Hey guys! Thank you for reading my silly little story! Probably going OOC a bit in my story so don't kill me!

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Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight, no copyright infringement intended.

Rated M for language, sexual content, dark subject matter, and all that fun stuff.

Chapter 4: Cross My Heart

~Bella's POV~

June 8th, 2008

It all happened so fast I hardly had time to comprehend anything. I stood there, frozen in my tracks. I wasn't necessarily scared of Edward, but scared for him. I knew he had his 'Dracula' moments every once in a blue moon - since he's a vampire after all - but he seems to take it to the next level when it comes to self-hatred, especially after something like this.

"Bella!" He cried, falling to his knees. "I'm sorry… I wasn't thinking…" He stuffed his face into the palms of his hands and crouched over, sulking.

I trusted my first instinct and darted towards him, ready to lock him in my human arms. He immediately jumped up with vampire speed and gripped both of my shoulders. He held me at arm's length, keeping me distant.

"Bella…" He groaned, his jaw clenched in acute restraint.

I was shocked at what I saw in the man I was about to marry; someone I've never seen before. His eyes were completely black, and settled in the middle of his hallowed, hungry eyes. His face was strained with every ounce of self-control he had left (if there was much at all); his eyebrows furrowed. Even at his worst, I've never seen him like this.

"Your eyes… I've never seen them this…dark before." My voice rattled in my chest. I felt my blood boiling and my heart pumping out of my skin. I knew he noticed my spontaneous human reactions, and I tried everything I could to make it stop, but sadly, I felt I made it worse.

He closed his eyes and took an uneasy breath, looking away; the force of his grip was getting stronger as his arms shook to maintain control.

"I feel… unstable," He answered in a deep, disturbed tone.

"Well that's obvious," I said, stepping out of his now-somewhat-painful grip and crossing my arms over my chest.

His crazed eyes raked over my body as an unfamiliar smile formed across his face. My stomach fell, my heart faltered. For a second, every ounce of trust I had in him melted, and I felt the uncanny need to run.

I stopped myself. This was my fiancée, for Christ's sake! I took a deep breath, attempting to ground myself. I closed my eyes and cleared my throat.

"So what has made you unstable?" My voice squeaked.

Honestly, I was scared of what the answer might me. His eyes weren't red… but of course, his eyes are always black if he's hungry regardless if his recent meal has been human or animal.

His features softened as he sighed. "I've been meaning to have this talk with you for awhile… we're somewhat pushed into it, now."

I gulped. "Talk about what?" I said, straightening my back, trying to seem courageous in front of an obviously thirsty vampire.

"This," He said, motioning to himself.

I tapped my foot against the floor and groaned. "Ugh, please don't be so vague, Edward," I took a few steps towards him, ready to lock him in an embrace, but was disappointed when he backed away.

I huffed in frustration.

"Please, Bella… Stay away from me." His words burned a hole right through my heart as I choked down a breath. He backed up a little more and clenched his fists, his face in a brooding scowl.

At first I was a bit heartbroken, then confused, and then annoyed at the deafening silence that filled the air between us.

"Alright, Edward. You're telling me exactly what's wrong with you. Our wedding is coming up fast – "

"Two months and five days."

"Yeah, anyways… it's coming up fast and this - whatever it is - better not screw it up!"

Edward frowned, looking down at his shoes like a little boy who just got scorned at school. It was a little too adorable.

"Awh, Edward, you know what I meant…" I said, moving towards him once more. This time, he didn't move away. No, instead he rushed towards me, startling me, grabbing onto my shoulders and piercing me with a murderous stare.

"Bella!" He growled, giving me a gentle shake. "If there is one time to actually listen to me, this would be it!"

He released me and quickly moved back to the other side of the room, far away from me, grimacing.

"Edward, why are you acting like this?" I was close to tears at this point. I was shocked. Confused. Worried.

He shot me a chilling stare. "I'm hungry, Bella. More so than I've been in over 100 years. It's driving me insane!"

"I thought you were over my blood?" I whispered.

"Over your blood?" He chuckled. "I knew this would happen, but did it anyway. All I wanted was a taste. Temptation got the best of me," he grimaced.

"But you hunted just a few –"

"Yes! I know!" He shouted, running his fingers through his hair. "Perhaps there's something wrong with me…" He began to pace back in forth in the kitchen, mumbling what could possibly be 'defective' or 'faulty' with him.

I stopped him, the constant back-and-forth movement made me erratic. He looked up at me and sighed, giving me a half-smile.

"Well that's good," I said, seeing that he's calming down, giving him a soft smile.

"What is?" He asked, pure curiosity plastered on his face.

I stroked his cheek with my hand slowly, cautiously. "Your eyes are back to normal."

"They're gold?" He said, looking hopeful.

I shook my head. "Still black, but not fully black."

He frowned and his shoulders slumped.

Silence fell between us as I stroked his cheek tenderly, amazed by his perfect features. I outlined his swollen, red eyes with my thumb, tracing around the deep purple pools that seemed to swallow his sockets.

"I need blood," He said simply, in almost a groan, breaking the silence.

I stepped back, lacing his hands with mine.

"Then go hunt. I'll be here waiting." He nodded his head slowly, his back still hunched.

He gave me a hopeless smile. "I know I say this too much, but I hate when you see me like this." He shook his head, looking to the floor.

"Edward, whatever this is, we'll get through it. I'll be right by your side, always. Don't be afraid that you'll scare me away, 'cause I don't think anything will, at this point."

He rolled his eyes and let out a half-hearted laugh, embracing me in a stiff and controlled hug.

"You're an amazing creature, Isabella Marie Swan." He let me go after a quick peck on the forehead and made his way to the door using a slow human pace.

"I'll be back in a few hours, love. Sorry for ruining your day."

I rolled my eyes. "No, you didn't 'ruin' my day. See you," I said, blowing a kiss.

He smiled and was out the door.

I went back into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator, taking out a bag or oranges and grapes.

I began to wonder why Edward was being so jumpy, so borderline today. My mind raced with possible scenarios.

I still don't know if he killed someone. I thought. Uneasiness and aversion grew inside of me as I thought of the poor innocent victim. Or victims.

It has to be that, I thought. There's no other reason why he's acting so blood-thirsty.

Then, it dawned on me: Last night.

Could that do it?

I ran to the front door and fumbled with the doorknob. I raced outside into the moist, cold air.

I yelled out his name, searching for a face in the trees.

Nothing.

I tried again, yelling his name at the top of my lungs.

"Bella?" I heard a calming voice beside me. I jumped, my heart skipping a thousand beats.

"Dammit! Second time today you've snuck up on me!"

"Oh, sorry," He pouted. "What did you need?"

I looked at him suspiciously. "Does this have anything to do with what happened last night?"

His face was unreadable as he thought out his answer.

"We'll talk about it later, love," He promised, kissing my hand and disappearing.

I was walking through the woods during nightfall, a slight drizzle falling into my hair. I exhaled my warm breath into the cold air, watching the fog move on the horizon.

I walked further into the forest as darkness began to fill every crevice, listening to the shushed hum of crickets and frogs.

As I stepped, my foot caught onto a large root under an alpine, causing me to stumble over. I gasped as I hit the moist forest floor, slicing my hand on a sharp rock.

I shook my head, sitting up, assessing the injuries. Of course this would happen to me. At night. In a forest. Alone.

I stood, brushing myself off, scorning myself for being so damn clumsy.

It was dark.

The soft glow of the moon was the only thing keeping me from accidentally falling off a cliff, or worse.

The cool breeze soon became chilling as my teeth rattled. My heart began to accelerate as I took in my surroundings.

Do I even know where I am? I began to panic, searching around me, the ground spinning. Every tree looked the same as the last – every rock the same as the other. I began to run; trees become a blur with the bushes and the boulders against the dark night sky.

I heard a sudden loud thump, causing my feet to freeze to the solid ground. My breath became short as I heard another loud thud. I choked, feeling my blood turn cold as dread filled every limb.

Something propelled me to move closer to the noise, the constant rustling of leaves among other ambiguous sounds.

I moved through brush that brought me into a small clearing, where Edward sat, hunched over a human body feeding recklessly.

"E - Edward?" His head shot up, the same morbid black eyes and empty, blood-thirsty expression painted across his face as before. Blood dripped in large droops off his chin and bottom lip as he looked at me with frenzied eyes, revealing a very dead Jessica Stanley in a pool of her own blood.

I screeched, jumping back and covering my mouth, letting out an open sob.

He growled, standing up slowly, his eyes not straying from mine.

"You smell delicious," He hissed, launching himself towards me and pushing me to the ground in a blur.

I attempted to push him off, clawing at his shirt and pounding on his chest with my fragile hands.

"Edward! Please, no!" I screamed, flailing, attempting to fight back as he bared his bloodied teeth.

I shrieked, squeezing my eyes close, waiting for the pain.

"Just a taste," He whispered in my ear, his breath a cold chill.

I jumped up, my head throbbing. I groaned, looking at the covers before me and closing my eyes, putting the pillow over my head.

"Sorry. You were talking in your sleep again. You got pretty worked up," a soft, velvet voice rang through my ears.

I took the pillow off of my face to find honey-golden eyes gazing back at me.

"Yeah…" I murmured, putting my palm to my forehead and sitting up.

Edward now looked at me, concerned. "You were having a bad dream."

I nodded at his statement, stretching and yawning.

"You said my name…" He shook his head, perplexed. Shit. What else did he hear?

"Yes, you were in my dream," I nodded, trying desperately not to give anything away with my ever-so-annoying human tendencies.

"So how long did I sleep?" I asked, trying to change the subject.

He sighed, giving me a leery smile. "I got here about an hour ago and you were completely out. I didn't want to wake you," He shrugged.

"Do you feel better?" I asked, assessing him.

He gave me a wide smile, making me melt inside. "Much."

He definitely looked better. His eyes were back to the deep topaz I've always adored, his skin glowing a slight undertone of pink. It was a relief to see him back to 'normal'…whatever that means.

I gave out a big, gaping yawn, stretching my arms wide above my head.

"Looks like I've kept you up too late last night. Have to remember that for next time." My heart skipped a beat as I looked at the vampire with the crooked smile before me. I gasped, realizing what he just said. Next time. I blushed furiously, making him laugh.

"We'll talk over dinner?" He asked, standing and lending me his hand. I nodded, biting my lip, still blushing.

When I began preparing my meal Edward hovered over me like a hawk, following me to every corner of the kitchen. I mentally rolled my eyes at this, knowing that his overprotective nature has probably reached new levels since this morning. He insisted that he should cut the tomato, although I'm very well capable of doing it myself, and probably better.

"I need to practice. I don't plan on having you cook all your meals during our honeymoon," He would say with a quirky smile.

But I knew better. It was obvious he wasn't letting me get anywhere close to anything sharp, anything that might cut me open.

He took a large tomato and set it on the counter, turning it in every direction, trying to find the best place to cut. His eyebrows furrowed as it rolled back on the previous side. I bit back a laugh.

"Here, let me get you a knife." I didn't even have to take a half a step before he stopped me.

"No, I got it," He said, grabbing a large butcher knife in a blur.

He steadied the tomato with one hand and took the butcher knife in the other, preparing to slice.

"Wait, you need a cutting board," I said, handing him one out of the sink. He smiled sheepishly and nodded.

He looked at me and smiled before he attempted his first slice.

It's not hard for me to describe a disaster, since that's exactly what it was.

The tomato, well, it didn't make it out alive, sadly. The seeds and pulp were everywhere on the counter, on the stove, on the microwave, on Edward.

He stood there, astounded, covered in an annihilated tomato, still holding the butcher knife.

"I don't think this knife is sharp enough," He turned to me and said, shrugging.

I rolled my eyes. "Sure," taking the knife as he reluctantly let it out of his hands.

I began to clean up the mess using a paper towel before I heard Edward curse underneath his breath.

"What?" I asked, facing him.

"Another vampire casualty," he said, holding up only half of the now broken cutting board, shrugging apologetically.

My mouth fell agape. "You broke my cutting board?"

He shrugged again. "Guess so. I didn't think I was using that much force, either," He shook his head, astounded, tossing the remnants of the cutting board into the trash under the sink.

"I'll buy you a new one," He said, moving towards me and wrapping his arms around my waist. He gently moved my hair, revealing the crook of my neck, and smiled. I could feel my face growing red ass he ogled my neck with no disgrace, lightly tracing down my neck with a feathery touch.

He pulled back. "Since I made a mess of dinner I think it's only fair that I order you pizza," he stated, pulling out his cell phone.

I felt my eyebrows pull together. "Since when do vampires have pizza parlor numbers?"

Edward looked at me, incredulous, and began to laugh boisterously.

"Didn't you know? We order pizza every Thursday." He bit back laughter, raising his eyebrows.

"Right," I said, rolling my eyes at the apparent banter.

It only took thirty minutes and I was eating the best pizza delivery Forks had to offer. I lounged on the front sofa snuggled against Edward, eating Hawaiian pizza and flipping through the television, trying to find something at least half decent to watch.

Edward stopped me, took the controls out of my hands, and turned off the T.V.

"Why did you – " I stopped midsentence to find Edward staring back, dazzling me with his smoldering eyes. He reached a hand to cup my cheek and lowered his lips onto mine. My head began to swim as I breathed in his sweet scent and felt his cool lips against my tongue. He pushed my back into the couch and hovered over me, pressing his cool body to mine.

It took everything I had in me to stop what we were doing. I pushed back on his chest with as much force I could muster in that specific moment. He pulled away and sat up.

"What's wrong?" He asked, his posture radiating anxiety.

I bit my lip, scorning myself from stopping. "I must taste like pizza," I said, embarrassed.

Edward scoffed. "I really don't mind," He said, crawling back on top of me, locking his lips over mine. He laced one hand behind my head as I wrapped mine around his back. He deepened the kiss, tracing his tongue against my lip.

He seemed less guarded than usual as we kissed for several minutes, relishing the feel of his lips on mine. He suddenly grew stiff and pulled away, his eyes shut.

"We need to talk," He said in a low voice. All I could do was nod, still not able to form any words or coherent thoughts.

He sat up and I did the same, showing conspicuous restraint on the far end of the sofa. He cleared his throat, an extraneous gesture.

"Bella, as you know my self-control has began to falter," He began in a smooth conversational tone.

I nodded, waiting for some sort of explanation.

"Now, I know this might come as a surprise, but vampires happen to be very…carnal in nature." He looked away as he said this, as if it was another reason for him to downcast himself.

It took me a few seconds to realize what he was trying to communicate.

My cheeks began to burn as I raised my eyebrows. "Really?"

His eyebrows pinched together as he swallowed nervously. "Yes."

"Huh…" Honestly, it did come to a surprise.

"And it's gotten to the point where I feel powerless against my urges, Bella." I heard the clear panic resonate in his voice as he looked at me, pleading.

"Which is why I've given up," He looked straight forward, desperately keeping me from making eye contact.

I was astonished, abashed. "What? I don't get what you're – " He held his finger up, stopping me, willing to give me an explanation.

"I've discussed this with my family since it's been getting progressively more difficult to not be intimate with you. You see, when a vampire goes without blood for a long period of time, his instincts will automatically take over, overpowering his other senses - his morals - and he'll eventually kill carelessly, out of impulse. A vampire's sexual desire is much like our desire for blood – instinctual, and very powerful. If it's suppressed, it won't be long until our appetite becomes first priority, and we may not be able to control our urges."

I blinked. "So…" I breathed, attempted to comprehend the large load of new information Edward threw my way.

"It gets a bit more complicated since I want to eat you, in the literal sense," He chuckled darkly.

"So your saying that basically you're more hormonal and 'one-track-minded' than me?"

"Uhm, sure," He said, looking towards the ground.

"I've been able to keep it relatively under control for the past two years, but lately…" He shook his head, ashamed.

"Carlisle told me a few days ago that it's prudent we practice being physical before the wedding night, so I'm not as acceptable to losing control."

I raised my eyebrows. "So the deal's off?"

He huffed, shaking his head. "I plan on consummating our relationship on our wedding night still, love," He laughed.

"But…" He took a deep breath, pausing, thinking of how to word what he was about to divulge next.

"I do think it will be safer to indulge a bit before the wedding – with boundaries, of course," He said, nodding sternly.

I nodded, still unable to believe what I was hearing. Was I in a dream? It sure didn't feel like a dream. I decided to pinch myself.

"Love, what are you doing?" He said, clear amusement gleaming in his eyes.

"Trying to find out if I'm dreaming." I pinched myself again, a bit harder, causing me to wince and Edward to grab my hand lightly, stopping me.

"Silly girl," He chuckled, kissing along my jaw.

I began to swoon as he kissed down my neck, settling on my collarbone before kissing me on the lips with urgency.

I gasped for air as he moved to my neck. "So no more all-or-nothing?" I choked out between heaves.

He gave me an affirming hum and nodded, kissing me deeply.

"I don't think I could stand waiting any longer," He murmured.

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