"What if I said you haven't?" Maura whispered, resting her forehead against the detective's.
"I think this," Jane picked up Maura's hand and tapped the huge diamond on the engagement ring there, "says different." She stared at the ring, trying to look anywhere but into Maura's eyes. She hated that ring. It just showed her everything she'd never have. And everything Maura could never have if she was with Jane.
"That's not important, not right now."
"How can you say that? You're getting married in five weeks! I can't...we can't...I had my chance, I missed it Maur. I missed it because I was too damn scared to tell you how I felt. And now, you're with him and we cannot do anything." She could feel the tears streaming down her face but she didn't care. Maura had seen them before. Maura had seen everything before, from ecstatically happy Jane to completely depressed Jane. Suddenly she felt Maura wrap arms around her and pull her close as she began to sob.
"Jane...I don't love him. Well, I do love him but...it was one of those situations. My parents kept pushing him at me and eventually I just got tired of saying no." She ran her hands gently up and down the brunette's back and snuggled in closer to her, "He's everyone else's idea of a perfect man. My parents love him because he can take care of me. Everyone at work is entirely charmed by him. It's only me who doesn't think he's perfect...he's just not...you."
"Why have you let it get this far? Why did you even say yes?" Jane asked, ignoring Maura's last statement about her perfection. As if the stunning, intelligent, adorable medical examiner thought she was perfect. In fact, Jane was told on a daily basis what her more imperfect attributes were.
"It was stupid...I was alone. I didn't think I had a chance with you...so when he proposed, I said yes. I shouldn't have and every time I see you, I feel horrifically guilty."
"Sweetie, you were never alone...you always have me. You always did." She brought her head up to face Maura again, only to find tears streaming down the blonde's face as well, "Maura, you're the most important thing to ever happen to me. The best, rather. And I will always be there for you."
"I know...it's stupid. I just wanted something more, something more...secure. I've never felt secure in anything and when I finally began to feel it, I jumped at having it for a life time. Only, it wasn't him that made me feel like I had something to wake up to every morning and come home to after work. It's never going to be him." She felt Jane move closer, smelt the faint hint of minty chewing gum mixed with wine on her breath before the brunette kissed her again. And then, she believed she'd found it. She'd found her sense of security, the place where she felt at home.
"Do you want the consequences of this Maura? Do you want to be the woman who goes to the altar knowing that she's not in love with the man standing in front of her?" Once again, Jane started fiddling with Maura's ring. It was beautiful, far better than anything Jane could have ever afforded. But at the same time, it was wrong. It wasn't something Maura would have chosen. It was too large, too flashy, not quite as classy as she was sure the ME would have liked. Maybe this guy didn't actually know her well enough at all. Jane had only met him once, at a police gala where he had been Maura's plus one. He was too loud, too brash and drunk more than Jane, Frost and Korsak had combined. She hadn't liked him then and she liked him even less now. Even if she did feel slightly sorry for him.
"Jane, I was always going to do that. I never fell in love with him and you can't make that happen. It didn't matter whether you told me or you didn't." Make that very sorry for him. She knew that Maura wasn't emotional in the same way as other people, but to be able to do that? Jane wasn't sure if she was slightly scared or slightly disgusted. One look into Maura's eyes and all she could remember was that the doctor would rather be with her. Damnit.
"You want to wake up to me every morning?" she asked, smiling as the tears slowly stopped falling down Maura's face, "And come home to me every night?"
"I think that's what I've wanted since I met you Jane. You're something very special. Why, do you not like that idea?"
"No...no, I think it's perfect. Just...you're engaged. There's a wedding planned for five weeks time. How are your parents going to take it if you just break it off with him?"
"I'll figure something out. They only want what's best for me and it turns out, that's you." Finally, Maura's face broke into the beaming smile that Jane was so used to being able to put there.
"Ma's going to kill me," Jane whispered under her breath, smiling slightly at the thought. Angela Rizzoli had been so exciting about the upcoming wedding and had made no secret of the fact that she had hoped to find a rich cousin of some kind for Jane there.
"I'll explain it to her; she can't kill me, I'll be a guest." Maura said, completely matter of fact. Jane smiled and her friend watched as her eyes glittered with tears that threatened once again to fall down her cheeks, "Oh, no, did I do something wrong?"
"No, no, happy tears Maura...this is all so much, so fast. I think I need to go to bed." Jane stood up and Maura went to follow, "You're only coming with if you promise to behave."
"Jane! I am always perfectly behaved, I don't know what you're suggesting!" Jane rolled her eyes, thinking of all the times she'd woken up to find Maura's head resting on her chest or her face snuggled into Maura's long neck. Well, more held there in a much stronger grip than the detective had ever expected from the ME. Sure, the woman was well behaved. She held out a hand for Maura and led her to her bedroom.