The Little Things Count More
CHAPTER 2
Dean looked over at Bobby for some answers.
"Bobby? Is he okay?" Dean's voice suddenly sounding stronger, filled with concern over Sam.
"He's just tired is all," Bobby said unconvincingly.
Dean's hunter instincts caught the uncertainty in Bobby's voice and concern was replaced with frustration.
"Bobby, what the hell is going on?" Dean said, arching slightly from another spasm of pain. "Is something wrong with Sam?"
"No, Dean, nothing a little fresh air can't help."
"Then what's wrong? With the both of you. Did something happen that you're not telling me about?"
"Nothing's happened, Sam and me, we were just reminiscing and the memories got a hold of us, that's all." Bobby finally said.
"Memories? Memories of what?" Dean calmed, but fisting the sheets trying to control his pain.
"Oh, of when Sam was sick and you taking care of him," Bobby smiled a little.
"Why would Sam be thinking about that? You'd think he'd want to forget all that stuff."
"Well, you being sick, he just couldn't help remembering."
"Why would he leave the room like that?"
Bobby looked into Dean's genuinely confused face and wished to everything holy that he could take his place. A soul like Dean's just shouldn't be taken away. He had seen his share of injustice in his life, not the least of which was his own wife being possessed, but nothing had challenged his understanding of why bad things happened to good people more than thinking of Dean. He couldn't muster any kind of justification for what would happen to him. Dean was the best of men, the best Bobby had ever known in his lifetime and he had known plenty. They were no less heroes for sacrificing their lives to fighting evil, but none had loved as fully as Dean, none had given up their lives, let alone doomed their own souls to Hell, to give life to another as Dean had, and Bobby knew, none could have faced Hell with such courage, himself included.
Despite Dean's outward cynicism towards humanity and its fate, it hadn't surprised Bobby when Sam had told him that Dean wouldn't sacrifice an innocent's life to save others as they faced an attacking demon horde, to him, doing that would make them less human. Bobby could have predicted that Dean would refuse to submit to such a compromise. Sam had admitted to feeling ashamed at believing the cost acceptable. Bobby couldn't help, but feel pride well inside of him at Dean's conviction, but it made the injustice all the more unjust.
"Bobby? You still with me?" Dean asked, noticing that Bobby had "wandered off".
"Yeh, yeh, I was just remembering there myself," Bobby said, hoping to change the subject."
"About what?"
Bobby hesitated for a second, but then a real memory surfaced. It never ceased to amaze him how quickly that memory always came to mind.
"About my wife…"
Dean looked into Bobby's eyes and saw the raw pain still in them.
"I was just thinking about how I wished I could have saved her."
"You didn't know," Dean comforted.
"Makes no difference. You hope that it does, but it doesn't. We were thinking about having kids when she was possessed."
"I'm sorry, Bobby," Dean said as sincerely as he had back at the hospital.
"Don't be," Bobby said replaying the same conversation. "Remember when I said that everyone got into hunting somehow? Well, it's true. Nobody I know chose this life. They were thrown into it by something life changing."
"Did you ever think about walking away?" Dean asked, thinking about his own desire to leave the life.
"Hundreds of times," Bobby admitted.
"Why didn't you?"
"Couldn't. Felt I owed it to my wife, you know? To save others because I couldn't save her."
Dean nodded in understanding. He then paused and looked into Bobby's eyes.
"It's about my going to Hell in a month, isn't it? Why Sam left the room," Dean said abruptly. "Sam is scared, isn't he?"
Bobby looked back into Dean's eyes and couldn't help, but smile with pride again for Dean's keen sense of understanding.
"Yeh. So am I," Bobby admitted, unashamed. "We both hate feeling helpless."
Dean nodded.
"I get that," Dean said stoically. "I'm sorry for putting both of you through this."
Bobby's eyes began to fill with tears and his mouth went slack with amazement at Dean's completely unnecessary apology.
"Don't be sorry, son. You deserve more…you deserve better…not this. You shouldn't be going to Hell."
"My choice, Bobby. Got no one to blame, but myself, but I don't regret it. Never have…" Dean said tiredly. "Been scared…still scared, but don't tell Sammy that. Don't want to go to Hell you both know that. Kidded myself for awhile into thinking that I didn't really make that deal or that it didn't matter…guess that was the denial phase, huh?"
Dean stiffened, groaned then panted through the wave of pain that ran through him. Bobby became concerned and went over to him, but Dean shook his head.
"Give…me a minute…" Dean stuttered as he breathed through the pain then sighed when the pain lessened.
"You all right?"
"Yeh, yeh, just a bad one…does it get much worse?"
Bobby stalled answering.
"I'll take that as a yes," Dean joked then blinked as if struggling to stay awake.
"Get some sleep, Dean. You're going to need it."
"Leave it to you to never mince words," Dean smiled then looked seriously at Bobby. "Bobby, I meant what I said…you are like a father to me, to both of us…thanks for sticking around…Sam's gonna need you…I'm gonna need you."
Bobby was struck speechless by his words as he watched Dean finally let himself doze off.
oooo
TBC