Chapter 5

Of Teen-Dog-Boys, Prostitues, and Choking

"Where the hell were you last night?"

"Humft?" Came Sirius' muffled reply from a mouth full of food.

"What do you mean what do I mean?" James clearly spoke hungry teen-dog-boy. "By the time I got back to the Common Room you were gone."

Sirius swallowed. "So?"

"I needed you for plan WOO-LILY!" He almost cried in frustration.

"Woo Lily?" Peter asked confused. Only now looking up from his waffles.

"Hush Pete!" Remus said nudging him. "I want to here this."

Sirius looked at him sheepishly. "I was spending the night with some wonderful women." He all but purred.

"Padfoot!" James cried.

Remus just sighed and returned to his book.

"Come on mate, just congratulate me and let's get on with breakfast."

"Have you ever considered just one girl?"

Sirius flung eggs at him friend with a laugh, "Where's the Prongs I know? I one who would actually come to the clubs with me!"

James ignored the statement. "Can you just help me with the plan, yeah?"

"Fine, fine. How about an "accidental" locking in a broom cupboard."

"Sure 'cuz that will make Lily happy." Came the voice from behind them. Sam looked tired as though she had slept little last night. The ever-black bags under her eyes more prevalent then ever. "Go on Alice." She said to the the girl next to her with blotchy red eyes. "I'll catch up with you in DADA, and remember, he'll come around. Or he won't. In which case he's not worth it."

"But, I mean...Frank-" the girl said miserably.

"No buts. If it doesn't work just know this, one day he'll be nothing more than a stepping stone on your way to greatness. Now go dry your eyes. The Slytherins will be all over you if you look puffy."

She scurried off to the loo and Sam at down. She poured herself a very large cup of coffee and said "What you need to do is give her something she can't say no to."

"Did anyone invite you to sit down? Or do you always butt in this way?" Sirius said scornfully, now focused on his eggs.

"Oh yeah. Where were you last night you douchy horn-dog?"

"My dorm…"

"You smell like cigarettes, but you have pearly white teeth. And there's a hint of lipstick on your collar. Based on it's shade I'm going to say it belonged to whatever prostitute you picked up at a night club."

"She was NOT a prostitue. And so what? What's it to you? It's not your concern!" He said bitterly, muttering something under his breath that sounded much like "-don't fucking care-."

"Public health is everyones business. If you see her again, which I very much doubt you will, tell her to keep lung cancer to herself. Second hand smoke kills too." She said with mock severity.

"As a matter of fact I'm seeing her tonight. She's a really…swell girl!" Sirius replied hastily. It was the only thing he got out of that sentence.

All three of his friends gave him a bizarre and doubtful look.

"Anyway, James, I have a plan." Sam said covering up concern with an eye roll.

"Thank god!"

"No need to thank me, mate!"

"Shut it Black."

"Just ignore him, Sam." Pete muttered through his food.

"Yeah we all do!" Remus said chucking an apple at Sirius, who quickly snatched it out of the air and took a giant bite.

Sam smiled slightly.

"Anyway, you have to offer her the one thing she can't say no to."

"Teachers?"

"No but oddly close."

They all looked at her curiously.

"Lily is neurotic when it comes to school."

"No really? Sam your bloody brilliant."

"Shut it BLACK!"

He just smiled wickedly.

"Anyway, she has one little trouble, and that's Tranfiguration. Normally I would help her. But if I just so happen to be busy today, I'd have to send someone who is very talented in that class in my place…"

"AND I COULD GO!" James cried excitedly. The entire Great Hall stopped and stared.

"Precisely." Sam said with a giant smile.

"But that only give me a few hours tops with her!"

"I tutor her once or twice a week...but if I have, I don't know, Quidditch practice-"

James wrapped his arms around her. "I love you, you brilliant beautiful woman!" his smile as wide as his face.

Sam blushed and Sirius promptly choked on his apple.

A/N I know its short but I didnt have time to write more! U GUYS ROCK MY SOCK! 7 REVIEWS! HELL YEAH!

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