Chapter 10

Hutch tried to think of something he could do to bring Starsky back to reality, but his mind would not come up with anything useful. Almost as frightened as Starsky, but for a different reason, he watched the man beside him going into soldier mode. The blond remembered the psychology classes in med school but they'd never discussed anything like this and there was nothing for him to recall from those days that he could use now. A few months back he had read about the problems a lot of veterans experienced after they'd come home and he was quite sure that what was happening to Starsky now had to do with his time in the army. He heard the soldier Starsky was at that moment, mutter some words he didn't understand 'must be Vietnamese' he thought but then he heard a very clear "Shit!" and Starsky let his head fall on his arms and cursed vehemently.

"Are you alright Starsk?" Hutch asked carefully, afraid that he might have interpreted the man's cursing totally wrong.

"I don't know" Starsky whispered his face still hidden in his arms "I'm not sure what happened."

"I'm not an expert buddy, but maybe you were back in Vietnam for a while."

Starsky didn't move, he just lay there trying to understand what had happened the past few minutes.

"How can I have been back in 'Nam?" He asked "I'm here ain't I? Or is this all a dream and am I still there?"

Hutch shook his head "No Starsk, this is real but I think you had a sort of nightmare. Maybe you fell asleep while you were waiting for me and…."

"No!" Starsky looked up now and shook his head vigorously "No, I didn't fall asleep, I was wide awake and…and suddenly I was back there and we were under attack and….I don't know," he finished lamely.

"Like I said Starsk, I'm not an expert but I would almost say that you had a flashback." Hutch formulated his theory very carefully, hoping not to scare his friend, and continued "You know, I read about this some time ago and it does make sense to me, what do you think?"

Starsky didn't answer; he looked at his hands that were still clawing into the dirt until he relaxed a little and sat up. Shaking his head as if to chase away the horrible scenes he still had in his mind he said "I don't know Hutch, never had it before …I think"

"You think?" Hutch asked surprised "I'd say if you had it before you must remember it, don't you think? It was more than just a bad dream."

"I know that!" Starsky snapped "I was there, remember?"

"Calm down Starsk" Hutch soothed "I know you were there buddy, I saw it and believe me, it scared the hell out of me."

The brunet snorted "Well, it scared the hell out of me too, pal. It did back then and it did just now."

Hutch was quiet for a moment, thinking whether he should say what he wanted to say and, deciding he had to say it, he blurted out: "I think you need help Starsk, someone to talk to I mean, someone who knows how to deal with these things."

To his surprise Starsky didn't say anything and Hutch wondered if the man had heard one word of what he'd said, but then his friend shook his head. "I can't Hutch, I can't talk about it with anyone."

The sadness in Starsky's voice made the blond shiver and softly he asked "Why not Starsk? Those people have heard so many terrible things already; I don't think your story would be new to them. They can help you buddy and you need help. You can't do this alone."

Starsky hung his head in shame "This wouldn't be the average war story Hutch, they probably wouldn't believe a word I'd say, so please, don't make me do it."

Now Hutch was getting real worried and looking at Starsky from the corner of his eye he tried to reassure the smaller man "I won't make you do anything buddy, I just want to help you. You can't go on like this, some burdens have to be shared you know."

"Ya don't understand Hutch. Some things you can't share with anybody, they're the load of shit ya have to carry the rest of your damned life!" The last words were cried out with so much despair that Hutch knew nothing else to do than to pull his friend in his arms in an effort to protect him from all the pain in the world. In the back of his mind he wondered why he felt so protective but it felt right and he let the thought go, after all he had a more urgent matter to take care of.

Starsky leaned into the embrace and felt the fear and confusion that had taken over his mind slowly disappear. In the back of his head a little voice asked why he felt safe now but he didn't want to think about it, just feeling it was enough right now.

"Starsk?" Hutch said softly, his chin resting on the curly head "we have to do something about this buddy; we can't just walk away from it. It won't disappear on its own, you know that don't you?"

Starsky nodded, touched by the blond's use of the word 'we'. "It's not your problem Hutch" he said "it's mine and I'll have to deal with it"

Hutch smiled "No Starsk, it is our problem! We're gonna work together in the near future, remember? We are going to be the best damned cops this city has ever known and that's why it is our problem and it has to be dealt with before we can start cleaning the streets of Bay City."

Starsky smiled and looked up "If you were a girl I'd marry ya. Thanks Hutch, I'll go and talk to someone about this. They gave me names of therapists when I came home so I think it's happening to more guys," he shrugged. "Maybe it's worth a try"

"I'm sure it is buddy, I'm sure it is."

"Hutch?"

"What is it Starsk?"

"Don't tell anybody about this please. Nobody knows and if anyone at the force hears about it, I'm a goner for sure."

'You sure would be' Hutch thought and asked himself if the New Yorker would be able to handle the ugly things they were certain to witness in Bay City, especially when they would be detectives. Shaking his head mentally he said "As long as you're gonna get help I won't say a thing, but Starsk if you skip one appointment I'm gonna blow the whistle on you." He felt his friend stiffen in his arms and added "Hey! I'll have to work with you eventually and even if we are working in different precincts now, I can't let you mess up things and let your partner down in dangerous situations because you'll freeze up or something like that."

A deep sigh was the only answer to that statement and Hutch knew he had made it clear to his friend that there was no other option; he had to get himself help and Hutch would support him every step of the way.

They sat there for a while, relaxing slowly and enjoying the peaceful sounds of the forest. Hutch was thinking of going back and somehow he wasn't surprised when Starsky said "I think we should go home Hutch, whadda ya think?"

"I was thinking the same thing Starsk. It will take us at least a day to get back to the car but because it's three o'clock already I think we'd better make camp right here and start early tomorrow morning. If you agree with staying here that is."

Starsky hesitated and looked around. It looked very peaceful now and he was tired. "Okay, that's fine by me. Let's pitch the tent and …" he yawned, the awful experience of that afternoon leaving him feeling tired and sleepy.

Hutch grinned "Looks like I'll have to take care of that, sleepyhead. Come on, on your feet buddy, I have a tent to pitch." Still laughing he watched Starsky stand up and when he was sure his fiend would not fall down he jumped on his feet and started to make their camp for the night.

It didn't take Hutch long to finish pitching the tent and getting everything in order for the night. He waited till Starsky was asleep before he took his fishing rod and went looking for a place to catch their dinner. He was still worried about what had happened earlier and he wasn't sure if he had done the right thing by promising he wouldn't tell anybody about the flashbacks. The thought of reliving your worst nightmare scared him and he could only try to imagine what Starsky must have felt that afternoon.

Not far from their camp he found a creek and, glad that he didn't have to go very far away from Starsky, he threw out the rod and waited for the first fish to bite. It took longer than that morning and impatiently he mumbled "Come on fellas, take a bite and come to daddy," but nothing happened and, to his dismay, the float stayed perfectly still. "I'll give you ten minutes guys, if you don't bite within that time I'll have to look for something else to eat."

Five minutes went by and Hutch was ready to give it up but the thought of chicken soup again made him wait a little longer. Sighing he stared at the bob and cursed under his breath when nothing happened. "That's it" he said "Nothing to catch here" Angry he pulled the rod out of the water and to his surprise a huge fish was hooked on it."I'll be damned. I caught you, beautiful fish, without noticing it. Come here, dinner." Happy with his prey he hastily returned to their camp where he found Starsky still asleep.

'Good, now I can fix us a meal that will even please you, sweet tooth' He smiled in contentment and started the preparations for their dinner. He made another trip to the creek for water and started to make coffee while the fish slowly turned crispy in the pan.

"Hey, I smell your perfect coffee" Starsky's sleepy voice caught Hutch by surprise.

"You're awake, sorry if I woke you up."

"Nah is okay. I slept enough for the afternoon I guess; besides I'm hungry and the coffee smells great."

Hutch poured him a cup and handed it over, laughing at the sight of a just woken up Starsky. "You look like you've been dragged through a hedge buddy; your hair is a mess."

Starsky shrugged and pushed his curls from his forehead. "Always the same story, it's a disaster you know, it never stays in place. You should see me in the morning."

"I did, remember, and you're right, that was even worse."

"Now we've discussed my hair don't ya think we could talk about something else. Like, what we're gonna eat."

Grinning Hutch pointed at the fish that was almost done and turned it over one more time. "I did it again Starsk, I caught our meal."

"Wow, that's a biggie, could ya manage to get it out on your own?"

"No problem pal, no problem at all" Strangely enough, Hutch felt proud of his accomplishment now Starsky seemed to be impressed by his catch. 'I won't tell you that it was pure luck' he thought, not wanting to lose his friend's admiration. 'You're a fool, Hutchinson' he berated himself but still didn't tell the true story about the fish.

"I'm starving Hutch, how much longer?"

"It'll be done in a minute, drink your coffee and then we'll eat."

There was a short silence when they both enjoyed the coffee but then Starsky asked "Do you believe in premonition?"

"What?" Hutch stared at him, perplexed by the question. "What do you mean?"

"Premonition, ya know, that things are meant to be, or arranged long before they happen or something like that."

"Why do you wanna know that?" Hutch had no idea where Starsky was heading with his question and he had no idea what to answer.

"Well, I've been thinking about us, how we met and how we seem to know each other better than we actually can ya know, " the brunet shrugged, a little unsure of what he wanted to say and how Hutch would react to his words. 'He'll probably laugh and call me crazy and maybe I am' but he couldn't deny the feeling that their meeting was more than just a meeting of two strangers. He looked at his friend through his dark lashes and tried to read the other man's face but couldn't see anything there.

Hutch was trying to find out his own feelings about their meeting and the almost instant connection they made after the first weeks of hostility. 'He could be right but how do I explain it? I don't think I ever heard of that before.'

"Well Starsk, I really don't know but I must say there is something between us that I never felt with anyone. It's like I've known you before we actually met, we talked about that earlier, but I can't explain it."

Sighing with relief that Hutch didn't call the idea crazy, Starsky nodded "Yeah I know, I can't explain it either but no matter what, I'm glad we met."

"Not scared of the mumbo-jumbo?" Hutch teased, remembering the first time they had talked about it.

"A little, I guess" Starsky confessed "but if it's there it's there and I can't change it. But I don't want ya to read my mind 'cause that's very private."

Hutch chuckled "I don't think I wanna read your mind buddy, who knows what I might find there." He shuddered at the thought and laughed.

Starsky grinned. "It might surprise ya Hutch, could be the mind of a genius."

Still laughing Hutch turned his attention to the frying fish and seeing it was ready to be eaten he carefully picked it out of the pan and on to a plate. "Time to eat genius, here's your dinner."

"At last." Starsky took his share and started eating as if he hadn't seen food in days.

"Too bad I didn't find any mushrooms," Hutch said "Would have been great with the fish."

"Don't worry buddy, I'm happy with this fish as it is."

Hutch looked at the sky "Looks like rain Starsk, so maybe we should get into the tent as soon as we've eaten."

"T'riffic, that's all we need, rain in the mountains." Starsky looked up and saw the dark clouds come their way. "Shit, I hate that ya know, rain and storm in the outdoors. I should've had my head examined when I agreed to come with ya."

When the first drops of rain started to fall Hutch just had cleaned up the last items and joined his partner in the tent. By the time the rain turned into a real thunder storm both men were lying on their sleeping bags listening to the noise of the thunder and the falling rain.

TBC