April 1977

'…And you haven't told me how your date went!'

'What? Oh! 'Lily had almost completely forgotten about her date with Stephen Ackerly. It had been that dreadful.

'Well?' Marlene asked eagerly.

Lily sighed. Stephen Ackerley, a Ravenclaw, who she had had an interesting conversation with on her previous Slug Club meeting, insisted on taking her out on a date. Lily was initially quite … reluctant. He was handsome, yes; brown haired, blue eyed and charmingly witty, although there was something unpleasant about Stephen that she couldn't quite put her finger on. But, as usual, she felt it was unwise to judge a person upon their first impression and finally agreed to go on a date with him. Upon doing so, she figured out what it was exactly.

Stephen was frustratingly aloof, completely immersed in a world of his own and when he was attentive, he would constantly dot over how exotic Lily was, how fascinating she was …

He can't have met many decent girls. She thought to herself. And besides, she didn't want to go on a date to be incessantly complimented. It hardly seemed genuine anyway.

Lily narrated the events of the date as Marlene began to burst out laughing on the castle lawn, under the beech tree nearby the lake. Marlene was a bold and clever housemate, who, although was a year senior to Lily, was slowly becoming a good friend.

'My, aren't you hard to please, I told you – Roger Owen , he was the one!' she said with a grin as soon as she regained her composure.

'You're one to talk Marlene, refusing to date Micheal Mickinnon when you obviously fancy him? Is this your attempt at playing hard to get?' Lily retorted cheekily.

Marlene flushed.

Roger Own … What was it with boys? Earlier in the year she had gone on a date with the Hufflepuff Quidditch Team Keeper. She was thoroughly excited, given that it was her first date, but it only proved to be an utter disappointment. She had noticed him a week prior the date – intelligent, civil, charming but upon meeting him at Hogsmeade he proved to be the Hufflepuff equivalent of James Potter -

James Potter.

And as though Marlene had read her mind …

'What about James Potter? We all know how much he fancies you!'

It was Lily's turn to flush.

Marlene continued, 'And … well, he's quite handsome - '

'He's handsome, alright,' Lily interrupted trying to sound as bored as possible. 'And rude, conceited – '

'But he's changed, Lily,' Marlene said impatiently. 'I mean, look at him! Don't tell me you haven't seen it!'

Lily rose up her hand dismissively, 'Oh, for Merlin's sake!'

But in spite of herself, Lily couldn't help noting in her mind that James had changed. He was … well … very gallant, had deflated his head a bit, perhaps was slightly more serious regarding his academics, surprisingly polite now (He had switched from calling her 'Evans' to addressing her by her first name instead) and – Lily had to admire the fact – was fiercely protective about his friends and bold about what he stood for . She felt herself blushing once more.

But no! He still had traces of his arrogant, immature self – the bullying toe rag that once use to hex anyone just because he could, especially her best friend -

Ex – best friend, Lily corrected herself.

But why was that an issue in the first place? What did she owe him after this whole year? Would she always feel obligated to appease Severus? What did his opinion count when her opinion clearly didn't count to him! She recounted the times she would confront him about his company, which clearly wasn't doing him any good, his mindless dabbles in the dark arts and his growing prejudicial ideology towards her kind but he always shrugged her off.

Well, what else did he expect from his best friend … A mindless sycophant?

She recalled the time she defended him despite everything on the very spot that she was occuping in the huge lawn.

I don't need help from filthy little mudbloods like her!

Lily nodded her head in irritation.

She had cut off with Severus a year ago. In her mind, she had been rethinking the relationship for a while prior to that incident but that was the last nail in the coffin. And as she coldly turned her back on him, she actually felt quite hurt and felt that he had already turned his back on her once he adamantly decided to go his way with his idolization and worship of Lord Voldemort.

She shuddered at the thought of the name and bid Marlene goodbye as she left for her class as Lily was left to dwell over the memories that began to swarm her mind. A wave of nostalgia inundated her.

Severus confronting her for the first time in the playground … Sneaking around in Petunia's room … how he consoled her following the death of her grandmother … how she had insisted on teaching him how to dance on one occasion …

Lily smiled reminiscently.

Overwhelmed with Christmas spirit she had insisted that Severus dance with her upon hearing a song she liked. She recalled how his arms were shaking, how fast his heart was beating and how he adamantly avoided her eyes. Also, how he would blush profusely whenever their eyes did meet. And whenever their eyes did meet, she couldn't help notice that slightest hint of greed, wanting, longing …

The very look that had, at times, sent chills down her spine.

During those days, she had always wondered what exactly was beneath those intense, enigmatic eyes. Often she would dismiss the thought altogether, telling herself that any guy in the company of a girl, in such close proximity to a girl would react in such a way, especially one that constantly sought the company of one particular girl -

Lily paused in her thinking. She felt her heart skip a beat.

She had always intuited and thought, deep in the back of her mind, that Severus felt differently for her. She wasn't entirely sure since he was always so guarded and controlled but whenever his hand would inadvertently brush hers, whenever they would embrace, she saw something in his eyes that she was unable to register. But the fact that it was powerful in its effect said enough. And it didn't make her feel uncomfortable in his company. So close and so fond of him she felt that it did not even bother her. And why should it? They were best friends after all; she wouldn't and knew Severus wouldn't let such a thing affect their friendship.

And given time over, she would've perhaps felt the same way. But at every chance she had to cultivate those very feelings, Severus would, in some way, deflate them altogether.

She sighed once more.

After their final conversation, she found herself constantly brooding - Had she been too harsh? Was she being a bad friend after all these years? She reasoned with herself over and over again with an uneasy sense of guilt in her heart.

In the few classes that she still shared with him in 6th year, she found herself gazing at Severus occasionally, unable to deny that she still was concerned about him. And there were time when she could've sworn that she caught Severus staring at her too, with the slightest look of sadness, longing in his eyes but would immediately turn to see him scribbling in the margins of his textbook fervently, jet-black, overlong hair curtaining his thin face.

Although she wouldn't admit it to herself, she did miss him – His sarcasm, his contagious energy and ambition, his pride; how he would hate to accept ignorance on his part but most of all, who he just was essentially.

'… Mulciber's and Avery's idea of humor is just evil. Evil, Sev. I don't understand how you can be friends with them.'

Severus was insecure. She knew it, he wouldn't accept it himself and she wouldn't dare point it out but he was, under his front, a vulnerable person. Lily knew him all too well. He never let his guard down, much to her frustration, and she wish he did.

She looked across the lawn to see him right there, the object of her thoughts …

So consumed was she in her own brooding that she did not even notice Severus sitting in his usual spot, under the shade of a clump of bushes, immersed in a tattered, old book. He stood up, picked up his belongings and began to stride towards the castle when he caught her eyes.

Severus froze.

The book slipped out of his grasp onto the grass.

Lily held her breath.

He held her gaze, his intense black eyes tainted with what seemed like longing, frustration, and confusion. So tainted were his eyes that it pierced her heart in a way she did not want to admit.

He slowly bent down and hastily outstretched his arm to reach the book as Lily caught of glimpse of something – something embedded deep into his skin - that made her heart sink terribly and settle heavy deep within her chest.

He quickly pulled the sleeves of his robes downwards with his free hand and looked at her nervously, long hair matting his face. Upon tearing his eyes away, he held her stare, his black eyes heavy with a mixture of fear and guilt. It may have lasted mere seconds but it felt like ages before he finally began to set off across the lawn towards the castle…

Lily looked downwards at the grass as she fiddled with her finger.

Perhaps she had been right about him.