Seven Ghosts

Part One

Chapter Five

Just Like You Imagined

[{Heiwajima Shizuo]}

He wasn't dead by morning like he predicted. He was a wreck, but he wasn't dead. I've never felt so helpless in my life. There was nothing I could do to make Izaya better, or even feel better in the slightest. I'm not an idiot – it was the narcotics coursing through his system making able enough to get up and walk around, let alone function. I can't breathe it hurts so much to be the bystander, knowing that this pain is nothing in comparison to his.

Funny, considering yesterday I hated his very being and wished this very pain upon him. Heh. Guess it's the epitome of "be careful what you wish for."

He is drinking me in, running his lips along every inch of skin he can find, and goddammit it sets me on fire. Why, oh why does this have to be his dying wish? And why do I like it so much? I guess it wouldn't be exactly fair to fake it on his behalf, so I really hope he knows how genuine the reciprocity is. I moan his name while his teeth rake across my neck and my fingers run over his feverish skin, barely holding his thin and sickly frame together at this point.

"I wish I could hate you right now..." I breathe into his neck as his teeth find my earlobe. "Fuck...!" I hiss with a shudder.

"You don't?" He sounds surprised.

"I can't."

"Oh?"

"Lust … I can't hate you when I want you this bad..."

"Hmmm maybe I should turn Shizu-chan on like this all the time..." Izaya teases coyly and unbuttons my shirt with shaking hands. "He won't hate me so much..."

"Can we be serious for a minute?" I ask, trying to gather my head though it's swimming in a puddle of unresponsive want.

"Only if I can keep touching you..." Izaya whispers, letting his fingers explore my chest and stomach. It's not even particularly erotic the way he's doing it, but good lord it's arousing.

"Do you not want me to hate you?"

"Of course I don't!" he said dubiously with a sort of smile that said 'I'm stating the obvious.' "I never wanted you to hate me to this extent. I always knew you were stupid, but wonderfully unpredictable, which have made these past ten years so much fun. Hurtful, exciting fun."

I stopped him. "Wait, this whole time you were – ?"

"Flirting, yes. Shizu-chan is so thick it's cute." He forced out a weak laugh, as if he couldn't believe he could admit it. I join him, not too sure what else to say in the face of my stupidity. I can't even take offense to the insult it's so true, so I hang my head. "Hey, what is it?"

"I'm an idiot."

"Yes. Yes you are."

"If you weren't dying I'd rape you, you twisted little shit," I informed him. "You're too weak to handle what I would do to you for all this..."

"It's reciprocated? Hurray!" Izaya laughed, jumping into my lap and bouncing, then stopping to hold his head. "Ugh... dammit narcotics! Kick in! I want a good trip before I'm dead. Shizu-chan, go get me one of those bottles..."

"No. You're not going to die, I refuse." He thinks I'm kidding with that dubious look on his face. "I won't let you."

"Not even if it just gets to be too much?"

That's a mood-killer if there was any. I sigh and bury my face in his chest, all too aware that I could feel his ribs through his shirt and how it seems to hang off of him like it's three sizes too big. It probably is at this point. "Stop. Just stop, okay? You're saying this because you think you're number's up. How long have you felt like this?"

"Since the moment I met you."

"All this time... wasted..."

"It was fun at the very least," he says quietly, running those magic fingers through my hair. "Ugh..."

"You okay?"

"I need to lay down … light-headed … like a black out is coming on..." he mumbles, slipping backwards. He would have landed as dead weight if I didn't catch him when he starts to convulse to my utter horror.

So much for the heated moment.

The seizure only lasts a few moments, but Izaya is dazed for a good ten minutes and completely incomprehensible. He is only half-awake, so he's only making marginal coherency, really. I can barely make out what he's saying until he starts to make a little more sense when he comes around a little.

"Water..." he begs hoarsely, to which I oblige. It takes him a moment to compose himself. "What happened?"

"You had a seizure."

Izaya suddenly laughs. "Is that what's been happening? Haha, this wouldn't be the first time then. It explains a few things."

"You're not going to die tonight," I told him firmly. He looks at me with wide eyes, as if it were the first time he actually believed me saying so. "I'll make sure of it."

So he drifts off at last and makes it until morning.

What a weird night.

It was a lot to mull over, I'll say that much. Every provoking gesture he'd ever done to me was his way of flirting. It was obvious now that I looked back on it, but none the less very, very fucked up. Then again, so was Izaya.

And all this time I've been hating him.

I don't know if I could love him. Not this soon, not the way he wants me to. But I can try, and at least go through some motions to keep him in this world. I'm still pretty unnerved at this side of him, and how utterly out of character it is to see him like this, despite the fact that he's trying to laugh it off like he does everything else.

Watching him sleep is addicting.

I can't take my eyes off of him, carefully listening to his shallow breath and faint heart beat. I doze off for a little bit, but for the most part I can't sleep, scared he'll slip away while I'm not looking. I text Tom to let him know I was taking a personal day or two and think for a long time, reevaluating the relationship between us. What was. What is. What will be.

It's all so very big and life-changing crap. I hate it. I would have much preferred to keep chucking traffic signs at his head. That stupid, precious head that always has a witty quip and is completely untouchable, scarred deeply by this affliction that was forcing a world of change upon him. Upon me.

It isn't fair, really.

So I can't help but to wonder... what happens now?