I am not very happy with this chapter. It is mostly filler and it is the first thing I wrote of the fic (I have in fact written most of it and I'm just editing it slightly when I put it on here) so please be kind! There is unfortunately another chapter or so of this drivel so please stick with me!
Thanks everyone who has reviewed.
ScottishRose, you are right I did intend it to be God and Jesus, it is heaven and I couldn't help it; it could be interesting. Anyone who doesn't like it just interpret it anyway you like. I am religious and it has a tendency to leak into my writing.
I don't Life on Mars (sadly) or Ashes to Ashes (even more sadly) . The only characters here I have invented are Alice and her grandparents and Will.
Please review! They make me happy. It doesn't take long just to say what you thought!
Enjoy (possibly)
Has anything ever happened to you that totally changed the way you see the world? A single thing that makes you doubt your sanity? A single moment and nothing is ever the same again.
When I was fifteen my life changed like that; forever, one moment and nothing was ever the same, everything I thought I knew was gone. I suppose though, it didn't start when I was fifteen. I guess, really it started much earlier than that. In 2006 maybe, or perhaps even earlier, but the beginning for me (although I was unaware of it at this point) was when my best friend Molly's mother went into a coma because she had been shot. She was in the coma for two years but when she woke up she sent Molly away after about a fortnight. She fell back into a coma about 2 months after she woke up from her first. She never woke back up. I really liked Alex. She was funny and kind. She gave me lifts and took Molly, Will and I out. She took us swimming quite a few times and once she took us on a day out round London. She was always really busy but if she ever saw me she'd always came over and say Hi. She was a Police Officer, a DI. She was also a psychologist.
That was the beginning, but the moment that it truly started for me was almost two years later but it wasn't until a year later, when I was fifteen that my life truly changed forever. (I'm sorry. This must seem so confusing but there are so many places where it could have started, I just can't pinpoint them down.) But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me start at the beginning.
The first time Molly's mum, Alex, went into a coma Evan looked after Molly. He's really nice as well. He's Molly's godfather, and he's Alex's too, he looked after her when she was little and her mum and dad died after someone set a car bomb off under their car. He spoils Molly loads, and once when I was round at their house he came over and he had bought a Rubik's cube for Molly, when he saw I was there too he went out and bought me one too. He taught us how to solve them. After Alex died he got custody of Molly. I was really pleased, like I said he's really nice. Molly hardly knows her dad and besides, he lives on the other side of London so she couldn't have kept coming to our school, whereas Evan lives quite near.
About a week after Alex first woke up from her coma Molly invited me and Will round to her house. (Molly, Will and I are best friends) Will couldn't come but I still went. Alex picked me up from my house in the car. Molly and I were in the back, chatting about something or other, looking at the internet on her blackberry. "Hey, Molls, look up the news, I want to see what's going on in the world." I'd said.
"Ok." Said Molly, she scrolled through her favourites and found the BBC news page. She passed me her phone. I was looking at a story about some scientists trying to isolate the genes that give us hereditary diseases. "So what's the main story then?" she asked me.
"These scientists are doing a gene hunt-" I replied. I didn't get a chance to finish before the car jolted and Molly screamed.
"MUM!"
"Sorry girls; cramp." Alex apologised a little shakily. I would have believed her if her voice hadn't shook so, and when we got to their house she went straight to her room and when she came out to make tea her eyes were outlined with red. Something was going on; something weird. I put it down to the fact she'd just come out of her coma. Next week Molly was sent to her dad's.
I never saw Alex again.
The funeral was horrid. I stood beside Molly, who was crying. I was trying so hard to be strong for her but I couldn't; I was crying too. Will wasn't actually crying but his face was grim and he sniffed and rubbed his eyes quite a bit.
I helped Molly to clear out their old house. Wasn't sure if it was a good idea but she had begged. She needed a friend she had insisted. Will had wanted to help but they were going up to Glasgow that weekend, it was his uncle's 50th birthday party. We were clearing out the hose because Molly would be living with Evan now. I came into Alex's bedroom and found Molly sitting on the bed looking totally blank, a photograph in her hand. I only needed to look at her once to know that right now what she needed was to be left alone. I closed the door quietly and went into Alex's office. Evan was downstairs drinking endless cups of coffee. I felt like intruder. I sat against the door and put my head in my hands. Alex was gone, so totally gone. Never coming back. Death had never seemed so infinite before. Never ending; an endless silence and absence. I started to clear out Alex's desk, putting stationary etc in a box, waste paper in the bin. Other more personal things I left as they were. I turned to the filing cabinet. It was locked. I remembered a small key that had been in one of the drawers of the desk. It was the filing cabinet key. Most of the stuff was Alex's work, psychology papers, a laptop, some invoices, all the kind of stuff that's in my parents' filing cabinet at home. Nothing that interesting. At least, not until I reached the bottom drawer. It was full of things for Alex's 'book'. I'd finally finished organising the papers. I hadn't thrown away any of the paper in the filing cabinet, just put it into more boxes and labelled them FILING CABINET, someone else could sort out that. I sat down besides the filing cabinet, the bottom drawer was still open, I was just about to close it when I realised that the bottom on the inside was higher than the depth of the drawer itself. I ran my hands over the false bottom, and sure enough near the back there was a small hole. Slipping my finger into it I lifted the bottom and I have to admit my heart was racing a bit. This was all very 'Spooks'. What could Alex have had that could possibly need hiding in a secret compartment of a lockable filing cabinet? I was disappointed; it was just a thick box file, like the ones that were on the bottom of the shelf of the book shelf beside the filing cabinet. I opened it; there was just a load more paper, and a pen drive. I read some of the first page.
Oh.
My.
God.
Molly could never read this. She must never, ever find it. Evan couldn't either.
Think, think. How could I get this out of the house without either of them becoming suspicious? Then I had an idea. I ran down the stairs.
"Hey, Evan. This sounds really bad, but I was wondering if I could have one of the box files from Alex's office? Only they can be quite expensive and I need one for my coursework." I held my breath.
"Of course Alice. I certainly don't need any more and it's not like Alex does." He said the last part with a sad smile on his face.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome. If there's anything else, that isn't personal I mean, just ask. You've been such a great friend to Molly." This made me feel guilty, until I reminded myself I was doing this for Molly. I put the file in a plastic bag and put the pen drive in my pocket.
The next day I was in my room reading. I hadn't read the file. I didn't want to. I wanted to remember Alex as she always used to be. Not as a lunatic. My phone beeped.
Thanx 4 yesterday Molz x x
Should I tell her? I mean it's about her mother for God's sake. I was confused, totally uncertain about what to do. I took it yesterday because I didn't want her memory of her mum to be tarnished with the worry she was insane, and from the first page it sure looked like it. I wanted to forget too; I wanted my memory of Alex untarnished.
I text Molly back
No probs im ur best mate rnt i? Ly xxx
The next two years of my life is a period I would rather forget. It is important though, in my story, so I will tell you a little, not much however. It still hurts to remember it.
I was on my way back from my Grandparents. They live in Lancaster. I'd spent the week with them because quite by unfortunate chance my half term week was the same week both my parents had to go away; my father to a conference in Brussels and my mother on a whole week course in Bristol. So I was packed off to my Grandparents' house. I wasn't complaining, I loved them and they always spoilt me rotten!
I sat down in my seat on the train. So far I had the compartment to myself. I pulled out my iPod and put it on shuffle, pulling out The Book Thief by Markus Zusak. I had about 5 minutes before the train pulled out from the station. Just as we pulled out a man appeared at the doorway. I paused my iPod and pulled out my earphones and I slipped a bookmark into my book.
"Hello." He smiled kindly at me. He wasn't very tall and wore a grey suit with a long jacket. He had round owlish glasses. He was very pale skinned and had jet black hair.
"Hi." I replied, nervously.
"Sorry. I'm meant to be sitting there." He gestured to the seat opposite me. "If you feel uncomfortable with me I'm sure I can find somewhere else to sit. It's not a problem." He smiles at me again. I blush, feeling stupid.
"Of course you can sit there. It's fine."
"Thank you very much." He sits down and we both sit in silence for while, him staring absent mindedly out of the window, me pretending to read my book, sneaking glances at him and not quite daring to put my earphones back in.
"So." The man opposite finally said after about 20 or so minutes of this "Are we going to talk or are we going to spend the rest of the journey with you half reading your book and glancing at me and me staring out of the window feeling unbelievably bored?"
I blush furiously. "Talking sounds good." I slip my book into the bag at my feet. "My name is Alice. What's yours?"
"My name is James." He answers leaning forward slightly and extends his hand. I shake it.
"So Alice. Where have you been?"
"At my grandparents. You?"
"I was at Manchester first then I went to Lancaster to see a friend in the hospital there. Now I'm back home to London."
"Why were you in Manchester?" I cringe as soon as the words leave my mouth; so rude!
James just smiles at me. "I'm a police officer, a DCI. I work in D and C-"
"D and C?"
"Discipline and complaints. We aren't liked much I'm afraid." He laughs ruefully. "We are like the police force within the police force."
"Cool."
"Really?"
"Yeah, someone has to do it! Anyway, what about Zacchaeus?" There I go again. He probably won't even get it. Oh I'm so stupid.
"Luke 19. A good comparison, everyone hated him. Although he deserved it."
"I didn't mean that you were err..." I blush again.
"I know, it's alright. Besides, we're all sinners are we not?"
"Yes, I suppose we are. How did you know the exact verse?"
"My upbringing. I must know almost every verse."
"Wow... Not many people can do that! Even our priest needs a bible." I laugh, astounded.
"Well it comes in useful for impressing strangers on trains." He laughs back.
We talk for quite a while until I feel a prickle up my back, my head is spinning and my throat is dry. "It's boiling in here." I mutter fanning myself with my hand.
"It is, I hadn't noticed. I'm used to the heat, I always have the temperature right up in my office; poor circulation. I'll open the window." He stands up, pushing it open and a cool breeze floats through the stifling air. "Have a drink." He passes me the water bottle from my bag. A little later I fall into a restless sleep. Nightmares flicker through my head.
I awake to someone gently shaking me. "My stop Alice. I didn't want to wake you but I didn't want you to sleep past your stop."
"Bye." I mutter groggily.
"Have a nice life."
"You too James. Who knows, maybe I'll see you again one day."
"Maybe." He lifts his hand and is gone.
For the next two years of my life I retract into myself. Depression some called it. I didn't, I just couldn't be bothered to talk or react to anyone. Trapped more like. Trapped within myself. I often saw my friends and family talking worriedly about me but I couldn't be bothered to challenge them about it. I saw some psychiatrists but none of them could diagnose or fix me. I carried on; locked within a prison of my own making.