newspaper club!" declared the apparent leader of the group as he bowed to them. "I am Kuyou, head of the Youkai Academy Guardians. We are the Youkai Academy Public Safety Commission."
Moka stared at him with a puzzled look, "Public Safety Commission? You guys are the academy peacekeepers? What can we-" Gin cut off the pink haired girl as he stepped in front of her and lifter his hand up to silence her. Kurumu gave him a questioning look, but he shook his head in response.
Kuyou picked up one of the papers and started flipping through it, "I must commend your club on their exquisite work. You certainly know how to produce a top flight paper."
The three girls were caught off guard by the praise, but Gin was not fooled by Kuyou's attempt to lull them into a false sense of security.
"Who gave you permission to publish the contents of this paper? We don't recall having inspected this!" yelled a suddenly enraged Kuyou. The furious blond brought his foot down on table of the stand, smashing it in two. He started kicking over the boxes filled with newspapers as he continued his rant, "Don't you know what kind of trouble you're making for us? Gangs like you will not be allowed to roam free and do whatever you please and destroy the peace and order of this academy! I won't have it! Any activity you do must be sanctioned by the public safety commission. Unapproved activities will not be tolerated, and offenders will be harshly punished! Nothing comes before our ability to maintain the peace and order of this academy!"
"YES THEY DESERVE TO DIE! AND I HOPE THEY BURN IN HELL!" yelled the white haired male guardian standing behind Kuyou. The blond turned to give his subordinate a harsh glare for ruining his diatribe.
"Sorry, got carried away..." he muttered in apology.
"Why are you doing this to us? We were just passing out newspapers! That's what the newspaper is supposed to do!" exclaimed Kurumu in outrage.
"Seems the newspaper club has picked up some unsavory members once again." commented a dark haired girl who stepped out from behind Kuyou. She eyeballed Kurumu in a condescending manner, "Only trash like her could be responsible for littering our school with so much garbage."
"Who you calling trash-" started a pissed off Kurumu, only to be held back by Gin as the girl proceeded to destroy a stack of newspapers under the heel of her shoe.
"Excellent idea Keito. Since this club is a repeat offender we're going to make an example out of you." stated Kuyou as he had the rest of the commission gather up the rest of the papers into one big pile.
However, Kuyou froze in his tracks as two men in black suits seemingly appeared out of nowhere in front of them. One man was of average height with dark hair in ponytail and pair of distinct lines running across his face. With his finger nails painted purple he possessed the looks of some bishounen model, while his partner was anything but that. This second man was tall and muscular with blue skin along with what appeared to be gills on the side of his neck. His fang like teeth gave him a shark like appearance, and the blade hefted of his shoulder wrapped in bandages gave him a very intimidating aura. Both sported a pair of black sunglasses to go along with their identical black suits.
"Hold it right there shrimp! If you light those papers, I will chomp your legs off!" ordered the shark man.
"No need to be so threatening Agent K." commanded his partner. "Besides, we haven't even introduced ourselves."
"Wait! We didn't do anything!" shrieked a panicking Yukari.
"Who are you!" demanded Kuyou as he stared the duo down.
"Agents I and K, Demon World Department of Customs." stated Agent I as he flipped a identification badge.
"Division Six." added the shark man as he did the same.
"We got word that a batch of print paper for newspapers was created using illegally trafficked demonic plant." explained Agent I. "Under certain conditions this paper will now release a paralytic toxin. We've been sent to neutralize and quarantine the remaining batch we tracked to here."
"Demon World Department of Customs? I didn't know anything like that existed..." muttered a suspicious Kuyou.
Agent K laughed at that assessment, "We can't trust spirit world lackey's to monitor crimes from within the Demon World itself. We are part of a special commission created by Lord Yomi."
Everyone paled at the mention of one of the three great demon lords.
"Oh my goodness, Lord Yomi himself..." blurted Gin in shock.
"Exactly kids!" exclaimed the shark like agent with a feral grin.
"Everybody hold still." commanded Agent I. He proceeded to remove a metal coated glove from his suit jacket pocket and slipped it over his right hand. He lifted his arm into the air with his hand palm out, electricity began to spark around his hand as suddenly all the papers in the area shot through the air and started stacking against his palm.
As Agent I finished collecting the papers, Agent K reached into his pocket and pulled out a pen shaped device before stepping in front of the newspaper club and facing the crowd along with the Public Safety Commission, "Now we just need to do a brief scan and see if anyone on the grounds is infected and needs to be administered the antidote. Keep your eyes right here..."
X-X-X-X-X-X-X
After retreating following Naruto's little rescue operation, the newspaper club members were all debating the merits of striking back at the public safety commission.
"Just leave it alone." commanded a scowling Gin. Despite the complaints and frustrations of his fellow companions of the newspaper club, the werewolf remained firm in his stance not to antagonize the Public Safety Commission.
"So you are just going to give up? That's it?" yelled an exasperated Kurumu. She couldn't believe that after all their hard work putting the paper together, they were going to let some thugs destroy the fruits of their labor just because they felt like it. "We're the newspaper club, printing newspaper is what we do! How can you let this go!"
"We've all worked too hard just to let someone trash all our paper for no good reason." added Moka.
"We have our own power. We can use the newspaper against them." suggested Yukari.
"You guys just don't get it. We were lucky wonder boy pulled off that stunt of his today. We don't have a choice in this matter. Do you have a clue what happened to all the previous members of the newspaper club?" questioned Gin. "They didn't leave because of graduation if that's what your thinking. We all fought against the corruption of Kuyou and his little gang. We wrote articles exposing their flawed enforcement of rules and questioned their lack of actions against people who caused real trouble. So called 'threats' to school safety would disappear for weeks on end, only to turn up beaten, tortured, and silenced. When students were attacked by rapists or bullies, the public safety commission was nowhere to be found. We called for the students here to rise up and demand change, to bring and end to Kuyuo's policing of the school. You know what they did in response? Kuyou destroyed us. He destroyed our club room, he captured the club leaders and they were never seen again. The rest of the club members got the message and abandoned this place, leaving me as the only one left."
All the girls went silent at the end of Gin's explanation, no one realized things had been that bad previously.
"You know, that's exactly the wrong thing to say if you wanted me to butt out." stated Naruto nonchalantly.
"Oh no you don't..." started Gin, but Naruto cut him off.
"If this Kuyou wants a war, he's got one. This is going to be epic, the prank to end all pranks." declared Naruto.
Gin waved his arms in a dismissive faction, "I want no part of this. I don't care how good you are, you should fear the public safety commission."
"That's the problem, everyone fears them. There are more students in the school then there are commission members, we students give them that power and we can take it away!" declared Kurumu in support of Naruto.
"As a child I once vandalized a national moment in broad daylight, and wasn't caught until after the deed was completely done. I also once infiltrated the compound of an elite group of assassins and doused all their clothes with a permanent itching powder. I wasn't caught until several days after the fact when I turned myself in to give them the antidote! I once raided a compound of noblemen, stole their underwear, and hung them in the town square for everyone to laugh at. Everyone knew I did it, and they couldn't even prove it was me! My power is limitless, my skills are unmatched, and this was before I encountered modern technology!" Naruto suddenly slammed his fist down on the table in front of him. "Once we're through the public safety commission will be nothing more than punchline."
Moka, Kurumu, and Yukari were all galvanized by the speech staring at Naruto with stars in their eyes, but Gin stared at them like they all just lost their minds.
"You're all insane!" stammered Gin in disbelief.
"Naw, I'm just good at inspiring people and causing mayhem. Now Mr. Editor-in-Chief, we're going to need all your research, a computer, fourteen chairs, and a large tub of Jello. Oh, and ten sticks of gum while your at it. The meet me at the AV Club room and remember, It ain't easy being cheesy!" declared Naruto as he marched out of the room.
Gin shouted at his retreating form, "Hey, Naruto! I don't want anything to do with this! Naruto! Naruto! Where the hell am I supposed to get a large tub of Jello! Naruto! Naruto! You ain't gettin my research! NAARRRUUUTOOO! Ah man, here it goes!"
X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X
At the three AM on the rooftop of the boys dormitory, Naruto could be found killing time by getting in some late night exercise, namely finger tip push ups on the edge of the roof. The blond was waiting to here back from Urahara, who he previously contacted for some supplies for his upcoming big plans. He was currently chatting away with Botan via his communicator, who called in wanting a report on his current activities.
"Why are you going through all this trouble anyway?" asked Botan. "I'm certain you're strong enough to march right in there and defeat this Kuyou person easily."
Naruto shook his head in disagreement, "That does no good. It's not like I'm allowed to actually kill the guy and make an example of him. Just beating him up would mean he or some other power hungry teme could just rise up to take his place. The students of this academy have to rise and up show they won't stand for this crap."
"I see you aren't doing this to fight against Kuyou, you want them to all overcome their own fear." reasoned Botan.
"Yeah, its eerily similar to my first big mission." replied Naruto.
Botan gave him a big smile, "Well it's good to see your using your brains instead of just brawn."
"You're lucky you're cute." grumbled Naruto, causing the blue haired grim reaper to giggle in response.
X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X
The next day at homeroom, Moka kept poking at a sleeping Naruto trying to get his attention before class started.
"Hey! After you left yesterday, you forgot to tell us our part in the plan." she whispered as she poked him with a pencil.
"Meh, the plan has already started. Someone still has to write the newspaper, that falls on you girls. Now lemme sleep!" he grunted while turning his head the other way on the desk.
Moka pouted in frustration and was about to start pestering him again, when suddenly the classroom speakers came on for an announcement.
"Good morning everyone this is Special Academy Guardian Tobi with a special announcement from your Pubic Safety Commission head Kuyou! He just wanted to let everyone know that this month is Pubic Safety Awareness Month here at the academy. We'll have several special things for you around school to alert you of the latest tips in pubic care. So lady's and gents Tobi leaves you with our theme for the month: before you get down at night with that special someone, remember to wrap it up! Have a nice day! Tobi is a good boy!"
All around school everyone paused in disbelief of hearing the message. They couldn't believe that someone like Kuyou would send out such a message, nor that anyone had the stones to pull off a stunt like that in mockery of him. Naturally in Moka's classroom, this was all forgotten when Naruto in his sleep mumbled, "wrap it up, Moka-chan...", loud enough for everyone to here. Moka turned bright red as everyone burst out in laughter.
'That's going to cost you an extra bite at lunch.' thought Moka as she hid her face behind a book.
X-X-X-X-X-X-X
As everyone piled into the cafeteria for lunch, they took notice that several television monitors had been installed in various locations. They all quickly forget about them with smell of fresh baked pie wafted through the room, nearly setting off a stampede of hungry teenagers. An angry Moka made her way through the crowd unscathed before slamming down her lunch at the table with a bickering Yukari and Kurumu. Both girls stopped mid insult, momentarily startled by the slight killing intent pouring off the normally cheerful Moka.
"What's wrong?" asked Yukari.
"Naruto-kun vanished right as class ended and I'm stuck with tomato juice." she snapped. At this statement the duo briefly recalled how irritable Moka had been when Naruto was gone during his last excursion. A little bit of the inner scary Moka would bleed out into her normal personality. The realized a couple days had past since Moka was able to 'feed'.
"Maybe we can track him down for you." suggested Kurumu with a hint of fear in her voice.
"Don't need to." said Yukari as she pointed up towards the television monitor closest to their table. The screens were now on and displaying the set of what appeared to be a radio station. With a pair of headphones seated across the table from Gin was Naruto wolfing down a bowl of Ramen. The chorus to the song "Business" by Eminem started to play in the background before a deep voiced radio announcer started to speak, "From the KU Studios of the Youkai Academy AV Club, it's time for Dattebayo Live! With your host... Naruto Uzumaki! Also featuring Gin 'The Jet' Morioka. With Rock Lee on sports and the man who only needs one name, Tobi! Now here's your host, Naruto!"
"I'm telling you this ramen is nothing compared to Ichiraku Ramen, Dattebayo!" yelled Naruto between slurps.
"Idiot! We're on the air!" yelled Gin.
"Does it look like I care? I'm finishing my ramen first!" snapped Naruto.
"Welcome to what will most likely be the first and last lunchtime broadcast of Dattebayo Live. What is Dattebayo Live? I have no clue ask the idiot sitting next to me." declared Gin. The next few seconds of airtime were filled with the sound of Naruto slurping down the remaining contents of his ramen bowl and then belching. He then proceeded to hop into the conversation as if the previous 15 seconds never happened.
"If you're research is as good as you claim, and you keep it coming, we'll at least be on until the end of next week. We're fully licensed by the Public Safety Commission Dattebayo!" stated Naruto.
"Stop randomly ending sentences with that! It's not even a real word!" exclaimed Gin.
Naruto raised an eyebrow at him, "Would you rather I start saying 'believe it!' randomly?"
Suddenly a sound clip started to play of Naruto ending random phrases with the phrase 'believe it'. After 15 seconds Gin was curled up in the fetal position, rocking back and forth."
"Okay! Okay! Make it stop! Dattebayo it is! For the love of Kami, please make it stop!" pleaded Gin.
"And that is why I am the star of the show, you are the sidekick. Now-" said a snickering Naruto. The sound two guys exchange blows followed by a whistle abruptly went off, cutting off Naruto mid thought.
"And it's time for a sports update, let's go to Rock Lee." announced Naruto. The camera instantly zoomed in on a pair of eyebrows before panning back to display Rock Lee in his full spandex glory.
"Yosh! Thank you Naruto! It is time for a most youthful sports update brought to you today by the Flames of Youth! Tired of that lagging 2:30 feeling! Try the Flames of Youth! One serving of the Flames of Youth will keep your passions burning for over 16 hours! Yosh! That's a lot youth and it's the truth! The Flames of Youth, keep those passions burning all day and all night! Alright! Yesterday in the academy's annual 'Kill the Freshman American Football Match', the Freshman managed to upset the Upperclassmen 48 - 42! In aquatics, the swim club's swim meet was able to be completed after a hour interruption, due several hidden cameras being found in the girls changing room. The most un-youthful culprit was apparently caught on his own tape, and will be identified by this afternoon at the latest. In the most youthful of sport of martial arts, the Karate Club defeated Judo Club in this years Karate-Judo challenge 19 matches to 11. Karate Club captain Raiji set a most youthful new academy record by going undefeated in this years competition. That's it for the youth update, next it's more Dattebayo Live! Back to you Naruto! YOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUTTTTTTH!"
Lee seemingly floated off into the distance on a rainbow colored flame, before the camera panned back to Naruto and Gin, who sat with a pair of blank looks on their faces.
"We'll just pretend that didn't just happen. The esteemed Editor-in-Chief of our school paper will soon be filling you in on the latest news, but first..." as Naruto paused, the Price is Right theme suddenly started to play. "You know what that means!"
"Of course they don't know what it means! It's the first-" started Gin only for his microphone to cut out, courtesy of Naruto.
"Whoops looks like the Jet is having a little trouble with his microphone. No matter it's time for the Tobi Report!" declared Naruto.
X-X-X-X-X-X-X
On the televisions the scene suddenly cuts to the profile of a dark haired guy in a black suit with a red cloud designs wearing a orange spiral mask with one eye hole. The camera pans out to reveal that he is up on a scaffold at the side of school building hanging up a banner advertising 'The Pubic Safety Commission'. He suddenly turns to the camera and waves.
"Oh! Hi, Naruto-sempai! Tobi is doing Tobi's important job! Tobi is a good boy! Goodbye, Naruto-sempai!"
X-X-X-X-X-X-X
"Excellent work as always Tobi." stated Naruto as he gave a thumbs up to the cameras.
"What the hell was the point of that?" exclaimed Gin in exasperation.
"Tobi is a very important member of our broadcast team. In fact, he is possibly the most important member. We'll go back for an update once his special project is finished. Now dish out the news ya dirty mutt..."
X-X-X-X-X-X-X
Back the cafeteria everyone's eyes were glued to the TV screens. The couldn't get enough of the absolute randomness of the show.
"Hey! It's that Tobi guy! He's up on the roof over there!" yelled a student pointing out the window. Everyone momentarily ignored Gin to rush over to the windows and see Tobi standing on the edge of the roof of the main building. Underneath him a huge banner was spread across the side of the main school building reading, 'A Message from the Pubic Safety Commission'. Underneath was a picture of a nude Kuyou with his hands and crotch covered in soap bubbles as he scrubbed away. 'A Good Thorough Lindane Shampoo Scrub is the Perfect Cure for Crabs!'
Nearly everyone started snickering at the sight of the banner and started letting off snide comments.
"Well that certainly doesn't leave a lot to the imagination."
"I guess it's not true what they say about Kitsune."
As Yukari and Kurumu finally contained their own laughter from the prank, they then noticed that Moka was gone.
Yukari sighed, "Naruto-kun, better hurry up with whatever else he's trying to do."
Kurumu pumped her fist, "Ha! I bet her rough treatment will only push things even more in my favor!"
X-X-X-Back-to-the-Show-X-X-X
"And it seems that Tobi's special project is complete. Let's go back for another Tobi report update." announced Gin.
Naruto picked it up from here as the broadcast shifted to Tobi's location, "It doesn't appear that Tobi will be able to give us this report. There appears to be some sort of infighting going in the PSC! I call it the PSC, because I don't know whether it's the Public or Pubic Safety commission. Perhaps this is a monumental power struggle to determine the groups future direction? No matter, it's looks like this affair will be over quick, that spider girl seems to have Tobi all wrapped up...No! I don't believe what I just saw! They had Tobi but he somehow managed to get away unscathed and now the chase is on!"
Out of nowhere, the Benny Hill theme song started to play in the background of the broadcast.
"It looks like they've got him..nope! Tobi gets away! He gets away again! They just can't bring him down! A total of 6 PSC members have joined the chase that has now spilled out onto the sports park. They're on the track and Tobi has literally got them running in circles now! They keep throwing everything they have at him, but this guy must have some Houdini Youkai blood in his veins, because he pulls off one high wire escape act after another. Uh-oh! It looks like they've got him circled, he couldn't possibly have an escape root. Yep and that's it! They've got him wrapped in some big black sack. Tobi had a good run, but those Academy guardians are obviously feared for a reason going to such lengths to handle one of their own. And now they've cleared out of there...What's this! It's Tobi! He just appeared out of thin air! But how! It's amazing! It's impossible! It's Tobi! He's waving at the camera and giving a bow! What's this? It looks like he has a message for us, if the camera would just zoom in..."
The camera then zoomed in on a sign that Tobi was holding up, "It's says to play Tobi's special video report, and that Tobi is a good boy! Well, he certainly is! It seems Tobi has already uploaded his special video report to us. Let's go to the tape!"
X-X-X-X-X-X-X
The video starts off with a scene of three Tobi lookalikes, but all in different colored masks: blue, green, and orange.
The orange Tobi spoke first, "Today the musical styles of our hit group Toby! Tobi! Tobey!, is here to teach you all about the Public Safety Commission aka the PSC!"
(To the tune of the Family Guy, FCC song)
Toby/Tobi/Tobey knows all about the PSC!
If someone is kidnapping students, they're going to look the other way
When the truth should be exposed, the make sure no one has anything to say
Any complaining witness will never see the light of day
Here's the plain situation, there's no negotiation
With the pussies at the punk-ass PSC!
They're as stuffy as the stuffiest of special interest groups
Complain about their shady methods and they order in the troops
Report your club funds have gone missing, and they'll act like they've been duped
Take a tip, take a lesson, you'll never win by messing
With pussies at the punk-ass PSC!
They think that they're the highest authority in the entire universe,
They'd probably jail your grandma for saying someone stole her purse,
Every possible situation, they just make it worse
All judgments are despotic, All torture is erotic
With the pussies at the punk-ass PSC!
And if a girl finds herself cornered by some big hairy ape
She better drop her knee right on his soft man-grapes
(They don't believe in rapist!)
So they make some little show of force, like they're prepared to do their worst
And they'll stick their noses in your business, hoping you can be coerced
I can think of another place that they should have stuck them first!
They may just be neurotic, or possibly psychotic
They're the pussies at the punk-ass PSC!
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"That just may get us canceled Tobi. Thanks anyway! It appears that's all the time we have for today on Dattebayo Live, I'd like to thank..." Naruto was interrupted by the door of the studio flying off the hinges, revealing all the members of the swim club.
"Listen here mutt, we can do this the lose your dignity way, or the lose your manhood way." declared Tamao, head of the Swim club. "Either way is fine with us."
"Time for The Jet to jet!" blurted Gin as streaked through a closed window, causing it to shatter on impact. Despite the fact that they left via the door, the swim club was hot on his heels.
"Well, he definitely won't be here for tomorrow's show. Looks like I need to find a new co-host. Or maybe not..." Naruto trailed off he'd turned to the doorway and spotted Moka staring at him in a zombie like state.
"Hey! Miss me at..Whoa!" Naruto ducked as a pink blur sailed over his head. A overwhelming sensation of dread set in for the blond, as he felt a familiar object clasped between his fingers.
"Oh shit..." he muttered while staring at the Rosario in his hand. He looked up to see the silver haired inner Moka staring at him with a predatory gleam from the other side of the room. Sweat poured down the side of Naruto's face as growl escaped from Moka's stomach.
"That's it for Dattebayo live! I'll see you all tomorrow, if I have any blood left Dattebayo!" yelled Naruto as he ripped of his headset. Moments later a pair of yellow and silver blurs streaked out of the studio.
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Deep within the headquarters of the public safety commission, Kuyou stood in front of a jail cell with an evil smirk plastered across his face. The two guardians accompanying him opened the cell door and the trio stepped inside to face a figure strapped to a chair with a burlap sack over the top oh his body.
"Now to unmask this cretin!" declared Kuyou as his subordinates ripped off the top of the sack, revealing the orange masked head of Tobi. Their looks of anticipation soon turned to ones of complete shock as the mask was removed to reveal the head of a scarecrow blowing a raspberry at them. Moments later the straw doll was incinerated courtesy of a furious Kuyou.
"Have Keito put an end to that ridiculous show and the rest if you bring me this orange masked imbecile. Failure will no longer be tolerated." commanded Kuyou.
DMF- From tons of action, to a chapter of pure insanity, what will DMF think of next? I found the normal Naruto kicks his ass to be boring in this scenario, so I went for Naruto humiliates his ass. (YAWN) Need to down some Flames of Youth...(Gulp)(Gulp)(Gulp) Ahhhhhhhh! YOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUTTTTTTHHHHHH! ( flies off on a mystical multi-colored flame)
Lee- The Flames of Youth! They'll give you the most youthful flames!