My Lover, I mean Roommate
By: Irui
Standard Disclaimer Applied
A/N: Thank you all who reviewed and your patience for my slow updates!!
F i n a l – C h a p t e r
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My name is Sakura, not Cinderella. 'Happily ever afters' are not my kind of thing, but I am content, with the company of a certain someone.
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I had always thought that when you say something in a joking manner too much, it would remain a joke.
"I love you."
We were still so young back then. I was confronted with his confession countless times, always leaving myself in an awkward situation. I didn't know he meant it for real. He said it so many times that I had taken it in account as just a joke between us. His stupid idea of a joke.
"I love you."
Sometimes, I think that when you say something way too much without meaning it (or so I thought), it loses its true meaning. All because of the inability to decipher whether it is the truth or a lie.
"I love you."
But I was even more opaque to think that he didn't mean it, not even once.
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"Sakura. Can you hear me? Wake up." A man's deep voice was heard.
"Sakura-chan…" A more softer, feminine voice was heard.
"Sakura." Another female voice.
It was so familiar. All these voices…
Who is calling me?
"Sakura." Then the deeper voice again.
That voice…is so familiar.
Finally, I mustered up all my strength and opened my eyes, dull emerald eyes. Warm and gentle amber eyes greeted me; they were filled with utmost concern.
"What a relief." The feminine voice spoke out. The person who possessed the golden like eyes withdrew to my right side, allowing me the view of the other people in the room.
"Tomoyo…-chan?" Her teary eyes brightened up at the sound of her name from me. Next to her was Eriol, her fiancé.
"Eriol?"
And then a raven haired lady. "Meilin…-san."
"Are you feeling alright?"
"I…guess so."
A small smile of relief broke out from the person who was previously hovering over me. "Sakura." He spoke my name firmly, as if we had known each other since forever, trying to draw my attention to him.
I examined his face, trying to recall this person.
But my brain only flashed me an empty silence.
"Who are you?"
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Normal POV
The outraged Syaoran slammed the palm of his hand loudly on the cherry wood table. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE DOESN'T REMEMBER ME?!"
"Calm down, sir. This is a hospital after all" The doctor gestured for Syaoran to calm down.
"Syaoran, she's right. Calm down." Eriol spoke. Tomoyo didn't say anything. Her voice would be too cracked to hear after all the crying anyway.
"I meant exactly what I said," the female doctor replied, earning a twitch from Syaoran.
"Ms. Kinomoto's fall may have affected her memory, but for some reason, it seems that she only forgot you. I have done a small test, gathering some pictures Ms. Daidouji had to show Ms. Kinomoto and it seems that Ms. Kinomoto remembers everyone…but you."
"…What?"
"How could that be?!"
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"Sorry…Syaoran. It was I who had wanted May's assistance and now…" Tomoyo's voice trailed off, feeling guilty for the loss. She started breaking down again, tears streaming down her alabaster skin.
"Its no use to know who's fault it is now. There are more important issues to deal with right now—"
"—like how to recover her memories of you." The two heads turned to the corner of the hall to see Meiling.
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My eyes focused at the distance through the window. I didn't want to think. Every time I tried to remember the person…whose eyes showed so much sadness after knowing I don't remember him, my head pained enormously. My heart too, ached, as if yearning for some desire unknown, buried deep in my heart.
It was starting to snow outside. I witnessed the small, but visible flurries, flying aimlessly in the air, to the ground.
Yuki (snow). Winter.
(The white breath tells me it's winter)
The door opened.
A flash of white light enveloped my being, drawing me out of reality.
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Claps.
Then complete silence occupied the room as the lady, May received and opened her present: a jewelry box.
Tears of happiness flowed down her pale cheeks after she saw what was inside. She embraced the man—the man who was by my side at the hospital—who embraced her back. Everyone else encored the previous applause, happy for the new couple. I was forgotten.
Unneeded. Forgotten. Alone.
I couldn't stay any longer. My feet moved according to its' own will. My heart aching as if a heart attack, I ran, heading for the door. I didn't want anyone to see any signs of hurt on my face. It didn't hurt, really.
I'm not lying…
(Denial.)
…at least, not as much as my heart did.
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Why does this person keep haunting me?
Did we have a relationship together? How come I don't recall anything?
"He" came in.
"H-how are you feeling, Sakura?" He walked closer to me, cautiously, afraid that he may frighten me with his approach. He himself did not give me any fear, but the thought of not remembering him did. Somewhere deep in my heart…I know he's important to me, one way or another.
"Fine…thank you for your concern…ummm…" I started, but couldn't continue.
"Syaoran…Li Syaoran." He said hastily.
Syaoran.
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(I think that feelings can still be)
(Heard from far, far away)
I ran. I ran without a destination.
I don't know how much time passed, but I felt my feet ache. More blisters were developing. My eyes were becoming more and more blurry by the pass of time, unable to decipher the lights, the streets. The darkness of the night didn't help either. The tears still continued to slide down my face against my wishes.
I suddenly fell due to my left heel braking. My body collided to the hard and rough ground of, what I guessed, the sidewalk. It scratched up my elbows and arms. I examined the bruises as the tears streamed down my face. Occasionally a car passed by, but none stopped…until one suddenly pulled over. The lady—May, walked over elegantly.
"I brought this upon you…didn't I?" Her voice didn't show much pity and brought me to a confusing state. I suddenly didn't feel as safe as I always did around her. Fear enveloped my being.
"W-what…are…you…t-talking about?" My voice cracked like a glass shattering, unstable and in broken fragments. It betrayed me, showing my fear. I couldn't see her lips curve up, but I know it did.
She bent down to me, speaking in a low tone. "Sorry, but after all these days pretending with Syaoran…-kun,"—she had never really called him that, at least not in front of me—"I actually fell for him."
I gasped, but it came out like I was sniffling instead.
May placed her hand on my cheek and caressed it gently.
A woman full of guile.
"This never happened before, but everything's got a first time, right?"
I didn't answer her. Noticing that I was speechless, she continued.
"I don't understand why someone like you would be so loved by him and yet…you don't even return his feelings…not even in the slightest bit."
Her hand moved down to my neck, "but that's ok…since you don't want him…I'll gladly replace you instead."
She applied pressure to my throat and added her other hand as I had raised my hands in a desperate attempt to stop her. Every second that passed, felt like a moment of eternal pain. I was choking due to the lack of air. My right hand was trying to pry her iron grip away from my throat and my left hand was searching the ground for the left heel I broke.
(Despite that, the things that hurt us)
(Can't make us weak.)
I found the broken piece and picked it up. Mustering the remaining of my strength, I slammed the fragment down on her as hard as possible. She screamed in agony, letting go of my throat and falling onto the ground. Coughs came uncontrollably from my paining neck. I tried to regain my breath and stood up, wobbly with the unsteady balance of my heels. Ignoring the pain, I only thought of the need to get away and fast!
"My face! You'll pay for this!"
Discarding my heels, I ran, just with the thought of getting away from May.
"You can run, but you can't hide!" I heard her, clear as crystal, but I didn't stop. I didn't bother looking back, in fear that I'd see my worst nightmare, as if hearing her isn't enough. Honestly, I wished that this was a dream, but as I closed my eyes and then opened them again quickly, I was still in this dark and gloomy night.
The road was really unsteady, having bumps like a roller coaster, which made it all the harder. (1) But the main thing was that I never noticed that there was a car heading towards me till it was too late. Fortunately or unfortunately, I tripped over a bump and my head collided with the ground.
The last thing I knew, I felt a warm sensation of liquid flow down my head.
"SAKURA!"
I only heard a faint voice calling my name…in concern and worry…someone like…
"…Syaoran."
And my vision went black.
"Syaoran…" I repeated his name after him and then licked my dry lips. Much to my surprise, his name rolled off my tongue expertly. I had expected a bad pronunciation to his name.
"—san." I added. His widened amber eyes inherited even more grief than before. A quick thin frown emerged and then was rapidly replaced with a small smile.
Patience.
"Y-yea?"
This person is the reason why I'm in this blank white room, staring out the window like a caged bird. Was he really that attractive to make someone try to kill someone else for? What exactly happened? Did I really not lik—no, love him? Then why did I try to escape from…whatever it was? Albeit there were so many questions to be answered, in a way, I'd rather not know the truth.
"Do you like the snow?"
After all, there are some things better left untold.
(If you look at this scene before us)
(You won't need anything)
"Yes, it's beautiful." He looked at the window; then replied.
"Can you bring me out to see the snow?" That's what I truly had wanted to do at the moment…discard of the need for confrontation, the questions and everything else. I just wanted comfort and look at the pure falling snow.
Untainted.
(This scene you see is that of the world)
(Stopping to watch the snow fall.)
He seemed to be in an inner conflict after I asked my question. I knew that in my state of after just waking up from getting injured, I should stay in bed and that he likely would turn my request down. Syaoran-san was probably trying to find an excuse to make me stay inside.
But to my surprise again, he replied, "Of course."
We went to the rooftop. It had the least people there and since it was just starting to snow, the depth of the snow wasn't too deep. I went away from the umbrella's cover and stretched out my hand. The white breath from my mouth tells me…it's winter. It seems like forever since I had such a peaceful day. The snow fell on my hand and I watched it melt.
The scenery was quiet and relaxing, just what I had hoped for. It was like a mutual agreement between Syaoran and I. Neither of us spoke about me not remembering him. But, I felt his eyes on me, watching my every move. I squirmed a bit, uncomfortable to his gaze. It made me feel that he knew that I was recovering my fragments of him; it made me feel utmost insecure.
I sneezed. Despite all the layers of clothing that I was wearing, I still felt the chills of winter. Then I felt someone's arms wrapping around my figure in a protective embrace.
(A person can forget those who they)
(Loved before, and is able to love again.)
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Normal POV
A little girl with two auburn pigtails was finding her seat at the round table in her new class.
"K…k…" She mumbled, her right hand in a fist and was placed under her lips in a nervous pose.
"You sit here next to me." A little boy with dark brown hair patted the seat next to him.
"But I…"
"My last name starts with "L" and yours is K. K comes before L so you sit somewhere near me and that is here." He said all-so sophisticatedly, with his head held up proudly.
"Oh. Ok!" Enthusiastically, she sat down on the small navy blue chair.
"I am Sakura." The girl with pigtails cheerfully introduced herself; her hand on her chest.
"Xiaolang." The young brunette simply said his name.
"Shao…long?"
"Xiao-lang." He pronounced. His patience thinned, going on ice.
"That means…you're a little wolf!" She squealed.
"…"
"Right, Xio-liang?"
"It's Xiaolang!" He yelled out, capturing everyone else's attention with the sudden outburst. Uncomfortable and embarrassed by his own disruption, he sat back down without uttering another sound with his face coating with red marks.
"So Little wolf-kun, can you please pass me the pink crayon?" She asked the young boy innocently, as if nothing ever happened.
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"You're moving away? But you can't move away!"
"…"
"You will come back to see me right?"
"…"
Sobs and sniffling came from the young girl.
"H-here…take this –hic—with you and don't forget me! Or I'll never forgive you!" She pushed a pink teddy bear into his arms and proceeded to run away.
But a small hand held her back.
"Little wolf-kun…" Teary eyes came from the little girl as she turned around slightly.
"Wait for me…wait for me to come back and…marry you…"
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At the same moment that the memories were being recovered, another reminiscence was actually going on in Syaoran's head. Their first meeting after so many years…
Ironically, she was the one who forgot. (Or so he thought.)
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'Another typical boring day' Sakura thought as she looked out the window. The green and peaceful scenery was making her feel so calm that she was going to fall asleep. She placed her head down to get admission to her own little world.
"Class, we have a new student today. Please proceed to come in."
Gasps and squeals floated across the room, but Sakura paid no heed to it. In fact, she was already asleep.
"Why don't you introduce yourself to the class?"
"My name is Li Syaoran. Nice to meet you all." Whispers floated across the room.
"Where to seat you…there's a seat behind Kinomoto-san. Kinomoto-san?"
Tomoyo looked behind herself, towards Sakura. 'When was that desk empty? Oh my, Sakura-chan, wake-up!'
"Pssttt. Sakura-chan…" She whispered to the slumbering girl.
'Twirls into a big field of green grass…big cupcake…strawberry…ice cream…chocolate…grab…(centimeters away from her mouth) KINOMOTO-SAN!!'
Her eyelids flew open like lightning and her head popped up from resting on her arms. "Wha?"
Laughter scattered across the room like mice. The teacher shook his head sideways in disapproval and then carried on the task.
"There she is."
And Mr. Li Syaoran walked over to her. As dense as Sakura was, she didn't see the flying, hole drilling glares from the girls in the class. He reached her side and bent oh so low to speak into her ear. Syaoran didn't miss the noises of surprise from everyone else or the "ahem" from the teacher. Even so, he ignored them all.
"It's a pleasure to meet you…again, Sa-ku-ra." He whispered.
"Huh?"
"Class…settle down. Let's get started."
Confusion was the only thing that went onto her mind that day.
'So you forgot me…' He concluded as he proceeded to sit behind her, frowning slightly at the new discovery.
She didn't forget; she waited and waited. Not caring that she may be waiting for a lifetime to come.
Because she merely didn't recognize the boy who grew…so much more attractive—but she remained loyal to her childhood buddy—with a more masculine voice holding more authority—she remained loyal to her childhood buddy—and having a body like a sex god because in her memory, she only remembered the younger form of him.
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Xiaolang…Syaoran…same person…right? Us…just younger. Perhaps, we really met each other when we were young. But now…my feelings…are…gone.
Non-existent.
"Syaoran-san, can I call you "Syaoran"?" I asked him.
"Of course." He said it so casually, but I could tell… it hurts to see someone you have feelings for, forget your existence.
"If I have a daughter someday, I want to name her Yuki…like the snow—pure and innocent." My hand raised up to let the snow fall onto the palm of my hand.
"What do you think of the name, Syaoran?" I smiled up at him, my exquisite viridian eyes glowing with delight and excitement.
A small, but visible upward curve slowly formed on his mouth.
"Yuki it is." He obliged, as if he was naming his own daughter.
(I want for us to join together)
(For us from now on to not forget)
(Let's scatter these short-lived thoughts)
(Like scattering snow, with an embrace.)
I closed my eyes in bliss. Syaoran hugged me tighter.
I don't really care if I don't remember him at the moment—at least not all the memories concerning him. Because even if the memories are gone, I'm certain that one day, I'll recover them.
I will wait… no matter how long it takes.
Author's Notes: Finally, but it's an open-ended ending… (cries). I absolutely loathe editing/deleting/rewriting this chapter so many times because it kept turning out not the way that I wanted—and it…still didn't, but I didn't want to drag the wait any longer (Sorry).
(1) It's not ridiculous because I had once tripped on the road like that, but of course, I didn't hit my head, but I did get a few (ugly) bruises on my arms and knees (summer).
(04.01.08) Completed. Happy birthday to Sakura-chan!
/rui