Chapter 4

"My wife?"Hutch almost choked in his coffee and stared at Starsky wide eyed. "Why do you want to know about my wife?"

Starsky shrugged. "I told you about my horror and now it's your turn." he grinned."She is your horror isn't she?"He asked in an innocent voice.

Hutch hung his head. "One of many," he whispered but then he looked up and smiled, "but she's almost gone now."

"Good for you buddy. Tell me, how did you ever get the idea of marrying her?"

"Well……we knew each other in high school and because her parents were friends with mine my family kind of pushed us a little to become a couple I guess."

"T'riffic," the brunet muttered but said nothing more.

Hutch was struggling to find the right words to explain why he had agreed to the idea of marrying Nancy. "It's not that I wasn't attracted to her, but I was nineteen and it seemed like a good idea at the time. And my father was so pleased with her that I was married before I knew it."

"So you married her because your father liked her so much? He should have married her then."

Hutch snorted "Maybe he should have but he's still married to my mother, so I was the next best option."

Starsky looked at him but the flames of the small fire made it hard to see the expression on the other's face. "Give me another coffee Hutch; I think I'm going to need it."

"What you need is sleep Starsk. It's almost three in the morning and if we want to make an early start we should try and get some shuteye."

Starsky shrugged "I don't know; I don't think I'll be getting a lot of sleep here, it's too quiet."

"It's not that quiet Starsk; listen to the sounds of nature and you'll find them soothing and relaxing I bet."

Starsky mumbled something that Hutch didn't understand but he thought that he heard the brunet say something like 'that's just it.'

"You must have done some camping when you were in the army." Hutch thought out loud without thinking and when he looked at the brunet he saw to his dismay that the handsome face had morphed into a stone mask, hiding all emotions. Even the friendly flames didn't soften that expression and with a growl Starsky stumbled to his feet and ran from their camp. Stunned, Hutch watched him go and for a moment he didn't know what to do but then he jumped to his feet and ran after the fleeing brunet.

Starsky ran as if the devil was chasing him and in his mind he was. Unwanted memories flooded back into his mind and almost panicked he tried to outrun them. The dark stopped him from running really fast and more than once he stumbled and once he even hit a tree and fell. He lay on the ground panting and listening with his eyes closed but all he heard were the sounds of the night in the forest and slowly he calmed down. His racing heart slowed down and suddenly he heard someone call his name.

Hutch had the same trouble in the dark as Starsky; but because he wasn't running away from some demon he was more careful than the other man. Still, he stumbled a few times but didn't run into a tree and when he carefully made his way through the dark forest his thoughts ran wild. 'What the hell did I say to make you run like that Starsk? And where did you go? Come on; let me know where you are.'

Starsky heard him coming but didn't say a word. He just wanted to stay where he was and wait till dawn so the night terrors would disappear with the dark. He was sitting against the tree he'd run into and held his head in his hands, his eyes closed to keep the dark, outside world from his vision. He more felt than heard the blond approach him but he stayed quiet. "Starsk?" Hutch's voice was hesitant "are you all right?"

Hutch reached out his hand to touch the other man's shoulder and Starsky let him, knowing he wasn't the enemy but still scared for his own feelings and fears.

"Are you okay, buddy?" Hutch sounded so worried that Starsky had to look up at him. Even in the dark Hutch could see how pale his friend looked and how haunted the look in his eyes was. He sat down beside the shivering man and without thinking he pulled him into his arms and held him protectively. Starsky let himself be pulled into the protective embrace and leaned against the strong, comforting shoulder that was offered to him. They sat there in silence for a long time and when the sky finally showed the first signs of a new day Starsky said "I'm sorry Hutch. I don't know why I ran like I did."

"You must have had a hellish time Starsk." the blond answered "Too horrible to think about"

"Yeah, it was hell and worse." He kept silent for a while and Hutch waited for him to go on patiently "I can't talk about it now, it's too damn freaky."

"You don't have to if you don't want to, but remember, if and when you're ready to talk you can talk to me." Hutch knew from the psychology classes he'd followed in med school that a traumatized person had to be handled with care. And Starsky was traumatized, he was certain of that.

"Hey Hutch" the brunet grinned softly "I don't think I should make it a habit do you?"

"A habit of what?"

"Well….sitting like this I mean."

"Why not?" Hutch chuckled "It's kinda nice ain't it?"

"Yeah but it's kinda weird too I think."

"Who cares buddy?"Hutch shrugged, "there's no one here just us."

"How long have we known each other now?" Starsky wondered "Six months? Seven?"

"Yeah, something like that."

"Aren't we a bit, well um, intimate?"

That remark made Hutch laugh out loud and his laughter scared the early birds that just woke up away "Intimate you say. What about friendly? Or comforting huh?"

"It's all the same when two guys are hugging and sitting as close as we are!"

"You wanna go then?"

"Nah" Starsky snuggled a little closer to Hutch "As long as nobody else is here and you won't tell anybody."

"I won't Starsk, I promise and you know what? I kinda like this; I think it's what friendship is all about."

"Hugging you mean?"

"Well, no but be there for the other when he needs it!"

"Hm, so we're friends you mean. Real friends."

"Didn't you think so before then Starsk?"

Starsky thought about that for minute; "I don't know I never had a real friend before. Friends enough, but nothing like this. This feels good and sometimes I think that I've always known you. Weird, huh?"

He looked up at Hutch but saw no rejection or amusement in the other's eyes. Hutch suddenly felt a strange feeling of belonging he never felt before and with a lump in his throat he said "It's not weird Starsk. I have the same feeling, I sometimes think we must have met before but I know we didn't. Maybe there is a connection between us and we shouldn't ignore it."

"I'll think about all that mumbo jumbo stuff later Hutch, okay?" Starsky felt his eyelids grow heavy and with a contented sigh he closed his eyes and fell asleep with his head still on the blond's shoulder.

"Well, that's nice buddy" Hutch chuckled softly. "Using me as your pillow. Maybe that's what friends are for too huh?"

He rested his head against the tree they were sitting under and waited for his best friend to wake up.

Starsky woke up when the sun stroked his face. Yawning he opened his eyes and with surprise he noticed that he wasn't in the tent but out in the open field. His head still rested on the blond's shoulder and a little embarrassed he remembered what had happened earlier. Slowly he lifted his head to look at Hutch and smiled when he saw the blond head resting with closed eyes against the tree. 'Ah, you're asleep too huh?' he thought and carefully he tried to free himself from the long arms that were wrapped around him. With a sigh Hutch opened his eyes when the brunet freed himself from the embrace and sleepily he mumbled "Good morning."

Starsky laughed softly "Good morning to you too, Blondie."

"How are you feeling?" Hutch asked, the memories of the night returning to him "A bit better now?"

"I'm fine Hutch, night is over and the sun is shining. Wadda ya think, shall we go back to our camp and have breakfast?"

"I don't dare to think what you consider breakfast buddy, but I sure could use some coffee." Groaning Hutch tried to stand up and growled: "next time you decide to fall asleep Starsk, would you please use a bed instead of me. My back is killing me."

Chuckling, Starsky grabbed Hutch's hand and helped him on his feet. "I'm sorry buddy, but you were so comfortable I just couldn't resist. Next time it's your turn."

While they walked the way back to their camp Hutch was amazed by the now cheerful and lively appearance of the man walking in front of him. 'You were so scared and stressed just a few hours ago' he thought 'and look at you now! As if nothing happened.'

When they reached their tent Hutch started to make a fire and Starsky took the pan and walked to the lake to get the water for the much needed coffee. When he returned the fire was ready and carefully he placed the pan on the flames. Hutch was rummaging in the tent looking for the coffee and the coffee pot and Starsky smiled at the groaning sounds he made. "Hey Hutch, are you okay? You sound like an angry grizzly bear."

Hutch's head appeared in the tent opening "Very funny Starsk. It's all your fault you know" he handed Starsky the items he'd found and with some difficulty and more exaggerating groans he managed to stand.

"My fault huh? Who threw his arms around me and who let me fall asleep? Well?" Starsky shook his head in mock anger "What do you have to say to that?"

"If you put it that way" Hutch grinned "I only can say that I won't do it again."

"As long as you remember that it was not my fault it's okay."

Grinning, Hutch hurried to make the coffee and when they nursed their first mug with the good smelling coffee Starsky sighed in contentment. "Ah Hutch, this is good." He looked around and confessed "It's a beautiful day and I like being here with you ……if only…." He sighed again, not so content anymore and Hutch understood what he meant.

"If only the past wouldn't spoil it for you" he finished the unspoken thought for his friend and wondered why he did that and how he knew what Starsky meant.

"Yeah..," the brunet didn't seem to notice anything strange about it, "if only I didn't have that past!"

"We all have things in our past we'd rather not have Starsk. I know I would like to never remember some things but well…..it's there and we'll have to deal with it some way."

"Is the wife thing one of those?" Starsky wanted to know, glad that he could take his mind of his ugly thoughts.

"Yes, it certainly is. You know, when we were just married it was good and I thought I was happy with her but when I told her I wasn't going to be a doctor and wanted to become a cop, well…… let's say she didn't take it very well. The first thing she did was tell my father and he didn't take it very well either."

"T'riffic that's all you need from a wife. Go and tell daddy-in-law."

"Yeah, and then my mother started crying a river and my father was yelling and Nancy was threatening to leave. So I thought if everybody is having a fit already I might as well do what I want. It couldn't get any worse anyway. And that's what I did, I told the school I'd quit and applied to the police academy."

"Good for you Blondie. It took guts to do what you did."

"Thank you Starsk. It felt good to do it you know, it was the first time I did something I wanted to do and not what anybody else expected me to."

"But why the police academy? You could have chosen something easier and better paying."

Hutch thought about that for a while and a bit hesitant he answered "I'm not really sure if there's a specific reason but I always wanted to help people and being a cop seemed the right choice."

"Being a doctor would be a good choice too, I mean a doctor helps people and it pays a lot more."

"That was my father's choice Starsk, not mine. I never wanted to follow his footsteps and I sure didn't want to be like him. My father is a great physician but not such a great person."

"Okay, I can see that but there must be a certain reason why you wanted to go to the academy."

"Maybe there was. Some years ago a girl from our neighborhood was kidnapped and the way the police handled that and solved the case made a real impression on me. I think that was the reason for my career choice."

"They got her back alive? That's great, I hope that if we ever have to solve a kidnapping we'll have the same result. Do you ever think about working on a case?"

"Sure, I want to be a detective as soon as I can."

"Me too. Wouldn't it be great if we could team up? I bet we'd be the best detectives the whole police force has ever seen."

"You think so Starsk? Us, the best ever?"

"Sure we would be! You and me together and the crime rates will drop like a stone through water."

Hutch sighed "Too bad we won't start in the same precinct."

"Yeah, too bad! But as soon as there is a chance I'll ask for a transfer."

"Isn't it great to make plans like this Starsk?"

Starsky nodded and filled his mug again "It sure is," he said when he'd taken another sip, "but it will be even greater when we'll make it happen, don't you think?"

Hutch lay down on his back and looking at the bright blue sky he answered "We will make it happen buddy, we will make it happen."

TBC