Chapter 3

Amused, Starsky watched Hutch standing at the lake trying to catch at least one fish. He wasn't very successful and despite the distance between them Starsky could hear him curse all fish in general and the ones in the lake especially.

Laughing he unrolled his sleeping bag and stretched himself out on it. Rolling over on his stomach he kept watching the blond struggling at the lakeside. He rested his chin on his clenched fists and tried to keep dark thoughts at bay but with stubborn determination they kept coming to haunt him and he wondered if he could keep his fears hidden from the light blue eyes that sometimes seemed to look right through him.

"Oh please," he whispered very softly, "leave me alone now. Don't need this right now."

"You okay Starsk?" Startled the brunet looked up and saw Hutch watching him carefully.

"I'm fine," he lied, his heart thumping in his chest, "Guess I fell asleep."

"Yeah." the blond didn't look as if he believed it but Starsky had no intention of telling him anything else.

"Did ya catch something?" he asked trying to get the subject changed.

"Well…yeah, sort of." Hutch looked a bit embarrassed and showed him his catch.

Starsky snorted when he saw the two tiny fish that were shown to him. "Aw," he tried to compose himself but failed, "you got us some baby fish." He saw Hutch scowl at him but couldn't stop laughing. "Oh Hutch, you're such a great fisherman. At least we'll have something to eat tonight."

He heard the blond mumble something and suddenly felt the cold, wet fish connect with his neck!

"Geez Hutch!" he yelled not laughing anymore, "Wadda ya do that for? Yuck, man. It's not funny ya know."

Hutch looked at him and started to laugh "It's quite funny to me," he said, "besides, it's your fault. Never make fun of the one that feeds you."

Muttering under his breath Starsky threw the poor little fish back to Hutch who caught them and looked disappointed. "I don't think it'll be fish tonight Starsk." he said "It's not worth cleaning and cooking them don't you think?"

"Nah, it'll be too much work for too little food. Good thing I bought some food, huh?"

Defeated Hutch had to agree with that and together they rummaged through the bag of food to see what could assemble for an evening meal. "It's not exactly healthy is it?" Hutch noticed when he saw the things Starsky had bought. "Soup, candy bars, more candy bars, soda, oh and beans. What did you have in mind when you chose this? A kid's party?"

"'Course not!"Starsky answered with dignity, "I like this stuff and it's easy to cook and the candy is for energy. I need lots of energy when I'm walking."

"You do, huh? How do you think you'll keep your energy level up when you're on patrol? Gonna stuff yourself with candy too then? Or, when you're chasing some flake, you're gonna ask him to wait till you've had your dosage of sugar?"

Starsky shrugged "We'll see about that if it happens." he said, "Now I want to eat."

"I guess it will be beans then," Hutch thought, "If you're okay with that?" he added, knowing there wasn't much else to eat.

"Beans is just fine but hurry up will you?"

"Hey, if I'm not fast enough for you why you don't give me a hand huh? Give me the can opener and plates."

Together they made their dinner and while they were eating Hutch made coffee in an old coffee pot. "This is my camping coffee pot." he explained, "I always take it with me when I'm camping. I think it's my lucky pot."

"Oh? And why is that?" Starsky wanted to know.

"Coffee from this pot is the best I've ever tasted."

"Well, when it's ready I'd like to taste that for myself." Starsky held out his mug and Hutch filled it with the steaming hot brew.

Taking a careful sip Starsky raised his eyebrows and nodded "You're right, it's the best coffee I've had in a long time."

Pleased with the verdict the blond relaxed and took his own mug. "It's great isn't it? Being free as a bird for a few days."

"Sure is!" Starsky agreed "But I'm really looking forward to next week, you know, finally I'm gonna be a cop."

"Did you know you wanted to be a cop when you were a kid?"

Starsky thought about that for a moment "I guess I did. I can't remember ever wanting to be anything else. And you?"

"No, I didn't, but I didn't think about it then. I thought I'd follow my father's footsteps and go to medical school." He paused and sighed "I even went for a while but it's not what I wanted."

"You could have been a doctor?" Starsky asked, surprised "and now you're a cop? Why didn't you finish medical school?"

Hutch shrugged "It wasn't what I wanted." He hesitated, wondering if he should say more but to his surprise the words just left his mouth as if on their own accord "I don't want to be like my father in any way and being a doctor would be too close to being like him so I quit."

"I can't imagine him being happy about that?" The blond's last words made it clear to Starsky that father and son Hutchinson weren't real close.

"That's an understatement Starsk. He got real angry when I told him I was going to leave med school and he even got more angry when I told him I would go to Bay City and become a cop."

"Why Bay City?"

"Well…..Nancy, my wife, wasn't happy about me quitting either, so I had to think of something that would make her happy. I knew that she wanted to be a model or something like that and I convinced her that this was the place where she would have most chance of succeeding." he shrugged "And she did. So much so that she left me because I was holding her back"

"T'riffic! Nice lady. You really loved her?"

"I don't know, she was beautiful and we did have fun when we first met but I was very young and maybe I was just blinded by that. I should have known better though, my parents adored her and still do."

"Hm, she was more their choice than yours I guess."

"I think so," Hutch sighed, dry washing his face, "although I didn't see it at the time."

"At least you don't have kids." Starsky thought out loud.

"No, she didn't want to ruin her figure!" It was said with so much contempt that the brunet wondered what the hell had happened in the Hutchinson household before they separated.

"It's gettin' dark" he changed the subject, "You wanna get up early again?"

"Of course!" Hutch grinned grateful for the distraction. "As soon as it's light we'll be on our way again."

"You think there's enough room in this tent for the both of us?"

"Sure. You'll see how comfy it is."

"Comfy, comfy," Starsky muttered, "my bed is comfy not this tent and the hard ground."

Grinning, Hutch slapped his shoulder. "Ah buddy, you'll be sleeping like a log, you'll see."

David Starsky couldn't sleep. Lying in his sleeping bag he listened to the night sounds outside the tent and tried to keep the memories at bay. He listened to the gentle breathing of the man beside him and envied him for his ability to sleep so peacefully. Starsky knew that his adventures in Vietnam and the horror he had seen and experienced there would disturb him for a long time to come but he also wished it wouldn't be this week. This week was meant to be a good time with his new friend when they could maybe get to know each other better, even though he disliked being in the mountains and walking through the greenery. He had hoped that having a friend with him would keep Vietnam from his thoughts but this first night told him something else.

He sighed and turned to his other side in an attempt to get some sleep but the sounds outside the tent kept bothering him. Although he knew there was no danger, his memory kept coming up with unwanted pictures of the past.

Finally, after tossing and turning for a long time, he felt himself drift off in a restless slumber.

Ken Hutchinson slept the sleep of the innocent but somehow became aware of the restlessness of the man beside him. Still half asleep he turned to the side where Starsky lay and with some difficulty he opened his eyes. He didn't see much in the dark tent but he felt the brunet's agitation and softly he asked "Starsk, are you all right?"

He heard some mumbling but no straight answer and he tried again "Hey Starsky! Are you awake?"

"No…..yes." Starsky's voice sounded tired but not sleepy and it worried Hutch.

"Are you okay, buddy? You're feeling all right?"

"Nothing to worry about Hutch," he heard his companion wiggle out of his sleeping bag, "Just need to go outside…..ya know take a leak."

"Oh, well take a flashlight with you, its real dark."

"I will." Starsky was busy finding his pants and when he finally did, he left the tent. Outside, he dressed quickly and sat down near the tent opening. Looking around and listening for anything out of the ordinary he wondered what he should tell Hutch. It was clear to him that his friend would soon follow him outside and most certainly would have a lot of questions. But the brunet was not sure if he was ready to share any of the horrible thoughts and fears with anybody and certainly not with someone he only knew for a few months.

'On the other hand' he thought 'who else can I ever tell about it? It's not something people want to hear. And it's not that I want to tell it but….'

Too restless to sit down any longer he stood up and started pacing, dwelling on his past.

He didn't notice the blond, who had left the tent and was watching his agitated friend. Hutch looked in amazement at the pacing and mumbling Starsky and wondered what had happened to the New Yorker. He remembered the nightmare Starsky had a month after they'd started the police academy and the very short explanation he'd given about his time in the army and Vietnam and now, standing there and watching the brunet Hutch thought that maybe he knew what bothered Starsky. Hesitantly he approached the pacing figure and almost whispering he asked "Is there anything wrong Starsk? Can't you tell me what's eating you? Maybe we could do something about it."

Startled Starsky stopped moving and while his heartbeat sped up he looked around to see who was talking to him. He sighed when he recognized the man and snapped "Do you have to sneak up on people?"

"I'm not sneaking up on you Starsk."Hutch defended himself "I just came to see if everything's ok because you didn't come back."

"What are you, my father? I don't need that crap Hutchinson!" Starsky wondered why he was reacting like that. After all, Hutch only had the best of intensions and was certainly not the enemy.

Taken aback by this hostile reaction Hutch took a step backwards and held up his hands as if to keep the angry man away from him. "I'm sorry if I scared you Starsk," he said softly "but I was really worried. I mean, it's dark and you could easily have hurt yourself."

"I can take care of myself Hutch." Starsky had calmed down a bit "I learned that a long time ago."

"I'm sure you can. Let's sit down huh, then I'll make us coffee and we can talk." He held up his hands again "Nothing important just talk a bit about what ever you like."

Starsky thought about that for a moment and then agreed "Just coffee, no talking."

"Okay, what ever you want." Hutch was already busy making a fire and Starsky went to the lake to fill the pan with water for the coffee. When he came back Hutch had the fire going and was looking for the coffee and the pot.

"Hey" Starsky was surprised to see the fire burning "you did that real quickly."

"What can I say, buddy?" Hutch laughed "The things you can do with matches."

"Oh, not like in the old days when they used firestones? I thought you'd want to do things that way, you know."

"Nah, sometimes it's better to use the modern techniques."

Before Starsky knew it the water was boiling and the smell of coffee started to fill the air. With a content sigh Starsky took the mug that was handed to him and sipped carefully, enjoying the taste and the warmth that spread through his body. Now, together with Hutch, the demons retreated and he relaxed for the moment.

"Starsk, can I ask you something? It's personal and if you don't wanna answer just say so."

Starsky shrugged "Okay, but if I don't wanna say anything I won't."

"Deal!" Hutch waited and tried to formulate the question in such a way that the man opposite of him wouldn't turn his back on him right away. "Well Starsk……I know you've been in the army and…." He stopped talking when he saw the other stiffen but went on when Starsky kept silent "And you told me something about Vietnam but……um, well….I c-c-can n-n-not i-imagine what it …..Well...how bad it was." Hutch felt sweat trail down his back and he shifted uncomfortably on the hard ground. When he dared to look at the brunet he saw anger, pain and grief so plainly in the ashen face that he regretted the question immediately. "I'm sorry Starsk, I shouldn't have ……" But Starsky shook his head and cleared his throat before he said, " It's okay Hutch, it's okay." A deep sigh followed those words and the he went on "I don't know if I can ever tell what happened there but there's one thing I can tell you," he waited for a second, "no matter what I tell you, you'll never be able to understand how it really was." He looked at his hands and continued "These hands have killed and hurt and done all kind of ugly, inhuman things and I regret every one of them."

"God Starsk!" Hutch tried to swallow the lump in his throat. He never had been drafted, his father had taken care of that and he remembered the demonstrations in college against the war, the sit-ins and the protest songs he sang but now, sitting next to a Vietnam veteran, he felt ashamed for the care-free time he'd had in college.

Starsky seemed to notice his anguish "Come on Hutch, there was nothing you could have changed. It's not your fault I ended up there."

"No" he whispered back "but when I think back at what I did when I was in college, I don't feel so good."

Starsky grinned softly "Ah, protest songs and demonstrations, huh?" He couldn't be mad at Hutch, he was only glad the big blond hadn't been forced to do what he had been forced to do. "Let's talk about something else, whadda ya say?"

"How do you do that Starsk? Leaving all that behind you and go on?"

"It is behind me Hutch! It's over now." He knew it wasn't true but he didn't want to upset his friend any more. "Give me another coffee and tell me about your wife."

TBC