The world slowly begins to fall down
Violet's P.O.V.
My world is falling down. It's falling down slowly, but I know that one day there will be nothing left. It'll be deserted, bare. Nothing will exist anymore and I'll be more alone than ever imagined. Each of my dreams hopes and the people I love will die.
My father and mother were first. As a child I loved them and thought they'd always protect me, but that wasn't true. They never loved me. All they cared about was their reputations. They would beat me and insult me. In public they acted like I was their precious jewel, but in secret they didn't give a damn about me. In fact, they once told me that every night they prayed that I would die. They wanted me dead…so my love for them disintegrated.
Next, was Alex. Alex was my first real boyfriend. We started dating when we were thirteen and lasted for two years. Alex helped me when Dally left New York. He helped me manage the pain and when I was around him I felt like my old self again. I loved him. When I left New York he stayed behind and we broke up. We met up again in Tulsa, he was now a traveling musician, but he still left me. Sometimes he comes back to see me, but not very often. We're still close and sort of friends. I guess that's better than nothing.
What finally broke me was Dally. I loved Dally more than anything in the world, even more than my own life. Dally had and always will be my best friend. We grew up together. We understood each other. In a way, Dallas was what my life revolved around, but then…that all came down. He died. I watched him slip away from the earth and I couldn't do anything about it. I watched as my best friend lay down in the street dying from the bullet holes that pierced through his body. My feelings, my soul, my sanity… all died that day along with him. This is what finally broke me.
The river was quiet. Crickets chirped in the distance; their songs sounding sad against the cold light wind.
Hot tears poured down my cheeks and my breathe came out in quick gasps. I was shivering under a tree in the night. I was scared. Why had I come to the river? What happened today? Why was my life falling apart-piece by piece?
"Dally…." I mumbled. That's right. Dally's funeral was today.
I can't remember much of what happened except that throughout the whole thing my vision was blurry and my body had been aching with pain. I also remember running. Why had I'd been running? Had there been an accident? Did something happen? I can't remember….
Then the pain shot back again. I grabbed my chest in the spot my heart should have been and leaned forward. The pain didn't stop, in fact it got worse. It spread slowly throughout my entire body-it was like I was getting electrocuted. Sparks of misery hit each nerve in my body; silent screams flowed in my head. I fell over on the ground cowering.
"Stop…" I whispered. "Please, go away." The pain continued to get worse until I couldn't handle it anymore. "STOP IT!" my scream pierced through the night like the sharp end of a knife.
The pain didn't fade, but started to go numb. I continued to lay on the ground, not moving and barley breathing.
I cried more; not knowing what else to do. "Dallas…." I continued to sob. "Come back, Dallas. Please. I need you."
No one answered. The night turned silent, but my pleads continued to echo throughout the witching hour. Finally, dawn broke and somehow I had made it through the night.
I staggered up from the ground covered in dirt and tears. I must have looked horrible, but I could care less right now. Slowly, I slumped back to Darry's house. It hurt to move. It felt like a thousand needles were piercing through me which each step. It seemed like pain just kept getting worse for me. When I finally arrived at Darry's house I tried making it up the porch steps, but fell before I could even take one more step. When I hit the floor the pain finally faded away.
When I awoke Tim was staring over me, concern and fear ran across his face. He looked funny. I don't think I've ever seen Tim Shepard scared of anything, but right now, for some reason, he looked scared. Hhmm I wonder why.
"Hey, Tim…" I managed to say. My voice sounded horse and dry. "What's wrong with you?"
"Violet!" Tim yelled. Then he did the weirdest thing. He hugged me. He hugged me so close and tight that I could practically hear his heart pounding as I laid my head on his chest. His arms were around me so tightly I couldn't even move my fingers. I smiled, but then thought of something. What's wrong with him? Tim never acted this way so what changed? And why did he look so relieved to see me wake up?
When he finally let go I looked up at him and smirked. "What's wrong, Tim? You're acting kind of funny-"
"Violet!" he yelled again. He put his hands on my shoulders like he was scared I would disappear. "Where-what-how-what the hell happened to you!?" Terror shot across his eyes.
"Hhmm..." I sighed. "What do you mean?"
He grabbed my wrist and showed it to me. It was covered in scratches. How had that happened?
"Y-your cut up and bruised a-and when I found you on the ground I thought you were dead." His voice was shaking. "Vi, please, just tell me what happened."
My eyes drooped and sleep over came me. I leaned down and Tim caught me. It was odd, but he felt warm and protective. I liked it.
"Tim," I managed to whisper. "Wake me up later so I can take a shower…."
I think I heard him laugh and say 'sure thing', but I fell asleep so quickly I can't remember if it was real or not. And in that moment all the thoughts of Dallas Winston seemed to vanish from my mind.
When I woke up again I was lying on something hard. It felt like another person, but why would I be lying on someone? That was kinda creepy.
I opened my eyes and saw Tim underneath me. One of his arms was draped over me, pulling me close to him. His eyes were closed and I could hear him lightly snoring. I rubbed my eyes to make sure it was him and, sure enough, when I looked again Tim was still there. He looked really cute and innocent when he was asleep. I smiled and tried to get up, but his arm was over me so tight I ended up falling onto him.
"Ow…" I mumbled in annoyance. "Tim, let go of me." I begged.
Just then I heard a door slam and saw Ponyboy walk in front of us. It then occurred to me that Tim and I had fallen asleep on his couch and apparently he had been at school when this had happened.
Shock ran across his face and his ears turned so red it made me laugh.
"Hey, Ponyboy." I said. "Can you-"but right as I started to ask him to help get Tim off of me the idiot finally woke up.
He rubbed his eyes and looked up at Ponyboy. "Hey, kid," he said. "When did you get here?"
Ponyboy stepped back a little bit and quickly looked at the ground. "I-uh-I just got here." He stammered. "I-I didn't see anything, Tim. I just got home and saw you and Vi on the couch and I'm sorry if I interrupted anything, but-"
"Whoa. Hang on their kid." Tim said, letting go of me. Stupid idiot, he let go so fast I fell backwards onto the couch and then rolled on to the floor. He laughed and mumbled an apology, but didn't even bother to help me up.
I stood up red faced and smacked him on the side of his head. He muttered an 'Ow' and began to rub the spot where I had hit him. Then he looked at Ponyboy again.
"Now, uh, what were you saying, kid?" he asked.
Ponyboy blushed and started to fidget. "I-I'm sorry I walked in on you two." He finally sputtered.
I swear Tim was about to ask 'walked in on what?' but then realized what Pony meant and blushed brightly. He stood up and began to cuss loudly. I crossed my arms over my chest angrily and, even though I was blushing, tried to act cool.
"Damn it, kid!" Tim yelled. "We weren't doing anything." He finally said, but he was blushing so much I don't think Pony believed him. He was still the same ol' Tim though…When he got embarrassed or jealous or some other emotion he expressed it by being angry. Idiot…
"But, uh…." Pony was stuttering again. "If nothing happened why are you so embarrassed? Also, why were you holding on to Violet so closely?"
Tim shot him an annoyed look and then glared at me. "Shut your mouth, Ponyboy, before I kill you." Even though he was looking at me when he said it Pony must have believed him because he didn't ask any more questions. Then I started to wonder why he was glaring at me.
"Anyway…." I started to back away my arms in front of me. "I, uh, Pony?" I looked and him and smiled. "Can I use your shower? I didn't sleep so good last night and well-"
"Uh, its fine, Vi." He answered quickly. "Um, I think we might still have some of my mom's old clothes you can borrow."
Borrow? Shit! I had left my stupid bag by the river left night. That bag had all my clothes and money and other things in it. Aw, I guess I'll go try to find it later…
"Thanks, kid." I mumbled as he went to go find me some clothes.
I looked back at Tim and he was now sitting on the couch holding his head.
"Tim…are you okay?" I asked.
He glared up at me. "Shut up, Violet."
I glared back at him, annoyed. "What the hell did I do to you?" I yelled.
He stood up and continued to stare at me. "Why the hell did I have to find you in front of the house?" he asked. "Why? Were you doing dope or something, Violet?"
"What!?" I yelled back. "Hell no! Tim, why the hell would you ask that? Also, why are you so fucking mad? You know, you where the one who was so concerned about me earlier. And you were the one who made it look like we did something; what with you holding me so closely."
He blushed and turned around. "You know, Violet. Yes, I was concerned about you, but fuck you. I like you, Violet. That's why I was so scared when I found you, but then I asked myself something. Why would I want to care about some suicidal girl who didn't even love anyone except her dead best friend?"
I froze and the glared at him again. "What do you mean suicidal? I'm not-"
"Your wrists!" he grabbed my arm. "I bet you tried cutting yourself last night. I bet you tried killing yourself just so that you could be with Dallas again. Well, tough luck Violet because Dallas is dead! He died and he's never coming back! So turn off the 'crazy switch' inside your mind and come back to reality."
My anger froze and the pain slowly started to creep back again. D-Dallas…he was dead. Dallas was dead. He was never coming back…I would never see him again…
"Dallas is dead…." I whispered. My vision started to fade and the ground felt like it was moving. First sideways, then it was like I was upside down and then it was normal again. It was like I was on some out of control rollercoaster that didn't know which direction to go in.
Dallas and I used to always go on rollercoasters….When we were kids. Whenever we got the chance to go to some carnival we always managed to go on the rollercoasters all the time. We'd sneak in…..Dallas loved it…..but Dallas can't love anything. He's dead.
"Oh God," my voice started to crack. Funny, it didn't sound like me though….but it was; although it really sounded like someone hurt. Someone in pain. Someone….broken. "Dallas is dead…."
"Violet, are you okay?" I heard a voice whispered. I thought it was Tim's, but I couldn't be sure. There was a buzzing sound in my ears. It was too loud to distinguish any voices.
Tears slid down my face and I staggered backwards away from Tim. Dallas is dead. Dallas is dead. Dallas is dead. Just then, Ponyboy came back into the room, but froze when he saw me.
"Violet, are you okay-" he started to ask, but I grabbed the clothes he had in his arms, ran to the bathroom, locked the door and fell to the floor so fast that neither of them had a chance to reply or ask me anything else.
The moonlight shone down on the river. It made the waves look beautiful; too bad I wasn't in the mood to stare at the river.
"Uh, damn bag..." I whispered as I searched for it under the tree. After my fight with Tim I had taken a long shower and had raced over here so fast Darry barely had time to ask me why I was at his house. "Ugh! WHY CAN'T I FIND THIS FUCKING BAG!?" I yelled loudly.
"Hhmm…I was wondering who this belonged too." A voice said coolly.
I turned around to see The Motorcycle Boy leaning against the tree coolly. He wasn't looking at me, but at the river. I should have known he would have been here. He always comes and watches the river.
I smiled and walked towards him. "Thanks." I responded as he handed me my bag.
I started to look through it too make sure everything was there, but he placed his hand on mine and laughed. "I didn't steal anything nor would I ever look through your stuff." He said.
I blushed and then quickly put the bag on the floor. "I know…I just wanted to make sure everything was there."
He laughed some more and then took a step towards me. He placed his hand on my cheek and slowly leaned in towards me. "I haven't seen you in a while." He whispered.
I blushed some more and looked straight into his eyes. "Uh, well…I've uh...been busy."
He gave me a crooked smile. "Sure…" a moment of silence passed between us and then he started talking again. "I heard your friend, uh Dallas died."
I stopped breathing for a moment as tears formed in my eyes again. No, don't cry again. Don't cry in front of The Motorcycle Boy. This didn't stop from the agenizing pain to come back. I tried my best to stop from trembling.
"I'm sorry." He whispered and then he did the strangest thing. He leaned in some more and kissed me; and when our lips met every emotion-even the pain-stopped and slowly began to fade as he continued to kiss me.
My vision became blurry and I felt myself begin to fall, but he caught me and pulled me close to him. Every emotion I ever had begun to melt away and then, when he pulled away, everything shot back.
He smirked and brushed a few strands of my hair out of my face. "I've wanted to do that for a while," he said. Then he lightly placed a kiss on my forehead. "See ya' later, beautiful." He walked away as I began to slump to the ground. I couldn't stand and every breath I took now somehow reminded me of him. But just as I felt this fuzzy sort of feeling wash over me the pain came back with a vengeance. And this time it was worse than before.
A few days passed and I thought I was getting better. Of course I was wrong. I haven't seen The Motorcycle Boy since the incident by the river, but every time I think of him I blush. Apparently, Tim saw us by the river that night so now he hates my guts. He called me a whore and that he didn't give a damn if I 'joined' Dallas or not. He also never wants to see me again. Great...Also, with Dallas….I thought that I was getting used to the realization that Dallas was gone forever and that I could handle the pain without him, but, in fact, the longer I am without him the worse it gets. Every day I have to handle the pain and now I'm starting to wonder if 'God' just likes watching me suffer. I can't handle it anymore. Dallas was my life, but now….he's gone. Now it seems like the only thing I can do to end the suffering and misery is to end my own life; but can I do that? Can I end my life just to stop my misery? I don't know, but if I do….I hope Dallas will be happy to see me. And, if I do kill myself, this time I'll never have to lose him every again. I'll get to be with him….forever…..