Sorry for the long wait, I've been really busy lately with school starting and all that fun stuff.

This is going to be a short chapter, more of a bridge, but still important!

Next will have a turning event and smuttiness. :p

I hope you like this chapter and if you don't, sorry for wasting your time!

Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight blah blah blah.

Rated M.

Chapter 5: Hope To Die

~Edward's POV~

I was only mildly obsessed with Bella's blood.

She sat curled into my side, watching reruns of The Simpsons on a full and content stomach. Lucky for her to say.

My entire body was incredibly far from being anything close to content. My throat still burned with the wrath of a thousand torches as I discreetly ogled the tantalizing blue vein that pulsed on her neck. I nuzzled her soft brown curls with my nose, breathing in her heady scent.

It was certain that not only was I part masochist, but also part sadist. Her scent brought thrilling pain that flared through my body, but I welcomed it.

Just one accidental nip, that's all it will take. I took an uneasy breath, causing my body to be once again set ablaze.

Of course, Bella's blood and my sexual appetite have always gone hand-in-hand. There never seemed to be one without the other with her, unfortunately. It was the prominent reason why I've kept such definite boundaries, to not tempt what I desperately wanted. I literally had the instinctual desire to fuck her to death and keep fucking her afterwards. And she thought I wasn't a monster. Hah.

Don't be mistaken - I did want her with violent urgency, but never had I thought it would be to this extent – to long to create bloodshed. I didn't wantto be that person – or vampire – the one that takes their nature to the darkest place possible.

I felt almost trapped inside my own head, with these vulgar and violent sexual thoughts of my Bella abolishing any sanity I had left.

And here she lays, against my side without the slightest care in the world, her heart full of trust. I brushed her silky brown hair with the tips of my fingers, relishing the feeling of life through her strands.

I've always wondered how compelled she would be to be intimate if she knew my sick fantasies.

She would probably be turned on. The sane part of me blanched as the bloodthirsty monster did back flips.

You're definitely not sane. That I knew.

She began to move, pulling herself away from my chest.

"Does Jessica smell particularly good to you?"

I laughed at her absurdity. "Well that was random." I eyed her with blatant suspicion. "She smells…average?" I struggled to find the right word. "She really doesn't stand out. Why do you ask?"

She bit her lip, avoiding eye contact. "Oh, it was nothing." She shrugged.

"Oh no you don't," I teased, pinching her sides softly causing her jump and squeal.

"Please tell me, Bella," I said, worst-case scenarios flooding my mind.

She sighed, avoiding eye contact. "It's nothing, really… I just had a weird dream, that's all." Her pulse began to pick up speed as she bit her lip, looking away.

I didn't like where this was heading. "So, you had a dream that involved Jessica Stanley…and me?" I said slowly.

She nodded, taking a deep breath and turning her attention back towards the television.

Her eyes were set on the screen but her mind was far in the distance. I grew anxious trying to read her pulse, testing the air for any signs of fear.

"Bella, you're driving me insane!" I looked at her sternly as she turned to face me, not at all surprised.

"Ugh…" She grumbled, wiggling herself off my lap. "Please don't be mad and please, please don't over rationalize it!"

I nodded, my mind already far beyond over-rationalization.

"Okay," She took an uneasy breath, steadying herself.

"I usually don't have dreams like this…but…"

The suspense was literally killing me.

"I was walking in the woods and I found you and Jessica Stanley." She leaned down towards me, her hot breath on my ear.

"You were feeding on her," She said in a small, fearful tone.

Fuck. My dead heart dropped as my eyes grew wide. Of course she would be dreaming about that. Perhaps she came to her senses, or formed some sort of self-preservation. Perhaps she was finally realizing the monster I am.

"Oh…" was all I could spit out in return.

Now she's scared of you. I shook my head, repulsed by my recent behavior.

It was just a matter of time till she left screaming, anyways.

I laced my fingers through my hair, my body shaking.

"Bella..." I said, taking her hands gently in mine. "I would never hurt anyone close to you."

She smiled, pressing a warm palm against my cheek. "I know that, Edward. It was just a dream. Please don't freak out over it, okay?"

I nodded, kissing her hand.

~Bella's POV~

My heart thumped erratically in my chest as I sat, getting bored (and a bit impatient) next to my vampire boyfriend. I honestly wanted to practice, or rather, explore our sexual boundaries. I began to fidget – tapping my foot and pulling a loose thread from my sleeve. Edward placed a cold hand on my thigh, stopping my movement.

"Bella?" His face was strained. I cursed my uncontrollable human antics.

"Hmm?" I tried my best to put on a smile and keep my face composed.

He furrowed his eyebrows. "What is it?"

I sighed. "Just bored," I said, stretching my legs out in front of me.

"Let's do something, then." He said, turning off the T.V. and standing, lending his hand. Instead of taking his hand I attempted to pull in back down to the couch. He got the message, and sat next to me, a look of bewilderment plastered on his face.

I bit my lip, mustering up any much-needed courage I might of had tucked away. I leaned in, parting my lips and closing my eyes, hoping to god for some sort of contact. Please don't move away, please don't move away. I thought over and over again.

It wasn't long before I felt those perfect cool lips on mine. He wrapped his arms around me in a strong embrace, pressing me firmly to his chest, deepening the kiss. He groaned as I flicked his bottom lip with my tongue, reveling in his sweet scent and taste.

He opened his mouth to mine – something he didn't normally allow – giving me permission to deepen the kiss even more.

I swooned from his taste and scent; from the feel of his ice-cold tongue dancing with mine. My legs shook as I attempted to keep myself standing, my knees becoming jelly along with my ankles. He held me up with one arm, pressing me into himself for support, lacing his other hand through my hair.

His body suddenly grew stiff and his lips stopped moving on mine. His hands were now by his side, his fists clenched.

He backed away with an agonizing groan. I didn't relent. I pushed myself back onto him, taking him by surprise. Before I could even think twice about kissing his neck, he was gone.

I sighed in disappointment. Edward was on the opposite side of the room, looking to the floor, trying not to make eye contact.

"What was that about?" I said, annoyed, trying to keep level-headed.

"It was too much," he replied.

I rested my hands on my hips, taking a slow breath to calm my nerves.

"I thought this is what you wanted…"

"It's not. I mean, it is…" He shook his head, lacing his fingers through his tousled hair.

I was getting impatient. "What is it then?"

He sighed, shaking his head. "I don't want to hurt you – "

"Oh, not this again," I rolled my eyes, throwing my hands in the air.

"Bella, please, let me explain – "

"Explain what?" I yelled, my face fuming. "Explain how indecisive you are? Or how about your now constant mood swings? Or about how you're allowed to tease me – making me all hot and bothered – but god forbid if I tease you, 'cause you might 'hurt me'…" I rambled on, my body hot with anger, my mind boiling with fury.

"I just don't get it, Edward. Where's the carnal energy? The lust? You show none of that, and quite frankly, I think you're lying – "

He was suddenly in front of me, grabbing onto my shoulders, causing me to look straight into his darkened face.

"You think I'm lying?" He growled through clenched teeth.

"You're horribly mistaken, Isabella Swan. I want to tear you to pieces. Bathe in your blood. Drain every ounce of life you have to offer while fucking you senselessly. I dream of violently raping you, ripping your neck open, forcing you to do the unthinkable, watching you beg. I would enjoy it, Bella. I want to make you bleed. I want to hurt you. I relish in the thought of watching you die," The last words came out in almost a whisper as I stepped back, my heart hammering.

"Well this is quite the revelation," I said in a shaky tone. Edward stood back, his jaw tensed, and looked to the floor.

My heart stammered away as my head spun, my breath coming up in short spurts and coughs as I tried to grip onto reality. The floor felt as if it was melting under my feet as I fell to the floor. Edward rushed to my side, pleading for forgiveness. I pulled away from him and sat upright.

"Why have you never told me?" I began to break out in a cold nervous sweat, forcing myself to take slow and deep breaths.

Edward looked at me sympathetically with sad eyes. "I wanted to, really…"

Realization finally hit me all at once. Edward had just reveled his darkest side – something I've never thought was plausible – he actually had evil lurking inside of him. I felt like a complete idiot for not realizing it sooner. He's a vampire after all.

Subconsciously I always knew it was true. I knew that although he said he no longer wanted to kill me, or that my blood doesn't effect him that it wasn't true, it was engraved in his nature, now and always. Over time, though, I developed some sense of trust for the man – if that's what he is – and moronically decided to say 'yes' when he proposed.

To normal society, I would probably be deemed as self-destructive, a threat to myself, mentally ill for even entertaining the thought of having a romantic relationship with a supernatural predator. As if those even exist to the normal society.

"If you don't want to marry me, I understand. Just know that despite what I just said, I really do love and adore you with every ounce of my being," He said, dejected.

I stood, taking a much-needed deep breath, straightening my spine and courageously looking at him in the eyes.

"No," I shook my head, "I knew what I was getting myself into. This is just another bump in the road; we'll get past it."

"But – "

"No more," I said, cutting him off, closing the ominous gap between us and embracing him in a hug. He was still at first, but gave in, wrapping his arms around my waist and squeezing me to him.

"I don't deserve such a wonderful creature," He murmured in my hair, kissing my forehead.

"Au contraire," I smiled.

He smiled in return, kissing my nose.

"Oh, if only you had a sense of self-preservation," He chuckled, the mood suddenly changing into a lighter, more welcoming environment.

"If only…" I mumbled, nuzzling my face into his stone cold chest.

Lemon next chapter, I promise! :p

Thank you for reading!