(Author's Note: TOTP update will happen as soon as I recover from last night's episode. Whew...)
Usually Santana answers Brittany's texts right away. Brittany knows for a fact that she has a special ringtone each for Brittany's texts and calls. When she gets texts while she's with Brittany, she'll check her phone and click it off just as fast—"Oh, whatever, it's just Sam/Quinn/Mom/Puck"—and go back to whatever they're doing. But Brittany can text her whenever—even in the middle of the night to ask her whether a cat can eat catfish, seeing as they're related—and half a minute later she'll hear her phone chime with a reply.
She gets home from her date with Artie around midnight. When he asked after the movie if she wanted to hang out at his house for a while, she told him she was too tired, which is true even if it isn't the whole truth. This is the time when she and Santana usually text each other good night. No text from San yet. She sends off her own message.
night san xoxo
Fifteen minutes later, after she puts her pajamas on and brushes her teeth, she checks her phone, in case she missed San's reply. Nothing. She tries not to feel sick again, tries not to think about this afternoon. She stares at the phone like staring will make a text appear.
Finally, she sends another text.
san im sorry
She's tired and aching to the center of every bone, but she can't sleep. After an hour, she stops checking her phone. She stumbles downstairs to fetch cheese and jelly and bread and utensils from the kitchen, and then comes back to her room and shuts the door. She puts on The Lion King, sits down on her bed, and begins to make herself sandwiches in the dark.
Every time she sees Santana now, Brittany feels like a fishhook just pierced her chest and tugged her heart against her ribs. But San won't even look at her. She's Brittany's little brown bird again: every time she gets just a little too close, she spots her and vanishes.
Brittany counts the unanswered texts in her outbox. Eleven in less than three days.
Even though it's only been a few days, it feels like forever before she finally gets to talk to Santana. She approaches from behind, softly, when San's about to open her locker and can't find a way to escape.
San hardly looks at her when Brittany tells her she misses her. She only rounds on her, her voice cracking—not in anger, but in pain—and after Sue interrupts them and both of them get mouthfuls of dirt, Brittany knows it's over. San's sealed off again. She's lost her shot.
What rings in her ears: Santana is still dating Sam. She's still afraid. And her fear breaks Brittany's heart more than anything.
The next weekend, Artie takes her to that place where you stuff your own bears. He lets her pick out two matching ones. They're floppy and have long soft fur the color of coffee and milk. Their eyes are big and black.
"These ones," she says, and hands Artie the shell of his bear. He turns it over and rubs its fur with his thumb. Then he smiles at her so sweetly that it makes her chest squeeze a little.
"It's perfect," he says. "You'll have to cuddle with it for the rest of the weekend so it smells like you. Think you can do that?"
"Totally." She grins.
Before she ties their seams, the woman who stuffs the bears full of fluff hands you two little fabric hearts and tells you to kiss them and make a secret wish before putting them in the bears, Brittany closes her eyes and wishes for the thing she wants most. She kisses it and tucks it deep inside the cloud of stuffing. Artie draws his finger from the bear's seam and hands it back to the woman, who tugs the web of loose threads to close the back.
"What did you wish for?" asks Artie as they clean off loose fur with brushes under a fan.
"Artie, it's a secret wish," she reminds him patiently.
Then, he takes her clean bear from her hands and gives her his in return.
"What are you doing?" Brittany's heart thumps.
"I made a wish for you. I want you to have this one now."
Brittany tries her best to match his smile, the kindness in his eyes. But all she can think of is the wish she made when she kissed the heart of the bear that's now curled in Artie's lap.
She wished for Santana back.