"Hey, Kyon!"

"No."

"Bu- wha- Hear me out, man!"

So, with Taniguchi following me like some kind of deranged duckling, I returned to the stifling confines of the classroom. Maybe, if I'd been able to sleep at all the past week, I would've let him say what he had to say, but I was running on empty this morning. Really, it was mostly Taniguchi's fault I hadn't gotten any rest, so I was totally justified in taking it out on him.

Some of it was Haruhi's late-night ghost hunts, but most of it was his stupid, douchebag prank.

I'd rather blame it on him than the other guy, who may have been more directly involved, but I'm working really hard to keep him out of my goddamn head!

...Ugh, maybe hard wasn't a good word choice here.

I slumped over my desk, trying to think of absolutely anything except him and hard at the same time. Haruhi kicked the back of my chair with all her usual grace.

As graceful as a baby giraffe on ice.

"Kyoooon!"

I groaned into my sleeve.

"You'd better be awake tonight! We're patrolling the last sector of the city!" Yeah, yeah, I know, the part with... "The graveyard, remember? The graveyard! Aren't you pumped? There'll totally be weird stuff happening!" You have no idea, really.

"Hooray." Oh, yes, Nagato herself would be jealous of how monotone that sounded.

"Show some enthusiasm! Why're you even in the Brigade if you don't care?" One day, doctors will pay millions to dissect her brain. Really, I'd like the results.

"Settle down, settle down. Oi, SHUT UP!" I muffled a snicker as the chalk came into contact with the back of Taniguchi's head. Not nearly enough revenge, but it's a start.

Haruhi 'huff'ed and sat back in her seat. It was shaping up to be a long day.

I take it back. I didn't know the meaning of the word. By the time the brigade got to the graveyard, I felt like I could quite happily collapse onto one of the graves.

And that was just the beginning.

Because Haruhi was, well, Haruhi, I expected something weird to happen. Splitting up into groups was normal, me ending up with Koizumi was an expected suprise (screw you, Murphy), and the slight chill that suddenly swept through the graveyard could be explained with science. But when we'd walked aimlessly for what felt like hours to me (maybe I was just tired), it was still only 10:13.

"Hey, Koizumi."

"Hm?"

"Didn't we meet up at nine-something?"

"Yes...?"

"It feels like that was forever ago."

"You've noticed as well?"

"Huh?" That actually suprised me. When I turned to look at him, his usual fabricated expression was gone. Totally. He looked, I guess, concerned, mostly. Eyebrows slightly furrowed, mouth in a straight line, all that stuff.

"While I sincerely hope it is not the case, it seems Miss Suzumiya so greatly wants something to happen tonight, and so strongly believes that something will, in fact, happen, granted she waits long enough, she has distorted the sense of time in the area."

"You lost me."

"Look, just check your watch. If I'm right, it hasn't changed much."

I looked. Even the second hand had barely moved. "Crap."

He winced. "Excellent."

"So, what do we do? Can we fix it, somehow?"

"I'm sure you could." Of course, emphasis on you. Because, for some god-awful reason, Haruhi can always be swayed out of using physics-bending, god-like powers by my opinion.

I hate my life.

"The primary objective would be-"

"You said that on purpose."

"I beg your pardon?"

"You just wanted to sound like a spy, or something."

He chuckled. "Well, I am an agent of a top-secret organization."

"Isn't the situation a little more serious than you're making it out to be?"

He sighed, concerned face back on. "She's enjoying herself in the spooky atmosphere. As long as she's happy, and this time distortion doesn't cause any trouble, I'm not concerned."

"Except that you are."

"So, you noticed." Another chuckle. A sigh. "What we need to figure out first is what she's expecting. It's odd that she's patiently waiting instead of causing something to appear. It's... abnormal. I'm uncertain of what we should do."

"Well, that gives me a huge boost of confidence."

"You'll figure it out. You haven't failed us yet."

Hours later, according to my internal clock, brought us to 10:57. We'd ended up waiting in the abandoned temple (the only place creepier than the abandoned graveyard itself), and still hadn't gotten any further in figuring out how to placate Haruhi.

"Think she's tired yet?"

"I know I am."

"That doesn't give you an excuse to sleep on me." I pushed his head off of my shoulder.

Since The Incident, I didn't think I could handle physical contact. My brain still registered him as 'that stupid, smiley bastard, Koizumi', while my body had taken to remembering him as 'oh god yes do that again'. I was fine playing board games in the brigade room, but when he took to casually invading my personal space, as is his creepy-ass hobby, my brain was suddenly in disaggreement with the rest of me. Thus, my rules of personal space were to be firmly kept at all times.

"Mmmm, what if sleeping isn't what I had in mind?" He'd returned himself to my general area. Not good.

...Shit. Scratch that, all of that. He must've had some ESPer powers I wasn't aware of, because he managed to completely shut down my arguing brain with the first touch of his lips.

"The way I figure it, we have plenty of percieved time until the actual time is midnight. That's when she said we'd leave, yes?"

"I have no idea what you just said, but shut up and get on with it."

"Alright." His fingers slid slowly up my sides, bringing my shirt off my head and my dick to attention. "Ready?"

"Fuck yes." His mouth crashed into mine and his hand snuck below the belt. I'd completely forgotten where we were when he grabbed me through my pants. "Just do it, already!"

"That's not quite right." He smirked, kissing my jaw. "The phrase should be, 'just do me'."

"God, yes." I moaned in agreement.

Suddenly, it broke through the Koizumi/sex fog and registered. If he said I should say 'do me', that would imply that I would be the one getting done. As in, his... that would be in my there.

"Woah. Woah, woah, woah. No." I held him off with one hand, suddenly realizing his shirt wasn't there.

...For that matter, my clothes were gone without me knowing, too.

Argh, that's not the important part, here!

"What?" He pouted.

"I'm not taking it."

A (low, husky, sexy) laugh. "You had your turn on top. Time to give me my turn."

Great logic, that. At least, that's what my traitorous cock was implying. Quick, brain, think of an excuse! Um, um, uh...

"Do you even know where we are?"

"A temple in a graveyard."

"Aren't you creeped out by that?"

"Mmhmm. Exciting, isn't it?"

"You're fucked up." My mouth said, although other places were wholeheartedly agreeing with him.

"That's no good. You're supposed to be the fucked one." Yes, please. Who would ever think that I would see the day I was utterly betrayed by my own manhood?

"'S'not what I said." I managed through a moan as he started with that damn mouth again.

"Shut up." He growled in a very not-Koizumi way. "You were warned. Just give in."

Against all better judgement, I did. He slowly worked his way down, all tongue and fingers and general sex, barely pausing to touch my desperately waiting dick, all the way down to...

Oh, fuck. That's not what I expected at all.

Suddenly, I was a moaning, writhing mess under the fucking awesome things he was doing to my ass. "More."

"Aren't you glad you let me do this?"

"Oh, fuck, shut the fuck up, fuck me!"

"With pleasure."

A desperate whine came from the general vicinity of my mouth when all that damn amazing touching suddenly stopped.

"Please..."

"Please what?"

"Oh, god, please, just put something in me!"

That chuckle should have warned me of what was coming next. I moaned loudly enough to wake the dead.

It felt like my whole being was filled with Koizumi. Maybe that was just because all I could feel was the holy shit amazing don't you dare stop sensation of his insanely huge, impossibly hard length in my oh fuck how does that even? fuck yes ass. Fuck.

It hurt like a bitch when he started moving. For a second, I was worried I had to be a masochist or something, 'cause I was still incredibly aroused, but that thought joined the rest in flying out the window when he found... something.

He knew he found it, too, cocky son-of-a-bitch. He suddenly gained momentum, pounding hard, directly into that spot.

I screamed. My vision went blank. It was... fucking intense.

By the time I'd gathered my senses, he'd snuggled into my side, chuckling.

"Enjoy yourself?"

Cocky bastard. I grimaced at the disgusting white mess on my stomach.

"I can't believe I let you do that."

"Want me to do it again?"

"Cocky bastard."

"Ah, but you enjoy my cock."

"Sick prick." I pushed him off, glaring at his stupid face as he laughed at me. "Just get dressed, we need to find Haruhi."

I grabbed the first item of clothing within reach, discovered it wasn't mine, and was about to return it to Koizumi when I realized he was unnaturally quiet. I turned to see he'd gone pale, actually scared for the first time in this creepy place.

"That won't be necessary."

"Huh?" I followed his wide-eyed gaze to...

"Shit! Haruhi, what're you...?"

"Kyon." Her eyes narrowed menacingly as she stared into my soul. Or, y'know, maybe it was just that she was pissed off and I was naked. Never a good situation.

"Koizumi-kun. Kyon. Get dressed. It's time to leave."

And, suddenly, she was gone, trailing a tangible aura of being totally and completely pissed off.

"We fucked up."

"I couldn't have said it better myself. Well, now, my part-time job awaits. I'll see you at school tomorrow, if I survive" The bastard was grinning with his usual fabricated cheer.

"Don't try to guilt-trip me. This is all on you."

"And totally worth every moment."

"What?"

"Goodnight!" He pressed his lips to my cheek briefly before sliding them back to my ear. "Let me know when you're up for round three."

Well. Fuck.

So, yes. I decided to continue this and discontinue 'Koi'. There was way too much wrong with it and Koizumi is too hard for me to write.

And, yes, this is just an excuse for me to write plotless smut.

...Although, it's way easier for me to write from the top's point of view. So, this was a bit more difficult. Give me feedback, tell me if it reads awkwardly, if it's better or worse than the first chapter, if you think I should continue with it, maybe work in some real plot. It'd be nice.