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Chapter 2: Goodbye Pork Pie Hat
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When Dean gets out of the shower in the morning, Sam does his best to pretend he just woke up, even though he'd actually spent the last four hours pondering his decision, thinking about Gabriel's resurrection, and rehearsing his reactions to the unavoidable conversation he's about to have with his brother and the angel who just saved humanity - against their efforts to stop him.
"Morning, Dean." Sam makes a show out of stretching himself. "Get any sleep?"
"Not much. I had to talk to Bobby before he went back to his place a couple of hours ago," Dean says. He looks rested for a guy who hasn't slept in a few days – Sam wonders if Castiel's kisses have restorative properties and makes sure to remember this question for future teasing.
Sam takes the moment he's washing his face to casually ask, "Any news from Castiel?"
Silhouettes kissing in the dark come to mind, and Sam's afraid of turning around in case the expression on his face screams what he saw the night before.
"Yeah, actually. He's in Heaven right now, but I'm calling him after you take your shower." Dean sits on his bed with an impatient sigh. "We sort of need to talk to you."
And it's already time for Sam to start his act. Raising his eyebrows, he contorts his face in a mixture of confusion and concern. "Is everything alright, Dean?"
"Sure, Sammy, everything's cool. It's just some stuff we got to sort out, you know?" His brother gives him a weak smile and absently turns on the TV.
By the time Sam comes out of the bathroom, Castiel is already sitting with Dean on his bed, elbows resting on his knees in a way that makes him look less like an angel and more like the man whose meat suit he's wearing - someone capable of feelings, vulnerable to heartbreak. Castiel is here looking for Sam's approval, and he won't be disappointed.
"Hello, Sam." The angel looks at Dean for support only to find green eyes staring at the floor.
Not awkward at all. "Hey." He sits on his own bed with a serious expression. "Dean said you guys have things we need to talk about?"
And they talk, starting with the fight in the Cage. The long explanation is made up mostly of Castiel narrating events in his usual way - like he's reading them from a book, with Dean interrupting every so often to show he's in on all of this.
Sam nods the entire time, taking notice of the space between his brother and the angel. Something so important as the story on how Robot Sam came to be seems inconsequential next to the fact that, once the story is finished, Dean's coming out of the closet.
He coughs to hide a chuckle before it escapes without his consent.
"Okay," Sam clears his throat, "I think I get it now."
"I am sorry, Sam." And Castiel really is.
"Well, doesn't matter anymore, Cas. I don't blame you." He smiles to comfort the angel, (.) "Let's try to put this behind us."
"But I've done regrettable things." The reluctance in accepting that no one is holding it against him makes Sam wonder if Castiel believes he should be blamed and punished for what he did. There's so much sorrow in his voice there's nothing Dean can do to stop his hand from reaching for Castiel's shoulder, trying to comfort him but too ashamed to do so in front of someone else.
"Haven't we all?"
The silence accompanying that statement sends each individual to a different part of their past. Sam's is filled with demon blood and what may or may not be brief glimpses of memories from Robot Sam or phantom pain from his time in Hell.
Dean coughs, dragging all attention to him. "There's one more thing we need to tell you."
Sam had expected his brother to reach out and hold the angel's hands, or at least move in a little closer to him. It feels like a natural human reaction to seek that sort of contact when delivering to your family the news that you're getting together with your angelic stalker.
But Dean doesn't move, and Castiel doesn't know any better.
"There has been a new development in my relationship with your brother."
"Okay." Sam waits patiently for someone to go on.
It suddenly comes to mind how much Dean and Cas resemble a married couple sitting there together, worried expressions on their handsome faces as they try to explain something very complicated to their children.
The conclusion that Sam's probably the kid in this relationship doesn't make him feel warm inside.
Castiel is clearly passing Dean the ball to claim their relationship whatever he wants, for he just looks at him and waits.
"Dean." His brother's rigid posture and hands rubbing against each other don't go unnoticed - Sam is suddenly very much afraid Dean's tendencies to screw things up will end up doing just that. "If this is important to you, then it's important to me. But you have to say it."
Because having Dean say the words is crucial. How does he expect to have a long term relationship if he can't even admit it to his most important family member?
"We're sort of together now," Dean confesses, avoiding everyone's eyes. The angel is clearly afraid he'll be rejected by his brother-in-law, while Dean is downright uneasy from just being there.
Something isn't right here. It's a good thing Sam watched their interaction the night before; otherwise, he would assume his brother was pretending to love Castiel to keep everyone safe from a homicidal maniac of an angel turned god.
It's horrible how possible that'd be, for his brother to actually pretend to love someone to 'save the world'.
However, he did watch the way they held each other so urgently, how his brother enjoyed all the clumsy wet kisses the angel had to offer, Castiel's hands touching Dean's face with something akin to fascination…
"Like, romantically?" He doesn't have to double check, of course, but a little authenticity doesn't hurt anyone.
"Yeah, but- but! I'm not gay-" Dean says hastily, a little louder than necessary. It's great his boyfriend is an angel who doesn't know he should probably feel hurt or even angry over Dean getting all defensive about his sexuality. "You know I'm a ladies man. It just… happened. And it's only Cas."
"It's okay, dude. You don't have to be one or the other; maybe you're just bi-"
"No, man! I mean, I don't feel like this for other guys, just Cas." Dean sighs, frustrated, getting worked up about it. "I'm… angel-sexual! Yes, that's it."
"Dean, that is not a word," Castiel kindly informs him.
"It is now, 'cause I'm not gay." Dean grins cheekily, although he's still the only one in the room distressed by labels.
"It is pointless to discuss your sexuality, for I'm neither man nor woman."
"See, that's why 'angel-sexual'." And Dean nods happily like that concludes it. "Totally not gay."
Of course not, Dean. You just want to have hot man-sex with Cas for the rest of your life, maybe even cuddle a little. How would that make you gay?
"Dean, dude, it's okay. Gay or not, doesn't really matter. I can see you guys care about each other, and I guess that's enough for me, even if you just got together and what, you're still trying to figure stuff out?" Sam tries his best to put emotion in his words as he smiles. "I'm fine with it; I'm just worried about Bobby."
Ah yes, Bobby. Sam could image that conversation. Hey, Bobby! Remember the guy who killed your ex-girlfriend? Well, you see, we now decided that he's good, and we absolved him of all his crimes. If you can just go along with it, that'd be great, thanks.
"Because of the gay th- I mean, the angel-human thing?"
"Dean, Bobby cared a lot about Eleanor. You saw how angry he was. He won't just accept everything like 'this'!" Sam snaps his fingers.
"If it's worth anything, I only planned to get part of her blood. She would have lived if it wasn't for Crowley stabbing her the moment I was gone." Castiel says it so matter-of-factly it makes Sam wince.
Eleanor had hinted at being tortured by both Crowley and Castiel. Two days ago, the very idea of that poor woman suffering like that made his skin crawl and hatred for the angel rise in his chest.
Two days ago, he didn't know his brother had actual feelings for said angel.
Sam almost feels sick putting his brother's happiness over the cruel fate an innocent had to suffer in the hands of the one who would bring said happiness.
"Maybe if we try to explain things to Bobby-" But Dean doesn't sound convinced by his own words.
"No, I take it back," Sam interrupts. "Bobby won't like it, but it doesn't matter."
Dean looks confused. "What do you mean it doesn't matter? He's like-"
"I know what he's like to us, Dean. But this is your chance at being with someone you actually care about – and this time you don't have to give up your life as a hunter to be with them." Sam smiles, trying to reassure his brother. "So no, Bobby doesn't have to accept it; he only has to respect you for it."
"That's more than I can ask for." Castiel sounds honestly relieved.
"And who knows, maybe he'll forgive Cas one day! Actually hear his side of the story." For whatever reason, he senses the mood switches from 'tragic' to 'hilarity' in a second, and Sam isn't about to lose this opportunity. "Maybe he'll forgive him enough to attend your big-ass gay wedding at the beach."
There's a pause, and Sam can hear the sentence sink into Dean's mind.
"Oh, Hell no, you're not going there-" Dean turns red as he puffs up his chest in typical douche bag, macho man behavior. It's endearing.
"Dean and I have not discussed marriage arrangements as of yet," Castiel informs them.
Sam blinks. Dean looks like he's about to pass out.
"Dude, no! We're not- He wasn't-"
Castiel smiles shyly. "Did I do it right? Was this a 'prank'?"
Damn, his brother will have his hands full with this one. Sam has a feeling he and Castiel will have a lot of fun teaming up in the future.
"Cas! Did you just-" Dean starts to babble, and Sam almost wishes Castiel would shut him up like the night before. "Okay, people! Let's get this straight - no one here is gay, and no one here is getting married."
"I don't know, man. You have to get married in order to adopt." Sam smirks.
"I believe I'd enjoy children a great deal." Castiel tilts his head. He might be serious.
Maybe it's Dean's horrified face or the glee in Castiel's blue eyes, but Sam can't help laughing. "Stick around, Cas. We could use your help and… we like you. Really…"
Just don't go around torturing people anymore, pretty please…?
"Then you can find it in yourself to forgive me?" The angel sobers up immediately.
"Cas, don't sweat it! We're all martyrs here, and we have all done stuff we regret for the sake of the people we love." Sam grins. "Congrats, now you're an official member of the family."
Dean laughs so suddenly and so loudly it startles Sam. He looks genuinely relieved as he pats a somewhat perplex angel on the back. "There we go! This heart to heart was brought to you by Kodak." He winks at Cas and squeezes his shoulder until blue eyes meet green in a meaningful look Sam has seen one too many time. "I told you everything will be fine."
Cas smiles as if trying to mimic something he saw on TV, although Dean looks happy enough at his attempt at humanity. "I'm sure it will."
Yeah, judging by the fact they didn't even hug or kiss, the only thing Sam is sure of is that the eye-fucking was about to reach epic proportions…
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And Sam was not wrong in the slightest.
Four times Sam enters their motel room to find Dean too focused on cleaning the guns and folding his clothes – actually folding his clothes – while Castiel stands by his side awkwardly, just staring at him. A child who wants attention and doesn't know how to ask for it.
Three times Sam gets out of the shower to find Dean happily explaining human trivia about food, guns, TV shows, and all the reasons detective shows suck. All the time maintaining respectful distance between them, like the perfect gentleman he isn't. Castiel sits by his side and stares. Stalkerishly.
Not to mention the good ol' eye-fucking.
And Sam's being serious here – the eye-fucking is to be respected, for it's the only moment they actually look at each other.
Stupid brothers and their frickin' angels who can't get their heads out of their asses…
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Sam never forgets about Bobby and the promise they make to come back for the holidays.
Dean explains things are okay with Cas now, no more plans of world – Heaven? – domination. The older hunter doesn't ask him to elaborate and so no one does.
If he knows about Dean and Cas, he never says. So they fix the impala and leave.
As his brother starts the car, Sam feels like he's betraying his father figure on some level. The feeling only lasts until Castiel pops up in the back seat, and Dean grins, turning up the volume. "Cas, check this out: it's called 'Highway to Hell'."
"Dean, there's no such thing."
His brother laughs, and that's all Sam is asking for.
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Eventually, Dean teaches Cas how to hold and shoot a gun, going so far as taking him on simple hunts and holding still when a ghost comes in their direction so that Castiel can, well, give it a shot.
But not on most dangerous hunts, the ones where Dean really gets hurt and the angel insists on tagging along 'just in case'.
"Dude, if you go Rambo on everything that goes bump in the night, we're out of job here."
"Then I won't heal you," Cas argues. "Otherwise, you just assume I'll tend to your wounds, and you become careless."
Dean would – in a masculine manner - pout and then Cas would heal Dean while he was asleep anyways. Because children are cute like that.
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At exactly ten PM, Castiel mutters, "I'll be back tomorrow, Dean," and waits for something, maybe a repetition of the plea for the angel to stay from that first night. All he gets is a, "Bye, Cas. Don't knock over any planes on your way up," and one more minute of eye-fucking.
Most of the time Cas remembers Sam exists and turns around to say goodbye. Unless Dean's in a good mood. On these occasions, his brother tends to smile, and Cas possibly forgets there are other people in the room, leaving in a hurry to finish his business upstairs and come back to his humans ASAP.
Those are good nights. On bad nights, usually after a hunt when they get thrown against a tree/lamppost/wall/car/hobo, Dean is cold and distant. Combining that with Cas not being very good at handling negative emotions concerning Dean, there's only so much Castiel can take of his sudden change in behavior before he leaves without a word, only coming back around noon the next day.
Sam absolutely hates those nights when all the sulking occurs. "Do you think he's okay? Maybe I should call-"
"Shut up, Dean!" Sam covers his ears with the covers. "If you don't want him upset, stop being a dick!"
"What if he doesn't come back tomorrow?" His brother whispers, and Sam can see this is one of his biggest fears – driving Castiel away.
"Then you call him and apologize."
But Castiel always comes back. And Dean apologizes the Winchester way. "Hey, Cas! Say, you ever ate chocolate ice cream?"
At first the angel tilts his head in confusion at yet another change in behavior, but probably catalogues it as Dean being human and goes to see what this 'icy scream' is.
Or maybe Castiel just can't get mad when Dean's smiling directly at him. Sam came to realize angels are total romantics like that.
But the cycle keeps repeating itself over and over, until a month goes by, and Castiel is acquainted with chocolate/vanilla/pineapple/banana/strawberry/raspberry/pecan/cherry and the angel's favorite, Dark Chocolate - even though he tells Dean his favorite is chocolate with banana because it's cheaper, Sam knows better.
Bottom line: they aren't happy. Not even close. Not even trying.
How could two people who he once saw kissing with such a passion that made him re-think his opinions just up and decide to be completely awkward around each other?
It's not like they have to jump straight to the physical part of their relationship because that's not what Sam is suggesting. Due to the fact their story is a classic 'boy-meets-angel', it's even advisable to develop some emotional foundation first - or maybe Sam needs to stop watching Dr. Phil.
He really doesn't want to butt in. Honestly! It's got nothing to do with him, after all. But watching them acting like embarrassed teens is just ridiculous.
"Hey, Cas?" Sam sits next to the angel on the squeaky sofa of their newest motel room. "Hm… I want you to know - I'm happy you're with us more often now."
Castiel turns his head from the television in Sam's direction like a robot. "Thank you, Sam. I'm happy to be here as well." And his head goes back to its initial position.
"Er…" He needs to get this guy a 'How to Understand Humans for Dummies'. Or maybe not, since Castiel will probably learn that meddling is uncool and that Sam is an old lady with nothing better to do than being a busybody. "I don't want to intrude in your relationship with my brother… but I was just, hm, wondering if you want some advice?"
"What type of advice?" Castiel looks back at him shyly, and Sam realizes the angel knows exactly what type he's talking about.
"Well, you guys are together and everything… Have you kissed yet?"
Nope, preparing yourself for the conversation doesn't make it any less painfully embarrassing.
"I thought humans didn't talk about their siblings' romantic relationships?"
"Oh, believe me, we don't! At least this family doesn't. But I want to help you since my brother is a clueless idiot." And you're hopeless, he adds in his mind. "Feel free to spare me the details."
Castiel hesitates for a minute. "We've kissed, yes. When he asked me to stay." He pauses, obviously going back to that moment. Sam clears his throat. "Hm? Oh… But not since then… I believe I would enjoy doing it again."
"But you don't know how?" Sam asks.
"I'm afraid not. Dean is reluctant to start physical contact with me."
"Okay," Sam scratches the back of his head, "how about you just ask him?
"Just ask him?" Castiel tastes the advice on his tongue.
"Preferably when I'm not around," Sam agrees.
And finally – finally Jesus, thank you! – the next day Sam opens the door to find both of them laying on Dean's bed, Castiel half-leaning over him and kissing the Hell out of the compliant hunter. However, as everything good in life, it only lasts the two seconds it takes for Dean to realize that hey, Sammy is here, and push the angel away from him.
The confusion all over Castiel's face quickly turns to realization, rejection, and lastly, cold understanding.
In a space of ten seconds, impressive! Why did I ever think he was emotionless? Sam thinks as Castiel takes flight. He has already catalogued at least five types of hurt expressions on the angel's face since he and Dean started 'dating'.
Now, if only Dean would give him a happy one for a change…
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It comes a day Sam is afraid of opening the door.
Since almost every time he does, his brother and the angel are making out, and Sam doesn't know which is more awkward – catching his brother clinging to some guy while being thoroughly kissed, or the awkward mood afterwards when Dean stops their activities, even if Sam promptly leaves again.
At least Castiel doesn't run away anymore. No, now he has this annoyed slash hurt expression on his face that totally says – 'oh, it's you, why did you come back?"
Until Sam can take no more of the sexual frustration that threatens to asphyxiate him. "Dean, if you want me to get another room, I really don't mind. It doesn't have to be awkward."
"No, I don't want him to think he has to do something, you know?" He sighs. "If you just up and get a different room he'll get the wrong idea and end up doing stuff he's not ready for."
Hm, yeah, maybe that makes sense a little – for about five minutes. Castiel has been watching way too many sitcoms in his frantic learning of human interactions – 'Two and a Half Men' being the one both brothers dreaded the most, changing channels before Charlie Harper has the chance to make a booby joke that will raise questions no one's willing to answer – so he may or may not pick up on a few of the hints humans toss around when they're planning to get laid.
Even so, in Sam's opinion, Castiel looked more than eager to spend some quality alone time with his hunter. Of course, Sam's company is welcomed by the angel, who goes to Sam for advice when Dean decides to be an incoherent mess of pop culture references, but there's no mistaking the looks Castiel sends his way by nightfall – ones that say, 'I want your brother naked, please go away'.
And he does. But nothing changes.
Dean's little speech about making sure his angel doesn't feel pressured like a high school girl on Prom night sounds the same as, 'please man, don't leave me alone with him; he'll eat me alive!'
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It happens again and again, and Sam can only take one more week before cracking again. Dragging his brother to the nearest bar, he makes sure Dean has a few shots of tequila before asking again if he wanted Sam to get another room.
"Sam, he's a virgin, and I learned my lesson in that whore house. I'm taking things slow with him." Dean looks up, gazing at the infinity of the bar's filthy ceiling, and Sam wonders if he actually believes his own BS. "I'm gonna show him the little stuff first so he can get used to physical contact before we go to deeper stuff."
Yes, then why is your boyfriend the only one with some initiative here? "Did you ask him what he wants?"
"I prefer this also." Castiel is standing beside their table. The guy is sneaky, even if he walks through the door first. "I've seen Dean's past behavior towards his sex partners. I do not wish to be a 'one night stand'."
The angel takes the seat next to his boyfriend's – because that's how Sam sees their relationship, despite everything – and all but shivers when Dean presses his lips against his ear. Sam is too shocked by his brother's first display of affection towards Castiel in public to remember it's rude to stare.
"Cas," Dean whispers cheerfully, and Sam will have to drive because damn, his brother is drunk, "even if we have sex like, today, you'll still mean much more to me than a random fuck in a sleazy bar."
Sam hides his face behind his huge hands. His brother, the eternal romantic.
Blue eyes brighten a little. "So you would not treat me as one of the woman you used to pick up from bars?"
"Never, Cas." To prove his point, Dean kisses him on the cheek and – God forbid– giggles. Later on he'll try to call it coughing, but Sam knows what he heard.
"Oh, I see." The angel pauses, thinking. "Does this mean we can have sex right now?"
Dean chokes on his drink, which probably means 'no', but Sam gets another room for the night anyways because he's an optimist like that.
But of course they don't. It would only make sense for two people who like each other to have sex, and no one wants that.
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After that, Castiel keeps showing up with Dean's favorite beer for unknown reasons to the hunter - "He's just being a good angel," he tells Sam – but totally obvious ones to everyone else.
Dean isn't exactly a happy drunk, but he's definitely prone to physical contact after his third beer or so. Information Castiel uses in his favor, sitting close to him on the sofa, ecstatic, as one arms slips around the angel's shoulders and stays there.
Never mind this is basically Castiel's version of getting Dean drunk to get into his pants, and when Sam tries to tell him, Castiel is all sadness and puppy eyes.
"It's not good for people to get drunk every night, Cas."
"I know." His voice is so strained, Sam almost doesn't hear what he says next. "But he doesn't allow me close to him unless he is."
This has to stop.
*º*º*
He tries a direct approach again – because the Winchesters are nothing but stubborn sons of bitches. "Why are you doing this to him?"
"What's that?" Dean stops digging, confused.
"You know what I'm talking about." And he does, for Dean goes from baffled to defensive in a heartbeat.
"Sam, this is none of your business." He opens the coffin and salts the rotten body in a hurry to get away from his nosy giant of a brother.
"Dean, there's no reason to be all ashamed about it. I already said I'll get another room; you don't have to cuddle with the guy in front of people if it makes you like this!" Sam feels a headache coming. "Why do you care so much about other people seeing you together?"
Because that's the truth. Dean doesn't touch Castiel if other people are in the room, not even Sam – only when he's very close to drunk.
"Like I give two fucks about what anyone thinks," he growls while lighting a match to the corpse.
"Then what's your problem?" Sam yells.
"I'm working out how to have gay sex here, Sam! You know, that little thing I've only been disgusted by my whole life?" Dean shouts, throwing his shovel against a headstone. "Give me a break, man!"
For the entirety of the week, Sam feels embarrassed and guilty that he actually tried to push his brother to jump into sex he wasn't ready for. However, by the time the whole process starts again – Castiel all but moans in the back of his throat at any form of physical contact he can get from Dean, sucking his warmth as if he'll die without it - it doesn't feel all that unreasonable to pry again.
He just doesn't know how to approach this anymore.
*º*º*
Luckily – or not - Gabriel decides Heaven is boring and he wants in on all the fun.