I know last chapter I said was hard to write, but this chapter felt like it was just as hard. I hate writing angst, and even though I know it helps build a story, writing it sucks. And it's only going to get worse, before it gets better... Fair warning to you all. By the way, the last break is not a scene change, but a point-of-view change; it goes from Katherine' POV to more of an adult's POV. Just so you don't ged confused.
I make no claims on Kurt or Blaine. If I did, the world would be in a heap of trouble, because everything would be Klaine, and nothing would hurt. Ever. XD
Blaine awoke, blinking his eyes at the darkness surrounding him. His body ached all over, and his head pounded so hard he felt like it was disconnected from his shoulders. He stared at the clock next to his bed, finally focussing after thirty seconds to read it: 4:59AM.
Dammit.
He pushed back the covers, and rolled his sore body out of bed. Thankfully, the girls were still sleeping, so he would be able to get a few more hours of sleep, before he had to be up to take care of them before Kurt came over. Passing his hand over his eyes, he yawned, and stretched, feeling the joints pop all over.
He made his way down the hallway, and ended up in the bathroom. He did his business sitting down, his legs still weak from the chicken pox. As he washed his hands, and ran a cloth over his face, he inspected a few of the spots that had shown up on his face. He knew not to scratch them, but damn, were they itchy.
He needed a drink.
Leaving the bathroom, he stumbled down the hallway again, stopping beside the couch. His focus was on the kitchen, so he failed to notice Kurt's head pop up as he peered blearily at Blaine's upright form. Blaine waited a second longer, then tottered to the kitchen, resting his hip on the counter as he opened the refrigerator door.
Grabbing the jug of orange juice, he pushed the door closed, and grabbed a glass from the dishwasher.
Blaine had to sit down. Even this little bit of activity was wearing him down.
He tried to make it to the kitchen table, but bumped his hip against the table instead, and lost his hold on his glass.
Kurt grabbed the glass before it hit the ground, and Blaine jumped about a foot in the air as he realised Kurt was standing beside him.
"K-Kurt!" Blaine gasped, as he tried to suck oxygen into his lungs, since they had momentarily failed him.
"Sorry Blaine," Kurt replied softly, unwilling to wake the girls. "I thought you knew I was here still. I crashed on your couch since it was almost midnight by the time I was finished putting the girls and you to bed, and cleaning up." He poured Blaine his drink, grabbed a glass for himself, and returned the juice jug to the fridge.
"Thanks," Blaine murmured, taking his cup and sipping carefully. His co-ordination sucked right now, and the last thing he wanted was to have to take a shower because of dropping a glassful of juice down himself. He looked at Kurt, whose bed-head was kind of adorable. Wait, huh? Blaine shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts.
Kurt watched Blaine finish his juice in silence, his heart beating rapidly in his chest. Ever since Blaine had kissed him, Kurt was almost afraid to be alone with him, for fear of Blaine realising that Kurt had feelings for him. Kurt could feel his cheeks heating up, and was thankful they hadn't turned on any lights to see, and were just using the nightlight from the hall. Darkness was a wonderful thing, when it came to embarrassment.
Blaine finished his juice, settling the glass on the table, and leaning his head in his hand. He stared at Kurt, his eyes bright enough for Kurt to gaze back at in the darkness.
"What?" Kurt asked, a nervous giggle slipping out before he could stop it. Ohmygod, did I just do that? Kurt groaned inwardly.
"Nothing. Just thinking I really like having you here, Kurt," Blaine offered, feeling his cheeks flush. He was truly grateful for the darkness of the room, to cover his nervous embarrassment.
Kurt flushed at the compliment, his eyes darting around the room and resting on the clock on the microwave, which now read 5:23AM.
"Holy crap, is that the time?" Kurt blurted out softly, surprise colouring his voice, and Blaine looked askance at him. "I need to get a bit more sleep, I have work in the morning." He smiled softly, and Blaine realised he was kidding with him.
"Hey, don't worry," He answered, thinking two can play this game. "I'll talk to your boss. You won't be in trouble if you sleep in a little. In fact, he might demand you rest tomorrow, since you were so busy yesterday," He offered Kurt a tentative smile, and received a full-blown grin in response. Then Kurt shook his head gently, his soft brown hair falling into his eyes.
"Nah," Kurt replied, the twinkle in his eyes hard to miss even in the darkness. "My boss is still sick, and it was my fault. I have to make sure he's going to be all right."
"What do you mean, it was your fault?" Blaine asked with a frown. It wasn't Kurt's fault he and the girls got sick; it was the chicken pox, for crying out loud, it's not like it could be helped.
"I was sick, the first day we met, remember?" Blaine nodded gently; his head was still pounding a bit. "It was the chicken pox; I'm sure of it now. I babysat my nephews while they had it a few days ago. Finn and Quinn had needed a night out," Blaine stopped Kurt with a rush of quiet giggles.
"Finn and Quinn? Are they twins? That's too funny," And he dissolved into helpless laughter. Kurt smiled softly, then let out a couple of giggles of his own.
"No, they aren't twins. They were high school sweethearts. Finn is my brother. Well, step-brother, but he's always been there for me like a brother, since his mom and my dad got married." His giggles abated, quietly reminiscing.
"Finn and Quinn left for the night. They needed some time alone after having been in the house with two sick boys for almost a week. I volunteered. It was a stupid thing for me to do; I had no idea how rambunctious those two were," He looked at Blaine with wonder in his eyes. "I got sick almost immediately after that. I figured it couldn't be chicken pox, because I had them as a kid. But when I asked my dad, he said that I had only had a few spots, and that perhaps that hadn't been enough to make me immune from the disease. I only asked him the day after I had met you, though, so I had already infected you by that point, I'm afraid," Kurt hung his head miserably, and Blaine felt a pang of sorrow for the young man in front of him. He truly, genuinely, felt it was his fault. This would not do at all.
"Kurt, look at me." He murmured, willing Kurt to pull up his head and look into his eyes. When Kurt didn't move, he tried again. He reached out, tentatively, and placed his hand on Kurt's shoulder, shaking him gently. "Look at me," He said again. Kurt raised his weary eyes to Blaine's and the two locked gazes.
"The girls were bound to get it anytime, and I always knew it would only be a matter of time," Blaine explained, his voice soothing and low. "I knew I'd get it when the girls did, and since Katherine is due to start school next year, I figured it would most likely come then. You brought it now, which is better," Kurt shook his head softly, his eyes betraying the doubt evident in his posture. "Yes, it is," Blaine continued; why couldn't Kurt see? "It's better now, because I have you here to help me through it. Without you, this would have been a million times worse," And Blaine squeezed his shoulder in gratitude, trying to let his appreciation show. Kurt smiled softly, his eyes raising up from the floor where they had fallen.
"It's," Blaine yawned, the jaw-popping, teeth-grinding, waking up kind of yawn, and he lost his train of thought. "Hmmm… Derailed…" He looked at Kurt, and wondered why they were sitting on dining chairs when the couch was much more comfortable.
Kurt was still trying to figure out the 'derailed' comment, but shook his head in amusement, when Blaine lurched to his feet and stumbled to the couch. As he flopped down, he made sure there was room for Kurt to sit, and he patted that spot carefully. Then he shivered.
Kurt saw the shiver, and grabbed the blanket that had been covering him while he slept. He threw it around Blaine, making sure to tuck it under at the corners. Then he sat on the other end of the couch, tucking one leg up under him and facing the other man.
They sat like that for a couple of hours, and the morning started to dawn. When they realised that the sun was about to come up, Blaine stood, and grabbed Kurt's hand. Pulling the other man along, he opened the door to the balcony, and they stepped out into the cool morning air.
"Look," Blaine pointed towards the horizon, and Kurt was astounded to see the most amazing sunrise he'd ever been privilege to. They leaned against the balcony railing, and watched the sun come up together.
"Thank you, Kurt," Blaine murmured, his eyes never leaving the rising sun on the horizon. Kurt could have sworn Blaine was blushing, but it could have been an effect of the sunrise. "Thank you for being here, with me. I never knew I needed you as much as I do," Kurt tried very hard not to read more into that than what Blaine was actually offering.
"You're welcome," Kurt murmured back, his heart beating like a hummingbird was fluttering around in his chest. He snuck a quick peek at Blaine, whose face had never left the sunrise, and returned his glance to the horizon.
They stood there until the sun came up fully.
Katherine woke up, her arms and legs were itchy. She scratched a bit, then remembered what Kurt had said last night: No scratching. She sighed. It was hard being four and a half. You had to be a big girl for daddy and Kurt. She looked over at her sister; Penny was still sleeping. Daddy had always told her to let her sister sleep until she woke up on her own, so Katherine resisted the urge to go over and poke Penny. Instead, she climbed out of her bed and went searching for daddy.
She looked in his room; Daddy wasn't there. She checked in the bathroom, but daddy wasn't there either. Daddy didn't usually get up before she did; what was going on here?
She wandered out to the kitchen, and opened the cupboard door, taking out the cereal and putting it on the table. Then she went into the living room to turn on cartoons.
There was Daddy! He was lying on the couch. He was lying beside Kurt! Kurt had had a sleepover! Katherine was excited; she liked Kurt, and he was a special person to have a sleep over with. Maybe next time, they could have a camp out in a tent on the floor in her room! And maybe, just maybe, she'd invite Penny to sleep together on the floor with them. It was her room too, after all. It was only fair.
Katherine walked over to Daddy, who was sleeping behind Kurt. He had his arm thrown over Kurt's tummy, and Kurt's hair was tickling Daddy's nose. Katherine giggled softly at the thought of being tickled by Kurt's hair. She knew it was soft, because he had let her touch it once, when he had held her in his arms. She wondered if he would let her brush it, like mommy used to a long time ago.
Kurt moved! He snuggled down into Daddy's arms, and he smiled in his sleep! Katherine had to show somebody how cute this was, so she ran back to her bedroom, and woke up Penny.
"Penny," She said, grabbing her sister's hand and pulling her from the bed. Penny scrambled up, following her sister like she always did. Katherine brought Penny out to the living room, and showed her the scene before them. Penny smiled, and giggled, and wandered up to look Kurt right in the face. She studied him for a second, and then planted a soft kiss, right on his cheek.
Kurt jumped. Then Daddy jumped. Then Penny jumped back, because Kurt and Daddy sat up. Then Katherine jumped, because she felt left out. Then Daddy and Kurt looked at each other, and Penny and Katherine looked at each other. Then Daddy turned pink, and Kurt turned pink too!
"How?" Katherine asked, her little hand reaching up to touch Kurt's marvellously pink cheeks. "How do I make my cheeks pink, too, Kurt?"
"Me too, me too!" Penny shouted, jumping up and down again.
Kurt groaned; Blaine coughed slightly, then smiled awkwardly at his girls.
"You don't have to turn your cheeks pink until you're older, thank goodness," He advised, and picked up his bouncing three-year-old. He balanced her on his knee, while Kurt pulled Katherine against him and cuddled her.
"Who's for breakfast?" Kurt announced suddenly. Katherine squealed, and her sister nodded her head up and down. Katherine noticed that Daddy and Kurt didn't look at each other, but instead stood up to do different things. Daddy went to the bathroom, and Kurt went to the kitchen. When Daddy came back, he was carrying Jess, and he still didn't look at Kurt. Katherine was trying very hard to think of why, but as smart as she was, she just couldn't figure it out. So she decided to ask.
"Daddy," Blaine looked at her, his eyebrows raised in question. Katherine loved daddy's eyebrows; they were fuzzy, like caterpillars. "Why don't you like Kurt?"
Kurt and Blaine exchanged a panicked glance, and Blaine choked on his coffee before answering.
"Ummm, sweetie, see, the thing is…" He stopped, his face going pink again. She interrupted him while he was thinking of what to say.
"Because you don't want to look at him, and he seems to not want to look at you, and I don't want him to go away like mommy did, so can you please talk to each other? Please?" Katherine wasn't afraid of begging a little, if it meant that Kurt would be her nanny forever.
"Oh, Katherine," Blaine mumbled, his voice low and sad, as he picked up his eldest daughter and sat her on his lap. Kurt sat beside them, his hand rubbing Katherine's back, his eyes looking sad too. Why was everyone sad? Katherine thought to herself. She began to be very unhappy too.
"Katherine, I'm going to tell you something, and you have to listen carefully, because I know you're a big girl, okay?" Blaine asked softly. Katherine nodded, her arms wrapped around her daddy's arm, holding him tightly while she looked up into his face.
"Katherine. Kurt isn't like your mommy, okay? He's a good person. I'm not saying mommy wasn't, but I'm paying Kurt to be here. Do you know what that means?" Katherine shook her head, her gaze flitting from Kurt to Daddy, to Penny, who was watching everything too.
"That means that he's here because he's getting paid to be here. If, someday, I decide that I don't need his help any more, I'll stop paying him, and he won't come around anymore," He added gently, hoping to God his children could understand what he was trying to tell them.
"No!" Katherine cried, her sorrow echoed by her sister. They both flung themselves at Kurt, who looked rather surprised at the attention he received. He cuddled both girls to him, as they cried, looking over at Blaine with a frightened look on his face. He'd never understood the unconditional love that a child could offer, and he was scared that Blaine would fire him because of the love they seemed to have for him.
Blaine must have seen the fear on his face because he hastened to add:
"No, no. You don't have to worry, he'll be here for a while yet. I still need him; we still need him. I'm not letting him go yet. But I wanted you to know, that he isn't quite family. He'll have to leave us, someday," Blaine's voice got really low as he realised it was true. Kurt was only hired help. He had his own life to live, his own future to seek. None of that really involved Blaine; except when Kurt was working. Blaine's shoulders slumped, and he wondered what Kurt would do with his life when he no longer worked for Blaine.
Kurt was having the same kind of dilemma. Blaine had made it perfectly obvious this was only temporary; what was he supposed to do with himself once he no longer worked for Blaine? Once he was no longer able to take care of Blaine's beautiful girls? Kurt cuddled Penny to him again, his arms fastening around her as though he would never let go.
Jessica's loud wailing from the high chair forced everyone's thoughts from the sadness. Blaine picked up his youngest, and walked her into the bathroom for clean up, and looked at himself in the mirror in disgust. He was a horrible person; that's all there was to it. He had basically just handed Kurt his walking papers, telling him he wasn't part of the family. The look of hurt and shame that had flitted across Kurt's face had twisted Blaine's insides into knots, and the looks of fright that had appeared on his girls' faces, he never wanted to see again.
He knew they'd only known Kurt for a week, but he was already so much a part of their lives, that having had to say those things made his heart physically wrench in his chest. Why was he doing this? Why was his body trying to tell him something that his mind steadfastly denied? He was straight. He'd never even looked at another man. Well, except when he was in high school, but that was the time for discovering who you were, right? Everyone had those thoughts, it was how you acted on them that determined your sexuality, right? Blaine shook his head to try and clear the cobwebs. He looked into the bright blue eyes of his youngest daughter, her sombre demeanour wreaking havoc on his feelings; was she mad at him too for what he'd said? His eyes became wet, and he sat down on the toilet lid, cuddling his daughter close. She wrapped her tiny arms around his neck, and played with his curls, her fingers sliding in and around the dark brown locks. He finally stopped crying when she had grabbed a hunk of hair and started chewing on it. Drying his eyes on a scrap of toilet paper, he left the bathroom and placed Jessica in her baby swing.
Kurt had taken the opportunity to get the other girls colouring, and they played quietly at the table, mixing and matching the different colours, while Kurt cleaned up the kitchen.
Blaine walked up behind Kurt, resisting the urge to place his hands on the other man's waist. He leaned against the counter, folding his hands over his chest and lowering his voice to almost inaudible.
"I'm sorry," Blaine murmured, his eyes staring miserably at the floor in penitence. "I'm sorry I made you feel unwanted. I didn't stop to think about what I was saying, and I regret saying what I did. It came out all wrong, and I just… wanted to say I'm sorry," Blaine finished in a rush, his body collapsing in on itself in shame and defeat.
Kurt turned to look at Blaine critically.
"I know," Kurt replied, and turned his face back to doing the dishes by hand. After a few moments, he muttered a soft "I forgive you," And then there was silence. Blaine nodded his head in understanding; Kurt didn't really forgive him, he was just refusing to continue the conversation. Blaine could understand.
"About earlier," Blaine offered, his voice slowly becoming more breathy as he thought back to waking up with Kurt in his arms. Kurt turned on him so quickly Blaine looked down, surprised there weren't wheels on Kurt's feet.
"Earlier didn't happen," Kurt hissed quietly, looking towards the girls in the living room, and back to Blaine. Blaine's breath hitched; why did it hurt so much when Kurt said that? "Earlier was a figment of our imagination, and if you value your life, you won't mention it again," and Kurt, once again, turned back to continue washing the dishes. Hurt, ashamed, and confused about everything, Blaine made his way back into the living room. Kurt needed some time alone, he figured, and Blaine would be sure to give it to him.